ITT: Most historical pathetic deaths.

>>2169675
Who was that guy that started a war to take Cyprus so he could go on enjoying his favorite wine, lost terribly but still got to keep Cyprus, then fell down and smashed his skull open?

>>2169681

Selim the Sot, successor to Suleiman of the Ottoman Empire.

Funny, every Ottoman history book I read written by Turks universally gloss over his alcoholism and death

Arius

Literally shat himself to death lmao

That's what you get for messing with Catholicism

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>Was an extreme radical and petitioned for Louis and Marie Antoinettes deaths as well as moderates later on
>Would accuse Marie Antoinette of having incest with her son, which even the most radical members of the Revolution found stupid
>Would attack moderates and try to get them Guillotined, but he fucked up and attacked Robespierre, who finally had him arrested and tried
>When he was walking to the guillotine he started screaming and fainting, and the executioners made it so that the guillotine would stop inches from his neck again and again so that he would keep screaming and pissing himself to make the crowd laugh

>>2169931
>the executioners made it so that the guillotine would stop inches from his neck again and again so that he would keep screaming and pissing himself to make the crowd laugh
That's some high level banter.

>>2169931
That's objectively hilarious

>>2169675
What was pathetic about his death?

>>2169931
Poor fuck.

How did he die ?

>>2169830
>believing Church propaganda written by a polemicist

This is what an idiot looks like

>>2170071
He moved to Stockholm to teach queen Kristina but caught the Swedish cold mere months after his arrival. Though there are also theories he was poisoned by a catholic priest so his thoughts wouldn't have prevented the queen's conversion to catholism.

>>2170025
>>2170028
>>2170055
I found it funny at first but I the mental picture I got kept getting sadder.

>>2171167
Don't be. Hebert was a bastard who capitalized on the Revolution. He managed to live an opulent lifestyle and even to this day no one knows how he managed to support all his purchases. He would also agitate the people and order the deaths of thousands of clergymen to create a Deist society in France.

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>halberded

>>2169931
damn i love /his/ so glad i found this place :)

>>2171167
As always, people lose their inhibitions in groups and become more sociopathic.

That said he was a piece of shit and probably deserved it.

>>2169830

He didn't merely shit himself to death he was personally struck down by God for extreme heresy which is not pathetic it's actually quite based desu

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>>2169931
You got that from wikipedia, didn't you? Do have a source beside the BBC History magazine cited on wikipedia to corroborate that claim? Any, first hand accounts from anyone at the execution?

Attila the Hun.

Antoni Gaudi.

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Tycho Brahe
>can't pee in time while dining with the king made explode his bladder
Francis Bacon
>dead of cold trying to proove food can be preserved by the snow
Aeschylus
>killed by an eagle who threw a stone to his bald head counfound him with a turtle
Claudius (the Roman emperor)
>his son threw fruits to his father who catch them with the mouth and get suffocate by a peer
Chrysippus of Soli
>dead of laughter watching a drunk donkey
Draco (lawgiver of Athens)
>dead buried by the coats thrown by discontent citizens
my favorite :
Milo of Croton
>great fighter and olympic wrestler Milo was walking in a forest when he came upon a tree-trunk split with wedges. In what was probably intended as a display of strength, Milo inserted his hands into the cleft to rend the tree. The wedges fell from the cleft, and the tree closed upon his hands, trapping him. Unable to free himself, the wrestler was devoured by wolves

>>2171325
>Claudius
>his son threw fruits to his father who catch them with the mouth and get suffocate by a peer

The fuck? He was poisoned by his wife.

>>2171336

I think he fucked the wording up, or misremembered it, but the legend goes that that's how a 'son' of Claudius died. It is a legend however, not to be trusted

Barbarossa fell into a river trying to get a drink and drowned. That's pretty pathetic.

>>2171325
>dead of laughter watching a drunk donkey
but that's based anon

>>2169675
William the Conqueror must be up there.

>>2169675
Genghis Khan, without a doubt.

>most powerful man in the history of the world
>unstoppable badass who's ravaged everything between Poland and Korea
>out hunting one day
>falls off horse
>hits head
>dies

>>2171646
horse riding is dangerous nigger get the fuck outta here. There's statistics even for modern equestrian riders--even with their stupid tire-armor suits--are bound to get a serious injury if they ride long and often enough. For someone who spent his time riding for fun / in battle / while hunting, he was bound to get at-least seriously injured in some way where he would be left with permanent damage at some point of his life. Unfortunately for him, it just happened to be fatal.

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>>2169931
Still waiting for actual proof this happened and not something from wikipedia or the magazine it cites as evidence.

>>2171325
>dead of laughter watching a drunk donkey
Thats how i wanna go

>>2169931
>Would accuse Marie Antoinette of having incest with her son, which even the most radical members of the Revolution found stupid

That's what happen when you read too much chinese cartoons

>>2169830

don't be too hard on him, diarrhea has killed more humans than every other thing combined

>>2171459

He was 68. It's more likely he waded into the river and the shock of cold water on his sun-baked flesh caused a heart attack. Being very old, his armor likely drowned him.

>>2171325

Chrysippus died how I'd like to die.

That said,
>Unable to free himself, the wrestler was devoured by wolves
brought me to legitimate tears of laughter, and I've got a cramp in my side.

>>2171459
He was very tired and the armor was heavy

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Died to an infected fucking fly bite in obscurity after his German translation of Wealth of Nations failed to garner him any financial success.

>>2171151
>>2170055
Didn't it have something to do with the queen forcing him to walk through the cold to teach her every day?

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>>2169931
evidence of the what happened during the execution please and thank you. no wikipedia or magazine cited there.