Mytilene Anon

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>>2350334
What the fuck did you just fucking say about the League, you little kuna? I’ll have you know I paid the most for my Hoplite equipment in my Demos, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids during the Persian war, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in opa warfare and I’m the top Taxiarhos in the entire Athenian army. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this cosmos, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me? Think again, kunops. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Aegean and your location is en route via Papyrus right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The Artemisium storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with pankration. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire hopla of the Athenian army and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Hellas, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the drachma, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, Mytilenean.

>>2351023
Alcibiades pls

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A takfiri zionist polytheist fire-worshipping professor and shiite mullah was teaching class on Ali, a known kuffar

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Ali (peace be upon him) and accept that he was the most holy being the world has ever known, even greater than Muhammad!”

At this moment, a brave, devout, Sunni islamist champion who had bombed 1500 Shia temples and understood the necessity of jihad and fully supported all military decisions made by Saudi Arabia stood up and held up a copy the Quran

”Who is the true defender of the faith, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Persianly and smugly replied “The Ayatollah, you stupid Sunni”

”Wrong. Muslims don't worship a flame and 12 false prophets. If your Ayatollah is, as you say, the defender of the faith… then he would be ruling Mecca and Medina by now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of The Avesta. He stormed out of the room crying those Iranian crocodile tears. The same tears Iranians cry for the “Shia” (who today live in such apostasy that they draw pictures of the prophet) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving Saudi royal family. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, Xerxes Khamenei, wished he had accepted the one true faith and become more than a jewish crusader puppet. He wished so much that his cult had legitimacy from the historical khilafa, but he himself had rejected it!

The students applauded and all destroyed false idols that day and accepted Muhammad (pbuh) as their prophet. An eagle named “Abu Bakr” flew into the room and perched atop the Saudi Arabian Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The Shahadah was recited several times, and Allah himself showed up and enacted a Zakat tax across the country

The professor lost his tenure and was beheaded the next day. His body was eaten by vultures which burst into flames and died as well

Allahu Akhbar

>>2351532
>The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of The Avesta.
Flawless

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>>2351532
Fucking kek

>>2351532
I had written a shia one where the Shia is opposing a Zoroastrian a week back I suppose. I wonder where it is.

An impious eristic sycophant orator and sophist was teaching a class in a Gymnasium on Socrates, a known advocator of the despotic rule of the 30 tyrants.

”Before my lecture begins, you must sacrifice and pour libations in prayer to Lycurgus, and accept he was the wisest and most virtuous lawgiver and statesman in all of Hellas--even better than Pericles!”
At this moment, a pious patriotic Athenian who was the champion of the people and had served the State on countless expeditions to liberate fellow Hellene cities from the despotic Persian and Lacedaemonian yoke and understood the necessity of upholding the laws and fully supported all military decision made by the Demos of the State, held up a parchment.

”How old are these laws, Sophist?”

The arrogant philosopher smirked quite sardonically and smugly replied, “Merely over hundred years, when that rabble-rouser Cleisthenes exploited the emotions of the hoi polloi when Hippias was benevolently removed by Cleomenes and the Spartans, you decadent slave."

”Wrong. For us Athenians, fathers of all Ionians--the true autochthonous people of Greece--have always been championed by Athena to be born natural freedmen and not as servile to some tyrant.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his parchment and copy of the Republic. He stormed out of the Gymnasium crying those sophist crocodile tears. The same tears oligarchs cry for the so-called “aristoi“ (who today live in such luxury that most own at least 500 slaves) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving ordinary city state citizens. There is no doubt that at this point our debauching teacher, Xenocrates, wished he had took up an education in some noble craft as his forefathers and become more than a sophist oligarch orator. He wished so much that he acquired hemlock to poison himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against such!

>>2354243

The Athenian citizens applauded and all registered for the new elections of the new magistrates that day and accepted Athenian democracy as their lord and savior. An owl named “Solon” flew into the room and perched atop the pillar were the laws were written and shed a tear on the wax. The laws were read several times, and Athena herself showed up and enacted the planning for the construction 50 triremes. The sophist lost his citizenship and was ostracized the next day. He died of the plague sent to him by Apollo and was tossed into the river Styx for all eternity.

The hero’s name? Thrasybulus.

Ps. Expand the Delian League

If Trump were anyone from that period, he'd be Alcibiades, not Nicias.

A Vandal magister with known Arian tendencies was holding a symposium in honour of Demophilus, a known schismatic.
"Before the toasts begin, you must get on your knees and worship God and accept that he was the most divine entity the ecumene has ever known, even greater than Christus whom he created!"

At this moment, a venerable Praepositus Limitis who had served on the frontiers for decades and understood the necessity of taming the Barbaricum and fully supported the creed promulgated by the Great Constantinus rose from his couch and held up a crucifix.

"Who does this represent?"

The Rhenian cur smirked quite devilishly and smugly replied "the created child of an indivisible God"

"You miss the point. Jesus Christ our Dominus is of the same substance as God and thus equal to God."

The heretic was visibly shaken, and dropped his wine krater and copy of Eusebius' Onomastikon. He stormed out of the banquet hall crying those laetus crocodile tears. The same tears Donatists and Priscillians cry for the "poor" (who today are so holy that saints vie to kiss their feet) as they flee Roman territory to the outrage-committing Bacaudae in Armorica. There is no doubt that at this point the "learned" Vandal wished he had truly studied the work of the Holy Apostles and become more than a ludicrous teacher of rhetoric. He wished so much that he had a spatha to disembowel himself with due to the shame but he had sold all the city's arms for Gaiseric's ransom pay!

The party-goers politely clapped and all ceased their apostasy that day and accepted Jesus as the true Son of God. An divine light suddenly shone into the room and blazed upon the bust of Augustine and the statue wept miraculously. The Nicene Creed was recited, and Jesus Monogenes himself descended and banished the barbarians to the hellish wastes beyond the limes.

The magister lost his tongue and was castrated the following day. He was exiled to Troesmis, far from from God's Light.

Praise Jesus Consubstantialis

>>2354243
>a known advocator of the despotic rule of the 30 tyrants.
Plato is piece of shit that made this up. Socrates did nothing wrong

>>2354246
>The hero’s name? Thrasybulus.
>Ps. Expand the Delian League
Kek

>>2354279
OP here.

I agree (Although he kinda fits Cleon too). Problem is, Alcibiades managed to do just fine no matter what faction was winning. Nicias is more of a Jeb.

Although come to think of it it would fit the meme better if Alcibiades was in fine shape but being showered with declarations of doom anyway.

>Macedonians
>Hellenes

What's next? Epirotes?

>>2354323
>>2354246
>>2354243
Top fucking kek.

>>2357123
>t. Southern slav