I need dank history memes

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>>586307

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>>586307

>>586339
>Bringing weapons inside pomerium
American gun freaks are truly uneducated retards.

>>586388
armies and generals expecting a triumph weren't allowed cross the pomerium, not weapons you proud fool

you honestly believed before this post that no weapons existed inside Rome because they weren't allowed to pass a non-physical traditional line?
must've beat Caesar to death with stools

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ztOV2wrrkY

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Dude, Saracens, laugh thine seat to breaking

>>586699
This is why triumphs were so exceptional, is was the only occasion on which military armed men could enter the city. And Caesar was stabbed with daggers, not military-grade gladius.

>>586373
Is that Afrikaans?

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>>586307

>>664594954
>>586307
like crusaderkai and tough Templar memes on Facebook for deus vult

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Only 90's kids will get this.

Filename included as a hint. :^)

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>>586692

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I'll dump.

1/however many

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2/however many

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3/however many

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*freezeframe*
"WHOA!"

"You ever have one of those moments, where you think how did I get here?"

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4/however many

>>586373
dood hitler lmao

>>586821
I think it's Dutch.

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5/however many

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6/however many

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7/however many

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8/however many

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9/9

That's all, folks

>>586699
thought it was the Rubicon?

>>586746
Just me who seriously wants to live in around tower? Preferably with a library and an open fireplace. Just somewhere high on a hilltop a bit outside of society, where i can live in solitude and read books and be alone. The prospect of living solitary in a stone tower like a monk sounds comfy as hell to me. I would still have the internet to shitpost on 4chan of course.

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>>588245
>can always be reconquered

I dumped all I had. If anyone else has any, dump 'em.

We need to jumpstart the /his/ meme economy

>>586809
if the couldn't carry a gladius then what were the Praetorians armed with?

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Contribootin'

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> Rome will rise again

>>586955
The painting of his execution is the desktop background of my laptop

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>>586837
>the classic strategical mistake of not doing a single intelligent thing
holy shit

>>586699
The Theatre of Pompey was not in the pomerium.

>>588299
check'd

I saw Julius Caesar at a Roman forum in Capua yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for mosaics or anything.

He said, “The die is cast..”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him conquer as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Gauls in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Imperator, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be on campaign and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the Gauls and started enslaving it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to enslave them each individually “to prevent any Alesian rebelliousness,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she enslaved each Gaul and put them in a cart and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by Veni, Vidi, Vici-ing really loudly.

>>589209
I saw Odysseus at a feast in Pylos yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn't want to be douche and ask him for gifts or anything.

He said "like you're doing now?"

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my libations, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pour my wine up front I saw him trying to walk across the beach with like fifteen thigh bones in his hands without burning them.

The squire was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to burn those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear him, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the campfire.

When he took one of the bones and started burning it, he stopped him and told him to burn them each individually “to prevent any machinations from the Gods,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After he burned each bone and was about to taste the entrails, he kept interrupting him by yawning really loudly.

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Selaam, Effendi. My name is Kerman Aslanul Papadapolonolgu.

I'm a 15 year old Greek Turkophile. I draw rosette flowers and geometric Arabesque designs for mosques and spend my days playing the shawm for a mehter band (Ceddin Dedden, Hukum Marsi, Ambassador Marsi)

I train with my composite bow, musket, mace, kilij saber, spear, and javelin (both on foot and mounted) everyday. My training regime keeps me superior over any other infidel who only specialize in one weapon. The Spahi approves of my training and I shall be selected for the annual Devirsme Child-Slave tax next year.

I speak Turkish fluently, both the original Seljuk and the Ionian "Rum" dialect and I write fluently as well. I know everything of Turkish history from their humble beginnings as wandering nomads to their glorious conquest of COnstantinople (properly called Istanbul, infidels).

When the governor places me to slavery, I am moving to Istanbul to train in the prestigious Janissary Military Academy near Topkapi palace. I hope I can become one to fight against the Infidels of Europe, or decide who the next sultan will be!

I own several turbans, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I am enslaved, so I can serve the Sultan easier. I bow to the homosexual desires of my elders and seniors and yell in Turkish as they thrust their flaccid penises in my tender backside, but rarely does anyone want me in their bed.

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A bearded, child-eating, tyrannical, Carthaginian Envoy and bum fucker was parleying with the Romans in the Forum.

”Before you surrender, you must get on your knees and worship Hannibal and accept that he is the greatest General the world has ever known, even greater than Alexander the Great!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, true Roman centurion who had served 1500 battles and understood the savagery of the Barbarians and fully supported Cato the Elder's opinion that Carthage Must Be Destroyed held up his gladius.

"What do you call this weapon, Barbarian?”

The arrogant Envoy smirked quite punicly and smugly replied “A Gladius”

the centurion then proceeded to stab the swarthy Carthaginian, after which he held aloft his sword and cried.

"ROME DEMANDS VICTORY FROM HER GENERALS, AND THIS DAY IS CLEARLY OUR VICTORY."

The envoy was visibly wounded, and dropped his bribe money and copy of peace treaties. He stormed out of the room crying duplicitous Punic tears

The citizens applauded and all signed up in the legions that day and supported continued war against Carthage. An eagle named “Dignitas” flew into the room and perched atop the Roman Standard and shed tears of gold on it. The twelve tables was read several times, and Romulus himself showed up and led Rome's Legions into war.

The Cathaginian exited the gates of hallowed Rome and died the next day and was and went accordingly to his savage punic gods as a sacrifice.

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A kimono wearing otaku social studies professor and hikikomori was teaching a class on Asian History
'Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Emperor Akihito and accept that that the Japanese are the most highly-evolved human beings that the world has ever known."

At this moment, a sagacious, filial, scholar-gentleman who has scored ahead of 150,000 students in the Civil Service Exams and understood the full extent of the barbarity of those living outside Zhongguo held up a copy of the Nihon Shoki.

"What are the characters written upon the pages of the Nihon Shoki?"

The arrogant professor smirked, tightened his hachimaki, and smugly replied "Kanji, you baka."

"True, Kanji, which loosely translates into "Han characters." To be precise the Nihon Shoki is written in Guwen, which is Classical Chinese script. If the Japanese are indeed perfect human beings then they would have come up with their own culture & civilization as opposed to just borrowing from the Chinese or from anyone else."

The Professor was visibly shaken and dropped his calligraphy brush and copy of CLAMP's Cardcaptor Sakura. He stormed out of the room and tried to commit seppuku like in his animes.

The students applauded with a big "wansui!" and all signed up with the Popular Uprising that day and declared that the scholar-gentleman has the Mandate of Heaven. A dragon named "All Under Heaven" flew into the room and coiled around the Chinese flag and magically turned it yellow. The Analects was read several times, and the Jade Emperor himself showed up and enacted territorial seizures of disputed territories around the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of complications caused by an erroneous performance of the seppuku ritual and went to Diyu, where he is tried, found guilty, and punished by the Ten Yama Kings of Diyu.

>>588265
>We ruled babylon and shit
>literally gets btfo by a bunch of angry peasants

tresting

>>586749
huh

>>589582
kek I feel like I could get stoned here in straya for laughing as hard as I did at that

>>586809
You cant honestly believe troops didn't carry inside the city. And if this was so goddamned successful then what of the riots?

>>589666
>troops didn't carry inside the city
There were no troops inside the city, there were lictors who carried axes. Ofc Romans eventually dropped the practice by the late Republic, with civil wars and stuff. Then again, it was some kind of military who carried weapons, not civilians.
>riots
What about riots? They used roof tiles and stuff like that:
>Tiberius was beaten to death with clubs and staves made from benches which lay strewn about
>Opimius placed him under arrest and under guard and advanced on Fulvius' position with a contingent of archers from Crete

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>>589636
i fixed it

>>588246
Nice

>>586339
>>586388
>>586699
>>586809
>>588279
>>588322
>>589666
>>589698
You are all historically illiterate (except for the guy who said that Pompey's Theater wasn't in the city). Since the days of the kingdom, the ONLY people allowed to have lictors with the axes in the fasces within the Pomerium were the Dictator and his Master of Horse, IF and only if there was a Dictator at the time.

During a triumph, the soldiers marched in CIVILIAN clothing, with laurel crowns behind the triumphator. As far as I know the only armed person at a triumph was the triumphator himself.

As for weapons in Rome, "open carry" was very much frowned upon, especially with regards to the Forum and senatorial associates, but the facts of life and the fact that there was no kind of city law enforcement at all ensured that weapons (mostly clubs, cudgels, maybe bricks, knives, other crude examples) were pretty free to be carried around. But it was almost a certainty that nobody carried a sword inside the city. First, the religious and social onus of it, and secondly swords were so expensive that only the wealthy and some veterans in the city had one.

>>588249
As a Dutcman I think it isn't.