ITT: Historical greentext

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>be me
>be king of england
>wife wont give male heir
>really need one to secure dynasty
>can't get divorce from pope because wife is holy roman emperor's aunt
>spend 7 years trying to get divorce
>tfw no pussy for 7 years because anne won't let me have other mistresses
>still no divorce
>fuck it, just give pope the finger and declare myself head of the church of england
>new wife gives me daughter
>wew lad
>its okay we'll have sons soon
>two stillborns
>gonnahavetobeheadabitch.jpeg
>have jousting accident
>now my leg hurts
>still have no son
>mfw

>>2017782
>be me
>walking down street with friends
>see some guy in a car
>shoot him
>try to drown self
>fail
>ohwell.jpg

>>2019570
Princip?

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>>2017782
>Go to school
>I'm really good but my career path is incredibly hard to get into
>take the test multiple times
>fail
>see some white guy in the street talking about Jesus
>Gives me book
>I like reading so I'll give it a go eventually but not now
>have crazy whacked out dream where this white dude says I'm his brother and it's my duty to cleanse the world
>read book
>Oh shit, that was totally Jesus. I'm also a son of god
>Go to tell people about it
>Set up Autocratic Draconian State
>kill 20-30 million people
>Qing end up selling out China to kill me
>worthit.jpg

>>2019587
yep

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>Be me
>want to liberate working class
>do this from the get go
>freedom of press, workers representation
>pretty cool desu
>fucking Bolsheviks have still yet to liberate working class
>their people are under totalitarian control
>have yet to hand over control to working class people
>call us a bunch of rabble rousers and thieves
>mfw

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>Be me
>finally got my country out of a 26 year war
>finally, I can work on reclaiming lost territory
>receive letter from arabs
>perhaps it's from the Ghassanids?
>"CONVERT TO ISLAM OR ALLAH SHALL REAP HIS WRATH OVER YOUR EMPIRE"
>wtf.jpg
>discard letter

>some time later

>general comes in
>"What is it, soldier? Have you news from Lombardy?"
>general briefs me on a bunch of arabs gone wild because of some dude named Muhammad who told them to drink camel piss and dip flies in their drink and food to cure diseases gotten by said flies
>they allahu akbar'd the Ghassanids and Mesopotamia
>allahu akbaring the Levant
>fuck that shit, i'm gonna fuck these infidels up
>general reminds me that my military has gone to shit because of the fucking 26 year war with my neighbor
>are you fucking serious
> say fuck it, gonna try to destroy them anyways
>meet arabs at Yarmouk
>I'm gonna fuck their shit up
>oh shit wtf they're actually winning
>ARMY BTFO BY ARABS
>Levant gets allahu akbar'd permanently
>die in capital
>mfw it was all Phocas' fault

>>2019734
Reading any summary of the events surrounding Makhno and the Black Army is fucking rage inducing. The Bolsheviks really were complete and utter scum.