ITT: your favourite/weirdest/funniest/most debasing battles in history.
>French cavalry capture Dutch ships
>fucking Dutch I swear
>>536051
The perfect kebab removal battle
The perfect gavur removal battle
>>536116
>t. butthurt kebab
>>536103
>dignity
everytime
>>536116
Just perfect.
The classic Winter War obviously.
Le trafalgar meme
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Trafalgar#
>>536103
why this edit? the original one is much better
>>536161
Based Finns.
My grand-uncle was there and helped the Finns kill imperialist scum.
>>536161
I don't get why people even mention Winter War like it was some epic Finnish victory because of muh k/d ratio.
>>536051
Literally the best
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_of_6_May_1801
>Finding that he had been beaten by such an inferior foe, the Spanish second-in-command asked Cochrane for a certificate assuring him that he had done all he could to defend his ship. Cochrane obliged, with the equivocal wording that he had 'conducted himself like a true Spaniard'
>>536662
>250.000 soldiers with outdated weapons holds back the whole Soviet Union
>Not a victory
>>536690
>shitty terrain
>invading finland on winter
Finland lost Karelia, which hosted a good deal of her industry and a considerable amount of their population
>>536709
Hello wikipedia lord. You seem to forget that Russia intended to annex all of Finland, not just Karelia. They got humiliated and decided to settle on something much smaller when it was apparent that they would need to throw even more resources at bringing Finland down
>>536662
>I don't get why people even mention Winter War like it was some epic Finnish victory because of muh k/d ratio.
Because Russkies aimed for complete destruction of the Finnish state.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_Democratic_Republic
>>536709
Population which was evacuated back into Finland
Classic
>>536667
Sensible chuckle.
>>536667
Fucking Venice
>>537148
What the fuck
>>536051
>>537148
You cut the result, taking away half the fun
When you look at the result and just the original sides, you go like "wtf"
>>537258
>>537148
inb4
>what's the problem anon, french are muslims anyway
>>536662
Same reason Americans yell about Vietnam. War goals weren't met (soviets still walked out with a large portion of Finnish industry) but the "loser" had a k/d ratio that saves them some face.
Also I assume the Finns aren't as impressive as the USA, so them losing isn't a big deal.
>>537308
>Vietnam
Depends how broad you goal. If your war goal is 'secure the South against Northern aggresion' then yes, the Vietnam war is a dismal failure.
But if you think the goal 'Halt the Communist advance in SE Asia', this has some credibility of having being met, as the Communist international community was pretty drained after support the war for so long, and immediately disintegrated into in-fighting after 1975.
>The French launched a bayonet charge, the ferocity and determination of which unnerved the units stationed behind the artillery. The British units began to waver before the French reached their lines and eventually turned in panic and fled the battlefield, abandoning the gunners and artillery.
>In the headlong flight of thousands of British soldiers, large quantities of guns and equipment were abandoned, among which was General Lake's personal luggage. Although not pursued a mile or two beyond Castlebar, the British did not stop until reaching Tuam, with some units fleeing as far as Athlone in the panic. The panic was such that only the arrival of Cornwallis at Athlone prevented further flight across the Shannon.
The British army crossed half the country fleeing in panick after a single bayonet charge from a couples of frenchies...
>>537328
>But if you think the goal 'Halt the Communist advance in SE Asia', this has some credibility of having being met
>what are Laos and Cambodia
>>537363
I meant outside of Indo-China. The Domino theory held that country like Indonesia, China and India were under threat from a Communist 'wave' emanating from SEA, so the fact that this didn't happen is a Vietnam war goal which was accomplished.
>>537285
>mudslimes were so banal about letting infidels into the Grand Mosque that they insisted the GIGN team convert before letting them in
>>537285
>Wahhaization of Saudi Society
You wot? Can you really trace all of that back to one event like this
>>537099
>shit that never happened
This is kinda biased because I live in a city an hour away from where this happened, I've been to the fort and it's all amazing
>>537395
>Indonesia, China and India were under threat from a Communist 'wave' emanating from SEA
Hate to break it to you anon, but China was communist already.
>>537349
Don't forget about that battle where Father Murphy rekt the Brits with a cattle stampede.
1798 was a pretty memey war
>>537665
>>537643
By the way, I found this gem: After the defeat, Admiral Vernon sent a letter to Blas de Lezo: "We have decided to retreat, but we will return to Cartagena after we take reinforcements in Jamaica", to which Blas de Lezo ironically responded: "In order to come to Cartagena, the English King must build a better and larger fleet, because yours now is only suitable to transport coal from Ireland to London".
The british had even made commemorative coins of their victory. God damn.
Sauerkraut eating surrender monkeys
It's hilarous how Europe changed between 1806 and 1940.....
>>536062
Is that the only battle, other than Otranto, that Mehmed "the Man" Osmanli lost?
>>536135
puush is the easiest way
>>536135
Cmd shift 4
Select the area
>>537643
>monumental rekt
>biased
Hideyoshi you absolute retard how the fuck does your navy suck this much ass?
>>538581
Didn't the japanese do navy fights mostly based on boarding?
stupid subhuman polack infidels thought they can liberate balkans AHAHAHAHAHAH
>>538651
>outnumbered by at least 1:2
>casualties on both sides are "heavy"
>lol we won
Now for a real rek
>>538673
>result
>decisive victory
i recommend learning to read christian scum
also their king was beheaded and head was put onto pike next to istanbul
>>538682
LOVING
EVERY
LAUGH
>>537524
t. butthurt austrian
>>538673
The Ottoman Empire is of these three countries (Ottoman, Russia, China) that never wins unless they heavily outnumber the enemy
In the "post epic battles your country won" threads on /int/, every country would post a battle they won despite being outnumbered and then you have a turk or a russian who arrives and shamelessly post a victory in which they outnumber the enemy without noticing they're the only ones doing that in the thread
Hilarous
>>538690
polacks so dumb and naive its unbelieveable
>hurr dur big hussar save austria
>oy vey austria why partition us, even ottomans dont recognize those politcal moves
>>538715
>cucked by literal mongoloids
Can't make this shit up
>>538690
>And in that very moment, away behind in some courtyard of the city, a cock crowed. Shrill and clear he crowed, recking nothing of war nor of wizardry, welcoming only the morning that in the sky far above the shadows of death was coming with the dawn.
And as if in answer there came from far away another note. Horns, horns, horns, in dark Mindolluin's sides they dimly echoed. Great horns of the north wildly blowing. Rohan had come at last.
>>536161
Go back to reddit
>>536051
basically the only major war we won in entire 20 century, on the other hand it stopped the expansion of communism to west and we got 0 recognition for that so im not sure if its something to feel happy about
>>538732
I literally had no idea about this battle or even war
Thanks for your countries sacrifice
t. Ireland
>>536103
>dignity
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kar%C3%A1nsebes
Karánsebes, even
>>538770
No? It's a shame this war is completely unknown to European collective memory. It was more offensive and dynamic than WWI. Lots of interesting people fought in it and not only on the Polish or Soviet side. There was also De Gaulle, Carton de Wiart or the guy who directed King Kong. Definitely one of the events that deserve its own tv series. Probably not made by BBC however. David Lloyd George was making everything to tank Poland. He just hated it so much and believed it was only a local war.
>>537237
That didn't need the reaction face, much less the feel kind
It's the 18th century. Robots shouldn't even exist
Here's one my country won. They also stopped two peruvian invasions which stopped with a "status quo ante bellum", I don't know if those would count as victories, though. At least no defeats yet.
>>536733
Please if the Soviets wanted the destruction of the Finnish state they would have destroyed it. Finland couldn't continue the war much longer and no help was coming plus winter was over and with clear skies so was the hammer of the Soviet air force. Mannerheim line was well defended but not unbreakable and was Finland's only line of defence.
>>539161
It was Vietnam of WWII.
But also pretty useful because people forget that USSR wasn't neutral until 1941.
>>541116
What about Moldavia and the Baltic states? No one cared about them,only in Germany taking the corridor
>>537237
a bit of that soup survived actually, he wrote an autobiography about his experience, pretty fascinating read.
>>539161
like amerifats when they want to defend their pitiful performance in Vietnam
>>536051
I don't know much about military history but in 1398 the Tartars repelled Mamhud Khan and 100 or so war elephants by lighting their camels on fire and frightening the elephants enough that they turned around and trampled their own invasion force.
>mfw every battle in the Greek war of independence
Turks got #REKT
>>538706
Not Austrian. It actually didn't happen. The only source for it was published some great number of years after it supposedly happened.
>>538270
I don't about his other battles but he didn't lost Otranto. He captured the fort but died during the campaign.
>>538720
desu poles also got rekt quite a lot by golden horde
>>538715
Yeah it's like different eras see different allegiances or something.
>>536733
the primary goal of the soviets was to move the border more away from leningrad/st. petersburg
and once the mannerheim line was broken they begged for peace
Vamos a la playa!
>>536062
hmmm
>>541614
not him but Austria made a mistake in participating in partitions of Poland
should have installed their own king, since poles liked Austrians, instead they strengthened Prussia added even more cultural shitstorm to their empire and started to border Russia.
>>541752
Well not for the Polish uprising in 1794, Catherine the Bitch would die before liquidating Poland, which would wait for Napoleon. Whatever would happen next, Poland would stay independent after Napoleonic Wars.
Of course there's also a chance that without the uprising in 1794 there would be no Napoleon because the Revolution in France would be defeated.
Similarly if not for the Polish uprising in 1863 there might've been no world wars. Tsar Alexander II was ready to team up with Napoleon III against Prussia but the uprising forced him to cooperate with Bismarck. Without unified Germany at the end of the century the political situation, alliances, the balance and so on would've been radically different.
>what kinda battle you want senpai ?
>>538108
Nice cherrypick faggot. Need I post Frances humiliating ww2 record?
>>541793
Not him but.....are you LITERALLY retarded?
Dude was drawing a parallel between Prussia's humiliating performance in 1806 and France's humiliating performance in 1940
I swear Germaboos have to be the most butthurt people on this board holy shit
>>538682
>o their king was beheaded and head was put onto pike next to istanbul
>>s. The young king, ignoring Hunyadi's advice, rushed 500 of his Polish knights against the Ottoman center. They attempted to overrun the Janissary infantry and take Murad prisoner, and almost succeeded, but in front of Murad's tent, Władysław's horse either fell into a trap or was stabbed,
He was more of a man than you'll ever be desu
>>541793
>cherrypick
pic related
>>541799
this
not him btw
>>538712
not exactly, you might have fallen for the pol memes
if these large empires were shit on the battlefield they wouldn't have lasted so long. surely ottomans are overestimated as a war-machine but they weren't shit either
>>541799
I'm not upset at all tho. Is 'butthurt' just a generic le ebin trole term now?
>>541806
Tbh young king had a stupid idea because there might've been a chance for peace. His brother was much better. Some say it doomed Constantinopole.
The battle had some high profile leaders though. Not just a king, but also Hunyadi and the father of Vlad Tepes.
>>541808
Yeah and almost all of those are more like little skirmishes than significant battles. Fucking idiots and their wikipedia screenshots. You're the only one who seems butthurt trying to grasp at straws with this 'Germany is bad at war' shit
>>541811
>I'm not upset at all tho
You replied to a post that was basically saying "lol Germans were as bad at war in 1806 as French were in 1940" with "FRENCH WERE BAD IN WW2 TOO!!!! NEED I TO REMIND YOU?!!!"
How is that not being retarded and butthurt?
>>541820
You're the retard inserting caps and memes like a 3 yr old. I was just pointing out how he was cherrypicking battles
>>541748
Skanderbeg was such a fucking boss
Honestly half of this thread is one great national dick-measuring contest anyway.
>>541826
Okay, my 14/88th German American fellow
>>536662
Though it wasn't a victory, Winter War was very important event for a few reasons.
1) it revealed just on how poor of a state the Red Army was. The before the final month or so, when number of Soviets soldiers in the front reached 1 million, Finns, despite being hopelessly outnumbered and equipped, where tactically superior and gained several victories over the Soviets. Finnish Air Force, despite being less than twentieth of the size of the VVS, managed to repel almost all Soviet air attacks . Hell towards the end of the war, Soviet pilots where out right lying about sorties they never performed, because FiAF was kicking their ass in a constant basis.
2)It unified the Finnish people., Before the out break of the war, Finland was politically divided. The rather recent Civil war had divided the population. An attack from Russia, the old arch nemesis, which had to goal of destroying the nation that so many had fought and died for was the perfect way, to get everyone to work together.
3) It was a decisive moral victory. Almost entire western hemisphere where backing Finland, USA, Britain, France, Italy, Sweden, Hungary and many more sending arms, vehicles and money to aid the defense.
Though many people try to frame Winter War as a sound Military Victory for Finland (it wasn't) it was none the less important for the future if Europe.
>>541832
Yeah, but also memes.
>>541834
OK now this is asspain
>>541843
Unfortunately if they held on a bit longer the West would've waged war against the USSR. Now this could've saved everybody.
It was so goddamn close. It was still long overdue considering USSR was one of the countries that fucking started the war in the first place.
>>538596
Yes, same as the Korean ships (Panokseon were similar to the much rarer castle ships Japan had) The Korean ships in the battle had the benefit of having a higher troop deck (meaning they could more easily rain death on Japanese) and cannons. Most of the destruction happened when the Japanese fleet wedged into the straight and the current turned against them, causing them to crash all together and made incredible targets for the Korean guns.
>>541806
>being a rash idiot and putting yourself, and thus your entire army, at extreme risk for some personal honor
>thinking this in any way is a trait worthy of respect
There's a reason all the great leader's tend not to die in their youth m8, its because they aren't idiots and know not to put themselves in harm's way. It also tends to turn out better for the army because they end up not losing the only person capable of leading them and not getting them all killed.
>>541947
You take risks in war, dumb faggot. If his had worked, things would've turned out much differently and you wouldn't be calling him a rash idiot. See its easy for some dumb cunt like you to type behind his keyboard with 600 years of hindsight , but when you're in that position, you have to take risks, especially since his army was half the size of the Turks
>>538732
>stopped the expansion of communism to west
>entire Eastern Europe fell to it 20 years later
>>542021
It's hard not to consider yourself the Christ of Nations with shit like this. Damn Russkies.
>>541979
Yeah no you dumb shit. Wladislaw ignored the advice of his own allies and recklessly charged into a force much larger than his own, getting himself and his troops slaughtered in the process, ultimately resulting in thousands of Poles getting pointlessly killed when they realized their leader was dead and tried to retreat. He was a stupid king who may have cost the battle, at the very least causing even more damage than needed to be done to the Christians.
>>542064
>t. I got all my info from wikipedia and can't think for myself
>le his generals were infallible he should've listened to them
war is about risk. How can't you understand that?
Drink bleach dumb cunt
>>542076
>war is about risk.
Charging a vastly superior force is not "risk" its fucking stupid.
>>536051
This one isnt epic but pretty funny
The first battle of WW1, it happened before the war was declared between France and Germany because a reconaissance patrol went full retard and raided a village
>At around 6 am on August 2, Leutnant Albert Mayer and his small cavalry patrol illegally crossed the French border. They did not meet resistance, as the French had moved their troops back 10 kilometres (6.2 mi) from the border, to avoid provoking the Germans and to show good faith in their attempts to avoid war.
>At 9:50 am Mayer slashed with his sabre at a French sentry, who was on lookout at the entrance to Joncherey. Jules Andre Peugeot and four other soldiers were at their billet eating breakfast at the time. The daughter of the owner of the house came back inside from fetching water and reportedly said "The Prussians! The Prussians are coming!"[1]
>Around 10:00 am, Peugeot and his four comrades went to arrest the Germans. Upon meeting Mayer, he fired three shots at Peugeot. One hit his shoulder and Peugeot fired back as he was falling. Peugeot's comrades opened up on the patrol with pistols. Mayer was shot in the stomach but seconds later was killed by a shot to the head.
>Peugeot stumbled back to the billet house where he died at 10:37 am.[2] Three more Germans were injured and one managed to escape for a few days by hiding in the woods but was eventually captured. One of the German soldiers was never seen again and two escaped to Germany.[1]
>>537665
Could be wrong but I am pretty sure that the U.S. still recognized Taiwan as the real China at the time
Can somebody post the Battle of Ancrum Moor screencap? That shit is comedy gold. I would post it but im on kindle.
>>541205
not even close to being the same situation the north could have continued the war they were nowhere close to being destroyed unlike the fins.
>>538108
Would it be fair to say that Lasalle was some kind of... tactical genius?
Hannibals dad was a fucking legend as well, check this shit in the Mercenary War
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_%22The_Saw%22
>>541785
>When news of the battle reached London both Houses of Parliament gave a rare standing ovation in honour of the 21 Sikhs who died holding the post.
>The signaler, Gurmukh Singh, must also have been a remarkable character. It was his job, using a heliograph to send messages to and from the two forts Lockhart and Gullistan (see map). A heliograph is a simple device for sending Morse code using a mirror catching the sunlight. He would signal all day and signaled though the battle. One of the messages sent by Ishar Singh was "Down to half strength, but now each man has two rifles".
10/10
>>543157
>"Down to half strength, but now each man has two rifles"
fucking wow
>>542076
>war is about risk
You've just outed yourself as knowing literally nothing about military doctrine. You DO NOT take risks unless you ABSOLUTELY have no other option
>>541300
Who care? you smeared all of Istanbul with your feces and all of Anatolia has been abandoned in terms of Greek claims because of how shit you made it.
You can keep the broken ruins for now, we'll keep the good parts in cleaner conditions.
Good luck trying to hold on to Kurdistan, t*rk.
>>543203
>triggered greek
how is life in eu? Nice to be merkel lapdog? should have joined russia while you had chance konstantinos
now hurry up and get me some gyros, slave
>>543157
>Down to half strength, but now each man has two rifles".
Absolute madman, bit sad tjat I didn't even know of it before this thread
>>537099
This board is /his/, not /fiction/
>>537643
THE SKIES ARE BURNING WITH THUNDER
THE SEAS ARE BLAZED WITH FLAMES
>>543413
>Set the course for Cartagena
>History is written today
In case no one posted it.
>>545161
I'm on my phone but I've always loved this one.
Just so odd and it plays out like a movie.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_for_Castle_Itter
>>545170
>Zvonimir Čučković
What a name
>>537148
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
>>536116
If only the huns waited for Croatian reinforcements it could have ended differently.
>>545992
In each of those battles the Ottomans are the larger nation, so why wouldn't they have the larger army?
>>545992
They had a really big army
>>546056
If the enemy fields a larger army you do too even if you are the smaller nation, you just call more people to battle. And considering Europe is more densely populated than any part of Ottoman Empire it's quite possible.
It's just that I don't understand 150.000 vs 10.000. There's no sane ruler that would risk it against this odds.
Before claiming European armies were of higher quality and valor please note that peasants made the most of the armies on both sides, unarmored, not well trained bulk.
>>546073
The sources are unreliable, yeah, particularly all of Skanderbeg's battles.
It's like that battle in northern Spain which is recorded as a scouting party in the Islamic sources and about 300 guys holding off 250,000 Muslims in the Christian sources.
>>546081
Then my question is how do modern historians work on the subject? Nothing is reliable and everything is biased.
What I'm most frustrated about is the fact that we are posting battles with unreliable numbers to commence circlejerking, to use overly used pol memes without even questioning their accuracy. Mainly how do we fix his? Because it's pretty much pol+ right now.
>>545992
They probably fielded larger armies than their opinions most of the time but the numbers are definitely inflated.
Until the 18th century it was immensely difficult to gather armies of the size these screenshots often suggest and supply them. The largest armies most states of the era fielded were usually around 25-35,000 strong, there were cases were armies were gathered together of about 50,000 but those would start to unravel fairly quickly or spread out over such an area that it really couldn't be considered one force anymore.
>>546136
>Then my question is how do modern historians work on the subject?
They just say the numbers are impossible to discern and the sources are biased. Sources generally are accurate on which side had the greater numbers but that's about as far as it goes
>How can we fix /his/
Heavy moderation to ensure discussion is reliably cited, but good luck trying to get that implemented
>>543203
Istanbul is for the most part, a lovely city, unlike Athens with is a fucking shithole
>>546136
We'll never know for sure, so believe what you would prefer to be true.
Even the professionals do it.
>>545170
here you go
>>549011
>literally video game level: the battle
>>549011
Movie when?
>>549924
I find it bizarre and somewhat worrying that chimpanzees can wage war.
>>549932
It tells you something about human nature.
>>537106
How does China exist?
>>549932
It's unsettling that chimpanzee war receive similar infobox about it as regular "human" wars on wikipedia.
>>536116
Kebab pls go
>>541818
>some countries are "good at war" throughout history
I am sorry you are stupid.
>>549959
By being far away from competent countries