Funny Deaths in History

>>2964172
thats pretty goofy

Has there ever been any historical figures that slipped and died on a banana peel?

>>2964225
It would be really funny

>>2964172
Dying through a bunch of anonymous guys on the internet.

>>2964172
It isn't really funny once you see it, how they start bleeding from their nose, mouth and start spitting blood everywhere kinda fuck

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Everything about this guy's life is funny. He had a dwarf companion and later an island of dwarfs. He died of holding his pee in too long because he was being polite.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tycho_Brahe

anyone else think something like this would be a great death? at a later age of course, it's over quickly, and it's funny so people don't mourn as much and even your death is noteworthy

>>2964235
> In the second account, he was watching a donkey eat some figs and cried out: "Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs", whereupon he died in a fit of laughter.

A stoic who seems genuinely likable, the fuck?

>>2964694
Jesus Christ why can't I be friends with him

>>2964694
Y-you can die over this?

>>2964172
Empedocles jumped on a volcano to prove that he believed in the immortality of the soul.

>>2964251
For you.

>>2964406
My assumption is he died instantly because his skull got crushed.

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His students stabbed him to death with pens because they were so frustrated at not being able to comprehend his weird esoteric theology

Godspeed you Irish weirdo

Isaac Newton drinking mercury because he thought it would make him shit gold was funny, even if it's not accurate

>>2964172

Don't the eagles aim into a rock that would split the turtle in half? In that case, never sport a rockylike head

>>2964861
>Y-you can die over this?
Yes. You can die over dumber methods.

Imagine a zip lock bag. Now imagine if it's being filled beyond capacity and eventually bursting. That's all organs are, anon. Bags of meat. Too much pressure; BOOM!

See: appendicitis

>>2965094
Poor little turble ;_;

>>2965180
isn't the pee forced out of the urethra before the bladder bursts? I feel like that would make more sense.

>>2965191
Yes, at a certain point you can't hold it and you'll just piss yourself. But chronic piss-holding can lead to piss-bag damage, piss-hole infections, and can lead to even more problems.

The human body is a system of systems. If one fails, they all eventually fail (without medical help). That's why there are few organs we can live without.

I'm not sure how he didnt piss himself, maybe he does keggels, but it's very possible (although unlikely) to die from holding it in too long.

>>2965219
Alright, cool. Thank you for the information, Anon. I like the idea of a 16th century astronomer doing kegels.

>>2965243
>doth thou hoist?

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>For when he was contending for the wild olive with the last remaining competitor, whoever he was, the latter got a grip first, and held Arrhachion, hugging him with his legs, and at the same time he squeezed his neck with his hands. Arrhachion dislocated his opponent's toe, but expired owing to suffocation; but he who suffocated Arrhachion was forced to give in at the same time because of the pain in his toe. The Eleans crowned and proclaimed victor the corpse of Arrhachion.

Some old carpenter got hung on a giant lowercase T while a bunch of Centurians gambled for his clothes

Pretty funny imo. I think he was mexican.

>>2964795
and he died trying it

let that be a lesson to the other stoics

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>>2967250
This.

>>2964251
Really, really funny

Valentinian, who RAGED to death

>>2964694
Stop holding your pee

>>2965089
the first emperor of china actually did die from drinking mercury because he thought it would make him immortal. That should tell you all you need to know about him.

>>2965191
Its possible to have a urinary tract obstruction that could prevent that. I've seen that condition before, you have to go to a hospital to get the urethra surgically opened before your bladder bursts. But it causes extreme abdominal pain for a while before that happens, so your bladder doesn't just go pop out of the blue. You'd know something was wrong.

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Hans Steininger has been mayor of Braunau am Inn in the early 16th century, a little town on the german-austrian border, well known for becoming the birthplace of Adolf Hitler.

He was famous for his beard, that measured over 2m (over 6'4'')
According to local lore, he died, when a fire broke out, because he forgot to roll up his beard and put it in his bag like he was used to do, thus he tripped over his enormous long beard while going downstairs and fell - which broke his neck

His beard was cut off and can still be seen in a museum today. It is actual real, scientists did some tests and it is indeed a human beard from the early 16th century.

pic related is his tombstone

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>>2968086
...and his beard

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literally REEEEEEEEEE'd so hard he died

>>2965219
>but it's very possible (although unlikely) to die from holding it in too long.
So is it very likely or not? Make up your fucking mind.

>>2965032
Severe skull fractures often result in complete exsanguination through the nose, mouth, and ears. It's pretty horrendous.

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I lel EVERY TIME

>>2964694
Also a golden nose.

>>2969676
He said it's possible, but unlikely. You have dyslexia my man

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Rooftile'd

>>2970243
>your mother will never kill one of the greatest generals of all time

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>went full DEUS VULT
>take a bath in Asia Minor
>heart attack
>drown in some dirty river

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>be the greatest magician the world has ever seen
>claim you can sustain every punch to the stomach
>get surprise attacked by a student
>get punched in the stomach with the force of a thousand exploding stars
>the guy managed to rupture his appendix and peritoneum via a few punches
>die

Abracadabra, i guess

>Fucked up Kings Divorce
>King is only one who liked you
>Kings new GF tells him to get rid of you
>Run off to York to claim Bishopric
>Arrested.jpg
>Head back to London, for probable execution
>Even though you're a Cardinal
>FuckthisshitI'mout..png
>Wolsey.exe has encountered an unexpected error and stopped responding....

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>>2970843
Sorry I fucked up here's image

>>2970826
Wasn't that not true or something though?

>>2970854
I seriously don't know, I have never read a biography about Houdini or something like that. Wikipedia more or less corroborates that story though.

>>2970826
He had appendicitis already, otherwise it wouldn't have killed him.

>>2964795
I know he was drunk but what was funny about that?

>>2970880
very possible. As I said 1 post ago, I don't know the exact story. I just think it was a good addition to the thread.

>>2970883
>stoic philosopher
>have a plate of figs
>out of nowhere a donkey comes and starts eating the figs
>you start laughing like a baby watching someone jiggle a set of keys
>"Yo...what if he had some wine, too?"
>laugh so hard you die

That Greek boxer that was supposed to fight another boxer he hated, but the other guy died before the fight. He's still mad about not getting to fight so one night he tries punching a statue of the other guy, which then topples over and crushes him.

>>2970938
Found it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theagenes_of_Thasos
It gets better.
>The statue was put on trial for murder and exiled by being thrown into the sea

>>2964694
>It was reported that Brahe had written his own epitaph, "He lived like a sage and died like a fool."[48]

>>2970945
kek

How about that dumbass Chinese emperor who strapped rockets to his throne to fly to the moon?

>>2964861
In real life, your urethral sphincter will eventually give up and you'll pee involuntarily.

He probably died of a blockade of some kind.

>>2968086
>>2968089
Was probably an insecure chinlet

>>2964861

A lady died from water poisoning after drinking a ton of water and holding her pee for a radio contest.

>>2964795

Figs was common slang for cock and balls during that era

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>Because of the low energy of the round, a suicide case was recorded where a woman shot herself twice in the temple with a .25 (6.35 mm) Velo-dog revolver before succumbing.

The lesson is dont shoot yourself with a gun made for cyclist to shoot dogs

>>2964795

Stoics actually generally aren't so bad, most of the stuff I've read isn't even remotely as killjoy as the popular image. It can mostly be summed up as "stop being mad about shit when being mad won't fix it bro stop basing your happiness on things outside your control senpai"

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"Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny cause they're true! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, hope next time it's not you!"

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>>2971278
"Next!"

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>>2971280
"Name please?"

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>>2971282
"Hello! It's Pythagoras. You may have heard of me?"

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>>2971284
"Say that rings a bell. Aren't you the theorem guy?"

>>2971277

this right here

Stocism is a goat philosophy

>>2965255
kek

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>>2971287
"Yes, the Pythagorean theorem. The square of the length of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides."

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>>2971296
"You lost me at hippopotamus mate. Go on, what's your stupid death?"

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>>2971297
"Well, I was quite popular in my time and even had a sort of church if you will. It had a lot of rules, such as not trampeling beans.

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>>2971303
"Well, a lot of people were angry at me because of my little club and wanted me dead. One day I was running easily away from a group of would be assassins. You see, I'm quite /fit/."

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>>2971309
*Death shrugs in utter confusion as to what this Manlet is bragging about*

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>>2971312
"Well eventually a bean field was in my way, and... I let them kill me rather than trample them."

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>>2971313
"You... you mean to tell me that? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH HAHAHA"

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>>2971315
"Okay go on, you're free to the afterlife!"

>>2971316
"Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny cause they're true! Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, hope next time it's not you!"

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"Tune in next time for Henry I and his eel fetish!"

What fucking autism is this?

>>2964172
>Your driver was a dumbass and took a wrong turn

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>>2965272

>>2970883
see
>>2971246
I think the donkey was licking it's own "figs" and he told his slave to go give the donkey some wine to wash it down.
I'd laugh at that.

>>2964861
A woman died a few years ago after joining a radio contest on "who could hold their pee for the longest after chugging down a 2l Pepsi" so yeah it can happen

>>2965261
I love this story. Wish I was there to see it.

>be god's scourge
>fuck up romans everywhere
>get shitface drunk on your wedding night
>die from not waking up to a nosebleed and vomit combo

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>>2964694
I died reading this

>>2968649
>even the statue of him looks angry

>>2964172
There was one ottoman sultab who died when he slipped in the bathhouse while chasing a harem girl.
Appearantly he was drunk and hit his head which broke his neck.

>>2971917

That is just stupid

>>2971899
>I think the donkey was licking it's own "figs"

More like Chrysippus's "figs"

>>2972160
>Even after 1600 years, he's still fucking pissed at those Quadi bastards.

>>2971277
>>2971288
Funny how the most well known stoic Marcus Aurelius was mad enough about Christians to continue having them executed.

>>2972260

>executing christians
>mad

tip

>>2969716
dont bully

>>2971917
I heard that the contest was called "hold your wee for a wii", until a lady died after drinking two gallons of water and totally fucked up the electrolyte balance in her body.

It's called water poisoning or overhydration.

>>2968089
i bet he's pissed that he wasn't buried with his beard

>>2972676
I find it amazing it survived a fire.

>>2972760
I don't get it. Unless the coat of arms had a ship or something.

>>2964855
>>2964861
>>2969764
>>2972139
>>2970952
Wikipedia doesn't mention how his tamedelk died, so I'll add that here.
Tycho had sent the elk with his dwarf to visit some noble or other. They stopped at an inn for the night on their journey. For whatever reason, they decided to keep the elk upstairs. I like to imagine that they're all downstairs drinking and laughing at the dwarf when someone says "let's go get the elk drunk". Well the elk did get drunk and stumbled it's way to the stairs, fell down, and broke its neck. Poor bastard never made it to the noble' s place.

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Jean-Baptiste Lully, composer.

Died of gangrene after striking himslef in the foot with the "conductor's staff" while conducting a performance of his "Te Deum." The piece was being performed to celebrate the king's recovery from surgery. Lully refused surgery on his leg, fearing it would leave him unable to dance.

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>>2970956
Wan Hu, sadly, was a fictional character out of Cinese folklore. He supposedly built a chair with a bunch of rockets under it, and kites on top, in an attempt to fly. The attempt having failed, the Emperor was sufficiently provoked with Wan that he ordered the fellow to be paddled.

Later versions omit the kites, and tend to include the knowingly smirky line about how the rockets all fired and there was this huge ball of fire and flames and explosions and shit, AND HE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN!!! With the implication that the poor ignorant Chinese believed maybe he had flown away after all.

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Humayun, the second emperor of the Mughal Empire, died falling down the stairs of his library.

>>2972260
>maintaining status quo by not issuing explicit orders to all your governors to absolutely stop the persecution of Christians

>this somehow means he hates Christians with a passion

>>2973037
His grandfather Umar Sheikh Mirza, the ruler of Ferghana died while getting into a dovecote to feed his pigeons. The dovecote collapsed and he fell into a ravine.

>>2974267
>>2972319
>accept everyone except for the easy targets
Yeah, stoicism sure is the strong philosophy.

>>2964861
>Empedocles
you have no idea how funny that name is to me as an Argie

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>Bela I of Hungary
>his throne collapsed under him

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>During the confused battle in the narrow city streets, Pyrrhus was trapped. While he was fighting an Argive soldier, the soldier's old mother, who was watching from a rooftop, threw a tile which knocked him from his horse and broke part of his spine, paralyzing him. Whether he was alive or not after the blow is dubious, but his death was assured when a Macedonian soldier named Zopyrus, though frightened by the look on the face of the unconscious king, hesitantly and ineptly beheaded his motionless body.

>>2972166
Based

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>Died from a nose bleed while fucking one of his harem girls

>>2972166
Can anyone tell me his name?

>be a harsh law-giver
>go to the teather
>people really like you
>die suffocated under a pile of cloaks

>>2971917
she died of water poisoning, not holding her piss

>>2965089
There was a queen that died because she ate gold and eventually died from metal poisoning

>>2976513
I mean, thats a brain tumour death

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>>2964172
>purge and terrorize your men regularly
>get a stroke while resting in your room
>die due to the lack of urgent medical help because your men are too afraid to check on you and possibly disturb you

>be me
>greatest greek wrestler
>a local hero
>saved Pythagoras's ass and his student's by holding a pillar until they escaped
>leading the army to victory in the battle of Sibarys
>carry a fucking bull in my shoulders
>one day i walk on the forest
>see a choped down tree with a gap inbetween
>"i could tear that apart with my bare hands"
>idea.tapestry
>i put my hands in the gap to move the logs
>"this is going to be easy"
>i can't move them
>"well i guess's ok, no one saw me anyway"
>i try to unlock my hands
>they are stucked
>i'vedonegoofedup'e.parchment
>got eaten by wolfs

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Shit forgot pic>>2977894

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>c. 475 BC: Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher, in one account given by Diogenes, was said to have been devoured by dogs after smearing himself with cow manure to cure his dropsy.

>>2965272
Summer, thou art arrived.

>>2975685
Don't understand

T mexican

>>2971330
:^)

Didn't a jap or chink emperor die because a midget ninja hid in his shitter and stabed him in the anus when he went to lay down a log?

>>2970883
You kinda had to be there dude

>>2975753

Apparently he survived for bit, but "half dead." I want to know exactly how badly injured he was.

>>2969768
>very possible (although unlikely)

>>2964694
Oh oh he also had a fucking badass observatory/laboratory/thing. Look up the "Uraniborg"

>>2972221
>the eternal quadi

>>2977894
Kek

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Do people who are famous for dying count?
This one always makes me jej.

(10 December 1968, Russia) While reading about nuclear accidents, a physicist found this Darwin Award. Mayak is a nuclear fuel processing center in central Russia that was experimenting with plutonium purification techniques. The report states that they were using "an unfavorable geometry vessel in an improvised operation as a temporary vessel for storing plutonium organic solution." In other words, they were pouring liquid plutonium into unsafe equipment.

Keep an eye on the shift supervisor.

"It was noticed that the solution was a combination of organic and aqueous solution [gunk in the tank.] Two operators [instructed by the shift supervisor] used an improvised setup to decant the dark brown [concentrated plutonium] organic solution. The shift supervisor then left to tend to other duties. During the second filling of the bottle, a mixture of aqueous and organic solution was drawn in. As a result, the operators stopped filling the bottle."

One asked the shift supervisor for further instructions. He was told to continue decanting the solution. This operator "poured it into the 60 L vessel for a second time. After [most] of the solution had been poured out, the operator saw a flash of light, and felt a pulse of heat. Startled, the operator dropped the bottle, ran down the stairs, and from the room."

The plutonium was too concentrated, and he had accidentally started a nuclear chain reaction! The alarms sounded, and everyone evacuated. So far, no fatal errors. But a second criticality happens while everyone is safely underground. Here's where it gets good.

The shift supervisor insisted that the radiation control supervisor permit him to enter the work area. The radiation control supervisor resisted, but finally accompanied the shift supervisor back into the building. As they approached the basement room where the accident had occurred, the radiation levels continued to rise. The radiation control supervisor prohibited the shift supervisor from proceeding. In spite of the prohibition, the shift supervisor deceived the radiation control supervisor and entered the room."

So, with things more or less under control, the shift supervisor tricks the radiation control supervisor and goes into the room full of plutonium.

His "subsequent actions were not observed by anyone. However, there was evidence that he attempted to pour [the plutonium] into a floor drain. His actions caused a third excursion, larger than the first two, activating the alarm system in both buildings."

The shift supervisor proceeded to set off an even bigger nuclear chain reaction!

"The shift supervisor, covered in plutonium organic solution, immediately returned to the underground tunnel. He died about one month after the accident," having received four times the fatal dose of radiation. Everyone else survived.

Even if the shift supervisor had lived, he would still qualify for a Darwin Award. That much radiation causes sterility.

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>>2970945
>The statue was put on trial for murder and exiled by being thrown into the sea
KEK

>>2978924
Sounds like the dead of Kenshin Uesugi, one of my prefered Jap daimiyos.

>>2967259
Mind if I save it?

>>2971330
kek. nicely done trimming the fat from this scene. Kept all the good bits.

>>2974348
>maintain the status quo
>restore and protect the empire
>waaa! why aren't you letting me spread my foreign religion?
Also, most early Christian philosophers and builders of the church were stoics.