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I never read the bible.
what am i missing?
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>>2401840
Dead Jew on a stick
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>>2401840
The correct way to live life, Plus an unequaled Library of books detailing the history of a people going back 5,000 years and what they believed during certain periods of those times.
For the student of History it's an unmissable read, not because it tells the historically accurate narrative of exactly what happened, but rather because it shows what a certain people thought over a period of about 5000 years.
Any self-proclaimed student of Rome simply must read the New Testament.
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>>2401858
So is it necessary to read the old testament which, if i understand correctly, is essentially the jewish bibbel?
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>>2401864
All that depends on what you're into. Myself I love ancient near Eastern history Sumerians, Babylonians, Assyrians, and all that, so the Old Testament was really an interesting read in that regard. It details several Wars against existing powers of the time, some of which have been actually corroborated by archaeological evidence which is fascinating.
Plus if you're a student of ancient near Eastern history and you read the Old Testament you can see where the Hebrews borrowed elements of existing Sumerian and Babylonian myth and Incorporated them into the Old Testament. The flood story appears all throughout the ancient near East for centuries before the Bible, Utnapishtim, the Sumerian old man who Gilgamesh speaks to about his immortality, has parallels to Noah as the last remaining Survivor of a worldwide flood.
The Yale University lectures on YouTube has a fascinating series by Professor Christine Hayes in which she goes over from beginning to end the history, hidden meanings, and origins of the Old Testament. I really should just checking it out it's a fascinating series.
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>>2401906
Not saying it's for everybody, it's an acquired taste.
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>>2401840
You're missing a shit ton of allusions in western art, some really fun history (highly mythologized history, but still fun), some legitimately good life advice if you sift through the crazy parts, and the amazing near East masterpiece philosophy that is Job.
And my favorite part, where, after being enslaved by a foreign king, a judge of Israel gets a private audience with the king, pulls out a hidden dagger, stabs the dude who's so fat it sinks into him, and the judge escapes out the back and the king's servants don't check on him because they think he's just taking a long time on the shitter.
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>>2401924
>jews backstabbing someone
not surprised desu
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>>2401924
>a judge of Israel...
so the jews literally stabbed someone in the back?
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>>2401941
Nope, in the front. In the fat, fat belly
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>>2401941
15 Again the Israelites cried out to the Lord, and he gave them a deliverer—Ehud, a left-handed man, the son of Gera the Benjamite. The Israelites sent him with tribute to Eglon king of Moab. 16 Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a cubit long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. 17 He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. 18 After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way those who had carried it. 19 But on reaching the stone images near Gilgal he himself went back to Eglon and said, “Your Majesty, I have a secret message for you.”
The king said to his attendants, “Leave us!” And they all left.
20 Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his palace and said, “I have a message from God for you.” As the king rose from his seat, 21 Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. 22 Even the handle sank in after the blade, and his bowels discharged. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. 23 Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.
24 After he had gone, the servants came and found the doors of the upper room locked. They said, “He must be relieving himself in the inner room of the palace.” 25 They waited to the point of embarrassment, but when he did not open the doors of the room, they took a key and unlocked them. There they saw their lord fallen to the floor, dead.
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>>2401959
pretty tight narrative and i like the prose.
i wonder if this was the basis for jabba da hut???
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>>2401962
At least read 1 and 2 Kings and Judges for cool history, almost game of thrones-y type shit. War, rape, backstabbing, rebelling princes, etc. Genesis has some cool things too.
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>>2401959
why
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>>2401981
which translation?
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>>2401994
To free the Israelites from the king's rule.
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>>2401924
Why do people love the story of Job so much? For most non-Christians it's a story about God letting a man loyal to him suffer horribly from easily preventable causes with no real explanation. It even treats family as something disposable, God literally just replaces his wife and kids with new ones at the end, and it's treated as all well and good. That's so fucked up.
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>>2402044
>For most non-Christians it's a story about God letting a man loyal to him suffer horribly from easily preventable causes with no real explanation. It even treats family as something disposable, God literally just replaces his wife and kids with new ones at the end, and it's treated as all well and good. That's so fucked up.
what is it to christians?
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>>2401840
>what am i missing?
salvation
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>>2402059
but what if i am illiterate?
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>>2402066
You better learn how to read or how to interpret the stained glass in your church if you want to get into heaven.
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>>2402053
I don't know what it is to Christians and Jews, obviously even with individual interpretations there is a cultural narrative of what a story means to a people, but in any case I can't see how it's sentiment makes people any closer to God or more faithful.
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>>2402078
but im poor and have neither the money nor the time to learn to read.. if only there was an organization that tried to help the poor rather than funneling the money they receive into more impressive buildings and private schools.
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>>2402044
It's about the mystery of suffering and how humans process it. It's likely not a Jewish story, but one brought in to the Jewish canon later on. I'm an atheist myself, but I like it because it preaents different approaches to suffering. The framework of Job's loss isn't really the meat of it. Him talking with his friends is a great look into how ancient cultures deal with loss and disaster. I like that it doesn't give a tidy answer to Job, it's a giant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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>>2402192
>¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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>>2402223
キタ━━━(゜∀゜)━━━ッ
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>>2402239
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
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>>2402097
>dont have money
Well then you got all the time in the world
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>>2401840
A really interesting look into the past, if you read it with the proper historical accompaniment.
Also, some of the books - like Job and Ecclesiastes - are legitimately very good.
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>>2402192
I hope you wake up in the middle of the night to take a piss and on your way to the bathroom it's dark and you step on a snail with your bare feet.
Oh yeah and that your house has a snail in it.
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>>2402341
You monster!
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>>2401843
FPBP
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>>2401840
Without supplementary material the only thing your missing is the new testament.
>inb4 protestants.
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>>2401892
>>2401916
>>2401906
>The Yale University lectures on YouTube has a fascinating series by Professor Christine Hayes in which she goes over from beginning to end the history, hidden meanings, and origins of the Old Testament.
A good starter on what many scholars believe about the origins of the OT though not all scholars would agree and some of her sources I couldn't trace. If you're only going to use it for arguments against a position it will be shot down easily by those who don't agree with some of the viewpoint, you have to be very knowledgeable about OT material and this isn't enough.
Definitely good if you want to understand the:
1.emergent theory of YHWH
2.Summary of JEPD hypothesis
3.Various hypothesis of Ancient Israelite religion
Read more books than just watching OT material.
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Eternal life.
It's the most important book in the universe, it tells you the origins of mankind and where we are headed.
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>>2402044
> God letting a man loyal to him suffer horribly from easily preventable causes with no real explanation.
In my opinion, there is a real explanation. God knows why, but I think an idea the author of Job was trying to convey was that it doesn't matter what God's reason is as we can't begin to comprehend God being the mortals we are. Basically, both good and bad come all ways to all people, accept it, and deal with it. Better yet, LEARN from it. Job was maybe the most righteous human in Biblical history, but he lacked Wisdom. God, in letting Satan torment Job, forced Job to reveal the very stuff he is made of.
I loved Job the moment I began to read it because I knew I was reading something very special. I was reading the HONEST pain, longing, and doubt of another human being. There was no mistake that Job is of the same clay I am, because the same feelings Job expresses I too have felt (albeit on a level not quiet as intense as Job), and I've asked the same questions.
There is an alternate translation of Job 42, where he regrets repenting and mourning. He doesn't retract his arguments in this translation, this leads to a very interesting and I think much deeper lesson. Despite Job displaying a clear lack of Wisdom and understanding when making his speeches about God, essentially sinning, he was true to HIS wisdom and understanding, which were pushed the absolute limits capable of a human. Job spoke the truth about what he honestly thought, having been touched by and spoken with God himself. Despite Jobs infinite ignorance, he managed, through the suffering imposed on him, to glean a little bit of Wisdom about creation, his place, and God.
There is a reason why people have dedicated years and lives to studying this one book, and still come up with different answers, opinions, and new insights over the millenniums. It deals with out relationship with Wisdom, suffering, and God.
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>>2401840
Better, before you read one, that you realize there are literally hundreds of thousands of different versions: especially you should be aware that parts were written by pedophile-preachers.
When you see complicated, confusing and nonsensical passages, they were the out-of-control preachers who couldn't understand "no, stop, don't assault God's children below the waist."
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>>2402014
King James or go home.
All other Bibles are for illiterate Africans.
Psalms, Song of Songs and lots of other parts, contain some Elder God tier poetry, the equal of Homer or Shakespeare. You have to read an adequate translation
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>>2402524
This is true, I found her reliance upon the JEPD a bit much, as the whole series is just working on the assumption. However when dealing with matters that occurred so long ago you really can't do much better than that anyway.
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>>2405299
> King James Version
> reading all those unnecessary thee's thous , shants, t'willints, and shit
Just read The New International Version. It's in plain English and cuts out all the fucking bullshit
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>>2401840
You're missing all of the knowledge contained in the only holy book on the planet; a book comprised of 66 books and letters written by about 40 men over a period of 1500 years telling the story of the world from its creation to its destruction, and the eventual destiny of mankind.
You're missing out on the 30% of the bible that is prophetic in nature, the only book where the prophecy is 100% true, each time, every time.
But most importantly you're missing out on finding out about Jesus, who made you, who lost you, and who decided that he'd rather die than live without you forever, so he did.
And then you're missing the single greatest event in the history of mankind.
The resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, and his offer to you, Anon, to live with him forever in heaven.
You're missing out on finding everything there is to know about the Love, Acceptance, Meaning and Purpose that God provides to all who ask him.
You're missing out on having a relationship with the living God.
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>>2402066
Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
It's better to hear God's word than to read it.
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>>2402044
Because Job was amazing.
Here you are with all modern conveniences for free at your fingertips, and you cannot figure out that God would have to send himself as mediator between God and Man should Man ever wish to petition the Lord.
Job reasoned that out, on his own.
Without having the Book of Job to help him, or any of the other books written later.
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>>2405369
>read The New International Version.
Never. It's evil. It conflates Jesus with satan, among other things.
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>>2405369
Neck yourself.
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>>2405416
>>2405429
>>2405442
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>>2405443
Ironic seems how the NIV doesn't contain the word of the Lord, just a degenerate perversion of it.
The King James Version with side notes on possible mistranslations is the definitive English Language version of the Bible.
My dad has a KJV Bible with footnotes that mention X word in ancient Hebrew may actually have been referring to Y. For instance the possibility of Elohim being plural. I think that is important to understanding the Bible. Some Bible with "hip new lingo" is blasphemous.
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>>2405593
It's not "hip new lingo" it's just plain English. Instead of thou they say you. thats it.
Or do ylu think it's more "holy" to read the Bible in an archaic form of English, that using those outdated words somehow brings you closer to the godhead or some shit?
If so you're mistaking the finger for the thing it's pointing to.
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>>2401840
Just the most influential book in western civilization. You can't fully grasp western history, literature or philosophy without having read it.
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>>2405674
>choosing ease over beauty
Do you even Christianity?
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The Wisdom literature is pretty fucking good, as is some of the poetry.
The rest is Ancient Semitic metaphysics, ethnic oral story telling, the occasional morality play, and then some commentary on all that stuff.
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A book on how to go to hell presented as a guide on going to heaven.
My advice: believe theres a god but follow no religion hoping to know the truth.
The true religion is gnostic, meaning you need to attain gnosis to enter heaven.
I know this because my god gave me gnosis.
Also from what I've seen theres spirit sex so steer away from the bible and similar texts.
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>>2405695
That doesn't even make sense.
The Christ cared nothing for beauty. He was simply trying to convey a message, as am I.
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>>2401840
A long boring and very dry read that is ten times less interesting then more popular fiction.
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>>2405720
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.
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>>2405739
>less interesting
Opinion discarded. A lot of the fables, stories and morality plays that appear in the Bible are the very foundation for our own Western cultural milieu
please excuse me, youd probably rather read about Master Chief shooting aliums or some stupid braindead weebshit
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>>2401924
I went to a Christian school as a kid... I got sent to the principal's office in like 3rd grade because I said that dude was my favorite Bible character.
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Stay away from the NIV. It is a satanic, perverted book that takes away 60,000 words and makes Jesus out to be the devil. One of the members who made the NIV was a homosexual aswell.
Read "New Age Bibles" by Gail Riplinger or look at this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHcf3E8qOqA
The Authorized Version (now known as the KJV) is the perfect, final, preserved Word of God in the English language. It was made diligently by scholars affluent in Greek and Hebrew, it took 7 years to complete. 7 is the number of perfection by the way. It was made during the time of Shakespeare, so it is also a beautiful work of literature.
There are 2 lines of manuscripts: the Greek majority text (known as the Textus Receptus) and the corrupt, gnostic text from Egypt which is where the Catholics and modern versions get their bibles from. Westcott and Hort, 2 guys who were heavily into the occult, are also behind the new bibles.
Stick to the true and tried King James Version.
Reading it does something to the soul.
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>>2405369
Wrong. The NIV is the work of the DEVIL!
seriously though. I don't like some of the changes in the latest(?) edition.
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>>2405774
>implying there is no middle ground between the bible and ridiculous modern sci fi fantasy.
The bible stories are older than dirt and done to death. Some parts of it are still interesting in that some tropes cannot die and conflict is always a bit interesting but it's dead horse, my dude.
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>>2405593
>For instance the possibility of Elohim being plural.
Elohim is a plural word. The hebrews add -im to make words plural. Cherub. Cherubim.
But the plural word Elohim is used in the singular sense. "Let us make man in our image."
So God made man in His image.
Plural, yet singular.
The trinity exposed from chapter 1.
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>>2405849
The living breathing Word of God, infinite in scope and depth and width, is anything but a dead horse.
There was a preacher in England in the 19th century that preached John 3:16 every single week for over a decade. When asked why, he said that as soon as his church fully understood the implications of John 3:16, he'd move on.
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>>2405792
King James was a homosexual plus he had sex with his own mother so don't give me that bull shit
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>>2405878
The word Elohim was used because of the time the Genesis was written the religion the Hebrews followed (which was to become Judaism eventually) was a polytheistic religion as were most near Eastern religions at the time. Really did use it to refer the singular God.
It's certainly no indication of the "trinity", a word which never appears in the Bible even once and it's simply just more Catholic retconning.
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>>2405849
If you say so, junior.
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>>2405892
>This magic thing is good because this autistic dude kept doing it!
lol why would you think this is impressive
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>>2405952
(you)
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>>2405966
wow a meme
another intellectual home run out of the park
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Here's all you need, op.
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>>2405983
leave 4chan
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>>2405347
> I found her reliance upon the JEPD a bit much.
Personally I find the JEPD wanting. You can follow the fragmentary hypothesis, the supplementary hypothesis or the JE combination hypothesis. I personally subscribe to the supplementary hypothesis instead of one author to a certain book and their redactors later on. Eventually the criteria that revolves around the JEPD is forcefully fine tuned or altered cause people against it can fine inconsistencies with their arguments.Anyone who uses the andersen-forbes syntax database (I personally do) can see the problems that the JEPD has.
> as the whole series is just working on the assumption
agree, many of the hypothesis and ideas are based on assumption to the text and also rely on presuppositions instead of focusing on Israelite theology as a unique view like others in the ANE (see Egypt). Read Mark S Smith's book on the History of God, it's amazing that so many critics of the OT will say that this is harden fact but Smith always leaves a possibility with things that can't be determined as true.
>However when dealing with matters that occurred so long ago you really can't do much better than that anyway.
True but there's been a huge shockwave in the last couple of years in OT scholarship. The changing tide in OT scholarship has never been more conservative than in any other time in the scholarly realm for OT material (surprisingly)! Minimalists are disappearing and rejected by both the new and old school of OT thought. The pre-exilic Israel is becoming more and more like what it is portrayed.
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>>2405792
>new bibles are exposed
>muh KJV can never be scrutinized
>no one will come along and tell me otherwise
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>>2401840
nothing. Bible and Quran both are shit
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>>2406661
In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
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>>2406335
> orthodox
> reading fanfiction
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>>2406661
>i have never read either one
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>>2406695
You are wrong.
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>>2405299
Gentle reminder that the KJV is great poetry but not-so-great translation and that reading other, more nuanced translations of the Bible is important.
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>>2406709
If so, then you are stupid.
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There's a book after Psalms, called Songs of Solomon, which features poetry that's meant to be set to harp and lyre music.
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>>2401840
First Book
>Entire universe is created in a week and then god needs to take a break
>God is a dick
>World population is recreated by repeated incest. Twice.
>On another occasion 2 girls get their dad drunk so they can fuck him and make babies, after they flee 2 cities nuked by god
>Entire world is flooded and dude survives with his family and 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL ON THE EARTH with a 510 ft boat
>One particular group is God's chosen, no one else allowed
>Signs a contract with chosen dudes saying that if they mutilate their dicks and then suck his dick they will get happiness forever in magic kingdon
>God lets that group rape and pillage their promised land
>But not before doing a whole bunch of witchcraftery on egyptians and moving an ocean
Sequel:
>Everyone is allowed in the club now
>God is not a dick
>God impregnates random lady with son/self aka cucks joseph
>Son/self travels around doing magic and telling boring anecdotes
>Gets persecuted by the evil empire
>Put on a wooden stick with some other dudes and a stormtrooper stabs him with a spear or something
>Dies
>Comes back tho
>Floats to sky
>The end
>Oh and there's going to be a massive fight between god and satan and a dragon and theres a lake of fire or something
>And then everything is good after that rendering this entire epoch of existence pointless
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>>2406666
Get behind me Satan. Orthodox by definition can not be fan-fiction.
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23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Mark 7:9-13 “And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)— then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.”
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>>2405389
Christianity is such a beautiful thing, why is it so deplored? Honestly, it's better than attaching yourself to some shitty ideology thought up by a dude in the 19th century
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>>2406756
p much all the psalms are meant to be put to music
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>>2407075
Music that touches the soul.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-AsVxTrgWk
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>>2401840
God was once the ultimate Chad and did metal shit like order the genocide of whole nations and basically told this one guy named Abraham to kill his own son and he was actually gonna do it the absolute mad man. He nuked and murdered two cities of faggots. He was also pulled the greatest pranks like convincing a whole nation of people its okay to chop half your dicks off and telling them they're His chosen people while they're getting murdered in vicious pogroms for being evil incarnate. He cucked low test betas like Joseph.
The sequel was very disappointing and many welcomed Islam, the third installment of the trilogy, as a return to traditional values and cool shit like polygamy and beheading infidels.
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>>2407164
You're subconsciously talking about the USA.
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>>2407170
God bless America friend
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>>2401840
>what am I missing?
Ecclesiastes.
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>>2406795
I'm 14 the post
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>>2407215
Job is objectively the best book although I'd have to say that Genesis is right behind it.
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