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Anonymous
Post a Pic and a Word of Caution 2016-10-16 03:42:11 Post No. 1448248
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Post a Pic and a Word of Caution 2016-10-16 03:42:11 Post No. 1448248
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before you stick something glass up your ass, be sure it won't break under the pressure
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>>1448248
like "1 man 1 jar" ?
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he who has the better grip determines the outcome of attempted big cock deep throatings
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>>1448249
precisely
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lube on a couch? don't forget to bring a towel
especially if you're housesitting
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unobstructed views are key to successful flashing of neighbors
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>>1448250
lmaooo
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camping does not require clothing.
but you'll regret leaving the footwear behind.
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boasting about your boner, like showing off your new puppy, doesn't change the fact that one day it will go limp and lifeless on you
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your mother always told you to make your bed because she knew you would grow up to be a sex-obsessed nasty pig cumslut jerking off to fisting, piss and rape-of-highschool-boys-by-their-football-coaches porn in between nights of having strangers over to dump anonymous loads deep inside your asshole while either drunk or on drugs or both and then scooping up the jizz leaking out of your gaping hole and licking it off your fingers before passing out with your cock and balls turning purple because you forgot to take your cock ring off, and for fuck's sake she just didn't want her friends to walk by your room and see that, but you never did listen to your mother and by the way last night she went a little to heavy on the wine and fell down the stairs and broke her neck so she's dead and you're a whore and all of her friends know it because you just wouldn't clean your fucking room
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>>1448273
i'm sorry that happened to you
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Masturbate Responsibly and with Awareness, as an innocent-looking potted plant may in fact pose a greater risk than flagrantly untied shoelaces.
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>>1448274
it's ok i miss her but i'll always cherish the memories of her peeking in my room every night to make sure i was sound asleep after my older brother and/or his friends were done fucking me into an exhausted cum piss and ass-juice covered heap. she'd always tell me to take pride in the fact that her first-born son preferred my stretched-out sloppy boy cunt over his girlfriend's pristine virgin hairless beautifully-contoured shimmering moist vagina before kissing me goodnight, wiping her lip and spitting out a pubic hair i can only assume was stuck in my teeth from the hairy fat cable technician i sucked off when he cornered me in the kitchen after school
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the cop asking you to suck him off MIGHT NOT actually be a real cop, on the other hands it's possible he is a real cop. play it safe and suck him off unless there's a black person nearby and he isn't shooting at him, in which case he's obviously not a cop and there's no ticket to get out of so you should only continue sucking if you're enjoying it and maybe the black person is enjoying it too but they're probably acting all grossed out by what they're watching because it's really gay and they're not quite as far along as white people when it comes to accepting deviant homosexual behavior that will piss of God and land us all in hell.
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>>1448296
thank you sir but Daddy doesn't like the idea of me getting a job that requires me to put on clothing and leave the house where i could be stolen away by another Daddy. but if he ever drinks too much and falls down the stairs too, i'll take your advise and pack up my dirty jock strap collection and go the the big city and let every man in a suit fuck me in the bathrooms and alleys until i meet one who owns a gay magazine and needs a human urinal to sit under his desk and swallow his piss so he never has to interrupt a phone call or meeting for a pee break and in the wee hours of the morning when i'm curled up under the writers room conference table and the nighttime janitorial crew is standing around me in a circle jerking off loads onto my face i'll grab a sheet of discarded paper from their trash bin and write my first story on it.
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>>1448248
Is this from corbinfisher? Sickfuck! The bottom looks unaware of his surrounding.
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>>1448308
>relaxed face
>"unaware of his surroundings"
You can't even recognize pleasure on a human face? Has porn taught you nothing, shut-in anon?
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if you leave it on during a trip to the supermarket make sure to wear briefs not boxers. big open areas echo.
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>>1448518
You could have shortened it to just 'wear briefs; not boxers.'. They only exception is if you're wearing some sort of loose pants and wanna show off a dick outline...in which case, freeball.
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jocks + gay sex + theatre club = theatre club - theatre nerds - self esteem - gay sex = no school play + pornographer lurking = jocks become porn stars = "gay for pay" = acting!
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Avoid boiled and fatty/fried foods, in general for healthy eating, but especially when sexy cooking.
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your fantasy of doctor visit sex finally comes true but the mood is ruined when you realize your dermatologist is a fucking hypocrite
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>>1448533
idk if this word of caution is really relevant anywhere else but thanks
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>>1448533
>spray tan is hypocrisy
What type of tan do you suggest a dermatologist get?
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Around blax never relax
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if you forget your notes at least make sure your presentation isn't too high for your pointer to reach
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sometimes no pillow is better than a makeshift pillow
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on your mark, get set, don't trip
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keep close enough to the window so they can all see you getting fucked, far enough from the window in case you get fucked too hard
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the woods are full of insects and your asscrack is an inviting crevice - lean carefully
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heavy is the head that wears the crown
painful is the penis it falls onto
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the zombie apocalypse could happen at any moment
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toe socks make things weird
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when u fuck a straight guy in exchange for a jacket, neither his face nor dick will know how to react and the session will end with him either involuntarily pissing or throwing up.
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the world is only kept in balance because everything has had a bare scrotum touch it within the last 24 hours
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When fucking in public, avoid messy cleanups by always cumming inside.
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Avoid consuming dairy products before bottoming.
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careful hammocks flip!
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don't date this guy
if you're not ok with him fucking everybody
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drink wine, piss in wine bottle, avoid bathroom break, don't put back in fridge
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mom got fucked here, you're getting fucked here
whose hole was wrecked best?
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warning - cocks&balls this dark are physically addicting
their distinct musky taste causes intense submissive cravings and and will override all other responsibilities you have
if u find yourself hooked the smart thing to do is quit your job, cut off family/friends, and become a full time slave to dark meat
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>>1451234
shade?
Speaking of shade, remember to fan out your clothing after fucking in the woods.
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keep your balls at least 30 feet away from all satellite receivers unless you want fox news screaming from your nutsack
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always know the last time the kitchen floor was waxed
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black smoke = building on fire
white smoke = new pope
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yes the idea is to relinquish total control, but you can ask for a pillow
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your best friend won't mind you borrowing his jock strap
but he might not like you beating his candy crush high score
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just because your doctor askes for a semen sample doesn't mean your insurance will cover it
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you'll never jizz a perfect line but you should keep trying anyway
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it's not always a bad thing if the airbags aren't working
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a morning beverage goes down easy unless your stomach is full of cum and you can't feel your jaw and lips yet
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if it doesn't smell like stale beer piss and vomit, you've been duped and this isn't a real frat
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when venturing into the wilderness bring foods you won't be tempted to waste as sex toys
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make sure the maid knows which days she can skip going down the basement to do the laundry
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write the algorithm on your dorm window
not your roommates jock strap
unless you're trying to solve the problem of how to deepest penetrate his ass
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remember there are cameras everywhere; make sure your slave shows off his best assets to all of them
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Half come for the Groupon
Half come for the Group On
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This thread has restored my faith in humanity.
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sip slowly, contents may be hot
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please don't tap on the glass
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cock shots with a selfie stick are great until you hit the ceiling fan
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>>1448305
i came.
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>>1457286
It's a bag of charcoal.
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When you say your 13 on a gay dating app.
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>>1457309
damn it's true
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>>1457296
That's tree charcoal or sth. We use it for barbecuing, That's why there are grilled sausages on it. lol
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pull out of the garage before pissing out the side of the car
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sex and whipped cream are fun unless it's ant season
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when it comes to thin tree trunks, push don't pull
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a cool breeze feels nice on a bare ass
woodchips from the gardener does not
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a big throbbing cock can distract from almost any safety issue
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boys will be horny and silly
which is why we have coaches
to advise them when to remove their kleats
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never be shy in the locker room
don't cover your boner with a towel
leave on your post-workout socks
they smell yummy and protect you from athlete's foot
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>>1457309
Would be more accurate if it was a line of old pedos.
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>>1457382
don't obsess that you had sex once with an older man for money. he probably didn't think it was worth the $60
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>>1448305
who hurt you
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>>1450798
this was really fuckin funny, actually
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>>1451247
it's not that good; calm down.
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>>1457531
i was never told his name but he looked like a jeff or a mark?
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Enjoy plentiful, clean water while you still can. The day will come when we will wage war over it.
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When shucking corn with your anus, take care to not cut yourself with the leaves
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Always write down the address of any anon fucks you go to. Leave it in your room or on the fridge if you have good roomies. Just so the police know where to find the guy that strangled you while cumming on your face.
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Remember: bigger is not always better. You might think a big cock is nice but its a different story once he's trying to stick it in. Unless you're prepared for pain then stick with an average sized guy.
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Late night games of Twister can prepare you for any eventuality.
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Be courteous and wash the sheets after fingerbanging yourself in your grandmother's bedroom.
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Keep your bow tie on to turn any trashy bathroom hook up into a truly posh occasion.
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Construction projects go by quicker when you enlist the help of a friend.
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Even though they are quite a tasty treat, most health experts recommend no more than two bananas per day.
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Fucking in the woods can expose you to Lyme disease. Check yourselves for ticks afterwards.
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>>1459669
very true this one
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buckle up but make sure your nipple ring is clear of the shoulder harness
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don't startle the boy under the table
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a van is never to old to fuck in but watch for rusty nails and springs
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bondage with an older guy is fun until he has a heart attack and his roommate isn't back for another week
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read your brother's shirt before you borrow it and wear it to the gym
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add ballstretchers in increments and be careful not to lose the key
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if he refuses to share a face pic..
something's up
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Say it, don't spray it!
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>>1460646
Alright, I laughed.
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If he says he's into toys, make sure to have some Crisco on hand.
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don't do drugs
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>>1462369
>don't do drugs
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>>1462369
a great deal might seem like a good deal, and getting treated while you're hanging at your dealer's house might seem even sweeter, and when they get you pumped to work out with them but, alas, you don't have any gym clothes, it might seem super sweet that they're willing to spot your something they think just might fit you, but expect the photos to surface eventually
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>>1462369
"everybody's doing it" only counts when you're not the only one naked
drink responsibly
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choose your friends carefully
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>>1464035
>a great deal might seem like a good deal, and getting treated while you're hanging at your dealer's house might seem even sweeter, and when they get you pumped to work out with them but, alas, you don't have any gym clothes, it might seem super sweet that they're willing to spot your something they think just might fit you, but expect the photos to surface eventually
Im sure most people will use this advice
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be careful not to cut your dick off
you only have one
[unless your that guy who has 2]
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nothing wrong with asking your bttm if he thoroughly enema'd
specially if your going to fuck him in a nice suit
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luigi regularly fucks toad raw and borrows his bro's clothes before hitting the club
so makea sure itsa really me, mario!
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maybe he's a horny exhibitionist
maybe he's the underwear bomber
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balls look tasty to a snake in a crevice
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your friend finds the mock ice cream BJ funny
his gf finds it threatening but won't let on
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your new iphone might be waterproof
your vintage studio headphones probably aren't
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sex bondage is usually easy to escape
ass splinters are always hard to get out
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That fat cowboy cock is going to stretch your ass. Pushing against your hole the pressure builds and builds until your ring collapses under the force, as the head pops in, you gasp and suppress a scream. The thickest part of the cock is up at the top just behind the head, so once the first several inches get inside, your ass clenches down and almost pulls the rest of it into your new cunt. He lets it sit there for a minute, with his pubes smashed against your ass cheeks. Then he starts to fuck. He does not realize, or care, how much he is hurting you. He uses long strokes, pulling his cock fully out of your hole on each outward stroke. He then punches in with force, stretching your ring and removing all resistance. The friction builds until you are begging him to spit on his cock to add some lubrication. He eventually gives in and spits at the now gaping hole in front of him, but only because he wants to make it a little slicker to feel better on his meat. After almost thirty minutes of pounding your ass, you realize that he has fully opened you up and stretched you out, since there is almost no resistance anymore when his fat cock punches into you. He then pushes in as deep as he can, forcing you up on your tiptoes, when you feel him shoot his load inside. His balls twitch against your ass, as they force his hot jizz up thru his cock and into your cunt. Your hole is too stretched out and battered too close up as he removes his meat, allowing his cum to drip down your thighs. You have just become the cowboys bitch and his cum dump.
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Beware of Hats
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>>1465093
I really hope this was photoshoot and not real. Lol! Who the fuck would wear that massive headphones on a phone in public.
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>>1470831
you've obviously never been to Ibiza
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>>1470882
People in Ibiza are that cringeworthy?
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>>1472714
I took a pill in Ibiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiza
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>>1448273
god damn dude
not even sure i feel like jerking off anymore
[spoiler]that does suck tho[/spoiler]
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>>1467418
So, do you write erotica, and how do i find it?
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>>1472741
google found this:
http://sausagewithgirth.tumblr.com/post/152594051530/that-fat-cowboy-cock-is-going-to-stretch-your-ass
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>>1448297
Lol
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watch for open sockets
precum is a conductor
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when you fuck outside
people can film you
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Some guys are assholes
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