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Can someone give me a brief run down of the history of Rome?

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Can someone give me a brief run down of the history of Rome?

How did it all happen? What were the cool bits? Was it like HBO's Rome?
>>
You can listen to the History of Rome Podcast, if you want a quick rundown. It's pretty good for normies content with the highlights.
>Was it like HBO's Rome
Probably gaudier
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>>3278347
idk I watched a thing on the Brothers Graccus and it was cool. Rome is fucking amazing even if it does lose its shit at some point. All of season 2 is actually pretty bad. But yeah it might be worth it to me to look into it. Just seems like a lot to learn I guess. Mainly just nonsense I guess
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QUICK RUNDOWN for op

>Two bros suckle on wolf tits
>One called Romulus the other called Remus
>The kids have passionate sex with the wolf and make babies
>The kid's kids have sex and so on and so forth
>Become small inbred civilization called Etruscans
>Romulus kills bro and calls himself King
>Etruscans gain intelligence after a couple thousand years and rename their origin town Rome
>Etruscans change nationality to Roman because reasons
>Some big fight happens and more "Kings" pop up
>The Romans decide having kings is too """"problematic""""" so they use superior Greek philosophy and become a Republic™
>Consuls argue and nothing gets done for a long long time
>One day a privileged trust fund baby called Julius is born
>Is so charismatic that everyone likes him
>Good at fighting and expands Rome into G*rman and Frog lands
>His friend Pompey gets jelly but suppresses anger from his senpai
>Julius writes book about travelling G*rman lands, becomes celebrity
>All his friends back home get mad jelly (we'll come back to this later. very important.)
>Some African Kangz led by a black man called Hannibal has beef with Rome
>Hannibal leads an army of elephants and brown people to Rome
>One of Julius's school friends, Pompey, agrees to put aside his jealousy and tag team with Julius to kill the kangz
>Julius doesn't do much and instead keeps writing books about killing G*rmans
>Hannibal reaches Rome but cant attack because his elephants died in snow
>Hannibal has tantrum
>Some Madman™ charges Hannibal's army
>Battle of Cannae happens
>the black man wins but his army is half dead
>Meantime, Scipio Africanus attacks Kangzland and wins
>Hannibal dies
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>>3278832
>Pompey says Rome is his now because Julius isn't home yet
>Julius tells Pompey to fuck off
>They have a fight and Julius wins
>Julius's family popularity is on Kardashian levels
>Julius adopts pleb called Octavius and actually loves him like a son, the madman.
>Some beta virgins called Brutus and Cassius say Julius is a dictator
>Pull shit out their ass
>It works
>Julius is killed by his own senate
>Julius's son and Uncle Mark Antony promise to avenge their sensei's death
>Octavius + Mark Antony + Lepidus vs Brutus + Cassius + Pompey's final form
>Best Rome is winning
>During war Mark looses virginity to Miss Greece aka Cleopatra
>Marks gf offers army to win final battle
>Octavius says Julius sensei gave him right to rule and not Mark and his immigrant gf
>Pathetic Mark dies to Octavius in 1v1 fist fight
>Cleo is so sad she commits seppuku
>Octavius evolves into Augustus and continues his fathers legacy
>Rome becomes an Empire
>>
>>3278832
>>3278839
This is a decent rundown
>>
>>3278332

Beginning:

>Fuck Barbarians!

End:

>Fuck, Barbarians!
>>
>>3279869
Thanks
>>
>>3278832
what the fuck are you on about?
The Wars with Carthage ended Decades before Caesar was born. This is a shit rundown. Browsing Wikipedia will be infinity better then reading this.
>>
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All you need go know
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>>3278839
Thanks man. Wasn't Octavius a Julii though?
>>
>>3280967
No he was adopted
>>
>>3280942
>The Wars with Carthage ended Decades before Caesar was born.
>Somehow mixed 2nd Punic war with 1st triumvirate somehow

Give me some slack, I did that shit at 2am.
>>
>>3279869

It's a terrible rundown.

Also the shewolf was a prostitute.
Thread posts: 14
Thread images: 5


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