ITT: Describe a war or historical event badly and people try to guess

Hannibal?

>a bucket

>a siege
>defenders say "fuck off" to civilians of the defended town
>civilians are not allowed to pass enemy lines
>civilians starve to death on no man's land
>defenders lose anyway

>>3125405
ww1 eastern front?

>blacks create the civilization
>white cave people use tricknology to destroy it

>>3125457
Siege of Alesia.

>>3125473
Got it, altough I feel I made it too detailed

>>3125405
KIDF out in force on a Saturday night lmao

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>>3125457
WW1 in general

Ok new one
>Naval war
>General suffers stroke and sends half the fleet to rot in Africa for half the war
>Everyone's scared shitless so they have to obey
>Plot twist, general didn't suffer a stroke he was just Russian

there was this dude who hated foreigners so much he built an entire artificial island to make sure they don't step on his country.

>>3125485
Voyage of the Damned during the Russo-Japanese War

>dude can't pay for his trip to Egypt
>burns down Rome instead

>>3125486
Ellis Island?

>>3125488
nice

Ok, new one
>Nigga scribbles his government's secrets on a note
>Gets shot
>Info turns the war around

>>3125464
Fall of the wewuz technocracy

>a large multicultural army
>the French charge ahead of everybody and fail miserably
>when asked why they accuse the war council of trying to steal their glory
>the French capture some prisoners most of them actually belonging not to the enemy but to a nation which is part of said multicultural army then proceed to get drunk
>they get counter attacked and slaughter the civvies because why the fuck not
>siege of a fortress of Byzantine design
>"Fuck siege engines we'll do it with ladders" say the French
>Fail miserably
>Tries to starve out the fortress
>Everyone outside the walls is drunk off his face
>Counter attack by the defenders
>The besieging force gets BTFO'd

Which one is it /his/

>>3125405

>A FUCKING TABLE LEG

>>3125503
American Civil war

>man gets pissy about his inheritance so he fucks off to Egypt for awhile before committing suicide

>>3126176
Dorieus?

>>3126176
Marc Anthony?

>>3125493
4th Crusade

Ancap paradise splits into eight factions ruled by seven dynasties, fourty years of civil war commence leading to the whole country being annexed by a tyrannical monarchy. nobody cares

>>3126525
yes

Easy mode:
>Dude accidentallys his wife and gets a boy who looks like her castrated and made into his new wife
>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people

Hard mode:
>Paranoid lunatic is seen as a hero of an oppressed minority because he happened to turn his paranoia at the current oppressive force
>Brits get asshurt they took heavy casualties to a force significantly smaller than theirs, proceed to rape and shoot everyone and everything in the vicinity including each other

>You are approaching the encircled army but there is a rock in the way
>I attempt to drive around it
>Make a navigation roll
>I rolled a one
>Everyone in the relief column falls down a cliff and dies

>>3125526
isn't that the 2nd Crusade?

>>3125464
The NOI's creation myth.

>>3126827
Nope, but you are close very close

>Man gets angry that his neighbors are the new hot shit on the block
>Man does something incredibly stupid and improbable
>It literally works just fine
>Gets his ass handed to him anyway
>Kills himself because he's such a colossal failure

Probably too easy, but I tried

>>3125405
ww2 eastern front
>>3125428
the bucket war
>>3125457
siege of alesia

>>3125530
july plot

Alright here's another one for you all

>Man murders a whole bunch of people
>World thinks he's a paranoid lunatic
>Turns out he was totally right

>>3127509
Yuna bomber?

>>3127521
Not quite. think bigger, grander, more deadly.

>>3125405
>Thanksgiving 2: Birds strike back

>>3127509
Is it Hitler? (If so, real original)
>>3128445
Emu War

And one of my own:
> Man's in island paradise on vacation
> Wants to go visit the desert
> Not allowed by his boss, because he wants the man to just chill
> Man really wants to leave, though
> Dresses up as an Arab to be able to board the plane to get to his desired destination

>>3126436
Bingo

>>3126769
Easy 1: Nero

>Madman wants to kill any remaining followers of his former rival so he forces them to plead guilty in a trial

>rampage across the battlefield to the point the enemy is retreating and you pretty much secured victory
>still lose cause the guy you were fighting for decided to go die trying to stab his brother so you are stuck in nowhereistan without any reliable allies

>>3129080
Sounds like the set up for the Anabasis

>>3129012
>>3127509
You are very, very close. I'm not that unorignial

>scouting party
>nearly wipes out all slavs

>>3129310
Stalin?

>>3127509
American Sniper, Chris Kyle?

>>3129402
That's the one

Alright, here's an easy one:

> Transvestite who likes to take it in the ass gets murdered because of his mommy issues

>>3129286
yes, the prelude which was the failure of Cunaxa

>>3126769
>>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people
Mao?

>>3126769
>>Paranoid lunatic is seen as a hero of an oppressed minority because he happened to turn his paranoia at the current oppressive force
Jebus?

>>3129459
Eilagabalus

>>3126769
>>Guy has a fever dream which causes the deaths of 30 million people
Taiping rebellion

>>3127509
Charles Manson?

>>3129650
We have a winner

>>3126769
Shaka Zulu for the hard one?

>Dude I'm your friend why not have dinner I promise my guys won't attack while we talk
>They killed a third of your men? What a bunch of douchebags, let's talk about this over dinner and get it sorted out
>They did it again? For shame. Come to my camp and we can discuss this
>They're almost all dead? What the fuck man that's not cool here go this way there's totally not an army there
MANY WEEKS LATER
>Hey Mr. Governor you'll never guess what happened
>Governor.exe has had a stroke and is shutting down
Another hint: Yakity Sax fits well with the whole ordeal

Mao but Maoer, absolutely zero fucks given and no regrets. A good place to take a holiday to.

LOCAL MAN RUINS EVERYTHING

>>3129039
>>3129652
Correct
>>3129708
>>3129645
>>3129639
Incorrect
Hard mode is pretty hard, guys.

>Bad editing leads to a one-sided war

>>3125405
>war in europe
>with it's main battle being fought in eastern europe and won by eastern europeans
>resulting in losing importance of one western power and increasing importance of one eastern power

Autarky not even once

>>3126769
>>Brits get asshurt they took heavy casualties to a force significantly smaller than theirs, proceed to rape and shoot everyone and everything in the vicinity including each other
That one siege in Spain during the Napoleonic wars.

>>3130312
Correct, I'll forgive you for not remembering the exact name

>slavs start a war that kills 8 million people by throwing some trash out of the windows

>>3130390
30 year war

>>3130457
correct

>>3130264
I'm not even going to dignify this one with the proper response

>>3130483
>pro-tip: that's not WW2 or Napoleonics

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>>3130490

>a guy dies
>vikings and larping-vikings invade

An army tries to take hold of a not-so-strategically important city, is surrounded and destroyed.

>We fired our guns, and the British kept a-coming
>There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
>We fired once more and they began to running
>On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

>>3130609
Battle of New Orleans?

>>3130609
1812?

>>3130604
Stalingrad?

>>3130621
Yessir!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50_iRIcxsz0

>>3130604
stalingrad :^)

>>3127471
WW2

The one time a country tested whether you can or cannot sink ships in shallow water. And, surprise, turns out you can't.

Enemy builds walls to keep you out.
You build the wall to keep him in.

>>3130726
Alesia

>>3130567
Norman invasion of England

>anglo expedition enters a whole new territory after a conflict they won somewhere in the southern hemisphere
>they take on the locals and initially win but later get repelled
>shortly after they try again only to receive boiling water from the town's windows amongst other things
>the succesful defending militia later proceeds to become the army of a whole new country butthurt that they didnt receive help when they needed it

>>3130830

Brunei?

>made king philip II laugh for the first time

>>3131081
Nope
>hint: the defenders belonged to an european empire they received nearly no help from becoming one of the reasons they rebelled afterwards

>>3131160

Boer republics?

>>3130679
Not actually WW2, its some other colossal failure from history

>there's no way those dumbasses will all march single-file through this narrow ravine

>>3131557
Hannibal's crossing of the alps?

>>3131557
Varus?

>>3130145
i understood that reference anon

>>3130145

Pol Pot?

>>3129068
St*lin
>>3130236
Franco Prussian war
>>3129342
Mongols

>>3131874
Yes.

>>3126564
No idea, but I'd like to know.

>>3131881
Franco-Prussian war is of course correct

>>3131881
>St*lin
Correct, I'll forgive you for not giving an exact answer since mine was very broad. Was talking about the Trial of the Twenty one "Bloc of rights and Trotskyites", btw.

>>3130130
Is that the spanish invasion of the mayans?

>>3127509
Stalin

Specific battle here:
>penis envy for your grandmother leads your fleet to narrowly escape total destruction but you still pretend it's a victory and everyone believes you because of the ridiculous standards the enemy is held to

Separately:
>When you accidentally the entire Indian Ocean until you get shitposted to death

>>3132550
Battle of Skegarrak

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>>3132562
Yes but call it by its real name you filthy Hun

>>3132583
Ill bombard your masts with my 8 inchers you filthy anglo

>>3132583
It's not even the proper German spelling...

>>3132586
I'll slap your face with my 7 incher you cunt

>*Teleports to opposite team*
>Notin personell, Pope

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>>3125525
>wewuz technocracy

>>3132597
sack of rome?

>Secret agent with an army of waifus save Brittain

>>3132606
yep

>>3130161
That's me

Idiot jumpstarts a war after eating a sandwich

>>3132623
Gavrilo Princip

>>3132626
*knock*
noice

Man kills millions of people with an execution tool only to be killed by that same tool at the end of the killings.

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>hold a highly defensible position which is basically a floating fortress
>lose it because the enemy attacked elsewhere

this is a double answer question lads

>>3126769
Martin Luther?

>>3130283
Ww2

>> Spend most of your life fighting the same two opppnents
>> Almost defeat both of them separately, despite them allying
>> After death they develop the most iconic rivalry in history
>> Your kingdom barely survives without you

>>3132631
Millions is probably a bit overstated but lets go for Robbespiere.

>>3132655
Battle of Kornwerderzand

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Afsluitdijk

>>3125486
Deshima?

>>3126564
Sengoku?

>>3132676
Cao Cao?

>>3132700
No. Here's a tip: elephants

>>3132773
>>3132700
I still think Cao Cao counts but you mean Phyrus prolly.

>>3132693
Battle of Hastings 1066

>>3132817
bingo

>>3126564
Peloponesus?

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>>3125405

>Get in hot water with the guys supplying your military
>Go to war with them too
>Rapidly convert all of your navy to submarines

>Madman deares war on 3 of his neighbors
>Gets utterly destroyed but just wont quit
>2 of his enemy countries have already given up continuing the war
>The third's army is, in the words of their general, "just killing women and children at this point"
>He just wont quit
>His defeat was so brutal and bloody the generals of the third nation started to drift apart from their ruler after what they were made to do
This one is easy.

>>3133139
Julius in the senate

>>3127471
Hannibal?

>>3133216
Of course.

Less forward and more off a cliff.

The war is too far away! Let's just kill local minorities instead.

>>3133165
War of the triple alliance

>>3133227
People's crusade?

>>3133143
Las Malvinas?

>>3133342
It's not the Falklands, although it involved islands. Other hint: people are still mad about a small part of it to this day

>>3133298
Rhineland massacres, but yeah pretty much.

several:

>"jesus big bro lol" leads to millions of deaths

>/adv/ shitposting helps a man

>"wtf how have u not heard of this country"

>>3134092
>>"jesus big bro lol" leads to millions of deaths
That rebellion was already mentioned upthread.

>"It ain't me" starts playing in the background

>>3132662
Incorrect.
I'm starting to think I'm the only one autistic enough to know.

>>3132663
Nope, although WWII led to this happening.

>>3130312
>>3130315
Sharpe was there wasn't he?

>>3131557

That one invasion of Switzerland where a bunch of peasant levies destroyed a well trained and equipped army

>>3127471
Miythridates?

>a largely uneducated man keeps taking sarcastic advice seriously and builds a hugely successful trading company
>later on he trolls the shit out of his wife and family

>>3134587
That guy from massachusetts who wrote the book with no punctuation. I think he was already posted.

Paradiplomat on a mission so secret, only he knew about it.

Turns out a ship beats an iron chain after all.

>>3132687
Wonder how long they could've held out

>>3125405
>Dot-forehead men
>brits give you new rifle with multiple bullets
>chimp out cuz of pig fat lube
>war

>>3129012
t.e. lawrence?

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>>3134850
Damietta

>>3134996
Sepoy Mutiny

Squares totally counter cavalry. Except when they don't

>>3130283
Soviet Republic of Albaina?

>>3134850
Michiel de Ruyter, Sailing up the Theems

>>3130315
Badajoz?

>>3125457
>>3125473

>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Alesia

Caesar was fucking autistic.

amphetamine addict ruins country

>>3135191
Nope.

>>3135326
hitler

>so I told my buddy to take over the island, and he actually did it, the absolute madman!
>now, how do we run this shit anyways?

g*rmanics destroy europe

>>3130830
English invasion of argentina (1806,1807)

>>3132655
The maginot line

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>>3127471
killdozer?

>>3134850
Vuelta de obligado

>>3135627
Hawai

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>Kill >90% of your own allies
>Delicious victory

>>3132773
I thought it was Napoleon

>>3132655
Singapore WW2?

>>3135643
correct

>>3125464
I know they were not black, but
Romans against Carthage?

>>3136703
1/2 correct

>>3126564
Warring states period?

>>3135682
Keked

>man from the big nose tribe and his hooker girl friend travel europe and become very popular and well known. end up in t*rkey, where the head honcho t*rk makes them and their biggest fans cut their shit and convert to islam, modern t*rks blame them for all their problems

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>Pagans want to kill you because of your religion
>you fight them off
>internet retards in the 21st century call you a warlord

>>3135627
The French king and his buddy, William le Conqueror, conquering England

>Fat bald larper of previous """great""" empire wants nignog kingdom
>Weedman Jesus is forced to leave for awhile
>Comes back, shortly later larper gets hung high in his native land
>Jesus gets done dirty by reds in the end

>>3137750
Muhammad, sallalahu aleyhi wasalam

>want to practice your religion in peace
>autistic screeching from the catholic church
>get wiped from the face of earth

very easy desu

>>3137884
pastor anderson

Britain discovers that their red coats make for very clear targets.

>>3132631
Robespierre

>>3132773
Hannibal?