ITT: /his/torical Banter

someone post Desocrates blowing the shit out of Plato and his faggy "cupness"

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>>2801801

> “No better friend, no worse enemy.“

Not really banter but still fucking awsome epitaph

>>2801801
look mom I posted it again, Sparta was significant during the time of Philip, THEY WUZ SCARED OF US.

>Holy

>>2801801
It should be noted that during Philip's time Sparta was a provincial backwater not really worth fighting over

When told that the British might intervene in the Second Schleswig War:

>Bismarck: If the British Army lands in Europe, I'll send the Belgian police to arrest them.

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>>2801801
> "Tell your Emperor that even his dreams cannot reach where my might does" -Sultan Mehmet the Conqueror replying to the Byzantine envoy sent to dissuade him from besieging Constantinople

>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Surcouf
>When a British captive officer challenged Surcouf with the words "You French fight for money while we fight for honour", Surcouf replied "Each of us fights for what he lacks most".[61][62]

French-British banter is the best ever thing to have happened to History mind you.

>>2802495
Diogenes

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Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

>Yes, the current situation is shit. But it's the fertiliser for our future.
- a president addressing his nation
Motivational bantz.

>>2803157
best fucking banter in history
they even held a mock session of congress where they unanimously voted to burn the white house down while drunk and wrecking the place

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>>2803167

>>2802687
Where the brits going to intervene, never knew this

>>2801801
how credible is that?

>>2803219
Not very

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Literally everything Aristophanes ever said ever. Ywn be a patrician Athenian.

>>2803219

see>>2802526

and >>2802674

>>2803235
I once met a girl who thought Assemblywomen wasn't satire. She unironically thought aristophanes was some kind of ultra-progressive feminist.

>>2803367
>Women's rule ruins the state
How even?

>>2803373
>implying she actually read the comedy

>>2801801
Letter exchange between Pope Innocent IV and Güyük Khan

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>>2801801
What the actual fuck?

We're having a thread about historical banter and nobody has mentioned the single greatest banterer in human history?

For shame, /his/, I'm not even British and I acknowledge history's true king of wit

>U.S. President Harry S. Truman once defended Churchill’s replacement, Clement Attlee, by saying “He seems a modest sort of fellow.“
>To which, Churchill replied “He’s got a lot to be modest about.“

Complaining about former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald’s lack of gusto, Churchill said:
>“I remember when I was a child, being taken to the celebrated Barnum’s Circus, which contained an exhibition of freaks and monstrosities, but the exhibit on the programme which I most desired to see was the one described as “The Boneless Wonder”. My parents judged that the spectacle would be too demoralising and revolting for my youthful eye and I have waited fifty years, to see the The Boneless Wonder sitting on the Treasury Bench.“
> “a sheep in sheep’s clothing.“
>“We know that he has, more than any other man, the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.“

>“He is one of those orators of whom it was well said: Before they get up, they do not know what they are going to say; when they are speaking, they do not know what they are saying; and when they have sat down, they do not know what they have said.“
Winston Churchill on Lord Charles Beresford

>Speaking of conservative politician Stanley Baldwin, Churchill said: “I wish Stanley Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.“

>Liberal politician Joseph Chamberlain was once a mentor to Churchill, but after a disagreement over free trade, Churchill said “Mr. Chamberlain loves the working man, he loves to see him work.“

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>>2803499
>“Why don’t you go into politics? I mean to be Prime Minister of England: it would be a great lark if you were President of the United States at the same time.“
To American Novelist Winston Spencer Churchill

>“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last.“

>Bessie Braddock: “Winston, you are drunk.“
>Winston: “My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.“

>After being disturbed on the toilet by the Lord Privy Seal, Winston said “Tell him I can only deal with one sh-t at a time!”

>“What can you do with a man who looks like a female llama surprised when bathing?“
On Charles De Gaulle

>“All dogs look up to you; all cats look down on you… only the pig looks at you as an equal.“

>“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.“

>“I’m just preparing my impromptu remarks.“

>“In the course of my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.“

>"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."

>"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."

>"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."

>"For myself I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use to be anything else."

>"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."

>"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."

>"We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out."

>>2803499
Fuck churchill, overrated for reasons which I cannot bother to explain with one being his arrogance, two "just invade turkey bro it will be easy" 3 "dood i fucking love war" 4 "haig sucks", 10 years later "whoops turns out i was wrong. and 5, lol let the indians starve they are niggers XD, also lets fucking kill gandhi.

good at creating zingers though.

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>>2803510
This isn't a discussion about political merit, it's a discussion about banter

That one Irish Monk who sat opposite an English King, and when asked by the king "what separates you from a drunkard?" the monk replied "Naught but a table."

>>2803518
Hewson: I ask the Prime Minister: if you are so confident about your view of Fightback, why will you not call an early election?
Keating: The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm out of this load of rubbish over a number of months. There will be no easy execution for you. You have perpetrated one of the great mischiefs on the Australian public with this thing, trying to rip away our social wage, trying to rip away the Australian values which we built in our society for over a century.

>>2803523
It's really a shame Keating has become an SJW cuck.

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>>2803567
meanwhile this bad boy was based until his death.

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>>2803579

>>2803590
Not an argument.

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>>2802919
based cossacks. Love the Repins painting of this occasion

>>2803519

When asked by the English King why he burned down a church in Ireland, a Fitzgerald noble is said to have replied that he thought the bishop was inside. The bishop who was sat to the left of the King. The bishop advised the King to arrest the noble, because no one in Ireland could control him or is he family. The King responded by appointing the Fitzgerald noble as hereditary governor of Ireland.

>>2803235
Like some primitive version of FALC

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>>2801801
n a meeting of the Senate dedicated to the Catilina affair, Cato harshly reproached Caesar for reading personal messages while the senate was in session to discuss a matter of treason. Cato accused Caesar of involvement in the conspiracy and suggested that he was working on Catilina's behalf, which might explain Caesar's otherwise odd position—that the conspirators should receive no public hearing yet be shown clemency. Caesar offered it up to Cato to read. Cato took the paper from his hands and read it, discovering that it was a love letter from Caesar's mistress Servilia, Cato's half-sister.

>>2803235

>Communism in a nutshell

>>2802550
>Roman

>>2801801
When he was visiting London Gandhi was asked by a reporter what he thought of western civilization.
"I think it would be a good idea"

>>2803235
The madman poked fun at Marxism 2000 years before it even came to exist.

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>"Behold, a man!"

>>2803235
That's actually a collection of two separate quotes. The real one is just as funny nonetheless.

>>2803502
>but tomorrow I shall be sober
Why would someone do that? Just go to a dinner party and tell lies?

>>2803188
does it count if they apologized for it

>>2801801
Apparently he also asked if the spartans wanted him to come as friend or foe, to which the spartans replied "neither"

>>2803235
Equality between citizens sets up the moral justification for equality between citizens and slaves.

When you give an inch, you really do give a mile.

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>>2803502
>“Why don’t you go into politics? I mean to be Prime Minister of England: it would be a great lark if you were President of the United States at the same time.“
>To American Novelist Winston Spencer Churchill

>>2802773
Underrated
>m-muh longbows

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>Huemac then had sex with these sorceresses.

>>2802919
>we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there;
this bit always gets me

>>2805854
>tfw you'll never fuck laughing hags with your bro Huemac
JDIMSA

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>Before the First World War started, the young Wilhelmina visited the powerful German Emperor Wilhelm II. The Emperor thought he could impress the queen of a relatively small country by telling her, "My guards are seven feet tall and yours are only shoulder-high to them." Wilhelmina smiled politely and replied, "Quite true, Your Majesty, your guards are seven feet tall. But when we open our dikes, the water is ten feet deep!"

>>2806188
I don't get it.

>>2806188
I dont get it either

okay but seriously, ww1
>dikes
ahhh

>>2803188
>>2803167
>>2803157
DELET THIS

>>2807355
Kill yourself

>>2807355
>>2807245
The Netherlands are made of lowlands that can easily be flooded, something the dutch have used many times in the past by drowning invaders.

>>2801801
When the Byzantine emperor Nicephoros seized the throne from his mother, Irene, he stopped paying the bribes that his mother had been sending to the Caliph Haroun al-Rashid to keep the peace, and he sent Haroun a smartass letter to let him know. Haroun sent an answer: "From Haroun, Commander of the Faithful, to Nicephoros the Roman dog. I have your letter, son of an infidel. You shall not read, you shall behold my reply." Haroun then marched his army to the Bosporus and besieged Constantinople. Nicephoros paid up.

>>2804278
>When the whole squad starts roasting one dude

>>2803219
whether or not its true it doesn't really matter, by the time of the Macedonian invasion Sparta had been completely crushed by Thebes and was basically a non-entity. Without the Helots they couldn't realistically continue their traditional way of life and constant war had reduced their numbers to practically nothing.

It wasn't until after the Romans took over that Sparta was rebuilt as a tourist destination and while some of their heritage remained the Spartan military traditions were actually reestablished in the time of Caracalla, with the roman government just cutting them a check to pay for their food in return for Spartans promising to serve in a special military unit that was designed to look and fight like the Hoplites of classical greece. Apparently after the battle of Adrianople this unit actually faced off with and destroyed an advance force of visigoths. Although the main force of the visigoths later destroyed what was left of Sparta.

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>>2807391
>government just cutting them a check to pay for their food in return for Spartans promising to serve in a special military unit that was designed to look and fight like the Hoplites of classical greece. Apparently after the battle of Adrianople this unit actually faced off with and destroyed an advance force of visigoths. Although the main force of the visigoths later destroyed what was left of Sparta.

more on this? i always thought the idea of spartans and romans fighting with/against each other was cool

>>2805907
not exactly banter, but my favorite Sherman quote because of how accurate his prediction turned out. This was when speaking at a university in Louisiana in December 1860.

You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it … Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth — right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with. At first you will make headway, but as your limited resources begin to fail, shut out from the markets of Europe as you will be, your cause will begin to wane. If your people will but stop and think, they must see in the end that you will surely fail.

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>>2804536
>Cato's face when

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>When a British captive officer challenged Surcouf with the words "You French fight for money while we fight for honour", Surcouf replied "Each of us fights for what he lacks most"

>>2807408
In the Hellenistic period there was a significant brain drain from the greek heartland, because all the best and brightest were entering the administration or creating art/architecture in the newly conquered territories. So it became something of a backwater, and the art from the period reflects this. Athens became basically a living museum and enormously popular tourist destination. This continued in the Roman period and most of the temples in the acropolis were actually built by Rome. Because Athens was so famous people decided they wanted to visit their ancient enemy as well, Sparta. The problem was that Sparta had been basically reduced to a village by the Thebans, and there wasn't much left behind from the classical period so in order to build it up as a tourist destination the people who lived in the village resurrected a lot of the old traditions just to make a show for the tourists
It was Caracalla who really restored it though, from Herodian's history
>Caracalla himself went around in Macedonian dress, affecting especially the broad sun hat and short boots. He enrolled picked youths in a unit which he labeled his Macedonian phalanx (Phalanx Macedonica); its officers bore the names of Alexander's generals. He also summoned picked young men from Sparta and formed a unit which he called his Laconian and Pitanate Battalion (Cohors Laconica et Pitanata?)

>When he (Caracalla) observed that the city was overflowing with people who had come in from the surrounding area, he issued a public proclamation directing all the young men to assemble in a broad plain, saying that he wished to organized a phalanx in honor of Alexander similar to his Macedonian and Spartan battalions, this unit to bear the name of the hero.

>Furthermore (Caracalla wrote to Artabanus), the Roman infantry were invincible in close-quarter combat with spears

that guy really was out there, not just creating an entire army of military reenactors but then going into battle with them

>>2807439
This is fucking interesting. Is there any more on the units? Do we know when/how they ended?

Also do you have sources?

>>2807477
give this a read
http://tabulaenovaeexercituum.pbworks.com/w/page/14246743/Middle%20Imperial%20Roman

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>>2807503
Holy shit, Caracalla was an absolute fucking madman. 10/10 would share a beer with material.

Thanks!

>>2807518
http://www.livius.org/sources/content/herodian-s-roman-history/herodian-4.8/
start at 4.8.6 and read to the end of 4.9

>disdain for plebs: rising

>>2807538
>Particularly galling are quips that reveal one's shortcomings. Thus they made many jokes at the emperor's expense about his murdering his brother, calling his aged mother Jocasta, and mocking him because, in his insignificance, he imitated the bravest and greatest of heroes, Alexander and Achilles.

S
A
V
A
G
E

>>2803373
> expecting them to actually read it

These are the same people who argue for open borders and cite Native Americans as an example in their favour.

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>Once, when a hostess at the Congress of Vienna apologized when a group of French officers turned their backs on him, he replied, “I have seen their backs before, madam.”

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>>2802495
Plato was discoursing on his theory of ideas and, pointing to the cups on the table before him, said while there are many cups in the world, there is only one `idea’ of a cup, and this cupness precedes the existence of all particular cups. “I can see the cups on the table,” said Diogenes, “but I can’t see the `cupness'”. “That’s because you have the eyes to see the cup,” said Plato, “but”, tapping his head with his forefinger, “you don’t have the intellect with which to comprehend `cupness’.” Diogenes walked up to the table, examined a cup and, looking inside, asked, “Is it empty?” Plato nodded. “Where is the `emptiness’ which precedes this empty cup?” asked Diogenes. Plato allowed himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, but Diogenes reached over and, tapping Plato’s head with his finger, said “I think you will find here is the `emptiness’.

>>2804579
>Empire

>>2803235
Athenian communism has never been tried!

>>2803166
Haha wtf
Post the sad furry's blog

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>As Helen was to the Trojans, so has that man been to this republic—the cause of war, the cause of mischief, the cause of ruin.

Fourteen fucking speeches, the absolute madman

>>2803235
wtf I love Athenian humor now

>>2808327
he's talking about Antony?

>>2802773
Please explain, is that the hand sign for "eyes-on"?

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>>2803166
i've been looking for an excuse to use this image for about a year now

>>2808258
Absolute savage.

>>2810405
no, it's the hand sign for "Fuck off" or something like that

it's an English thing, the mythology being that it was after that famous battle (Agincourt) where the english rekt the French with their longbows and then, after, showed off their intact bow fingers. Done so because the french would cut the index and middle finger of archers if they captured them.

I probably butchered this, im sorry

>>2803167
Not even gonna lie. Actually pretty embarassed at this major BTFO. DELET THIS NOW.

>>2810509
thanks, that's pretty interesting

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not /his/ related but its old and heres a bump

>gets booed by Russian fans at 1980 Moscow Olympics
>sets world record, wins the gold medal
>does pic related, Russians get assblasted
>after the Olympics, the Russian Ambassador to Poland demands that he be stripped of his medal for insulting the Russian people
>Poles refuse, say it was an involuntary muscle spasm

>>2803510
t. Gandhi

>>2805544
LaughCryingPepe.jpg

>>2807374
Literally the old school concept of "where's my money, bitch?"

>>2808258
Absolutely embarrassing

>>2803510
Haig did suck

>>2808258
Diogenes was too witty for his own good.

>During the Polish–Soviet War, Weygand was a member of the Interallied Mission to Poland of July and August 1920, supporting the infant Second Polish Republic against the Soviet Union. Weygand travelled to Warsaw expecting to assume command of the Polish army, yet those expectations were quickly dashed. He had no good reply for Józef Piłsudski, who on 24 July during their first meeting asked "How many divisions do you bring?" Weygand had none to offer.

>>2808258
>"If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes."

Diogenes was truly the greatest of us all.

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>I have seen their backs before, madam.

This is attributed to Wellington as a statement to an unidentified woman at a reception in Vienna, who had apologized for the rudeness of some French officers who had turned their backs on him when he entered, as quoted in Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes (2000)

>>2810559
It's all completely apocryphal. If you want to make sure a man is never able to raise a bow against you in the future you just kill him. Cutting off fingers and letting them walk is a supremely stupid invention.

>>2802674
Yeah, but it was still badass. Don't get me wrong, Sparta is hugely overrated imo but this and 'molen labe' are fucking cool.

>>2810910
Most of what we know about Sparta was written by people that were born long after Sparta ceased to be even remotely relevant. It's a depressing thought but honestly quite likely that the Spartan myth is exactly that, a myth.

>>2803510
t. Pajeet

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

>>2810901
>letting them walk
No, they'd still be held captive until there was a ransom because money. The French aren't complete morons

>Procopius was Justinian's personal historian
>Wrote several praise-filled accounts of his master's accomplishments
>Secretly resents how little he is paid and how little respect he is given
>Writes a lengthy manifesto on how Justinian is the worst human being to ever live, unironically accusing him of killing one trillion people, having a super mega whore of a wife, and of being a literal demon in disguise.
>Said manuscript is never published and gets filed away in a storehouse after his death, eventually is acquired by the Vatican, and isn't read again until the 20th century.
I highly recommend reading all of it. Its one of the most amusing things I've ever read.
http://sacred-texts.com/cla/proc/shp/index.htm

>>2807409

We should still dynamite that cocksucker's tomb and shit into his casket.

>>2810364

Oh, yeah.

Cicero hated that fucker.

>>2810853
the allied missions to Poland were neat, de gaulle was one of the officers. There was this British officer who iirc was shooting at Russian cavalry from the back of his moving train, fell off, got back on and kept shooting

EDIT: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrian_Carton_de_Wiart

dude was /k/ommando as fuck

>"He served in the Boer War, First World War, and Second World War; was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, and ear; survived two plane crashes; tunnelled out of a prisoner-of-war camp; and tore off his own fingers when a doctor refused to amputate them. Describing his experiences in the First World War, he wrote, "Frankly I had enjoyed the war."[3]"

>He was active in August 1920, when the Red Army were at the gates of Warsaw. While out on his observation train, he was attacked by a group of Red cavalry, and fought them off with his revolver from the footplate of his train, at one point falling on the track and re-boarding quickly.

i wish i had more room to copy and paste this magnificent bastards exploits

>communist goes to see pt barnum
>preaches about egalitarianism
>barnum stops the man, says let's get down to business
>calls in his secretary to bring in a world almanac
>looks up the world population, uses it to divide his wealth
>tells his secretary to give the man $0.05, that's his equal share of barnum's wealth

>>2811791
Procopius' Secret History is fucking awesome. I can second this recommendation.

>>2811791
Thanks for the link reading now

>>2805854
FOUR HAND SPANS

>>2811801
>when you btfo someone some badly they're are STILL buttblasted over it a century and a half later.

Do it again, Sherman.

>>2803519
It was a French king actually. He was making a pun in Latin since "sottum" means drunkard and "Scottum" means Irish.

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>>2811918

>mfw i read a story about an anon living in the south casually asking why all the buildings are made of bricks and there's almost no old wood buildings

>>2806188
>HAHA YOUR GUARDS ARE ALL MANLETS
Why was Wilhelm II such an asperger?

>>2811942
He was a true German

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>>2806188
On a similar note,
>"Shortly before World War I, the German Kaiser was the guest of the Swiss government to observe military maneuvers. The Kaiser asked a Swiss militiaman: 'You are 500,000 and you shoot well, but if we attack with 1,000,000 men what will you do?' The soldier replied: 'We will shoot twice and go home.'"

>>2807368
Was kinda hoping for a sex joke but hay thats interesting enough

>>2811955
kek

>>2802687
I don't get it

>>2812018
The British home army was small and underequipped, since they relied on naval force so much.

>talk shit to Philip
>get btfo by his regent with command of the Macedonian reserves

sparta is a meme

>>2811932

> One of these stories comes from Colonel Ward Schrantz, a noted historian, Carthage Missouri native, and veteran of the Mexican Border Campaign, as well as the First and Second World Wars, documented a story where the US Army's 30th Division, made up of National Guard units from Georgia, North and South Carolina and Tennessee arrived in the United Kingdom…”a waiting British band broke into welcoming American music, and the soldiery, even the 118th Field Artillery and the 105 Medical Battalion from Georgia, broke into laughter.

> The excellence of intent and the ignorance of the origins of the American music being equally obvious. The welcoming tune was “Marching Through Georgia.”

http://www.scotshistoryonline.co.uk/rednecks/rednecks.html

>>2802711
Why does he look like Baba Koksal tho

>>2810923
Myths very very rarely are drawn from whole cloth, especially ones that happen within living memory.

In all likelihood, all that set the Spartans apart from the other Greeks at their height was that they had a standing army that regularly drilled, whereas everyone else had militias that drilled maybe once a year.

>>2812053
Rednecks BTFO.

>>2811918

Sherman was a war criminal and had any Southern general targeted civilians as he had, they'd have been hung.

>>2811801
DO IT AGAIN SHERMAN

BURN ATLANTA TO THE GROUND, AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN

>>2811986
I can see Wilhelm being a regular to /r9k/.

>>2812211
Atlanta is mostly black people these days, you know.

>>2812227
why do you think i said again 3 times

>>2812158
Sherman was the only general of the war to realize that war in an industrial age is a competition between economies, and that field maneuvers between blocks of infantry was simply a very old habit that was dying hard, but no longer made any sense in an age of railroads and factories.

He didn't specifically target civilians, he was targeting war time infrastructure. He was gutting the south's means of waging war and maintaining armies.

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>>2811801
Get fucked Cletus

>>2807437
>calling himself poor just to say Brits don't have honor
That's embarrassing, everyone already knows Britain doesn't have honor including the Brits.

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>>2808327

>>2812250

Except even he said that he was specifically going after the homes and families of the men fighting the war. Yeah, he fucked up the infrastructure. Sure. He also used terror tactics against civilians.

Hey, I agree with him. If you put me in his shoes I'd have done the same thing. But that doesn't make Sherman less of a war criminal.

>>2811791
>Now such was Justinian in appearance; but his character was something I could not fully describe. For he was at once villainous and amenable; as people say colloquially, a moron. He was never truthful with anyone, but always guileful in what he said and did, yet easily hoodwinked by any who wanted to deceive him. His nature was an unnatural mixture of folly and wickedness.

>>2812392
Agreed.

Sherman was a bastard who was on the nominally right side, this does not make him not a bastard.

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>>2803188
W-WE WANTED A NEW ONE ANYWAY

>>2812506
Talk shit, get hit, buddy.

>>2801801
And then Phillip did exactly that. I'd say it only counts if they actually had something to back up their bullshit tbqh.

>>2812564
This is the mindset of violent brutes and when put into actions will typically wind up with the person doing the hitting being either jailed or sued. Sherman had the good fortune to be on the winning side of a war that was fought for a cause that was better then keeping slaves.

Neither that nor the pithy little remark you just made makes him a good person. Collective punishment is barbarism.

>>2812506
>nominally
it was a lot more than nominal

>>2807359
to be fair they did delete it and apologized
https://twitter.com/UKinUSA/status/503703891238993920

>>2802687
AHAHAHAHAHA. BANTZ

>>2803510
Churchill had very little to do with Gallipoli once the invasion was entertained by the British; his time scale, invasion plan, invasion route, and invasion scale was all changed; it wasn't really his fault, it was everyone's fault.

>>2811791
fucking KEK

>>2803188
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-28929626

Man Americans really do have a shit sense of humour.

>>2811791
I have a copy in the drawer next to my bed.

Procopius is truly fascinating.

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>What the hell, Luigi, you can see what fortune can do to men. You had just finished fucking your woman when you want another one. I've been in Modena for several days when I came across an old woman who washes my shirts. She asked me to come into her hovel because she wished to show me some fine shirts. Innocent prick that I am I went in. There was a woman over in the corner. "This is the shirt that I wanted to sell you," the hag said. I was terrified. But I fucked her. I found her thighs flabby and her cunt damp. Her breath stank. But I was horny. When I was finished I took a torch and looked at her. I nearly dropped dead. The woman was ugly. She had a tuft of hair on her head but her head was bald. Her forehead was scarred. One eye looked up, the other down. Her eyes were filled with mucus, and she had no eyebrows. Her nose was twisted into a funny shape. Her mouth looked like Lorenzo de' Medici's but was bent to one side. She was toothless and saliva drooled out of her mouth. Her upper lip had a moustache. I looked at her stupefied. "What's the matter sir?" she asked me. As soon as she opened her mouth, such a stench came out that my eyes and my nose were assaulted and my stomach indignant. They could not bear it, and I vomited all over her.

- Nicollo Machiavelli, Prince of Bants

>>2811986
>500000 and 1000000
>image clearly says 100000 and 200000

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>>2803166

>>2812134
Never understood this thing when people claim that something didn't happen with the same zero evidence as the assumption that it did, just to feel smarter.

>>2812134
This, spartan discipline was their greatest advantage and mattered greatly in hoplite warfare.

>>2814004
>you now read this in Marios voice

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>>2811791
>Often when she was alone with other actors, she would undress in their midst and arch her back provocatively, advertising like a peacock both to those who had experience of her and to those who had not yet had that privilege her trained suppleness.

I want to fuck Theodora.

>>2811760
>illiterate peasant yeomen
>having families able to pay ransom

Are you stupid?

>>2814066
It's just Occam's Razor. The theory with the fewest assumptions is usually correct.

>warrior society of the finest soldiers the world has ever known

vs

>slightly superior militias that drilled slightly more often

Not hard.

>>2814272
Many, many thousands of men throughout history have wanted to fuck Theodora. She is the archetypical semen demon.

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Swedes got pretty mad about it.

>>2814676
>Once, visiting the house of an illustrious gentleman, they say she mounted the projecting corner of her dining couch, pulled up the front of her dress, without a blush, and thus carelessly showed her wantonness.

Oh my.

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>>2814692
>promise 90ish people amnesty and then kill them
>banter

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>>2811791
The amount of butthurt he had was immeasurable. Imagine being so fucking mad at your boss that you wrote an entire book about what a piece of shit he was. That in and of itself is hilarious.

>>2810566
Kacaps btfo'd

>>2814634
Dosh is dosh

>>2814916
>Thus it was that Theodora, though born and brought up as I have related, rose to royal dignity over all obstacles. For no thought of shame came to Justinian in marrying her, though he might have taken his pick of the noblest born, most highly educated, most modest, carefully nurtured, virtuous and beautiful virgins of all the ladies in the whole Roman Empire: a maiden, as they say, with upstanding breasts. Instead, he preferred to make his own what had been common to all men, and, careless of all her revealed history, took in wedlock a woman who was not only guilty of every other contamination but boasted of her many abortions.

>I need hardly mention any other proof of the character of this man: for all the perversity of his soul was completely displayed in this union; which alone was ample interpreter, witness, and historian of his shamelessness. For when a man once disregards the disgrace of his actions and is willing to brave the contempt of society, no path of lawlessness is thereafter taboo to him; but with unflinching countenance he advances, easily and without a scruple, to acts of the deepest infamy.

The savagery is unbelievable.

>>2814272
Nobody wanted to hate-fuck that bitch more than Procopius, which is why he wrote so much erotic fan fiction about her

>>2812383
You should add picture of his hands below.

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>>2814692
>murdering innocents is banter

>>2815241
So this guy's argument was:
>marrying roasties
>525 AD

>>2814666
>huge amount of sources describing spartan society with not a hint of people living much loser to that time disputing this

vs

>nah it didn't happen

>>2803167

That's actually fucking hilarious.

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Nikita Khrushchev: The difference between the Soviet Union and China is that I rose to power from the peasant class, whereas you came from the privileged Mandarin class.

Zhou: True. But there is this similarity.

Nikita Khrushchev: What is it?

Zhow: Each of us is a traitor to his class.

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>>2801801
Parmenion btfo.

>>2810566
What does that mean?

>>2811850
top kek

>>2818265
Fuck off basically.

>>2808258
>Plato allowed himself a few moments to collect his thoughts, but Diogenes reached over and, tapping Plato’s head with his finger, said “I think you will find here is the `emptiness’.

Is he, dare I say it, /ourguy/?

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>>2812392
>>2812506

>muh morality in war time

Bullshit.

War is inherently immoral. Once you get over that hurdle in ethics, you don't have to be squeamish to do what it takes to win. Sherman understood that.

Modern war is defined by brutality and cruelty. You can't just break an enemy's capacity to fight without breaking their willingness to do so. Sherman understood that. Its about time the rest of you armchair moralists do the same.

>>2803235
So that's why socialism doesn't work, we don't have slaves anymore

>>2812620
Not in the 19th century it wasn't. Wage labor in factories was fucking horrible, as was life on the frontier. Now if you want to argue about the 20th US being better then a hypothetical surviving confederacy I will happily agree with you, but anything before that is something of a wash.

>>2818346
Immoral actions do not somehow become moral because they are expedient, not even if they are the only choice available.

>>2818367

War is inherently an immoral action.

The greatest failure in morality is letting happen in the first place, dummy.

>>2818372
>>2818367

In fact, I'd argue that the most moral action in regards to war IS expediency.

>>2818367

>muh just war

go to bed augustine

>>2814004
>Her mouth looked like Lorenzo de Medici
Holy shit, I'm fucking dead.