>be me
>President Abraham Lincoln, circa 1861
>South secedes
>ohfuck.jpg
>hit up my pal Winfield Scott
>he comes up with this stupid ass plan
>cut the south in two or some shit
>wasn't really listening
>notthisshit.png
>fire him
>next guy turns out to be a bigger dumbass
>repeat
>my drunk guy in Mississippi does a thing
>waitasec.jpg
>captures the Mississippi
>we cut the South in two
>it actually works
>mfw
>gets (((assassinated)))
really REALLY makes you think
>>3220998
Jeremiah Wilkes (Boothstein)
>>3220273