Describe your country's history as simple as possible

>>2138892
>gain independence and join (((EU)))
Shortest independence ever.

File: sad-pepe-640x480.jpg (29KB, 640x480px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 640x480px

>>2138894
pretty much

>tfw Croatian grandpa always spoke about how Slovenians were superior to us because of their Germanic blood
>father always says the same thing too saying in 1970s Yugoslavia Slovenes always took care of their homes the best
why do I have inferiority complex bootlicker genetics reeeeee

>destroyed Europe
>twice

>>2138922
5 times at least
Rome
Luther
WW1
WW2
EU

File: 5BBF172C-CD27-4D26-9014-CC605D54F90B-2904-00000518890473EA_tmp.jpg (51KB, 509x654px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 509x654px

>Frogs come and colonize large parts of North America
>Anglos start doing the same
>War breaks out and Anglos conquere the Forgs
>Briefly go to war with the burgers and BTFO them
>as the 19th century goes on some meme identities like the Metis appear and some infighting happens
>by the 20th century the region has formalized it's borders and the Anglos have completely plagiarized the early French identity
>country begins to distance it's self from Britian and becomes a more boring version of America
>the frogs chimp out during the 70's and the weedman's dad allows them to have two rigged referendums
>referendums fail and the last chance to dismantle this shitty meme country dies with it
>multiculturalism happens and urban centres either become Pakistan 2.0 or Korea 2.0
>weedman gets elected

Feels mediocre man

>>2138926
It wasn't really Luther's fault. As usual, blame the Catholics.

>>2138926
Shit I didn't even think about that
By EU do you mean rapefugee epidemic? If not make it 6

>>2138892
Netherlands
>snownigger for sometime
>get romanized at some point
>then get the choice to either christianize or get axed, made the obvious choice of course
>get sucked into """"HRE""""""
>hear about a german priest rejecting catholics
>get pissed off by catholics after a while, blow off steam by partying and smashing heretical statues
>tell the spanish to fuck off
>cuck the spanish
>try to convince southern half to join but they wanted to remain being cucks
>start getting into trade
>getting into the big boy empire league of countries
>until english cuck us
>we kinda cucked their royals though
>the cuckening continues as the french revolutionaries bend us over and fucks us out of our holdings
>lose most of everything to the english
>learned to not get into fights and stay neutral during WW1
>still get wrecked by WW2
>try to rally the lads
>port town gets bombed
>surrender, then get liberated by canadians
>today part of the EU as our liberal leader guides us into yet another cuckening with immigrants.

Correct me if I got things wrong.

File: screenshot1.png (40KB, 574x431px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 574x431px

>>2138892
>Romans cuck us
>Vikings cuck us
>Normans cuck us
>French cuck us
>Dutch cuck us
>Then, one day, we decide that enough is enough and we cuck the world

We owed everything, but now we don't

>>2138976

Attacked the portuguese like a pack of niggers because "you have a spanish king so you're spain now :^) "

>>2139003
>we could have been a dutch colony
>moortuguese took it back
Fuck it all.

File: testi_etu_180416TMT_vi.jpg (111KB, 1024x624px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 1024x624px

Finland
>Ayy we be snowniggers
>Ayy we be swedes
>Ayy now we're autonymous state in russia
>Ayy we don't like this communism shit
>We be independent now
>Ayy y u be attacking USSR?
>Ayy we wan't soem territory back USSR
>Ayy you win USSR
>Ayy we be industrialized welfare state now

>>2139003
>Subjects of Spain
>Not legitimate target in war against Spain
Want to tell me more?

Well turkey then.

>be steppeniggers from central asia
>believe in the eternal sky
>rich and cultured persians tell us to become muslim so that we can prosper
>sure why not
>a guy named seljuk is going west
>eventually go through persia and rek byzantines enough to settle and colonize anatolia
>fight the christians as much as ourselves
>oh fug mongols start their rampage some of us join them others fight them
>oh shit seljuk gets rekt
>time for change
>the osmanli tribe becomes the strongest
>conquers anatolia,balkan,north africa,caucassus and the middle east
>things are going well we keep rekking persians and euros
>jannisaries become uppity
>euros start to get their shit together
>all those wars depletes the treasury
>jannisaries don't want reform, fucking slavshits even kill a few sultans who want to reform
>women take over the empire for a time
>we basically get fucked on several levels
>euros get the overhand
>lose all territories gradually
>economy is basically in the hand of the fucking franks amd other westerners
>WWI happens,massacres happen, fucking arabs rebel against their legal caliph fucking religion traitors
>finally a strong and reform minded leader arives
>he and the lads kick out the allies and their friends
>exiles sultan and founds the republic
>WW2 happens,cold war happens and the kurds rebel till this day.

>>2138926
Or the long version:

>be random assortment of tribes casually fucking with the romans now and then
>great migration causes huge chimp out, crashing Rome
>Frankish chimp conquers all other chimps
>big fucking chimp empire gets partitioned shortly after
>king of our half also becomes king of italy and puppets the pope, thus becoming emperor
>some centuries later some monk gets mad and crashes Christian unity
>we somehow manage to continually cuck ourselves in the next coming centuries
>get btfo by Napoleon
>btfo Napoleon
>Prussia btfos Austria and unites the lesser German states
>WW1
>Hitler and WW2
>reconstruction and invention of cuck mentality
>reunification
>Merkel puppets EU

God created America 300 years ago to save the world from communism

>>2139055
Prussians didn't beat Napoleon, they assisted barely and at the final battle didn't so shit.

>part of great Roman Empire
>love papa Roman
>island cunt is my brother, okie
>stupid chimp trash fucking with papa
>papa fucks them up but ends up dying even though
>rip.jpg
>another papa comes
>not as good as the Roman but he unifies us
>he dies and kids fuck it up
>become independent kingdom
>snow niggers come down and have a kid with the island cunt but pass him on to me
>island cunt ends up getting cucked by me and the Viking frog
>island nigger gets mad and attacks me
>lasts for a long ass time
>end up killing the Viking frog to prove my power
>beat the island Jew
>island cunt and I fight while expanding
>island cunt has a son in a new land
>so does Spain and I
>my child is poorly defended and the island cunt ends up killing him whilst I'm fighting in Europe
>goodbyesweetprince.png
>island cunts kid gets stronger and more rebellious
>island cunts get wants freedom
>decide to help island cunts kid because fuck all
>island cunt gets btfo
>my people want a revolution
>this new Italian cunt shows up
>now we're an empire
>btfo all of Europe
>island cunt doesn't like getting beat
>they get send Italian man to the naughty corner
>he gets out, lol
>he fucks up the Baltic wannabe Germans
>the Brits btfo of him
>dirty faggot
>shit nigger Germans decide to unite
>get btfo
>wot.jpg
>build up army for years because of this
>diet Germans declare war on Balkan version of Russia
>island cunt and I get our shits kicked in but eventually beat them
>German cunts get a new leader from diet Germany
>Germans takeover most of Europe
>I try to help but it doesn't work
>Germans attack me
>I get btfo even though trying my hardest to preserve country
>island cunts kid saves me
>island cunt and I are best friends now
>we end up losing all of our colonies
>13 year old Nazis on the Internet end up making fun of me for the rest of time.

Glory to France ;(

>>2139055
Do Germans play 5D chess or something? In every form we've seen them, be they religious, monarchic, nationalistic or even socialistic they always manage to make it their goal to destroy Europe. Is it the destiny of the German people to make sure no matter what happens no prosperity ever comes to Europe?

>>2139009
Yes we all know how Indonesia and South Africa ended up.
Not to mention Suriname, the shitty islands they still own, and fucking Ghana.

>>2139136
If I didn't know anything, I'd say you're fucking obsessed with that island cunt fellow.

>>2138930
open a book

>>2139143
On the plus side, in the next 3 or 2 world wars, we are gonna have to keep feeding Poland the kraut clay to compensate Russia expanding in their borders, then Germany will have no more territory to live on.

File: daciansmourning.jpg (463KB, 1224x918px) Image search: [Google]

463KB, 1224x918px

>>2138892
Romania

>be Dacians
>annoy the romans to the point where they build the longest bridge of antiquity just to come over to your land and smack the shit out of your culture
>you speak latin now
>romans think they're done enough, they go back
>proceed to be trampled by various hordes and empires for 1700 years
>become a single united country and independent again
>suddenly commies and nazis decide your land looks delicious
>rip independent country
>shithole forever more

>we wuz celtiberian
>phoenicians and greeks come in telling of legends far beyond the sea
>rome comes in and says "shut up i rule u now"
>rome becomes <3 CATHOLIC <3
>snowniggers show up fucking up rome and dividing it
>some snowniggers settle and do nothing
>but arab-berbers actually do stuff, they come in and conquer the whole thing
>the whole thing? no! a small resistance group, led by some dipshit, lives on
>dipshit pledges allegiance to <3 CATHOLIC <3
>thus begins the epic kebab removal
>dipshit kingdom breaks into pieces because muh feudalism
>one of these pieces becomes the mythical land of barbosa, prophesied by ancient phoenicians and greeks
>be ahead in kebab removal technique and continue kebab removal in morocco
>doesn't last for long tho but we have other plans now
>keep going south for the next century, trying to figure out a way to reach the other side of the world
>finally prove to the modern world that the atlantic and indian oceans are connected
>be first western power to reach the indies, china, japan, indonesia, probably even australia, thus the prophesy is complete and the last stage of globalization has now begun
>spread the <3 CATHOLIC <3 faith
>other dipshit pieces reach america first tho and call america "india" which is the first in a series of spanish stupidities and makes for a confusion that lasts to this day
>moortugal accidentaly discovers brasil and thus huehue is born
>spain (aka the other dipshit pieces) and portugal hate eachother so much the pope divides the world between us so that we don't have to talk to each other ever
>spain gets involved in some stupid yuropean shite
>who cares lets keep discovering the world lads
>literally all over the place, so tiny, can we manage it all?
>turks show up, oops kebab has evolved
>kebab removes us ;_; what now? the king is dead
>spain's king is son of portuguese lady so he becomes king
>be just another piece of sPAIN
cont.

>>2139182
Have any recommendations? :)

>>2138892
>key ally of rome
>help caesar
>roman rule is love
>roman rule is life
>huns ruin everything
>meme kingdom
>rule the world before it was cool
>AEIOU
>decline
>congressDancing.avi
>big bro bully
>serbien muss sterbien
>big bro gets the blame
>civil war
>added to big bro friendslist
>war
>big bro takes the blame
>poor little me is independent
>join EU

>>2139255
>stupid spain with its stupid yuropean shennanigans gets us in war with the dutch (who? oh right those guys we sent to the açores once)
>stupid spain tries to invade muh bestie england and fails
>stupid spain doesn't care about the dutch who keep germanizing everything
>gotta keep <3 CATHOLIC <3 alive
>regain independence, fuck stupid spain
>kick the shit out of the dutch
>expand in the interior of brasil way more than what we agreed because spain is stupid
>brasil has golds. hurray
>basically pay the english forever just to exist. turns out being independent isn't really economically viable
>napoleon comes along and stupid spain immediately swallows that frog's penis
>muh bestie comes along and saves us from frog, king runs to brasil
>ok frog is gone now. no need to stay here bestie
>"BUT I RULE THE WORLD NOW"
>holy shit what did we get ourselves into, anglo is crazy
>call king to come back
>prince stays in brasil, realizes poortugal has no real future, turns brasil an independent empire
>that's ok, we still have the rest of the colonies
>king is dumb and is cucked by england
>lose a bunch of colonies to anglo just to remain free from stupid spain
>hey anglo-bestie can we at least connect these two pieces, we even know the people
>"I SAID I RULE THE WORLD NOW"
>oh jeez
>maybe the king doesn't do shit. let's shoot him
>muh republic
>ww1 comes along, have to play in that stupid mess even though we have nothing to do with it just to please anglo who is becoming more and more of a dick
>at least stupid spain has lost everything kek
>become increasingly more irrelevant
>military can basically rule this thing so why not
>dictatorship for 40 years
>military grows tired of fights in the colonies, decides "we're dead already, might as well give the niggers their land"
>after 500 years of being around the world, we die
>just in time to join the EU

>anglos come over
>french come over
>spanish come over
>terrority claims
>i just got instantly bored and im not gonna finish you'll figure out what country this is

>>2139361
>>anglos come over
>>french come over
>>spanish come over
By this order? I'd say USA but it's a wrong answer.

File: b53ca30da73fc4566800dad4b391f19046921c8498baf2db37267f1b0f3cc7c2.jpg (20KB, 255x255px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 255x255px

>>2139369
usa is rite man

>>2139430
Should've been Mexico, no?

>>2139430
>>2139456
Instead of the Spanish, I mean.

File: image.jpg (91KB, 800x665px) Image search: [Google]

91KB, 800x665px

> we get shipwrecked in bumfuck nowhere
>it becomes apparent that it's more convenient to stay than leave
>400 years later and we have maximum comfy in the middle of the Atlantic

File: Vietnameses.png (718KB, 960x916px) Image search: [Google]

718KB, 960x916px

Vietnam
>Bunch of tribes
>Subjugated by Chinese for 1000 years
>Kick them out
>They come back, 2nd Domination
>Kick them out
>Come back, 3rd Domination
>Kick them out
>Fuck up Champa down South and take Cambodian port cities
>Chinese come back, 4th Domination
>Kick them out
>Civil war between Trinh and Nguyen
>Tay Son Uprising, potential good stuff for Vietnam
>Nguyens start ruling and make a billion kids (Hence why so many Viets have last name Nguyen)
>French take over
>After WWI kick them out
>Cold War fuckery divides the country
>Commies win the war
>Fuck up Cambodia's shit because they fucked with us
>Kick out China again for trying to invade
>Commies turn to mixed/capitalist economy
>Vietnam is doing k today minus island disputes with China

>A fucking leaf

>>2138915
Because Croatia is a nation of bootlickers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTxetL2ihaw

>We're gonna free the shit out of you.

File: image.png (8KB, 690x345px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 690x345px

>ancient people move in
>then the celts move in
>literally chill for fucking ages while Rome rampages around
>tribes become seperate kingdoms
>at any time there's a least 5 main kingdoms (modern day provinces + Meath for the high king) but there's also plenty of petty kingdoms
>Vikings decide they're sick of England and raid us for a bit of banter
>establish several coastal cities but never penetrate inland
>kick em out, English decided they wanna have a go, claim lordship of whole island but stay around Dublin
>lots of forced migrations west and genocide by this one cunt called Oliver
>few hundred years of rebelling, genocides, famines, etc
>eventually tell the cunts to fuck off but they keep a small part up north
>chill for a bit
>tell Germany were sorry for Hitlers death for the banter, allies ain't too happy with this
>Irish up north decide they're sick of being stepped on and bomb some stuff
>everyone starts bombing stuff up north
>decide to stop
>economies good for a while then dies on the shitter
>fin
lotta history on this little island I never even touched on

>>2140382
What is it with Irish people and perpetual poverty?

t. poor Irish descendant

File: image.jpg (397KB, 1088x1080px) Image search: [Google]

397KB, 1088x1080px

>>2140386
hard to be rich when your neighbour actively tries to kill you
also we were alright before 2008 with the Celtic tiger, we're getting better now that people are calling it the """"Celtic pheonix"""" like we've learnt our lesson at all

>>2138894
Haha! Nice meme my Redditbro

File: k pribina.jpg (262KB, 1704x2272px) Image search: [Google]

262KB, 1704x2272px

slovakia

>have a state centered around nitra
>only one ruler known (pic related)
>moravians subjugate us in the 9th century
>hungarians subjugate us
>poles subjugate us for a little while
>hungarians subjugate us again
>habsburgs subjugate us
>T R I A N O N
>czechs subjugate us
>become "independent" during ww2
>ww2 ends czechs subjugate us
>1993 finally independent

>>2140423
Do you feel subjugated by the Czechs, or did you see each other as equal partners in the union?

>>2140426
there were twice as many czechs as slovaks and slovakia and slovaks were poor af
everything was decided in prague
it wasn’t as bad during socialism though

File: trianon.jpg (2MB, 3354x2315px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3354x2315px

>>2138892

>be steppe nigger
>settle in the Carpathian Basin
>have fun raping and pillaging for a while, but neighbours slowly learn how to beat us
>we European now
>convert to Christianity, establish kingdom
>all is well, even the >HRE can't beat us
>Mongols destroy half of the country, oh well
>original dynasty dies out, all kinds of kangz come and go
>based Matthias takes Bohemia and Austria, but then he dies, and things start going to shit
>country is divided between the Eternal Roach and Austria for 150 years
>do okay under our cousinfucker overlords, expect for the Great European Chimpout of 1848
>WW1 comes
>JUST
>be irrelevant ever since

>>2140436
Was the sentiment ever so intense that it could be described as butthurt, did the Germans enable any sort of vengeance for you over the Czechs during WW2.
I'm asking to see how it compares to Yugoslavia.

>nothing happened
>then we wuz kangz
>then we wuz nothingz

>>2138922
Germany.

Brazil

>Native niggers
>Be colonized by losophones
>Northeast is dominated by Dutch
>Dutch and lusophones enter in a war
>Lusophones win
>Lusophones stay with the colonie
>One prince lusophone say that the colonie is indenpendent
>War
>Prince win
>Prince declare himself emperor of the ex-colonie
>One fuckin general stay angry 40 years after
>The republicans declare the empire a republic
>War
>The republic fuck up evrything

>>2140456
there were political parties asking for autonomy that were pretty butthurt like hlinkas party that became the biggest party in slovakia during czechoslovakia
slovaks like hlinka, tiso and tuka would rather be part of the hungarian kingdom than czechoslovakia
during ww2 slovak state didn’t only mass exile jews but also czechs

>>2140509
So it's similar to Croats, only less brutal.
Were the Czechs (and their right wing, of course not public during communism) butthurt about this?
How do Moravians fit into this? Do they consider themselves Czechs, but with a strong regional sense or is the regional sense stronger than the national one?
Thank you for the information.

>>2140498
Ave Glória

>>2140516
>Were the Czechs (and their right wing, of course not public during communism) butthurt about this?
probably yes
can’t find anything about this
some modern czechs are butthurt about it

>How do Moravians fit into this? Do they consider themselves Czechs, but with a strong regional sense or is the regional sense stronger than the national one?

during ww2 eastern moravians wanted to join the slovak state but germany didn’t allow that
during the war germany wanted to destroy the czech unity so in school the taught in the moravian dialects and not in the czech language

most modern moravians consider themselves czechs but there’s a strong regional sense
i wouldn’t say it’s stronger than national sense

>>2140498
>>War
>>Prince win
There was literally no war.

>>2139153
Sri Lanka turned out reasonably well, and Dutch colonial policy was very humane in comparison.to their European counterparts

>>2140589
>Dutch colonial policy was very humane in comparison.to their European counterparts
lol
I don't know if you're Dutch or if you're baiting but the Dutch didn't even try to convert or assimilate the peoples they encountered, they just exploited them to the bone.
Sri Lanka is moderately less shitty (still shit though) because of the English.

Germany
>Accidentally the whole Roman Empire
>We Roman Empire now!
>Napoleon beats us silly
>We German Empire now!
>WWI
>WWII
>Refugees welcome!

>>2140516
>banter
(Czech here). Right wing not sure, Moravian's are practically Czechs majority of them just doesn't care - there isn't much of regional sense like yea they tell you I'm form Moravia and stuff but nothing on Catalonia level.

>>2140661
Butthurt is just a nice sounding way for me to say resentment.

File: 1476467261524865671.jpg (356KB, 533x800px) Image search: [Google]

356KB, 533x800px

>cucked by pretty much everybody

>btfo natives

>>2140715
Australia or New Zealand.

File: eire.jpg (532KB, 1600x2200px) Image search: [Google]

532KB, 1600x2200px

>This bog is nice, I guess. Bit cold though
>Suddenly, norse
>Suffering
>Suffering
>Oh cool a high king
>Suffering
>"Oh wait, these viking faggots can't fight for shit!"
>Suffering but with less norse people
>Suddenly, Anglos
>Who put a caslte in my bog
>Things are okay
>Things are okay
>You want to do what to catholics?
>Things are not okay
>Things are arguably bad
>Fuck I'm hungry
>England stop being autistic and let us have the free food people are sending
>Suffering
>I'm bored, how about another rebellion?
>Woops, sorry lads. Never mind.
>I'm bored, how about another rebellion?
>Woops, sorry lads. Never mind
>lol no I don't want to fight in your war England
>How about fuck you AND your post office
>What do you MEAN they have more than 16 men?
>Whatever nigger I don't care, do your worst
>Please stop doing your worst
>Hey guys, that was a dick move on their part right?
>Fuck your treaty
>Nice treaty desu
>You know what I love more than potatos? The taste of the pope's ripened asshole
>Hey Ulster, having fun?

File: 1434374103-quang2.jpg (62KB, 450x508px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 450x508px

>>2139826
Where's the Mongols part my brotha ?
Shorter version: gorilla warfare 24/7 'cept for Tây Sơn part: Nguyễn Huệ blitzkrieg the Qing, good times

>ooga booga where de asshole danes at

Things were ok
>and then the Romans came
Things were ok
>and then the huns came
Things were ok
>and then the bulgarians came
Things were ok
>and then the hungarians returned
Things were ok
>and then the mongols came
Things were ok
>and then the ottomans came
Things were ok
>and then the russians came
Things were ok
>and then the germans came
Things were ok
>and then the russians returned
Things were
>and then the Germans returned...

Fuck, where do I even begin?

>Russia
>How and when the first Rus state was founded is still unclear
>Raid the Byzantine empire a few times
>Convert into Orthodox Christianity later and become a lot more civilized
>Split up into multiple mini-countries in the 11th century
>Mongols come and raid some of those states in the 13th century
>Kiev gets dsetroyed while Moscow and Novgorod are still alive
>Wage wars with catholics and beat them
>Moscow beats Novgorod in 1471 and takes it over completely in 1478 under Ivan III
>Ivan tells mongols tu fuck off in 1480
>Mongols assemble an army and try to raid us again
>Armies meet on tthe Ugra river
>Mongols retreat
>We're free now
>In 70 years Ivan the Terrible (By the way, his name "Ивaн Гpoзный" actually means "Ivan the Menacing") ascends to the throne
>Conquers Kazan and Astrakhan
>Everything was going well when suddenly...
>His wife dies
>He goes nuts
>Attacks catholic kingdoms
>Loses
>Splits country in two and allows his own guard to do whatever the fuck they want to do in the second part of the country
>Finally drives into madness
>Kills(?) his son
>Dies
>His other son, Fyodor becomes the Tsar
>Fyodor is incapable of ruling and a guy named Boris Godunov takes over
>The time of troubles start
>Ivan the Terrible's other son, Dmitriy, mysteriously dies
>Everyone blames Godunov for Dmitriy's death and the peasants couldn't collect as much harvest as they usually did so the thought that Godunov is responsible for that
>The time of troubles starts after a retard from a monatrey pretedns to be Dmitriy and, with the help of the eternal Polack, takes power
>People get mad
>The retard gets killed, his ash is loaded into the Tsar cannon and shot towards POland
>A second retards comes
>Gets killed even faster
>Poles come with an army and take over the Kremlin
>People get mad, rise up and kill them
>13 y/o Mikhail Romanov is chosen to be Tsar
1/?

>>2139049
Tbh, considering you are hardly more than 10% turkic, why not identify more with the ancient asian minor cultures rather than a bunch of throat singers from Ulaan Bataar.

>>2140753
This could be any number of slav countries. I'm guessing Slovenia.

>>2140753
Poland?

>>2138892
>be a fag
>remain a fag

I made it even shorter for you. Still the same story.

>>2140753
I remember too the day the Orcs came

File: 127.jpg (106KB, 500x710px) Image search: [Google]

106KB, 500x710px

>>2140756
>Mikhail and his son Alexey make peace with the Poles and the state begins to function again
>Alexey Romanov dies
>His son, Fyodor Romanov becomes the Tsar
>He is smart, fit to be a ruler and starts to reform the country
>The only thigs he lacked was health
>Dies at the age of 20 in 1682 without finishing his plans
>Ivan Romanov and Peter ROmanov become tsars
>They don't do anything and the Boyars(nobles) and their older sister, Sofia rules the country
Pic related is their throne. There is a window in the back and Sofia used to tell them washt to say to their guests through that window.
>Ivan dies
>Peter is sent off to a distant village with his mother
>Sofia becomes the official ruler
>Meanwhile, Peter visits the Foreign village in Russian and learns a lot
>Creates his own military regiments
>Build his first small boat
>Sofia Sends her lover, Golytsin, with an army to conquer Crimea
>He fails miserably and the army dies of thirst in the desert
>People are angry
>She decides to kill Peter
>Peter finds out
>Sends his regiments
>surrounds her
>She is sent to a monastery where she spends the rest of her days

From now on, I'll just mention the most important events

>Territory in the south is capture, Azov fortress is taken in 1695
>1697-1698, Peter studies European armies and societies and looks for allies to fight against Sweden
>1698 - Peter is back in Russia, the Nobles are given new European clothes and beards are shaved off
>1700 - war with Sweden starts and the army is destroyed during the Narva battle
>Bells are taken off churches and smelted into cannons
>1702 - first victory against Sweden - the Noteburg fortress is captured
>1703 - Saint Petersburg's counstruction has begun
>1704 - some Baltic cities are taken
>1708 - one Swedish army is destroyed
>1709 - Poltava battle and the Swedes are beaten by the Russians
>1721 - A peace treaty is signed, Russia gets a lot of land, becomes an Empire
2/?

>>2140782
>Peter dies and many people fight for the throne
There. I've briefly summarised the most important events in Russian history from the Kievan Rus and until the establishment of the Empire.

>steppe kikes fuck our shit up
>move to the balkans to beat up greeks
>eventually became the only relevant power there for a while
>greeks get mad af and conquer us
>later gain independence
>we were almost as relevant as we were the first time
>but then feudalism, mongols, serbs and heretics fuck us up
>become turk colony for 500 years
>experience independence for a bit and attempt relevance
>suck russian dick for 50 years
>sucking western dick now

File: DSC_2139_20160925110029805_2.jpg (427KB, 1940x1091px) Image search: [Google]

427KB, 1940x1091px

>Be Lithuania
>Live in a swamp
>Be the poorest of all Baltniggers
>Come into relevancy by beheading Christian missionary
>Sometimes pay a tribute to Russians
>Suddenly in XII century start almost never ending raids against all your neighbors
>Conquer a few tribes and Russian cities in still half Baltic territory
>Teutonic Order arrives and subjugates most of your brotherly snowniggers
>Conquer a bit more Russian land and some of other tribes
>Convert to Christianity under direct vassalage to the Pope
>As the conversion did not smoothed out the relationship with Teutons and only worsened inside relations, the king abandons Catholicism, and returns to the old faith
>Still get murdered soon
>Your Orthodox Christian son takes back the power from your killer.
>Tfw when he doesn't want to rule and gives power to your daughters father in law.
>He just sits in a monastery
>Until he gets killed too.
>Anarchy


>A pagan again comes Into power
>Never ending war with Teutonic order for almost 300 years
>Conquer vast Russian Lands and become biggest state in Europe
>Get offered the Queen of Poland
>Sure, why not
>Finally accept Catholicism
>Finally achieve Peace
>You lost your main focus for centuries (war)
>Degrade
>Do almost nothing notable except squabbles with Poles
>Still - Rich elites, Awesome architecture
>Deluge
>Get partitioned


>Rusification
>Self-Polonisation
>Book smuggling
>WWI
>Yay independence!
>Get raped by Poles
>Annex a Baltic Sea Port
>Be buddies with Soviet Union
>Nazi Germany annexes your annexation
>Poland is raped
>Your buddy Soviet Union suggests you take in it's friendly army
>You know, for protection
>Soviet Union makes your wet dream come true: Vilnius Mūsų!
>HEY SOVIET, WTF, DONT RAPE ME
>Most politicians either killed or off to Siberia along with common farmers
>Nazis rape further
>Accidentally you help them exterminate Jews
>Soviets come back
>Stagnation
>Loss of culture
>Independence once again
>Join the Eu

Well, I hope it's comprehensible

> Be a vlach lord who got butthurt over the king of Hungary, and found the kingdom of Moldova in the second half of 14th century

>At it's height, conquer parts of Poland, sack Bucharest and repeatedly defeat the ottomans

>Be in steady decline since the 17th century onward because of retarded claimants to the throne

>1711 phanariot regime starts that plunges the country into a century of oriental backwater and corruption

>1812 Russia annexed half our territory

>1856 got some of our sea territories back from Russia

>1859 the intellectual class is desperate, can't regain any of Moldova's former territories anymore, nor pull the country out of backwater. Say fuck it, and create the state of Romania

>1917 the eastern part that Russia annexed became independent Moldova again

>Some months later Romania annexes is, contrary to the wishes of politicians and the population

>1940 USSR annexes is from Romania

>1991 independent again

>>2138998
kek

>>2138892
Interesting, forced to christianity, is there a slav religion? and if it is what is it?

In sweden before christianity it was the asatron (valhalla, thor, odin, valkyries and stuff) in the south, shamanism (spiritual beliefs) in the north and kalevala (vänämöimen, finish mythologogy) in the east.

File: england.png (6KB, 160x199px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 160x199px

>stick some big stones in the ground
>become celtic
>get invaded by romans
>get invaded by anglo-saxons
>become germanic
>get invaded by normans
>become weird hybrid nation
>fight to control france for hundreds of years
>colonise america and then lose the richest part of it
>colonise africans and poo in loos
>lose all of it
>win two world wars and wreck economy in the process

>>2140955
To be honst the north of sweden is a melting pot, shamanism, christianity, valhalla, secterism, strong man and strong woman beliefes. We just love strong women in the north.

What is missing is kalevala, i dont know what happened to that. Maybe the finns (former swedes) themselves have dropped it but i hope not. We need a few vänämöinens and ilmariinens up here.

File: 1481447479785.jpg (60KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 640x640px

>>2140356
Say that to Franjo Tudman

File: 389px-Crawfordkalevalahero1.jpg (45KB, 389x600px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 389x600px

>>2140979
Googled a lot of kalevala and old finnish religion and came upon this.

This is totally crazy but i look like that exactly, the beard the hair and all. I know my great grandfather came from finland and my family fought a lot in the war of 1918 and against the russions in the wwii.

The stranger things is most people in the north sweden looks like this.

My great grandfathers cousins was actually the first casualty in the battle suomussalmi in one of the first battles against the russians in wwii.

>>2140904
Bulgaria?

>>2140929
You speak Romanian.

>>2141127
No, i don't

>>2141354
Even if you call it something different, it's the exact same language.

>>2141362

And dutch is the exact same language with german, danish with swedish and norwegian, and czech is the exact same language with slovakian.

>>2138892
Norway
>be irrelevant snowniggers
>rape and plunder and shit
>unify
>manage to gain some land
>lose most of it
>get completely BTFO by the plague
>left pretty weak by this
>some years later our king, who is married to the daughter of the danish king, croaks
>their kid is elected king of Denmark
>innherits Norway from his dad
>to young to rule, his mom (danish) is in charge
>bargains forth an all scandinavian union
>swedes go apeshit
>we're still weak, so we don't care, it's a union, not a merger, after all
>turns out we're in for 400 years of danish dominance
>oops
>King Frederik VI is an idiot, sides with the french midget, lose us to Sweden
>we don't like that
>elect the danish kings son as our king and draw up a constitution
>swedes don't like that
>war
>realise that's not good for anyone
>so we sit down and talk
>swedish king agrees to our demand of our own legislative power and revised constitution
>use this for about 90 years to secure independence
>have that for about 35 years, then Adolf decides to be a douche
>partake in some sabotage while we wait for the brits, russians and americans to win the war
>independent again
>find a lot of oil
>combine it with revised socialism and welfare politics
>now we're rich as hell

>>2138892
My country stopped existing after WW1.

File: 1479247072571.jpg (253KB, 960x666px) Image search: [Google]

253KB, 960x666px

>chilling in the steppe, no care in the world
>bros are mentioning that the empire down in a strangle place called Yurop is dissolving and everybody is heading there now
>go as well and establish the most powerful of the steppe tribe empires
>ritually beat up the Byzanthines and other guys who dare to oppose us
>join for a while the Byzanthine Empire voluntarily, but later go independent again to continue fucking shit up left and right
>be the sole breakwater against the turkish tides sweeping into europe
>get bored eventually and join the Ottoman Empire, again voluntarily
>a couple of centuries later go independent again, form the strongest of the east european nations, one admired and feared by the rest of the world
>greece and friends want to fuck up the Turks for good and beg us to join the effort
>fight a brilliant war, standing at the gates of Constantinobel, when our """allies""" stab us in the back and invade our country from all sides in cooperation with the Roaches
>WW 1 starts immediately after, get our sweet revange by kicking down Serbia and Greece and annexing our rightful macedon clay
>Austria is getting raped by Romania and screaming for help
>defeat Romania and their russian allies, singlehandedly (with a bit of help from our german bros) kick Russia out of the war
>anti-royalist scum is chimping out in our capital, leading to total state collapse, despite us going undefeated through the fucking Great War
>join WW 2 to continue kicking yugoslav ass and get our macedon clay back, but mostly keep out of the shitstorm
>Mother Russia is rolling in and asks us politely, if we would kindly join her side
>sweatingguy.jpg.gif
>russia uses our guys as canon fodder in their human waves, so we lose a billion fine citizens in the very last months to retake some shitty eastern european cities that nobody cares for
>continue since then as a nation mostly associated with gypsies, that struggles with Albania for the title of most irrelevant nation of europe

>>2141390
No, none of those are.
Moldavian is exactly like Romanian, though. Sorry.

>>2141538
>none of those are.

And i assume you are some linguistic expert? If you consider those as distinct languages but romanian and moldovan as not, that's sufficient proof to know you're a clueless retard spewing bullshit.

>>2141556
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moldovan_language
Literally any internet page on the "moldovan language" will tell you what wikipedia says. Thousands of linguists will say the same, too.
Thanks for the try, though.

>>2141574
>Let me tell you about your country using a wiki article

You sure showed me, kiddo.

>>2141584
>let me tell you about languages I can't speak because I wanna prove a point about my own language
It goes both ways, kid. I actually know German and a little Dutch.
I do want to believe you, though. But everything I can find about your language tells me it's the same as Romanian. If you'd at least show me some articles or studies... Instead, I'm gonna have to go with science. Sorry, kid.

File: 1482261967938.jpg (79KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

79KB, 600x600px

>>2138892
you forgot

>exports most important philosophy of the 20th and 21st centuries

>>2139826
you forgot the part where
>It ain't me starts playing

>>2139166
Island cunt is obsessed with us

File: swiss.png (177KB, 600x388px) Image search: [Google]

177KB, 600x388px

>Germanic Tribs
>Here comes rome
>Here comes back the germans
>HRE
>Not even a country just a loose confederation of counts and cantons
>Habsburgs want in on our land
>william tell
>Agree on our outter most borders but each canton is pretty much independent from the other
>Mercenaries kind of kick ass
>Rent them out to other countries
>In the eternal cluster fuck that was the war of the league of bambrai mercenaries get destroyed
>Mostly isoltaed now
>We're reformed now
>Oh shit it's napoleon, sets up a republic
>Overthrow the republic
>Oh shit he's back
>Napoleon is defeated
>Oh shit he's back
>It's good he couldn't invade this time
>Some in fighting for a little bit after but this is where the age of neutrality began
>Watch both world wars pass
>Watch the cold war pass
>Incredably rich with high infastructure
Not a bad a life

File: Nightmare.png (4MB, 1778x2014px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 1778x2014px

>>2142598
League war of cambrai fuck me

>>2142598
If Switzerland was formed before French became the main sole language of France, and when the people of that area spoke Romand, why does that particular region speak modern French now? Why did they change?

>>2138998
Wow, would you look at all those civilized people the British gloriously conquered.

>>2142616
The only real areas today that speak widespread french are Geneva, Jura, Vaud and Neuchâtel even then if i were to take a train there right now i can easily just use German to get around. They weren't a part of the original group of cantons that formed switzerland, they came in much later on (a good 300 years or so) so they devolped much differently and by the time they where under the swiss they where already french, you can mainly thank burgundy and france for that.

>USA
A British colony where some people said "what if we turned this into the greatest country on earth?". Then they did it.

Fin.

>>2140600
>t. Brit

>>2142639
Thanks. I was always curious about this but most people I know (both french and swiss) never gave me a good answer. They just said stuff like "oh france was a big influence at the time you know, that must've been it".

>>2142642
Actually, no.

>>2138892
muh runes
muh Anglo oppression
muh potatoes
muh Ulster

>>2142646
Meh the answer itself is still pretty simple, the parts of switzerland that speak french are french because they were owned by the french.

Like i said each canton was pretty much independent from the other, and from my understand the best analogy is like if the USA didn't have a white house but still had their borders and military

So when the cantons where integrated there wasn't any need for them to change because inside the borders they where their own thing. Sides some of them had to many french generations behind em anyway.

New roman empire, joining wars at the last minute, and losing against people who we really shouldn't be losing against

>>2142727
If burgers don't succumb to barbarians 500 years from now then you can talk about being New Rome.

>>2142727
>burger admitting loss
I don't think so.

>>2142744
Fuck off Yank. We should have seceded so we didn't share your shit.

>>2139190
The problem is though that Germany is on our side this time

>>2138892
> Chinky ancients come from asia into america and finally arrive some 20 thousands of years ago
> Absolutely nothing interesting happens at all for almost 19k years, tribes come and go but no civilization at all
> Suddenly circa 1000 AD, polynesian fags get stranded and settle in the south and basically genocide and mix with the abo tier tribes.
>They become the mapuche
> 1400 AD the inkas start to BTFO tribes on their southern border but are absolutely raped by the savage and cannibalistic Mapuche on the river maule
> Nothing at all happens then for almost 150 years. Mapuches take some tech from the incas
> First wave of greedy spaniards came, get BTFO by the desert, and return.
> Second wave of greedy spaniards finally crosses, but doesnt find anything of interest
> Santiago is founded on an Incan Tambo
> Santiago is almost inmediately razed by the mapuches, with the supplies
> Literally only 3 chickens and a pig survive, according to accounts
> Reinforcements come, spaniards get btfo but manage to survive and capture some mapuche
> The leader of the expedition adopts one as a squire
> Squire learns spanish, the tercio tactic and horse riding
> Escapes
> Becomes leader of the unified mapuche army
> Absolutely destroy all spanish cities with the mapuche tercio
> expedition leader gets captured and his heart is eaten in a ceremony
> capture horses and starts breeding them
> Spaniards literally cant even compete untill 1700's
> Situation on the southern border is eternal suffering
> Freemasons start shit up on 1810, get fucked up
> Argie freemason crosses the andes, and cucks the spaniards once and for all
> Cheeky low tier officer takes control
> Modern Chile begins there
> Somehow avoided becoming a shithole because it already was a shithole

1/2

File: Chilean empire.png (204KB, 800x1347px) Image search: [Google]

204KB, 800x1347px

>>2143683
> Suddenly gold in the desert
> Then guano in the desert
> Then Saltpeter in the desert
> Inka remnants (Peru/Bolivia) try to seize them, get absolutely BTFO and butthurt till this day
> Literally expand doubling size to the north and south, finally cucking the mapuche
> ANCAP paradise
> Multiple presidents till 1900's
> Balmaceda gets destroyed by his own congress
> Chile is now a resource colony
> 1960's gommunism is stronk
> 1970's Allende becomes supreme leader
> Allende rides the helicopter
> 1990's Pinochet decides he is not president anymo'h
> his constitution and new laws make the country great again
> All politics till recently are "Muh holocaust, muh prisoners, oy vey remember the 3,000"
> Since there is almost no more pro/anti-pinochet alive or with credibility a political crisis ensues
> Thus modern chile

>>2141653

Dutch is basically a dialect of the german language. Nothing will change that linguistic fact. Not even the dutch's own literary standart.

>>2138892
>Canada

Boring. Sort of interesting during the wars.

>>2138892
>Natives and shit
>French show up
>start hunting beavers
>start selling beaver pelts
>British take over
>British don't wanna pay for/govern this stupid-huge territory
>muh railroads
>gradually acquire more sovereignty
>some mudblood sparks a rebellion
>get forced to fight Britain's wars
>state tries to create national identity
>French bitch and moan
>French gets concessions yet still try and secede but fail
>gradually become a boring, subdued version of America

File: 1456480044116.jpg (30KB, 500x450px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 500x450px

>>2138892
>Abos arrive 42000 years before people move to Ireland.
>They do nothing for 41790 years except possibly fuck or murder dutch castaways
>ETERNAL ANGLO arrives with criminal scum
>Criminal scum kill abos
>Scum eventually federate and end up serving as Eternal Anglo's attack dogs
>yanks kick the nips arse in WW2
>we buds now
>join every yank war for next 60 years
>bant the fuck out of NZ the entire time

>>2144164
>Dutch is basically a dialect of the german language. Nothing will change that linguistic fact.
Sure thing, buddy. While where at it, French is just a Latin dialect. And Celtic is just an Indo-European dialect as well.

You could AT LEAST try to prove your point, fag.

>>2140917
>You'll never hike through & picnic in that place

>germanigg doing nothing for centuries
>eventually become breddy gud at shipmaking and metalworking, raid the continent and become memes
>paganism crumbles before peaceful christian conversion initiated by German monks
>develop feudalism but not really
>2 kingdoms arise from different tribes, eventually they join together
>mess with our brotherly neighbors
>conquer mongols
>they mess with us too much so we leave their gay union
>we protestant nao
>totally not to pay of our denbts by confiscating church treasuries
>we great power nao
>schwedendrück.book
>slavs conquer our mongols, end of empire
>do shit for 200 years
>join EU

>colonized by the british
>a lot of nothing happens
>boring independence
>the nothing contiunes

>>2144338
Let me make it more simple
>40k years of development of developing spears and hallucinations you call the dream time
>British arrive and within 150 years we're great
>Josef Fritzl is born
>Shane Warne is born
>Steve Irwin is born and dies (RIP)
>Zyzz is born and dies (RIP)

>>2144439
Yeah Australia is great when you omit the terror of the Ostrich Rebellion.

File: viet-MMAP-md.png (143KB, 1036x733px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 1036x733px

>>2138892
>gets invaded
>levels up
>push out invaders
>gets invaded again

Iran

>we wuz all shahs, and we wuz da mos advanced civilizashin of da entire world siyapust e man
>until dem greeks/arabs/mongols/t*rks devils took our magic powas away
And people are still butthurt to this day.

>>2144390
"The difference between a language and a dialect is a navy and a fleet"

>>2141500
>fight a brilliant war, standing at the gates of Constantinobel, when our """allies""" stab us in the back and invade our country from all sides in cooperation with the Roaches

>hey, can we talk about this
>hey, we'll even get the Russians to mediate our disagreements, they'll probably be in your favor but they'll give us some land too
>hey, is our mutual defense pact in case Austria-Hungary and Romania mess with one of us still on?
>Romania asks you to give them the fort as agreed
>don't reply to anything
>DECLARE WAR ON BOTH ALLIES
>LEAVE NO DEFENSES ON THE ROMANIAN BORDER
>GET BUTT RAPED ON ALL FRONTS
>CRY HOW YOU'VE BEEN BETRAYED

>>2144448
The Emu war is a hoax to make us believe we ever fought against our leaders

File: Seredžiaus piliakalnis 2.jpg (534KB, 1000x667px) Image search: [Google]

534KB, 1000x667px

>>2144411
No one is stopping you, especially if you're an European citizen.

Lithuania is known for being the land of hillforts. And suicide. And mass suicide in those hillforts. They can be extremely awesome in such flat country.

Wikipedia isn't the most informative source, but if anyone is interested: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillfort#Lithuania

>>2138894
Fuck off Nigel

File: Bowden.gif (2MB, 320x242px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 320x242px

>get settled by various tribes mostly from northern Europe
>get steamrolled by Romans
>Rome dies
>do nothing much for a while
>get fucked by Vikings
>get fucked by Normans
>go from ruler to ruler, many violent wars in between
>get more stable and unified
>start exploring the world a bit
>start building up navy
>navy gets fucking swole
>start acquiring vast swathes of land until 1/4 of the world is under control
>ez game ez life
>get involved in massive fucking war on the continent, come out pretty damaged but empire still strong
>"phew, lets not do that again"
>get involved in massive fucking war on the continent again
>lose empire
>still kind of relevant, not entirely sure what its purpose is on the world today

>>2139014
you forgot
>Ayy we be cucks now

>>2138915
I thought that both Croats and Slovenes have some Germanic blood. Either way, it doesn't matter since both of you are Slavic subhumans.

>be bunch of shitty as tribes living in shitty as forrests
>brown short fucks next to us are wealthy as fuck
>their state is crumbling
>"migrate" into it in droves and destroy it
>with "it"I mean every single thing
>find out those brown short fucks were actually pretty baller
>we unified empire now
>not really tho, still tons of infighting
>invent printing press
>after a while, worst enemy (basically us, but not as retarded) has a huge revolution
>they have a national identity from having been a unified kingdom for ages
>crush their revolution
>find out it was actually pretty baller
>decide we have a national identity now, too, write a bunch of fairy tales to prove it
>kingdom who unifies the tribes now pretending to bne one big tribe is militaristic as fuck
>start greatest war ever
>lose
>start another war
>lose
>get occupied by people of our country who immigrated ages ago and members of a union we helped create
>decide we civilzed now
>get killed by immigration
>force other nations to suffer the same fate

>>2138892
>invented human civilisation
>pretty much downhill from there for 10,000 years

File: IMG_4837.png (23KB, 457x322px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 457x322px

>>2138892
>invented human civilisation
>pretty much downhill from there for 10,000 years

Forgot pic

>>2138922
>>2138926

6 times, actually. Germany funded the Bolsheviks, which makes it responsible for the Cold War and the destruction of the economy of Eastern Europe.

Holy shit, Theodore Kaufman was right, Germany must perish.

>>2143704
You forgot the meme republic aka "socialist chilean republic of 1932"

>>2142587
Shut up, frogdick

>>2140687
at least we're not BLACKED

>>2144905
Looks nice

>>2144535
Hai sugi pula, javra moldoveneasca.

Can you understand it, faggot?

>>2142598
Im sorry but this is pretty much incorrect

>Celtic tribes get romanised
>German tribes take over celts, romanised celts, and romans
>HRE
>As centuries pass by the Empire gets decentralised, especially in northern Italy and the Alpine area
>by 13th century the region is controlled by dukes and counts fighting each other for supremacy, including Habsburgs
>Habsburg guy becomes the Emperor and tries to use his influence to advance egemony in Switzerland
>some communities band together at his death to regain the previous relative freedom and independency: Switzerland is formed
>250 years of kicking everyone's ass and expansion, swiss pikes and swiss mercenaries
>1515: France kicks our ass, forces us into neutrality
the rest I don't know the accuracy of, I'm mostly knowledged in medieval swiss history

>>2145441
Not much of an achievement considering that the Polish "people" are literally nigger-TIER

>>2141500
what the fuck did i just read
t: serb

File: franjo.jpg (21KB, 349x354px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 349x354px

>be polish, gothic, avar or iranian, but most probably polish
>get tired of being in the same place
>move to the adriatic
>kill and ((assimilate)) the natives
>form kneževine
>get christ'd
>form kingdom
>king dies, hungary claims the throne
>spend 400 years under a personal union
>hungary gets habsburg'd
>spend another 400 years under austrians
>bunch of shit happens but nothing really important
>1848
>jelačić supports the austrians instead of rebelling like every other sane minority in the empire
>get jack shit for it
>1918
>austria collapses, proclaim SHS - Slovenia, bosnia and Croatia
>"""""unite""""" with serbia and form the kingdom of SHS
>serbs oppress everyone, go full absolutist
>6th january dictatorship
>ww2
>get invaded
>nazi puppet
>kill so much even hitler went "whoa"
>get taken over by partisans
>yugoslavia forms
>shit was okay while tito was alive, bit totalitarian tho
>tito dies
>serbs gonna serb
>start oppressing again, declare independence
>serbs in croatia put logs on the road
>war
>ceasefire for 3 years
>oluja and bljesak, push out the serbs
>independent since 1995
>typical post commie corruption happens
>nato in 2009, EU in 2013

never been relevant, only in sports these days

File: empire.jpg (578KB, 700x1744px) Image search: [Google]

578KB, 700x1744px

>>2138892

>be yokels just doing our thang
>tell our british overlords to fuck off
>fight with the indians and eventually settle an entire continent
>end up fighting ourselves in bloody civil war
>while europe looks at us as nothing more than dumb yokels
>fall ass backwards into ruling the solar system

File: mqdefault.jpg (5KB, 320x180px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 320x180px

>leave slavic homeland for the balkans
>eventually accept christianity and create a country
>expanding steadily
>t*rks roll through and conquer the country

>centuries of turks and migrations towards austrian lands
>be austria's watchdog

>start liberation from the turks
>compete with neighbours in taking lands from the fading turks
>this all culminates with austria declaring war and ww1 starting

>be on the winning side
>decide to split the spoils with the memelords known as croats and create yugoslavia
>yugoslavia implodes during ww2
>recreate it, but this time with communism
>implodes again and falls apart permanently during the 90s
>some kebab gets caught in the crossfire; earn reputation for genocide in the process

>currently chilling on the borders of the eu, which will probably fall apart before we even get a chance to join it

>>2145690
"""""""""""""""""settle"""""""""""""""""""

>>2144572

The Emus dont control Australia, dont be retarded

USA:

>Rich Aristocrats want more power
>Get it by fighting a war
>Rich Industrialists want more power
>Get it by fighting a war
>Rich media men want more power
>Get it by making up a war to fight
>Win a couple wars by coming in halfway through
>Rule the world
>Businessmen want more power
>Get it by electing an actor as president
>Elect reality TV star
>Probably a CIA coup or something

>>2145701
>The Emus dont control Australia

That's what they want you to think

Korea

>man this place has a lot of mountains and shiet, let's settle here
>let's show fug those Jomons up and show them how to grow rice :-DDDDD
>shiet let's be a bunch of warring states like the chinks
>shiet we Han now
>let's fug some nomads :-DDDD
>shiet we Mongols now
>fuck yuo Mongols
>jew the fuck out of chinks by abusing the tributary system and paying lip service every now and then
>how you want your court politics
>just fuck my shit up until the 16th century
>say no more senpai
>fuck yuo Jurchens
>oh shit it's the Japs
>fuck yuo Qing
>f-fug it was just a prank bro :-DDDDD
>we Han successors now
>fuck everyone we Hermit Kingdom now
>oh shit Qings BTFO
>oh shit Japs
>R-Russia pls save us
>Empress gets fucking stabbed by Japanese with the help of collaborators
>fug we Japanese now
>fug this is worse than being Mongol
>d-dainippon teikoku b-banzai
>beat the shit out of POWs
>WE INDEPENDENCE NOW
>but not really
>WE BLOOD WAR NOW
>turkey truley yuo are my greatest ally
>we armistice now i guess
>kekeke yes jjokbari, pay reparations, remember the cultural shoah
>Park Chung-hee does literally nothing wrong
>except for the whole corruption part
>literally every leader continues the proud historical tradition of being hilariously corrupt and fucking each other and the country over

We are our own worst enemy. While the Anglos are known for national perfidy, truly we Koreans have mastered the art of individual dickassery.

>>2138915
Literally "Adolf told us we're Aryan" tier.

>>2145694
Killing POWs is a horrible thing, but i'm tired of this
>kill between 6 and 8 thousand POWs that ran to a UN protected zone
>worst genocide ever, you monsters
>just a year earlier 1 million tutis, 70% of their population is killed
>no one gives a shit

>>2146053
>70% of population dead
>Tutsi's still able to march through miles of hostile jungle turf and take Congo's capital
Really now shoulda just handed them the conflict
let em win it

>>2146029
>>jew the fuck out of chinks by abusing the tributary system and paying lip service every now and then
Were Koreans always the Jews of Asia?

>>2138892
>Be a Colonist
>Chimp out for 200 years

File: 1389763729722.png (925KB, 2143x2507px) Image search: [Google]

925KB, 2143x2507px

>>2146078

>Hey Joseon you only have to pay tribute once every three years :)
>lol nah, we'll pay Great Ming tribute three times a year. looking forward to ur gifts bros :-DDDDD t. Kwak Jong-soo

Hilariously enough, despite our constant jewing of the chinks, we were swell lads to the point that one of the Ming emperors was bros4lyfe with a Joseon king, as well as Joseon being granted the use of the four clawed dragon.

>>2138892
Serbia

>Good Dynasties (Nemanjici, Karadjordjevici)
>Being ruled by Kebabs for 500 years
>Hell (as a warhole) (Uprisings, wars, Kebabs)
>Yugoslavia and commies
>Milosevic and NATO bombings
>Tesla, Karadzic, Pupin
>In the middle between the West and the East

>>2146185
I will make it bigger though:
>Be known as a warhole
>At first be ruled by a good dynasty (Nemanjici) up until the 14th century
>Our first famous enlightener was Saint Sava
>Our first king ever was Stefan the Firstcrowned
>The most badass king from the dynasty was Dusan the Forceful, who conquered many territories and even became our first Emperor
>The Empire has gone shit immediately after Dusan’s death and during the ruling of his son Uros
>Uros didn’t rule this kingdom properly, so the Mrnjavcevic brothers ruled this land up until their death at the Marica battle (1371)
>KOSOVO JE SRBIJA 1389!!! Car Lazar vs. Murat
>Emperor Lazar’s son was a good poet
>shit Kebabs
>shithole Kebabs
>do not even try it Kebabs
>Vuk Karadzic, Dositej Obradovic, Pupin, Tesla etc
>Serbian Uprisings (There were 2) and two dynasties (Karadjordjevici and Obrenovici)
>Independence 1878
>Peace
>Balkan Wars 1912-1913 Remove Kebab
>Here is the lesson in trickery, this will go down the history, If you want Serbia to be number one, you just have to start World War I
>Kingdom Yugoslavia
>WWII, Jasenovac, Partizans and Chetniks
>Commie Yugoslavia
>member the 90s
>Serbia became independent once again
>shit Progressives, Democrats etc