ITT: We poorly describe historical events, either through text

It's pronounced "Ching".

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>>2379316

The Bayeux Tapestry.

Also Chinky-Choos love opium.

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>>2379343

A city becomes famous because people get thrown out a window there.

>>2379352

Those Chinks sure do love their heroin.

Nothing like the panamian sun kissing my fair, celtic skin to brighten my OH SHIT

And...we're british.

The French think it would be hilarious to crown an austrian homosexual somewhere in the world

>four turks get killed in a chase
>the chase becomes the war

>electric boogaloo
>it's actually a peace treaty
>15th february

>>2379374
Defenestration of prague.

Hundred of thousands of latin speakers are killed because some special interest group failed to lobby the capitol to endorse it's expansion into asia (minor).

>>2379462
"Emperor" Maximilian "of Mexico"

A bunch of austrians and slavs get drunk and defeated by a turkish army without the turks ever firing a shot.

>>2380098
Marius coming to Rome while Sulla was away?

>>2380119
Battle of Karansebes

>>2380123
Nope, actually asiatic vespers, but I can see how that could be confusing.

A robot takes a trip to asia that didn't go so well, his wife leaves him for a turbo chad she met on the trip and takes half his kingdom as alimony.

>It's over, Vinston, I have the high ground.

>>2380156
Eleanor of Aquitaine?

>>2380131
Correct, the ((battle)) of karansebes.

Perfidious turco-nomads turn the tide in the battle between a very old civilization and a very new civilization.

>>2380174
Correct.

A man takes a trip to asia causing inflation wherever he goes.

>>2380184
>A man takes a trip to asia causing inflation wherever he goes.
Mansa Musa

A major world power loses a decisive battle to backwards barbarians in a foreign land who they think are beneath them

Nascar hooligans start a massive riot in the capital which turns into an attempted coup/revolution.

>>2381786
'nam

>>2381803
Nika Riots

>>2381805
Not the one I was thinking of

A drunk homosexual with mommy/daddy issues takes over most of the known world

>>2381786
Teutoberg?

>>2381820

Alexander the Great wasn't gay.

>>2379316
Horse salesmen won't allow customer to buy their whole stock. Mad customer sends two armies to buy them- by force.

>15th February
>Killing Turks
>Battles of Loznica, Mishara etc

>>2379423
Scottish colony of Darien

A bunch of fishermen attack a church, beginning the age of the fisherman

>>2381786
Ethiopia?

A man wants flags in a line across Africa.

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>For a Bucket

>>2382483
Cecil Rhodes

>>2380160
maximum kek

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>>2382025
>Alexander the great wasn't gay

>>2382933
Yep

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Cardinal decides that he hates protestants, but that he really hates the Habsburgs more.

>>2382432
Danish Vikings?

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Fuck the losers desu

>>2385142
Brennus

Man wants to enter a country.

Country says no.

Man says yes.

Country says yes.

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>>2385163
Exactly.

Local madman gathers all available manpower together and makes a B-line for the enemy capital, wins a crushing victory and ends up winning the war.

After overthrowing the 'Caesar' new leader declares his empire's allegiance to apocalyptic cult started by some dead Jewish guy.

>>2385204
The first crusade?

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>>2385209

FEDORAS OUT OUT OUT.

>>2385218

Its in that region, but wrong time period

some guy was all like "gib freedumbs" so he got exiled and came back and was exiled again and then came back and then was exiled again and then came back and was exiled again and then came back AGAIN and then after some time was once again exiled. the end.

>>2385224
Alexander's Conquests?

>>2385244

He is a Greek!

>>2385242

Napoleon.

Bunch of vikangzo-baguette mongrels invade a backwater shithole and turn it into a major european power

A powerful country intervenes in their weak southern neighbor in order to spread western ideology but other western countries gang up on them and support the other side.

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>>2385088
Richelieu's life.

>>2385165
Napoopan's return from exile.

>>2385165
Commodore Perry opens Japan

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>>2385252
>>2385204

You probably mean Heraclius

> mentally ill politician snaps and goes on a mass killing

> becomes treasured national figure

Charismatic foreign born nationalist leader goes on Jew-killing spree

>>2385295

Norman invasion of britain duh

>>2385311
Peninsular War

>>2385415
Way off but good guess!

>>2385311
Crimean war

>>2385456
Also incorrect but much closer!

>>2385204
Simon bolivars rush to Lima?

Bunch of lads hate royal family and absolutism win a few wars and set up an absolute dictatorship.

>>2385628
the formation of the soviet union?

>>2385165
Nazi invasion of France

>>2385334

CORRECT!

Old priest from some barbarian backwater unites over 60.000 peasants to liberate some retarted christian king in Egypt but ends up doing kasher kebab on the road there.

>>2385870
the people's crusade?

>>2385914
Sheperd's Crusade actually. Though both are absolutely similar when it comes to idiocy.

>>2385940
had not heard of that thanks. what king were they trying to rescue, Prester John?

>>2385967
Nay, they were trying to rescue good ol' Louis IX of France after his defeat during the Seventh Crusade.

God has another son, Jesus's little brother, he is a Chinaman.

>>2386208
That guy from the Taiping Heavenly Rebellion

A couple of guidos decide that their neighbors need a bit more salt in their diet.

>>2387000
Punic Wars and the destruction of Carthage.

>>2387014
Righty-ho

Spoiled bitch asks horse-fucker to marry him, he expects half the civilized world as a dowry.

A country rounds up and kills at least 100,000 men, women, and children in a purge. Americans take pictures but don't tell anybody. Nobody admits it happened for 40 years, under threat of arrest and torture.

>>2381786
Russo-Japanese war?

Muslims shoot up a wedding.
Religious war breaks out.
Muslims claim they wuz genocided.

>>2387031
The alleged "rape" of Naking

An autist shitposts on the door of a mega-autist group so they ban said autist

>>2388769
Mehmet getting perma banned from /his/?

>>2388769
Martin "the Destroyer of Europe" Luther

>>2379316
>autist serb shoots the archduke with the help of a furry angel thing
>the archduke is driving alone

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>>2390032

>>2385109
Yep

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>>2379316

There are fun to do sometimes.

Some guy claiming to be "Jesus Christ" was directly responsible for one of the bloodiest wars in human history.

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>>2392674

The Taiping Rebellion or Taiping Civil War (simplified Chinese: 太平天国运动; traditional Chinese: 太平天國運動; pinyin: Taìpíng Tīanguó Yùndòng, literally "Taiping Heavenly Kingdom Movement") was a massive rebellion or civil war in China that lasted from 1850 to 1864 fought between the established Manchu-led Qing dynasty and the millenarian[8][9] movement of the Heavenly Kingdom of Peace. The Taiping Rebellion began in the southern province of Guangxi when local officials launched a campaign of persecution against a millenarian[8][9] sect known as the God Worshipping Society led by Hong Xiuquan, who believed himself to be the younger brother of Jesus Christ.

some ugly guy adopts wide dude as pupil and nobody can seem to forget them

>>2385726
Well it could be. Just pointing all revolutions

>>2392740
is "wide" a typo for "white" here or is it referring to his physical size?