ITT: We poorly describe a historical event or person and others guess what it is!
>taking a bath
>die because of circles
>be nigth club owner by day gangster by nigth... or mabey its the other way around since nigth clubs are open during the nigth
>pop a .45 in a assassin
>some say its because dead men cant tell the truth
>Be german and minion of Spain
>Become the ideal Dutch person they sing of when playing football against Germany or Spain
>get money from a bunch of people to figth other people
>get training from these people
>be called figther for freedom
>fast forward decied i need to wreck some shit because for some reason im mad at the people who paid me
>goat farmers figthing "elite troops"
>goat farmers can put up a hell of a figth
>get sent to conquer a fuckton of land
>boss gives me 5 paraplegics wielding sticks
>"here you go. now conquer half a continent."
>half way through he and his cunt wife tell me to stop and come back
>get sent away again
>return to see all my conquests have been lost
>no money left
>everything promptly goes to shit
>entire life's work was for nothing
>let's help this guy to get in a position of power
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
>let's help these people with their .:armed struggle:.
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
>let's help these people we trained to take back their country
>fuck, we shouldn't have done that
was thinking of what led to the bay of pigs invasion
AFAIK that exact shit only happened one time
they did something similar in argentina but it didn't end up so bad for them
in the rest of south america they skipped the second point, possibly also the third - see dominican republic for example
Not even difficult but it's too hilarious to not greentext:
>become a big person on the local scene, make many enemies
>don't even notice and get drunk
>after a while, get up and try to escape
>get shot again and hit in the head, escape failed
>get shot in the head because the assassins are mad at this point
>dumped in a river
>(according to some evidence) still survive and die because of drowning
the coolest part about the hundred days is when he tells his old soldiers to shoot him, and they literally weep and go to his feet hugging him
napoleon was literally the greatest man to ever live
>Have a large, successfully growing empire
>Winning the war
>Heavily inspired by another emperor from a century ago, who got so far yet failed because he decided to fight a war on three fronts
>Make the exact same mistake that he did
>Get fucked by the ruskies
>"Hurr, I fucked up."
>want to unify your people
>gradually acquire lands
>tell your neighbors in the north to fuck off and take some of their land
>tell your emperor neighbor in the south to fuck off and acquire chunk of land once ruled by mad king
>be a master manipulator and get your people to fight neighbor to the west and wreck them
>become one big unified empire
>be ancient greek
>teach about the gods
>accused of atheism
I remember reading that a modern marathon actually refers to the entire Athenian army rushing back to Athens after the Battle of Marathon. They had received word that the Persians had arrived by sea or something...anyone know what the fuck I'm talking about?
"This was the march that inspired the French educationalist Michel Breal to propose a 'Marathon Race' for the 1896 Olympic Games, tracing the route taken by the Athenians from the battlefield to Athens." -Tom Holland, Persian Fire. The only source I have on hand.
This one might be tricky.
>group of people in a sea going around fucking everyone's shit up with their land tactics and spears
>destroying every village and military group they come across
>head for one of the richest kingdoms of the time
>leader hears of their advance and prepares for their attack
>invaders come in by boat and try to get into the river
>get blocked off by leader's military boats and can't cut into the river
>bowmen annihilate invaders since they're not used to fighting on the water
>bowmen destroy the enemy and the threat is neutralized
>be city full of scholars and history
>invaders come by and siege
>these guys mean business they've conquered other lands
>destroy the cavalry and break through, destroying everything in sight
>river running black with ink
Yes, the Persian fleet was withdrawing while the greeks charged them at Marathon. This fleet sailed towards Athens to conquer it. THis is why, after the battle the athenians marched back to the city
>becomes president through a Coup
>creates a new constitution due to anger in a state/province
>new elections come through
>wants to stay president
>creates a coup to make himself a permament president (aka dictator)
>leaves office during WW2
>returns to office through elections 6 years after
>kills himself 3 years later
>be thought an asshole by those that don't understand me
>hurt people's feelings and give 0 shits
>many allies don't like me
>many enemies respect me
>be great at my job
>die in a depressing way (depressing considering what he'd been through and survived)
>I know that feel eczemabro
You were right. Marat always felt the most human out of all in the French Revolution simply because he had eczema
>Every fucking time.
You uneducated fucks will never guess this one.
> single handedly saves his entire nation with a small navy
> momentarily gets replaced by an idiot who manages to destroy all of his well crafted army in two battles
> still manages with a fraction of the navy to kick the invader's force ass off his country
>some faggots massacre entire city in our territory and claim it as their own
>fuck those guys!
>take it back
>some faggots massacre an entire city in an island next to our territory
>faggots attacked by people who claim that territory
>ask us for aid
>break multiple treaties and start huge wars that nearly destroy you
Huh, thought I typed part of that post and turns out I didn't. Sleep is important, kids.
Anyway, Socrates wasn't mad at all about the execution so the reaction image is entirely misplaced.
>it's foggy and no one can see shit
>get drunk as fuck
>asshole in my squad starts talking shit
>fire my gun
>some guys from another squad panic
>they start shooting at us
>no choice but to shoot back
>everyone takes sides and joins in
>everyone gets killed by their own side
>tell everyone the king is a lying nigger
>accidentally took over the entire country
>my friends are great fighters
>I used to be great too
>decide to beat up thug at the end of my block to make them remember
>neighbor says if i walk through his yard he'll give me his baseball bat
>decide to take the main street
>thug's little brother breaks my legs and pisses in my mouth
>be cannibal dictator
>bunch of Germans and Arabs kidnap a bunch of people and fly into your airport
>get btfo by the Prime Minister's brother
>PM's brother died but he blew you the fuck out anyway
It's pretty obvious he's talking about Al Qaeda.
Retarded Americans supported Islamic terrorists only when it's convenient for them, then they call them "freedom fighters". Those same "freedom fighters" later became the Taliban and commit 9/11, is Reagan still happy about meeting those goat-fuckers in the White House and calling them the equivalent of America's modern founding fathers?
I swear Reagan was such a fucking retard, I want to bash his skull so badly.
>be backwards shithole
>get raped by neighbors constantly
>last king dies of a foreign dynasty
>literally nothing happens for 100 years
>new king is crowned
>learns a bunch of shit from europe
>all neighboring countries suddenly get efukt.com
>Come up with some evidence supporting another gut's work
>Church deems it's not enough to says it's a fact, only a possibility
>Throw a shitfit and slander the fucking pope
>Get put on house arrest
Adam Weishaupt, just to educate the masses on the founder of the Illuminati.
>mfw most people who talk about Luminaughty don't know who this guy was
>Guy I know writes a lengthy post on Facebook titled "Why I want to fuck you and take everything you own"
>Extensively details how he wants to evict me from my house so that he can take everything I own because his family is entitled to all my shit by rights
>Read the post
>Decide that he's my kind of guy
>Invite him over for dinner and enter into a lucrative business partnership with him
>Rent him a room in my house at a subsidized rate
>Colleague from work sends me a message
>"SHIT NIGGA WHAT ARE YOU DOING, I READ THAT GUY'S EMAILS AND HE'S GOING TO TRY AND MURDER YOU IN YOUR FUCKING SLEEP, HE SAID SO, LOOK HERE ARE THE EMAILS, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HE SPENT ALL AFTERNOON SITTING IN THE CORNER STARTING AT YOU WHILE SHARPENING HIS KNIFE?"
>Lol he's just jelly of our super-BFF friendship
>My son walks up to me one day and says the new tenant has bought 50 guns and a head to toe set of body armor and sits all day in his room muttering about how the time is soon
>Slap the little shit
>LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT YOU SHOULD BE IN THE BACKYARD, WATCHING THE REAL ENEMY, THOSE SONS OF BITCHES ACROSS THE STREET
>Go to bed
>Wake up the next morning
>My wife been fucking stabbed to death
>The TV is gone
>The back shed is on fire
>The tenant's whole fucking family is armed to the teeth and fucking wrecking the place
>I FUCKED UP
>ARM ALL THE KIDS
>Engage in a family to family death struggle
>Only win because the neighbors came to help at the end and i have six times more kids than he did
Ding ding ding. The speaker is Stalin, the tenant is Hitler, The colleague is the British, the son is the Soviet intelligence service, the people across the street are the Japanese. It's like pottery.