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Nothingness

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I know this is blogshit but i don't care, i have nowhere else to go and r9k is a cesspit.

After many years of self-reflection and trying to painlessly blend into the world, i think i've reached a point of no return. I can feel my sanity slowly abandoning me. This world has killed everything that was once good and innocent inside me. It has made feel nothing but fear, hate, mistrust, paranoia. I know it's hard to imagine but i completely abandoned all feelings that could bring me happiness. I cannot remember when was the last time i laughed or smiled because something or someone made me legit happy. No one around me is worthy of my love, i have closed myself into a shell no one can break into. I cursed and abandoned my own family, the ones who brought into this sad world. I keep pushing back from me anyone who tries to get closer, i'm mad and angry at people all the time, i always yell at them and curse them. I feel like there's nothing left of me. I am seriously considering suicide at this moment. I mean, i'll die one day anyway, so what's the point of prolonging this journey? For some pathetic glimmer of hope that might not even realize itself? I don't think so.

Now where does the problem lie? Is it me or is it the world? I believe it's a little of both. There is obviously something wrong with my surroundings, otherwise i'd never feel the things i feel now. Maybe i was too idealistic, maybe i genuinely had optimism and energy. But this energy shattered, and i don't know how to regain it anymore.

How do you survive? What makes you keep going? What makes you still feel happiness, what makes you smile? Why do you still do it?
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I haven't been happy in a very long time, but it's fine. I might suffer from some chemical imbalance or something, but I've long since given up on happiness being a goal to work towards. Instead, I have my own ideas about how a life is well spent and I work to the end of achieving that. Life has no purpose except the one you give to it; if you're unhappy with your life, it's either because you are not working toward what you believe to be a successful and fulfilling life, or maybe because you haven't figured out what you think it means to have a fulfilling life. Figure out what you really want out of life and start moving towards it. Goals are important because they give us something to work towards and benchmarks by which we can measure our progress.
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sunshine and exercise. Lift heavy- low reps. Get your cardio up. Drop sugar. Switch to plant based non processed food diet. Get your protein from whey.

Try that for a couple months. If it doesn't work, head to the doctor and grab something for depression.

You aren't healthy. Your problems aren't philosophical, it's just your brain trying to rationalize why it feels shitty all the time. Acknowledge your disease, and be responsible enough to seek treatment.
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>>1973665
so all of these negative emotions you're feeling seem to be focused around the idea that you need to interact with people to be happy. are you sure this is true?

>where does the problem lie?
there's no such thing as an objective "problem". it's a label abstractly applied to things that displease you. you can label things however you wish. if you want to be the problem, go ahead, maybe you'll get "fixed" with that mindset. you can blame society too if you want, fuck it, idle away on a balcony booing at them.
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>>1973665
>Is it me or is it the world? I believe it's a little of both.
Sure youngfriend, but ultimately it is you, since you choose how to react to the world. You may need religion.

According to Christianity, if the world hated Jesus, it will hate you too. And if you do love the world, the love of the Father is not in you. Read the Bible and/or Kierkegaard.
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>>1973665
Sage
>>
>>1973665
#1 Eat some food and take some nice deep breaths.

#2 If you're a NEET, stop. Get an education, apply for jobs, and/or volunteer. At the very least, have some kind of obligation that requires you to get up in the morning and go outside.

#3 Self-reflection can be very valuable, but don't let your thoughts take you into a downward spiral. Recognize your own thought patterns and avoid getting stuck in dark places.

#4 Start talking to someone IRL about your feelings. Could be a therapist/psychologist, could be someone you know, could be anyone. Talking about your problems over the internet gives you very different feelings than talking one-on-one with a physical person.

#5 Acquire a consistent pattern to govern your life. If you have a pattern, find ways to change it up from day to day. Try new things. It could be in the most small, trivial ways.

#6 Stop trying to seek absolute happiness, you will only try to contrast an unachievable "ideal" state of being with your own imperfect life. Rather, find something to do and do it. Fulfillment will only come when you don't notice it.

#7 The world is not "happy" or "sad", it just is what it is. Absolutes will always come up short, especially when they're formulated by a subjective lens.

#8 There is no happiness or peace in non-existence, there is simply "nothing". A "nothing" that we cannot possibly imagine. Fearing such an unknown is healthy and natural, and all attempts to squash that fear are inherently dishonest.

#9 Stop frogposting.
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>>1973665
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:18, 19
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