any good stories in the Bible?

>>3278864
read it so you can tell us

>>3278864
Yes, of course. Hundreds.

One of my favorites is a little known tale about a judge named Ehud. Ehud was a left handed man who sought an audience with one of the pagan kings neighboring Israel. This king was a fat man, but paranoid, and Ehud said he had information the king must hear.

Ehud, being a left handed man, fashioned a shank and hid it on his right thigh. Thus secreted, he gained an audience with the fat king and stabbed him so viciously that the king's bowels burst out, and the shank was completely enveloped by fat and guts.

Ehud makes his escape, but the servants of the king get nervous, as it begins to stink in the king's chamber. They figure he's just taking a dump. However, a lot of time passes. When they finally open the door, there is their dead fat king, but no Ehud. Clean getaway.

>>3278864
Joab has an interesting story, and is an incredibly interesting character--a calculating and underhanded but brilliant and undefeated general serving under King David; basically a bad guy working for the good guys.

>>3278896
Sounds like a dick move.

>>3278864
In your pic, we see Ruth, from Moab, who returned to her mother-in-law Naomi's home after Naomi lost her husband and all of her sons. Ruth said perhaps one of the best things in the bible:

“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.”

In Hebrew law, the landowners were not allowed to harvest the corners of the fields, nor were they allowed to harvest twice. They had to leave some grain available for beggars and poor people to come and glean, so that they could live. That's what's happening in your pic. Boaz, the man in the hat, is talking to Ruth as she gleans the leftover crops.

Eventually Naomi realizes that Boaz is smitten with Ruth, and arranges to have them meet in more familiar surroundings. She tells Ruth to go to where Boaz crashes for the night after a hard day's work, and sleep at his feet, covered with his robe. Ruth does so.

Boaz wakes up and falls in love with Ruth. After settling some land disputes, Boaz takes Ruth for his wife, and Ruth provides for Naomi for the rest of her life.

Boaz and Ruth had children, who had children, who gave birth to King David. The house where Boaz met Ruth? That turned into a little inn in a place you know as Bethlehem.

A place where, a thousand years later, there was no room for David's heirs, Mary and Joseph, to rest.

>>3278909
Most assassinations are.

>>3278864
Good? Depends on the definition of good. Interesting stories are close to zero. Stories to learn from? A couple two or three. Loving your neighbor and helping people you don't know are good ones. Rest is bullshit.

>>3278864
I find the story of Reuben and Bilhah interesting, if only for the implication that he seduced her out of a concern for his mother's honor. Admittedly, since it's thrown out almost as an afterthought, it leaves a lot of ambiguity.

>>3278913
That's a beautiful story. Got a little teary.

Bathsheba at the bath. Pretty good one. King David saw her, made her pregnant, murdered her husband and then married her.

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>>3278864
>>3278896
>>3280165

>any good stories in the Bible?

The parable about how all the monotheists go to hell for their impudence is my favorite.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG7VtVr4eFw

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>>3280165
>Good? Depends on the definition of good. Interesting stories are close to zero. Stories to learn from? A couple two or three.

My favorite is when Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego didn't burn to death in a furnace because they're Jews and then King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon converted to Judaism and led the Babylonians away from their false gods and into the genius of Yahweh...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khURiory3ho

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I would say all the stories of the Bible are top tier, because they revolve around moral, psychological and spiritual conflict (often internal), whereas pagan stories are based on action figure conflict.

Christ's story is the greatest but the Abraham saga stretching from him to his great grandson Joseph is incredible

All the stories consist of jews trying to outjew the jew g-d by subverting his laws and getting jewd by him in return, by allowing their own enemies to defeat and invade them.

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>>3278896
>>3278864

>One of my favorites is a little known tale about a judge named Ehud. Ehud was a left handed man who sought an audience with one of the pagan kings neighboring Israel. This king was a fat man, but paranoid, and Ehud said he had information the king must hear.

Amazing how the Jews gain such favor from their God that they are able to murder anyone huh?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7hfZLTjTSs

>>3280428
What am I supposed to be looking at

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>>3280631
>What am I supposed to be looking at

I posted that parable I like in the screenshot.

"Rich Man and Lazarus"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHNqA2l4w08

>>3280272
You left out what happened later

>>3278913
>The house where Boaz met Ruth? That turned into a little inn in a place you know as Bethlehem.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

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>>3280165
> Stories to learn from? A couple two or three

Depends on your level of analysis i guess.
Jordan Pepeson has a nice YT series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-wWBGo6a2w

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One of my lesser known favorites.

Once when David was on the run from King Saul he took refuge with a group of priests. He asked them if they had a sword he could use, since he did not have one. The priests replied that the only sword they had was the sword of Goliath the Philistine, whom he [David] had slain. David's response was that that sounded fucking perfect, and proceeded to carry it with him presumably for the entire rest of the story.

Assuming Goliath's blade was simply a typical philistine one-handed sword scaled up to his size, David was basically carrying around the Buster Sword for half his arc.

I mean look at that thing. Its like a fucking oversized meat cleaver.

>>3282370
If you tried to live completely biblically in modern times, you'd be arrested quickly, or you'd live in a third world country. There's a reason that there's only cafeteria Christians in civilized nations.

None that can't be found elsewhere.

>>3282656
don't forget the part where David lied to the head priest about being on a mission from Saul to get his help, leading to Saul killing all of the priests for aiding the enemy after hearing about the meeting from an edomite informant.

>>3281277
where YHWH punishes David by killing a newborn?

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>>3284255
>>3278864

>There's a reason that there's only cafeteria Christians in civilized nations.

I like this parable too...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG7VtVr4eFw