What's the funniest moment in history?

ur life

That one French revolutionary who kept pissing himself right before he was to be guillotined, but the reactionary executioner would stop the blade inches above his neck so he could repeat the process over and over again

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>>2523649
The Hundred Years War

When Lucifer rebelled against God and became Satan.

He was so delusional, he thought he could dethrone God.

That time Mussolini felt snubbed by Hitler not paying attention to him at a party, wrote down in his diary how much that hurt his feelings, demanded to drive the plane on the return trip, intentionally made the ride hell to annoy Hitler, and then demanded that the bumpy ride be included in the official transcript.

>>2523685
>history

It was during the Spanish-American war, where the Americans were heading towards a fort that was held by Spain somewhere in the ocean. Once the Americans arrived, they stopped from a distance and started to fire at the fort, I couldn't remember if they were warning shots or they just weren't good at cannons,
But nonetheless the Spanish on the fort were confused, so they sent a rowboat or two towards the Americans and boarded. Weirdly enough the Spanish apologized for not returning the fire back at the Americans, because the Spanish on the fort didn't know they were at war since they were far away from any land, and instead they thought the fire was a salute than an attack. The Americans were confused as well and (If I can recall) just kinda left without claiming the fort and left the tiny Spanish fort on the island alone.

>>2523703
Guam

>>2523703
You're taking about the seizure of Guam. Communications were limited and the Spaniards on Guam didn't know there was a war on. But the Americans did claim the fort, after taking the Spanish commander prisoner after he rowed out to apologize.

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Charles IV running to Napoleon to help him take Spain from his own son because he thought he and Napoleon were friends. But then Charles son also went along to Napoleons court as well and Napoleon captured both of them and claimed Spain for his own.

>>2523703
It was in the Philippines. When a US fleet sailed by the fort, the Spanish came out to greet them by asking for ammunition so they could give them a proper salute. The Americans were confused and obviously refused, and it turned out the Spanish empire didn't even bother notifying the commander at the fort that war broke out with the US.

The Spaniards handed the fort over.

>>2523725
*Guam

My bad

1453

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The time the Emperor of Ethiopia had a crush on Queen Victoria who eventually stopped responding to his letters. This caused him to go mad with jealousy and turn into a tyrannical despot overnight.

The British eventually had to invade Ethiopia and with the support of the Ethiopian army defeated the Emperor's person guard and basically stole everything in Addis Ababa that wasn't nailed down, ruining the Ethiopian economy for decades.

>>2523695
Yes, history.

>>2523679
You mean the conflict which saw England almost completely kicked off the continent, and the increasing consolidation of the Kingdom of France, which would soon become the powerhouse of Europe?

Pretty hilarious.

>>2523722
Fucking Spain.
There's also the incident where a bunch of Spanish land in Pensacola or something and say "fuck this shit I wanna go home" so they try to build boats which do fuck all and land. They then spend the next several years and over a thousand miles of wandering until they come across literally the only other Spanish base on the continent. From 2/300 to about 5-15 at most were left from disease, native attack and stupidity.

They finally got home and the leader of the survivors wrote a book about it.

>>2523685
I think your confused, he said history, not fiction.

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According to Josephus, on Passover in Jerusalem:
>But on the fourth day of the festival, a certain soldier displayed his uncovered genitals to the multitude. This action put those that saw him into a furious rage, and made them cry out that it was not an insult to them, but an impiety against God. Some of them even reproached Cumanus, and asserted that the soldier was prompted by him. When Cumanus heard this he was himself not a little provoked at such reproaches laid upon him, yet he merely advised them to cease their desire for revolution and not to ignite a riot during the festival.

>But when he could not induce them to be quiet, for they continued their insults toward him, he ordered the whole army to take full armor and come to Antonia, which was a fortress, as I have said before, that overlooked the Temple. The multitude, when they saw the soldiers, became frightened and hastened to flee; but as the passages of the exits were narrow, and as they thought their enemies were pursuing them, they were crowded together in their flight, and a great number were pressed to death in those narrow passages. Indeed, the number that perished in this tumult was calculated to be twenty thousand. So they had mourning instead of festivities; and all of them forgot their prayers and sacrifices, and took themselves instead to lamentation and weeping. Such were the sufferings produced by the lewdness of a single soldier.
>YWN Fart and cause the death of thousands of people

>>2523915
I think you are confused, my post was about an historical event, not fiction.

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>>2523649

>>2523919
This. /his/ is a christian board.

>>2523649
Holocaust

>>2523749
Hehe

>>2523917
/thread

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The Great Emu War

That one time a Scottish pastor held an entire congregation at gunpoint so he could finish his mass.

>>2523749
He types, in English

>>2523915
A brave post sir

I'm fond of the time three people declared themselves Pope and then all exocommunicated each other.

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>>2524032

>>2523917
>Cumanus

Can't make this shit up.

>>2523695
>and humanities

>>2523649
That time Andrew Jackson fought in the final battle of the War of 1812 weeks after the peace treaty

When the British Empire finally died out and was immediately succeeded by the United States

>>2523649

After the Anglo-Zanzibar war, (itself rather amusing, it lasted a mere 90 minutes), the British charged the Zanzibarians(?) an indemnity, which among other things included the cost of the ammo to shoot at them with.

That time france went ape shit and killed their ruling class only to elect a complete pyscho who attempted to create his own religion and then be killed as a result. And then they elected a dictator who tried to conquer all of europe. pretty funny

>>2523665
kek, source?

>>2523665
source plz funny if true though

>>2523649
the fourth crusade's pretty funny when you think about it

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>>2524328

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>>2524059
>he thinks English is the lingua franca of the modern age because of Britain and not the United States

>>2523989
No its a musls board but christians are tolerated.

>>2524763
Yeah sure, everybody chose to speak the language of isolationist country that was politically completely irrelevant until World Wars.

Britain was the most powerful state in the world for the whole 19th century, plus it served as median power (maybe using the wrong word here), trying to keep balance in the world.

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Andrew Jackson had a parrot named /pol/ that swore a lot, got kicked out of his funeral because it wouldn't stop.

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This happened during the Nazi invasion of Norway
A german cruiser with hundreds of germans on board was sunk by 40 year old artillery pieces. Some of them were made in Austria-Hungary before the Great War.
Another ship was damaged and the rest of the german fllet in that area had to retreat.
Here's a text from Wiki that sums it up perfectly:


>In one of the more peculiar battles of the war, a hundred year old fortification, manned by recruits and pensioners and armed with 40- to 50-year-old weaponry of German and Austro-Hungarian manufacture had destroyed a ship so new, its crew was still finishing training.
Oscarsborg had fulfilled its mission and denied an invader the way to the capital.
Even though it and the country ultimately were captured and occupied, the effects of delaying the German advance were immediate and considerable.
On board Blücher were troops specially designated to capture the King, the Norwegian cabinet, the Storting (Norwegian Parliament) and the national gold reserve; the delay made it possible for all these to escape from Oslo.
Later on 9 April, the Storting was able to convene at Elverum and give the cabinet a wide authorization to govern until a Storting could again assemble.
Thus, the Norwegian government was able to continue the defence of Norway until it had evacuated to exile in the United Kingdom on 7 June, with the Norwegian Army laying down their arms on 10 June.


Pic related is the german ship sinking

Here's a link if you want to read more about this hilarious event:
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Dr%C3%B8bak_Sound

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>>2525051
And this is one of the guns that sank the Blucher

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>>2524763
>he thinks English is the lingua franca of the modern age because of Britain and not the United States

What a silly notion indeed

>>2523725
>the Spanish came out to greet them by asking for ammunition so they could give them a proper salute
Thats so sad, poor guy just wanted to respect them.

>>2524998
>>2523989
Mehmet and Mehmet pls
/his/ is a jewish board
it's pretty self evident since everything made by any academic in the last 200 years was made by a jew

>>2523915
*tips fedora

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Juan Pujol Garcia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Pujol_Garc%C3%ADa

>>2523808
name of the book?

>>2525147
The worst (or best, depending on who you ask) part about is that you will always be able to do anything considered retarded and then point towards Garcia claiming that if the shit he did worked then anything can work.

>post WW1
>Newly-formed Czechoslovakia and Hungary waging war over some disputed territories
>Czechoslovakia is being backed by France
>Crucial battle about to happen
>Czechoslovak soldier are outnumbered
>Czechoslovak general ordered some of his soldiers to paint their faces with black colour and make turban on their heads
>They were ordered to ride around Slovak train stations, get out on each one, and walk around the station speaking Senegalese
>The group of soldiers from Prague said they don't speak any Senegalese but general said it doesn't matter as long as they just speak some gibberish, but make the word "Senegal" audible
>The soldiers go off only on two stations
>Withing 48 hours, reward-greedy Hungarian spies reported in Budapest that 5000 strong regiment of backup from Senegal is coming
>This disinformation got to the regular soldier
>When the actual battle happened, lot of Hungarian soldiers rather jumped into the river, than being captured by "cannibals"

11/9/16

>>2525147

I sense a worthy RPG GM in this man.

>>2525043
>the fedless horseman

>>2525234
Shit that never happened

>>2523749
A predictably insecure butthurt French post

>>2525366
https://cs.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bitva_o_Zvolen

It actually did

>>2525386
Also i'm posting these stories a lot, but Bohemians did something similar in medieval

>Emperor has some issues with Italian city states
>With Bohemian help lays siege to Milan
>Italians think of Bohemians as of savage barbarians from the north
>Bohemians decide to use that to their advantage
>Bake a big bread doll that looks like a baby from afar
>Make a huge fire in front of city walls
>Dance around the fire, sing loudly and eat the baby doll
>Later the united German-Bohemian army breach the walls and enter the city
>The Milanese soldiers drop their arms and run towards the Germans to be captures, just so they wouldn't be captured by "savage cannibal" Bohemians

I find it terribly amusing that the "eternal flame" kept alive at the temple of Delphi in ancient Greece was extinguished when the temple burned down

>>2525407
fight fire with fire

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>>2523915

>>2523749
how insecure can you be you dumb frog

>>2525709
>HURRRR, ANGLOFAG MAD.

>>2525724
you seem upset

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When England tried to invade and conquer Argentina in 1806 and we literally threw hot water on them and punch them back into the ships.
And then they came back again, all with the same results.
Couple years later we BTFO spanish cunts and we liberate almost the entire south continent on jackasses.

The Kettle War was a military confrontation between the troops of the Holy Roman Empire and the Republic of the Seven Netherlands on 8 October 1784. It was named the Kettle War because the only shot fired hit a soup kettle.

Also this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kar%C3%A1nsebes

>>2525207
It's in my Florida history notes I'd have to look it up back home.

>>2523665
Fucking hell, that's awful.

>>2523685
Holy fucking shit you sound like the kind of person who would barge in on kids telling ghost stories and tell them that jesus would whip them all to death for their blasphemy.

>>2525147
>mi5 did not take this wonderful man
We have failed as a nation.

>>2523917
>Cumanus
And there we have it! Justinianus (just in i anus = right into the anus in swedish) just got dethroned as the funniest roman name.

>>2523919
Being this retarded.

>>2524274
>and whatever the hell I want to talk about

>>2524328
Kek

>>2525022
Can only speak for sweden but up untill and including my grandmothers generation (she was young during WWII) we swedes learned german as a second language. It was not untill after WWII that that switched to english.

>>2523649
Italy's entire military history.

>>2525867
Wut?

>>2525914
Yeah, the samnite wars were a laugh riot

Battle of the Crater

>Union digs mining tunnel towards Confederate forces
>Create massive explosion
>Untrained soldiers instead of specially-trained troops lead assault
>Untrained soldiers think it's good idea to take cover in crater and wait
>Confederates aim artillery into the crater

>>2525078
Colouring the whole Estonia orange is a bit misleading.

Only the youth of Tallinn uses English extensively. They use a lot of loanwords from English, and they use it a lot. The rest of the country doesn't use English at all and nobody really knows it.

This applies for the other cities like Tartu aswell.

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Deep in the bunker, Hilter debating with himself, whether he should have a second piece of wedding cake before blowing his new bride's brains out.

my sides
everytime

>>2526121
That's not in the bunker though. Judging by the lighting, furniture, and the fact that Hitler doesn't look all JUST, that's in the Eagle's Nest

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>>2523649
The life of this absolute madman.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Pujol_Garc%C3%ADa

>>2525918
A destroyer hit a mine and some of the Americans and Canadians shot each other.

>>2523729
Delete this

>>2525022
>for the whole 19th century
Probably since 1815

>>2525832
Noone can read that shit

>Cold War
>USA and Russia try to be friends for once and help each other's fur businesses
>Trading 4 Russian Sables for 4 American Minks
>USA hands over 2 males and 2 female minks, enough to make a bloodline and start a business.
>Russians give USA 4 males, all of them neutered

What a bunch of jokers!

The Russian Baltic fleet in the Russo-Japanese war

>>2526388
>Lethal banter 2: This time it's personal

>>2523808
>>2525207
>>2525862
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narv%C3%A1ez_expedition

EIGHT FUCKING YEARS of wandering about. A crew of 300 reduced to 4 by the end. In the process, they became the first Europeans to see the Mississippi and cross Texas. They went through shipwrecks, native attacks, starvation, disease, and enslavement along the way.

It was always easy to remember from Florida history classes for me because the famous one of the 4 survivors had a name that was literally "Head of Cow"

>>2525147
came here to post this, dude was a ruse master and he did it for shits and giggles

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>>2525899
>(just in i anus = right into the anus in swedish)
Haha, made me kek.

>>2525078
I thought China required the learning of English in elementary schools

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>>2523917
>cumanius
>>2525899
>(just in i anus = right into the anus in swedish)

From Grant's memoirs:

>"Mr. Davis had an exalted opinion of his own military genius, and thought he saw a chance of “killing two birds with one stone." On several occasions during the war he came to the relief of the Union army by means of his SUPERIOR MILITARY GENIUS."

[capitalization was his]

>>2526377
Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shallt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
Or Wikipedia puts it

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Have you ever accidentally captured Belgrade?

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That little fucker.

> Pu Yi is the last Mandchoue emperor and even tough his title is merely symbolic, the guy still retains a fair deal of riches and privileges on the condition he stays in the imperial castle.
> It's 1920 something. Yuan Shikai got rekt, Pu Yi got placed as the head of China (for the second time) for a few weeks before being gently deposited again.
> Pu Yi is mad. Pu Yi wants what's rightfully his.
> Pu Yi is saddened by the state of China and is frustrated that he is confined to the imperial palace.
> Pu Yi is 14 years old (or so) when he learns what the fuck is a telephone.
> He is amazed by it and he immediately demands that a telephone is installed in the palace.
> The eunuchs are really hesitant. They fear that Pu Yi might use it to build contacts outside the palace.
> Even worse, the emperor might learn about that mad new ideology that all the cool kids are talking about : communism.
> They can't have that. If Pu Yi gets a telephone, who knows what is he gonna and how it will affect the fine people of China. And them. Mostly them.
> What if the government decides that Pu Yi poses as a threat? What if they decides to raze the imperial palace? What if they decided to shoot every eunuch and get finally get rid of the imperial lineage?
> They can't have that. Pu Yi cannot get the telephone.
> But that little cunt keeps persisting and throwing fit. Menacing the eunuchs with threats if he doesn't get his telephone.
> They finally relent. Pu Yi will get his telephone.
> After weeks of planning and preparation, the god damned telephone is installed.
> Pu Yi is ecstatic. He cannot wait to try his telephone.
> Pu Yi orders everyone to leave him alone for a few minutes with his new toy.
> He proceeds to spend the afternoon prank calling restaurants and famous authors.

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>>2523649

The election of Donald John Trump.

>>2524328
Not to mention the British killed over 500 zanzibarians and only 1 brit got wounded in the process

EVERYONE IGNORING SHOPENHAVRS CLASS IN ORDER TO SEE HEGEL INSTEAD

>>2525881

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Pujol_Garc%C3%ADa#Work_with_MI5

>>2527776
> le ebic drumpf memeeeess

>>2527776

2nd

>>2523685
>He was so delusional, he thought he could dethrone God.
Yet another "Christian" who knows nothing about his own mythology, much less history, apparently.

>>2523685
You mean the story that the Christians copied from the Zoroastrians? Plagiarism is a crazy thing ;)

>>2527817
he's a b8poster m8, been around since the start but he still gets people

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kar%C3%A1nsebes

>>2527854
Wasn't there something like this happening in WW2? American soldiers invaded an island with no one living there and people died to mines and god knows what.

>>2523649
that fashion model who played pretender to the throne for his patron to overthrow henry vii, but who lost and as punishment had to work in the king's kitchen the rest of his life.

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There's always this one...

...Essentially, defeat by mad gypsy booze.

>>2527909
>>2527854
Damn, beat me to it.

>>2527887
Canadians and Americans failed to coordinate and ended up shooting at each other when they met coming from different sides of an abandoned Japanese island.

...Bad, but not quite as embarrassing - and there's certainly been worse incidents of friendly fire even when both sides were under the same command.

For instance, there was that time during the Panama invasion where the US Army had to find a payphone to call the Pentagon, and tell the US Navy to stop shelling them.

(Good thing we had that rehearsal to work out the communication bugs before we hit Iraq with cruise missiles flying about.)

>>2527896
woops i'm mixing the two pretenders up

>>2523685
lol

>>2523690
(X) Doubt

>>2525052
It's still a relatively big gun. It's not like they sunk it with old timey cannons

>>2525207
I think it's La relación of Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca

>>2527949
>Aleutians
>Japanese island

>>2526388
Oh yeah, that one was funny. Wonder if the Sultan ever actually heard that letter.

>>2525868
he deserved it

trust me

When the Mongols demanded birds and cats from cities they were attacking, and then lit the animals on fire and launched them into the city.

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>>2525147

Problem?

>>2523652
/thred

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This entire fucking thing:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogger_Bank_incident

>>2527704
>> He proceeds to spend the afternoon prank calling restaurants and famous authors.
holy shit what a legend

>>2525867
What the fuck were we doing?!?

>>2528948
>When the Mongols demanded birds and cats from cities they were attacking, and then lit the animals on fire and launched them into the city.
does that actually work?

When a young Roman was kidnapped by pirates and told them he would crucify them after he was released. The pirates just laughed and didn't took him serious. When they collected the ransom and let him go, the young man rises a small army, sails back to the pirate's location and eventually crucifies all of them. He was Julius fucking Caesar of course.

>>2529271
Most of the dead were when an American destroyer hit a mine. Embarrassing, but not as bad as it sounds.

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>>2529294
Why was Caesar so tsun?

>>2527822
>copied
You don't understand Christianity, go back to /b/ for a bit.

>>2529294
>acts like a dick to some friendly pirates just trying to make a living
>gets stabbed in the senate by his best friends who got tried of his arrogance
really makes u think

>>2525051
Wasn't the finishing blow delivered by some Italian torpedo launchers installed in the 1890s?

Hitler getting annoyed at Franco

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the Paraguayan war

>>2524763
Yes I'm sure the US is the cause, not the largest empire in history. Nope, English isn't spoken in massively populated countries like India because of Americans, not the former colonial power. Nope. In fact, English originated in America, and only came to England thanks to a certain black genius American who developed a time machine 150 years in the future and brought it to the savages. The savages, of course, butchered the language and it has taken over a millennium for it to even resemble the glorious language it will be. By the way, the African American genius that brought English to your savage ancestors came from Africa and brought English to America from Africa. The languages commonly associated with Africa were actually brought by a savage that stowed-away in the time machine, while the certain genius was journeying back to his ancestral motherland to tell them of his feats. Upon arrival there, he realized that his own time machines were terribly inferior to his own, and left it behind and borrowed one of theirs. The savage then forced his own language upon Africa, and promptly went to every other continent to force it upon every other English speaking people (English is -the- original language). Each one of them spoke their own gorgeous dialect of English, which was tainted by a savage tongue. Over time, they have slowly regained that ancient knowledge, only for the horrible British empire to impose their own disgusting perversion of English on the natives. American English is second only to African English in its beauty, precision, and complexity.

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>>2524032

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>>2529378

>>2529234
Where's that screencap detailing the odyssey of the Russian fleet as it circles all of Eurasia to get promptly BTFO by the Japanese? It's probably the greatest of /his/.

>>2529294
when the pirates were debating on the ransom amount, Caesar told them to stop being bunch of fucking pussies and to do it properly by increasing the ransom amount of silver talents

>>2529294
sounds like a douchebag desu

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>In 1979, Ausonius became a Swedish citizen. He had a strong hatred for immigrants and foreigners. These beliefs led him to start looking for immigrant criminals to kill. Eventually, he tired of this and decided to simply kill any immigrant. This, he hoped, would scare all immigrants out of Sweden.
>3 August 1991: Ausonius shot David Gebremariam, a 21-year-old immigrant from Eritrea. Gebremariam was shot in the back, but survived.
>21 October 1991: Shahram Khosravi, a 25-year-old student of Iranian origin, was shot in the face outside the Stockholm University. Khosravi survived the attack.
>27 October 1991: Dimitrios Karamalegos, a homeless man of Greek origin, was shot twice in the stomach. Although wounded, he survived.
>1 November 1991: During the middle of the day, Ausonius walked into a restaurant kitchen in Stockholm and shot Heberson Vieira Da Costa, a musician from Brazil. Da Costa was shot once in the head and several times in the stomach. Despite these injuries, Da Costa survived.
>22 January 1992: In Uppsala, Ausonius walked up to a couple in a café outside the Linnaeus Garden, and shot Erik Bongcam-Rudloff, a Ph.D. student in medical sciences, in the head. Bongcam-Rudloff survived, and is now a scientist representing Sweden in several international scientific networks
>23 January 1992: Having returned to Stockholm, Ausonius shot Charles Dhlakama, a black bus driver originally from Zimbabwe, in the middle of the day. Dhlakama was shot in the chest but survived. That evening, Ausonius walked into a Somali club and shot two men, both of whom survived.
>28 January 1992: Ausonius shot Isa Aybar, an immigrant of Turkish origin, four times in the head and arm. Aybar was seriously wounded, but managed to call the police and survived.
>30 January 1992: In Hägerstensåsen, Ausonius shot Hasan Zatara, a Palestinian store owner, in the head paralyzing, but not killing him.

>>2529434
why is the eternal swede so cucked

>>2529434
how does anyone fuck up this many times

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>>2529434
>Ausonius has applied to have his life sentence commuted to a fixed term on three occasions, in 2008, 2010, and 2012. The court has rejected his application on all occasions. On 2 November 2012, his third appeal was rejected by the Örebro District Court. On all three occasions the National Board of Forensic Medicine determined that there was a risk that Ausonius would reoffend due to his autism and personality disorder, which the court took into consideration when making its decision.

>>On all three occasions the National Board of Forensic Medicine determined that there was a risk that Ausonius would reoffend due to his autism

>>2529567
Holy shit, that article sounds like it was written by /his/.

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>>2529567

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>>2529434
>Between 1981 and 1982, Ausonius served in the Swedish army and thus learnt how to use weapons. However, his personal weapons were of poor quality, very likely because Ausonius had modified them. He sawed off the barrel and the stock of his first rifle to make it shorter, and he fitted the Smith & Wesson revolver with a silencer. This modification may have been the key to his failures in killing most of his victims as it deviated the bullet's trajectory and consequently caused him to miss his victims. It was amateurishly done and damaged the weapon's performance.

Holy shit was this guy was retarded.

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>>2529632

>>2527084
They should make a movie out of this.

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>>2529587
>silencer on a revolver

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>>2529381
It's from /k/.

Anytime the Italians try to fight a war.

>Portugal, 14th century
>there is a battle going on in Aljubarrota between the Portuguese kingdom and the crown of Castil
>there is this ugly, bulky baker called Brites de Almeida casually walking to her stone oven near the battle location
>there are seven castilene hiding inside the oven
>rage.jpg
>Brites kills all seven of them with her wooden peel

it's just a legend anyways

>>2529632
nice blog post

>>2525078
English is the language of world business.

>>2525022
USA is quarter of the world economy so everyone wants to learn it today

>>2526135
Its a joke

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>>2523652
we're talking about documented history

>>2529374
The reason ppl continue to learn it today in places like China is because of America being the center of the world economy.

>>2530128
>Castillians hiding in an even
they were prolly just gettin baked bro
*takes bong rip*

>>2527854
>>2527909

Isn't there a really big chance this actually didn't happen? I mean there's only one source on the page and it is filled with [citation needed] and [dubious-discuss].

I mean the first time I read about this battle there was nothing about Gypsy booze in it.

>>2529898
They exist wise guy

>>2529440
He is an swiss. He is such a fuckup that it is hilarious.

>>2523652

tru

>>2530339
They only work for certain revolvers though.

>>2523685
lollercopterzwut
history, dude. not fuction.

>>2530297
SNAP
N
A
P

>>2530231
Fuck off whitey

Wasn't there some irish monk turned bantmaster that called a king a drunk to his face?

>>2530231
>ppl
Neck yourself

>>2523695
>>2523737
>>2525872
>>2525872
>atheists on /his/
I like how you can count them now on one hand, little petulant children.

We have killed the pagans, /his/, now we move on to converting the Christians to the real religion: Islam

>>2530778
There was some Irish king who shocked mainlanders by partying with some Spanish peasant all night instead of the European royalty he was supposed to mingle with

>>2530794
allahu ackbar

Ash-hadu an laa ilaaha illallah

“I bear witness that there is no god except Allah”

Wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan rasulullah

“And I bear witness that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah.”

>>2530931
Move forward brother. Straight on, no veering.

>>2530542
The fucked up nature of this guy's shooting leads me to believe he did something completely awful to that can rather than simply a revolver problem.

>>2530794
>Having more than 5 fingers
And they say there's no link between religion and inbreeding

>>2524763
What is British Empire?

>>2525903
Yes, humanities

>>2530986
Ah yes, I remember all those great films and rock albums which came out of the scramble for Rhodesia

>>2525078
french was the lingual franca until the end of ww2 you massive fagit

if Britain's position as a global colonial power was such a big deal then why weren't people using it to sign treaties in the 1800s?

>implying shitholes in africa matter to international business

idiot.

>>2525907
Yeah but there are some nations in the world who don't bend over for whoever's powerful right at the moment

>>2523649

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kar%C3%A1nsebes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUEWymjtXm8

>>2531007
Then why was the single most important document of the 1800s, the United States Constitution, written in English? The French didn't have anything to do with that.

>>2531053
>U.S. Constitution
>Drafted in the 1800s

Bruh.

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>>2531065
>1800
whoops, i read that too and didnt even flinch
;_;
my subconscious knew, though.

>>2530998
wait, wat? i dont get it

>>2531053
you dun fucked up now

>>2531042
intrdasting.

>>2531102
Continental Europe and Latin America only learnt English as their second language due to the impact of American movies and music

And yes, I know the Beatles were British. But rock and roll was American

When the whole Chinese army surrendered to Portugal because of a black man.

>>2531115
You're delusional

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>>2525043
never heard this
looked it up
love it so much
thank u

>>2531115
The whole world knows some english because of DIE HARD and movies like ALIENS.

>>2531138
Not him but as a Latin American myself, I can confirm that We only started giving a fuck about English after WW2.

Educated people learned French as a second language before that.

>>2531155
That's not rock music though you dope.

>>2531158
You weren't specific enough, you dimwit.

>>2531155
Agreed. French was definitely the language of diplomacy in my world until maybe the nineties. German was the language for science as so much research is published in German

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>>2523649
In my personal history?
oh, so many
most of my exs, to start

>>2523652
25 years rule

op is clearly not half that

>>2531133
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baishaling_Incident

>>2527084
Oh shit, that was Cabeza de Vaca? We learned a little bit about him in Texas history, though it's been so long I don't remember much.

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What type of soup was it?

Recently I chuckled reading how latins invaded constantinople during thr crusades instead of actually crusading. The crusades were kinda pathetic desu

If the Children's crusade aren't a myth, then probably that.

The fact that the First World War was literally started because the Architect of the Apocalypse had autism.

http://nationalinterest.org/feature/the-scandalous-love-affair-started-world-war-i-10646

>Despite Virginia’s marriage, a few days after the dinner Conrad appeared at her residence declaring his love: “I am namelessly in love with you and want you to become my wife!” She rejected him. After the rebuff, in a letter he sent from Berlin, he threatened to resign his army post: “If I don’t know where I stand with you, I shall resign my position, and you will never see me again!”

>In the midst of the slaughter in Central Europe, a love-crazed and heartbroken Conrad, branded the ‘architect of the apocalypse’ by one biographer, still managed to compose one letter a day, often two or three, to his inamorata; between 1907 and 1915 he would end up composing more than 3,000 letters to her—some more than sixty pages in length.

>Among those who fell was Hoetzendorf’s favorite son, Herbert, who was killed near Lviv in modern-day Ukraine in a botched battle planned by his father. A year later, in a letter to Virginia von Reininghaus, Conrad is still overcome by grief: “Erwin (his other son) and I can still not talk about Herbert because our words are suffocating in tears!” At the end of the letter, however, he reverts to his dearest subject—his longing for Virginia: “Could I just be with you! I am not well, our separation . . . farewell for today, be hotly and intimately kissed! Yours, Franz.” A few weeks later in 1915, in a conversation with a fellow officer, Conrad exclaimed in complete despair: “If this woman is not finally making a decision whether to become my wife, I am not sure what will become of me!”

>>2523729
not chill man

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>>2524321
FEELSGOOD

In 1942 in Vichy France they decided to celebrate labor day in Madagascar by work.
Labor in Madagascar was forced labor for a large part.
They essentially celebrated Labor Day by slavery.

But the real funniest moment was the newspaper reaction to the Sepoy Mutiny in the US by the Irish, the Abolitionists, and the slave-owners.
Naturally, none of these people gave a fuck about the Indians (I wouldn't either), and were all interested in promoting their objectives. The Irish wanted to be seen as white and American, the abolitionists wanted to minimize propaganda fallout against the British Empire since the UK was a prominent anti-slavery force, and the southern plantation owners wanted to use it as a propaganda coup against the UK for the after-mentioned reason.
The result was that the Irish, who had fled from British colonial domination and tyranny, supported in their newspapers the British repression of an anti-colonial rebellion.
Meanwhile the abolitionists, formally supposed to be about the freeing of the colored man, supported the British atrocities and violence committed against the colored Indians.
And the white plantation owners, terrified about slave revolts in their own lands, voiced cautious support to the uprising of the non-white Indians against their white masters, to stick it to the UK.
Politics makes strange bedfellows.

>France, 1789
>people say that in the countryside there are some brigands who attack villages
>huge bullshit
>poor frogeater became scared
>nonetouchingmyland.jpg
>plebians buy weapons
>nothinghappen.gif
>oh shiet, whaddup?!
>start assaulting rich people proprierty cuz proletarian waz niggerslaves and shiet burining archives and documentation about land

And this is the greatest cause of french revolution, France was like 80% countryside and political affaires happening in Paris was something totally trivial for them.
>french revolution was more about some idiot plebeians who believed in some inexistent brigands than bourgesois affaires

(pardon for my bad english)

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>>2524763
Um try again sweetie

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>>2529434
>>2529567
>>2529587
Sounds like he would browse on /pol/ given a chance

>>2532466
Source? How were those rumors spread? Freemasons, perhaps?

>>2529283
they tied embers to the animals and let them loose to return to there nests/homes. jupp it worked

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>>2529365
>With an estimated 400,000 deaths, the war was the deadliest and bloodiest in Latin America's history.[7] It particularly devastated Paraguay, which suffered catastrophic losses in population – almost 70% of its adult male population died, according to some counts – and was forced to cede territory to Argentina and Brazil. According to some estimates, Paraguay's pre-war population of 525,000 was reduced to 221,000, of which only 28,000 were men.[8]

>>2529357
Literally original Whitehead torpedoes. AKA the first torpedo as we know it today.

>>2533264
They must've been swimming in poon

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Remember when King Charlie snuck out of England by pretending to be a peasant and then came back and took over a couple years later effectively uncucking his whole family and then spent the rest of his life partying like a madman. Good Times

Someone post that fucking destroyer that constantly screwed up everything it tried to do

That time where Hitler got his fee-fee's hurt by the Danish king during WW2.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telegram_Crisis

>>2527057
>>2528582

Unfortunately my understanding is that such an event never actually occurred.

any failed rebellion on the part of the scots really

2014 was also nice

>>2531053

this is worse than when I saw a Canadian writing about the norman invasion of the 1100s

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>>2523695
>>2523915
>>2525872
>>2527817
>>2527822
>>2527993
>>2530596

>>2523685
Santa Claus is more righteous than God.

2016 Presidential election

When jesus died on the cross...

>>2529587
Literally a fedora

>>2524037
That's just a regular day in Scotto

>>2525128

Evil yankees, they could have given them a few shells and clap at the salute. The age of chivalry was truly gone.

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>>2525867
DELET THIS

>>2527571
Laughing my ass O'

>>2527571
Cuckfederates BTFO

>>2527704
THE ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>>2523917
>Cumanus

I really, really like this name. What a waste of Bible he wasn't administrating Judea 15 years earlier.

>>2530801
Sounds based asf, 2bh

>>2527084
>>2529845
>The Moor's Account, a 2014 novel by Laila Lalami, is a fictional memoir of Estebanico, the Moroccan slave who survived the Narváez expedition and accompanied Cabeza de Vaca. He is known as the first black explorer of America. Lalami explains that nothing is known about him except for one line in Cabeza de Vaca's chronicle: "The fourth [survivor] is Estevanico, an Arab Negro from Azamor."[10] It was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize in fiction.

sounds right up hollywood's alley

>>2523685
best goy

>>2525867
>Japan: not present in the area

Okay i kekd

>>2525935
Like shooting confederates in a crater

>>2526286
Love this guy. What amazing nerves he had.

>>2527704
14 year olds right?

>>2527854
It seems unplausable that THAT many died. Still its pretty funny.

>>2534017
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telegram_Crisis
kek. that autism

>>2529434
how did the police not catch this idiot

>>2529567
Weaponised autism

>>2524032
Fucking this. Goddamn aussies.

>>2532074
>Said the same man who threw a bitchfit when all the members of the Whiskey Rebellion weren't hanged

>>2525147

>Sub sub fictional agent get a pension

Rofl

>>2523649
I have a feeling that the European immigration chaos right now will loke like the histories greatest joke in the future. The Swedes and the bearded immigration children

>>2530794
>Annoy people until they start ignoring me
>Calls it a victory
Wew lad

>>2529434
>9 millimetre

>>2535545
It's literally German invasion of Rome 2.0

>>2532004
>The fact that the First World War was literally started because the Architect of the Apocalypse had autism.
That article doesn't say that.

>>2525868
I don't remember much, but he was easily the biggest fucking tool in the revolution.

>>2525832
Then you lost the Falklands war

>>2526121
srsly who still believes that shit? this is such a lame hollywood ending, only kids buy that.

>>2533264
There is a reason of why their women are considered the easiest sluts of latin america, they are literal semen demons.

t. argentinean (would do it again)

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That time the Italians thought they were being sneaky about their defection to the Allies, only for the Germans to introduce the Pride of the Italian Navy Roma to smart bombs

>>2533306
Iirc this was the same scene in the norwegian movie the king's choice

>>2534014
don't insult willie d

she did her best

Hess flying to the UK to help end the war between Britain and Germany. Ends up crashing and being imprisoned for the rest of his life.

>>2529434
>Swedish firearms

>>2525051
Despite their strategic successes, the Germans sometimes managed to fuck up royally during the the blitzkrieg invasions:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Mokra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonne
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_for_The_Hague

Requesting the story of the russian navy during the Russo-Japanese war.

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>>2537939

>>2525147
this man was savvy as fuck
>hey, those fucks won't make me an spy
>I know, I will become a spy for the Germans so that they ask for my services!
>But I don't really want to do bad shit... oh well, let's wait they're stupid enough to believe me

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>>2538303
That reminds me

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>>2525147
>"As Arabel, Pujol was, on 29 July 1944, awarded the Iron Cross Second Class for his services to the German war effort. The award was normally reserved for front-line fighting men and required Hitler's personal authorisation. The Iron Cross was presented via radio, and he received the physical medal from one of his German handlers after the war had ended."

>"As GARBO, he received a MBE from King George VI, on 25 November 1944. The Nazis never realized they had been fooled, and thus Pujol earned the distinction of being one of the few – if not the only – to receive decorations from both sides during World War II."

>>2535539
>He made the germans spend 340,000 USD on his wild goose chase including pensions to sub agent families that didn't even exist

This guy might just be my fucking hero

>>2525051
Based Norway

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>>2523649
Your 1RM

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>>2539249
Rippletits pls go

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>>2539249

t. Jeff Siad

>>2525051

No sailor but a fool challenges prepared coast artillery positions (see: forcing the Dardanelles).

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>>2535252
>

>>2525935

>AND AM, I BORN TO DIE?

>>2527571

>tfw when Grant was "tactical genius" meme-ing 150 years before /tg/

>>2529391

this right here is the best part

The fall of Belgrade during WW2:

Translated text:

In advance of the Wehrmacht in Yugoslavia during the so-called. Yugoslav operation Fritz Klingenberg with one of his platoon commander, two sergeants and five privates crosses the river. Once found himself on the right coast, Klingenberg sent two of his squad back and continue with the remaining six to the city center.

Encountering on two trucks and a bus with 20 Yugoslav soldiers. In the ensuing firefight all Yugoslavs are transmitted and loaded the prisoners and other retractable wounded returning from the battle line, the Germans freely enter in Belgrade, pausing in the center. Shortly after 5 pm on April 12, 1941 Klingenberg ordered Sergeant Hans Hossfelder to raise the banner of the Third Reich in place of the flag of Yugoslavia. After this symbolic act the mayor of Belgrade, ceremonially dressed transmitted to Klingenberg keys to the city and offers talks on surrender. Klingenberg tells him that his squad is the vanguard of several tank divisions SS, and if he did not connect the radio and did not provide information Luftwaffe will continue to bomb Belgrade, followed by shelling and infantry and tank attack.

Klingenberg associated with the commander of the division and tells him to control the situation in Belgrade along with several Marines. Command of the division and the German High Command at first did not believe him. Some even suspect deceit and betrayal on his part to put the Wehrmacht trapped. There is even a proposal Klingenberg be executed for fraud and treason. Eventually, after two days Exchange radiocommunications Division Commander Paul Hausser goes with security personally verify the claims of Klingenberg. [2]

For the conquest of Belgrade Fritz Klingenberg was awarded personally by the Führer with Knight Iron Cross. During the broadcasts OKW's Klingenberg reported that almost all the officer corps in Belgrade declared as not Serbian, but mainly as a Bulgarian

>>2536944
>wrecks her sister ship leaving port
>nearly kills the president
>blows up the base commandant's garden with a 5-incher
>gets killed by a kamikaze that missed

>>2524037
source?

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The fact that people took this guy seriously.

>>2530998
>muh rhodesia

Vietnam war
>be US
>most powerfull country in the world
>can't beat a 3rd world country

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>>2541936
>this meme again

>>2541697
Dont cut yourself on that edge boy

>>2542665
Communism is edgier than anything he stated, leftyshill.

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Charles I and the Duke of Buckingham were pretty funny
>want Charles to marry Maria Anna of Spain
>go on secret mission to get her to fall in love with him
>act like complete asses
>Spaniards only agree to marriage on ton of pro-Catholic conditions
>come back empty-handed
>James I dies and Charles is king and decides to go to war with Spain
>ally with Dutch and send fleet to raid Spanish towns and treasure ships coming from Americas
>storm fucks up poorly supplied fleet
>land outside of Cadiz to attack
>oh shit Cadiz is way too heavily guarded to attack
>English captains don't want to harm their ships
>leave most fighting to Dutch
>have no food and or water
>Wait outside Cadiz getting drunk and sick and doing nothing
>fleet comes back drunk and stupid and empty-handed
>Buckingham later gets impeached in part due to not supplying the ships

>>2537709
>be high-ranking Nazi
>Nazis are bombing Britain
>hijack plane
>fly to Britain
>don't bomb it
>instead crash land in some farmer's field
>ask to be taken to the UK's leader
>once there immediately demand that the UK surrender

ABSOLUTE MADMAN.

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>>2542738
off course the dutch had to do the dirty work.

The end of the Kingdom of Greece.

>>2523649
Tojo being such a failure he couldn't even an hero properly.

>>2523736
where da white wimmin at

>>2542670
Good argument
Mong

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>>2533264
>ywn have the opportunity and obligation to repopulate your nation by taking a harem

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>>2529434
>>2529567
>>2529587

when America entered WW1, the Germans got so assblasted by the use of shotguns, they petitioned to have them declared in humane, and threatens death on any soldier caught with one.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winchester_Model_1897

>>2525867
28:4 Canadian K/d ratio lel

>>2527949
>find payphone
>no one has exact change

>Ctrl+F
>Bucket
>no posts citing the glorious War of The Bucket
Shame on you /his/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_the_Bucket

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>>2523685
>It's another Christian troll post
>9 replies
>mfw

>>2546791
>10 replies
>mfw

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaco_War

>It was the bloodiest military conflict fought in South America during the 20th century, between two of its poorest countries, both having previously lost territory to neighbors in 19th-century wars.

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>>2529434
/k/ in a nutshell

>>2546791
Not troll, just historical facts.

>Caesar gets captured by Cilician pirates
>jokes he's going to crucify them all
>walks around on their ship like he owns the place
>laughs when they say how much they want as ransom and offers thrice the amount
>gets freed
>rounds up a governor's troops and crucifies every single one of the pirates

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axe_murder_incident

>Several of the special forces men also had claymore mines strapped to their chests with the firing mechanism in their hands, and were shouting at the North Koreans to cross the bridge.[14][15]

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When Americas worst founding father murdered one of its best

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The History of the plane in pic related
>Be PZL building airplanes for the PR Poland and the WarPac
>USSR asks us to build them a bi-plane jet crop duster
>whatareyousmoking.jpg
>USSR says it's for their Ministry of Agriculture
>they want 3,000 planes built
>goddamit
>build them 173 planes
>plane's top speed is 130mph
>we Poles call it the Belphegor because it's so damn noisy.

>>2530201
This, and so long as the USD is the world's reserve currency, it always will be.

File: Helder_Morel-Fatio.jpg (92KB, 900x538px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 900x538px

French hussar regiment captures dutch fleet.

>>2525401
this is the most underrated shit

That time Saddam Hussein thought he had the US's permission to invade Kuwait then was utterly baffled when the US retaliated.

>Be April Glaspie, US Ambassador to Iraq
>Iraq deploying 100,000 troops to Kuwait border, you ask about it.
>Tell Iraqi ambassador more or less "The US doesn't really give a shit about Iraq-Kuwait relations."
>Tell Hussein the US won't start an "economic war against Iraq".
>Hussein takes all of this as a go-ahead to invade Kuwait
>Glaspie only said it all because she thought he wouldn't do it