ITT: Historical Figures you could beat in a fight.

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>>2565776
Pretty sure I could take Virgil's bitch ass

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Maybe

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Nigger didn't work out a single day in his life.

>>2567463
>bullying lolis

But are we talking before typhoid or during.

Ernst Junger

>>2567467
>forgetting Hitler was a ww1 vet

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Nicholas

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>>2565776

This one's for 9066 you son of a bitch

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>>2567481
pic related

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>>2567463

>beating up an innocent girl

That's more than just a paddling for you, that's a bayoneting.

>>2567479
>vet
>glorified post-man
>feeble and whimpering if we believe his mates accounts

>>2567485
>Nicky is 5'7
>Rasputin is 6'4

How is there even any question that he got cucked?

>>2567500
Not a nazi but apparently he distinguished himself, running messages through artillery fire and machine guns is a bit more stressful than delivering mail

>>2567526

The CO who put him up for the Iron Cross (very uncommon for German enlisted men) was of Jewish descent and defended his decision even afterwards.

Hitler actually pulled some strings to get him a visa to the United States.

>>2567526
Yeah, retard bravery. But then he spent like 15 months with PTSD in a hospital. Seriously I would fuck that dude up.

>>2567532
What?

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>>2567588
>88
Hitler was hypocrite.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/06/ernst-hess-hitler_n_1653547.html

>>2567463
Someone post that pedoshit copypasta.

>>2567467
>I could beat a ww1 veteran
t. /his/

>>2567526
>running messages through artillery fire and machine guns is a bit more stressful than delivering mail
Hitler did not run messages through machine gun fire and most probably not artillery fire either
He was a messenger between upper echelons of command
Not some mythical wehraboo wankfest glorious Aryan trenchrunner hero dashing through mud and the no mans land and the trenches

>>2567500
>gets 2 medals awarded
>bad service
ok kid

>>2567588

Turns out I was mistaken, Hitler arranged for him to continue receiving his army pension. But other Nazi officials who knew about him arranged for his immigration to the United States.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Gutmann

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>>2567639

>be probably the most physically unfit president ever
>immediate successor was the most /fit/ president ever

>>2567535
>>2567658
stages of denial ITT
>hitler was a coward
>okay he got medals but it was bullshit propaganda
>okay they were real he was just lucky
>okay but what he did to earn them was easy
>okay he...
fucking hell lads, you dont need a naziboo to be historically objective about his WW1 service. If anyrhing it makes more sense why he became obsessed with the military. Those probably were the best years of his life and the only time like he felt like he belonged. Hence when germany lost, it magnified his butthurt and autism a thousand fold.

>>2567658
he was wounded and received a wound badge. how the fuck would he get wounded if he was nowhere near the action as you say?

>>2567628
>>2567639

beating up small/old and crippled people

you are truly the marvel of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution

>>2567740
truman was a badass in ww1. he made sure every single man under his command made it back home alive

>>2567798

Who 'member Uncle Alf by Turtledove where Hitler becomes an autistic as fuck intelligence agent?

>>2567639
yeah but for all he was short churchill was stupid brave, but for a tiny technicality he would probably have had the VC during the boer war, the technicality being he wasnt supposed to have been fighting at all being present as a civilian journalist.

but unlike Hitler he did see action, and close combat, and doesnt appear t have flinched

>>2565776
Gandhi

>>2567913

He would've made a far better wartime president than FDR in my opinion considering he had fought in the last one and had previously worked with some of the very generals leading WW2 (most notably Patton).

>>2567925
>Gandhi

t. Fight Clubfag

>>2567910
>beating up small/old and crippled people
best targets?

OP ased which historical figures we thought we could beat up, given that his sample consists of the kind of people who are posting on /his/ its a self selecting group of ooverly indolent couch potatoes and thus hardly surprising.

for example I am fairly certain i could take pitt the younger, but would probably have issues taking on Richard the lionheart.

>>2567925
>Gandhi
By fighting him, you'd lose.

>>2567937
fairly certain I would win the fight, moral victor maybe not.

although it might be amusing to try and annoy him into violence, childish but amusing

>>2567953
He was a lawyer, man. Have you ever held a collection of laws? They're lifting serious weighs daily. Lawyers get crazy gains.

It's impossible to win against a lawyer in a fistfight.

>>2567485
>6'8 in 1700
fucking hell he must have terrified people

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I'd whoop his ass

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I'd beat the shit out of his arthritic, sickly, slave-holding ass.

>>2568471

>arthritic
>sickly

Still managed to outlive most people of his era by several decades and was still quite strong considering how he died (complications from injuries sustained from an accident while doing repair work on his house).

>>2568700
A gate fell on him.

It's kind if ironic really, one of his black workers had attempted to warn him about it and he ignores them.

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Don't let the picture fool you. He was a manlet

>>2568936

>manlet

>wearing high heels

when will they learn?

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>>2567740
>be probably the most physically unfit president ever

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>>2567517
You're forgetting Rasputin's most important, 13 inch feature. (And that's flaccid)

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I could kill this bitch easy with nuffin but my fists

>>2569134
He was impotent after the age of 30

>>2569106
>Don't do it, Luigi, I have the high ground!

>>2569084

At least Taft could walk. He also lost significant weight in later life.

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>>2569184
Who cares if he had no more baby juice, that dick could pleasure a real man even withiut the blood a flowin.

>>2567463
You can only beat her if you find her, good luck anon...

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*blocks your path*

>>2569258
*Teleports behind you*
*Unsheaths war club from under hide*
Nuffin personal kid

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>>2569285
*Reveals face from under robe*
*Prepares to scalp*
Any last words Drew?

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>>2569285
>>2569291
you got some walking to do pals

>>2567479
>>2567636
>Not being able to beat up a man with worse lungs than a chain smoker

>>2568346
Napoleon was actually 6'8 as well, they just used different measurements for inches back then

>>2567609
"I decide who is a Jew"-Karl Lueger

>>2567658
Out of all of the things to criticise about Hitler, his service in WWI is the stupidest

>>2568800
Almost all of his former slaves continued to work for him, often for little or no money;[34] whether this decision was voluntary or the result of few other options existing for former slaves in the Deep South is difficult to determine.[35] These servants were with him upon his death. Although old and infirm, Stephens continued to work on his house and plantation. According to a former slave, a gate fell on Stephens while he and another black servant were repairing it, "and he was crippled and lamed up from that time on till he died." The veracity of this rumor is difficult to determine

They murdered him

>>2569310
No he wasnt. He wasnt a manlet but he was not 6'8"

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>>2569084

Say it to my face and not online and see what happens

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Roman Emperors I'm Confident You Could Take 1v1
>Claudius.
>Capri Tiberius
>Domitian

Roman Emperors That You Might Be Able To Take 1v1
>Vespasian
>Titus
>Augustus
>Ascension Tiberius
>Julius Caesar

Roman Emperors That Would Fuck Your Shit Up 1v1
>Nero
>Caligula
>Elagabalus
>War Hero Tiberius
>Hadrian
>Marcus Aurelius
>Trajan

>>2569384
Maximinus Thrax would break you in half

>>2569393
>His thumb was said to be so large that he wore his wife's bracelet as a ring for it.

Thrax was in a league of his own.

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I'd rape this little bitch.

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So I heard you like fighting, Willy.

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>>2567615

*Sighs
I have a confession to make to all of you…

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman whose light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the setting sun.

>>2570101

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

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>>2570127
Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

>>2570131
Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

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>>2570146
You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

>>2570148

Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

>>2565776

he'd have that retard strength though

>>2570101
>>2570127
>>2570131
>>2570146
>>2570148
>>2570149

Thank you for this

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I'd fuck his shit up.

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Surprised no one has posted pic related

>>2569384
>Elagabalus
?

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>>2573575

>>2565776
I really doubt anyone here could beat Charles II in a fight. Dude probably had hardcore retard strength.

>>2573634
Tantrum throwing rich boy sissy would probably start crying after a couple of slaps.

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I THINK I CAN BEAT O'L ABE!

>>2573840
Abe was old school tough. He would hand you your ass.

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I want to CRUSH this mans fat fucking face

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>>2565776

>>2569384
>julius
only if you're lucky enough to have him have an epilectic fit during the fight, otherwise your anus is gonna get gladius'd

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>>>>2565776

>>2573860
>A FUCKING NECKBEARD

>>2573840
He grew up a country boy splitting wood and doing manual labor. Young Abe was probably wiry as hell. Damn good reach too.

>>2569384
Commodus would be tough too. Delusional motherfucker kept trying to convince everybody he was Hercules

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>>2573840
>>2573852
>>2573972

He was also a wrestling enthusiast.

>>2567475
Maybe after age 80

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I could take MlK's non violent ass

>>2574350
kek

>>2567925
He was also involved in the last lancer charge of the British Army in Sudan back in the 1880s.

Really all depends when we choose to fight them.

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lil bitch

>>2567931
Isn't Harry Truman kind of amazing? Dude was a sharecroppers son and the last in a long line of nobody Roosevelt VPs. He should have been way out of his depth, but he turned into a really good president.

>>2569134
Lots of speculation that thing's a fake.

>>2567740
No meme, most fit president is Dubya with Teddy as a distant second. The man has cardio and lift past any President's recorded records. Past that, without evidence, you can confidently place Zachary Taylor and George Washington in the top ten without prior consideration.

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>>2574333
>>2573461
Why neat up an old Asian man and a pacifist separately when you can body slam his Buddhist ass.

>>2567636
>>2567479
he was 5'8 and 155 pounds

I have so much height and weight on him I would end his career with one swing

>>2574742
fatass

>>2574749
>6'5
>210

>fatass

fuck off manlet

>>2565776
why would i need to beat him up?
his face is already retarded to begin with.

>>2567500
>>glorified post-man
Actually quite a dangerous job, as was ration delivery and other stuff you wouldn't expect to carry a lot of risk
He got an Iron Cross for his efforts

>>2567535
>But then he spent like 15 months with PTSD in a hospital.
He didn't have PTSD, retard. Nobody believed such a thing even existed back then.
The real reason he was in hospital was because he was blinded by gas.

>>2569084

>want to be on supreme court

>teddy forces you to be president

>do ok job but look bad in comparison

>beaten by racist new jersey faggot

>reluctantly support harding even though hes a scumbag

>at least he finally lets you be on the supreme court

>the job you wanted in the first place

Taft was /ourguy/

>>2567639
coats and cloak are so fucking regal, why don't most leaders wear them nowadays? All of them look like tired generic CEOs who come home finding his wife being fucked by a black man.

>>2567925
Mohandas or Indira?

>>2569413
can't rape the willing

Is Stephen Hawking an historical figure yet? 'Cause I'd kick his fucking ass.

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She won't be seeing angels, she'll be seeing stars

>>2574853
>beating up animals
Come on now

>>2570272
This guy is like 90 now.

>>2573826
He really would. Someone that spoiled probably genuinely doesn't know what it's like to take a punch. Which can matter for a lot more in a fight than you'd think.

>>2574860
I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

(You set me up on purpose, didn't you?)

>>2567475
Dat b8

>>2570149
>>2570148
>>2570146
>>2570131
>>2570127
>>2570101
S you're saying you would you stain her mountaintops?

>>2573512
>>2574017
You get bonus points for killing lions in my rankings.

>>2574951
You want her to look at you with white roses in her eyes?

>>2565776
I don't know if I could beat him, but I'd love to fight Alcibiades.

>>2569310
The French used a different measuring system than they do now, their inches were different. Napoleon would be of average height today, though he'd still be a little manlet cuck for being under 6 feet.

>>2574387
Obama > Dubya

>>2574951
>>2574965
Are you gonna hate her when she gets up to leave?

Speaking of, do we have any clear ideas on how historically /fit/ European royalty was on average? Who was the most /fit/ king?

>>2568346
>the great

>>2568435
but... why?

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>>2568936
i see you...

>>2575124
They have access to the finest medical help available so they're fairly fit by their standards.

Since a lot of nobility was essentially military leaders and commanders who often had to be present in battles, they can probably kick your ass.

Based on the armor though they'd all be manlets compared to modern westerners. Think typical asian size.

>>2575124
Peter the Great would be a good bet. Not because he's especially strong compared to other monarchs throughout history, but simply because he was exceptionally strong for his time. Russia's slower modernization meant that their ruler had to rely on physical prowess much later into their history.

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>>2575124
Peter 1

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>>2575105

>literally just gave birth in the copypasta

I don't think she's gonna be going anywhere unless the Gestapo come kicking in the door and drag her somewhere.

>>2568346
He apparently was a lanklet though.

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>>2567618
>Yeah but he has more power therefore more physical strength
What did he mean by that?

Stalin, he was comically tiny.

>>2575519
>5'6
>solid build
>comically tiny

Probably you think that about most of human specie living in his period.

>>2567639
yeah m8 but u got cunningham n' alan brooke there aint ya senpai, wat u gonna do wen they cum swingin' at ya lad?

>>2575526
>5'6"
Not even you little squirt

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>>2575555
>Ezhov is claimed to be 4.986877
>Stalin is noticeably taller

So what did you imply?

>>2575563
>noticeably taller than a man hunching
Stalin was 5'5" on a good day

>>2567881
Well it was World War I, and there was a little thing called artillery back then...

>>2574842
Indira is the kind of people that brings a flamethrower to a wrestling match...

>>2567479
Most of Hitler's war exploits are only known from what he said from his point of view. Really makes you think.

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>>2575706
>>2575563

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>>2565776
>spitfire pilot
>got shot down in central italy and made it all the way across the alps to liberated france
>unilaterally seceded from the british empire
>frequently entered shooting competitions
>several attempts on his life my marxist negro guerrillas
>owned a farm in fucking zimbabwe for 20 years
>last man in official government opposition to mugabe's party until he banned dissent
>dared mugabe to kill him or kick him out of the country but he was too scared to do either

I could still take him though tbqh

>>2575101
"Oooooo I golf every weekend and go water skiing I'm so fit"

No.

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>>2575954
what is this trying to convey?
and why is goering here?

I could kick Erdogan's ass

I could whoop young hindenburgs ass easy

>A bunch of 20-30 year olds could beat up aging politicians long past their prime and literal drooling retards

REALLY???? I NEVER KNEW!

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>>2567467
>worked on construction sites all his young adult life
>ww1 vet
>probably took steroids
There is a good reason he survived that suitcase bomb.

>>2569205
> You underestimate my power.

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I could maybe take on Timur. He was lame, so it could be pretty easy if I could get him one on one

>tfw scrawny fuck

>>2575101
Not fitness wise.

>>2565776

This guy was a master swordsman despite everything, so he's physically fit enough to kick your stupid ass

>>2576983

Nah He can't even change his diaper himself

>>2575101
Texas roughneck past > Hawaiian stoner lawyer past

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>>2565776
hghnf *fight me* ggggnnn

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>>2577107

Almost 9000 hours in paint

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>>2577225
Saved

>>2576192
are you stupid or is it a joke? that's Tito you dumb fuck, your pic has his name for filename

>>2567463
She wrote her diaries with a ballpoint pen before they were invented.

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>>2576192
Their heights in centimeters I believe

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I'd enlighten him about the wonders of my elbow

>>2577690

Or maybe penis lengths in millimeters.

>>2575788
Thanks for proving my point. the other guy said he was nowhere near artillery or machine gun fire

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I'd wreck his diplomatic ass.

>>2573950
>this man commanded the siege of one of the best-defended cites in the world
>in his 90s
>while blind
and you think you could beat him? please...

>>2569134
Didn't he get cremated immediately after his death? Why would they preserve his doodle?

>>2577054
>black(plays lots of basketball)
>taller
>much smarter

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>>2569502
prepare your anus for willy's willy

>>2577054
>Texas roughneck
>bought a ranch with dads money
>son of the POTUS
>grew up in the White House
A real working class hero

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i mean honestly come on man

>>2573840
> beating a Wrestling Hall of Famer

>>2576515
Came here to post this.

>>2577685
Ballpoint pen was invented in 1888. Jesus

>>2578275

If ever there was a cock worth preserving...

>>2567717
Cool

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>>2567798
>Those probably were the best years of his life and the only time like he felt like he belonged

>>2577107
urghhh....i strong....beat the little men....duouhhhhh

>>2575519
he wuz a manlet

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>>2577107
>>2577225
>>2577345

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>>2567498

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I know for a fact I could kick the shit outta King Tut, god king my ass.

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I'd heem Eisenhower
Patton would kick the shit out of me though
De Gaulle and Montgomery wouldn't stand a chance

>>2568346
and not only that, but he partied like every day was his last

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>>2568346

>>2580121
I mean really???
Egyptians were pretty strong and especially their leaders.

>>2580677
Halle Berry is Swordfish isn't as hot as I remember

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>>2565776

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>>2575124
>Who was the most /fit/ king?

Nicky

>>2569384
>>Elagabalus
He was a fucking trap m8. He probably wouldn't even fight you, he'd just bend over and expose his boipucci.