Alright anons your Paris, what do you do?

Pick Athena obviously. Best bribe, best waifu.

my goat and I desire to be left alone if you don´t mind

>>1877920
>Picking the most whinny goddess
If I could have I would have given it to Hestia, now there's a waifu

>>1877925
What the fuck is whinny?

>>1877928
You know whinny, like she always complains

>>1877934
lel I thought you were calling her horse-faced or something. You mean whiny.

How is she even whiny though? Sounds more like Hera. Athena is basically perfect.

>>1877949
Athena's a giant asshole
>I challenged this girl to a weaving contest and oh no she's beating me, so let me turn her into a spider
>Hey Poseidon raped one of my priestesses in my temple, well better turn her into a monster
>Hey Hector come over here I'll help you against Achilles, psych
The list goes on an on, the only good Goddesses to waifu are Hestia and Persephone

>>1877909
I don't even have a Paris.

>>1877909
With benefit of hindsight, or at the time if I was him... but I was me?

>>1878028
Of course with out hindsight or this is pointless

>>1878013
Wasn't Persephone even more of a hardass than Hades once she got settled in?

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>>1878033
Hm.

Athena is the only one that offers wisdom. The other two offer pussy and property, but only good old Athena offers anything of actual value. I pick her. Which is fine. I like her already.

>>1877909
Too beta to try and steal a Spartans 10/10 whore wife.

On the plus side I didn't destroy my civilization.

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>>1878066
She wasn't a whore. She was a good woman. During the Odyssey she's telling Odysseys' son how she came to her senses and realized she'd been tricked by a goddess and wanted to return home to her husband and daughter -- which she does.

Which is one of the few positive notes to emerge from the literal fucking shipwreck of the Trojan war. It was the largest rescue mission in antiquity...and it succeeded.

>>1878076
>wanting your wife back after she ran off with her lover for a decade and fucked him 24/7 the whole time

The original cuck.

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>>1877909
>mfw Artemis wasn't there
>she wouldn't offer that sweet virgin pussy for me telling her she's pretty
>I will never be the father of gods
I guess I'll choose Hera

>>1877920
Patrician choice.

>>1878013
What about Atalanta?

>>1878061
I don't know man pussy sounds great

>>1879697
Everything looks much better than the abomination that OP posted.

>>1877925
Athena literally had the best gift
>I will make you have intrinsic talents.

Hera offered Kingship of Europe and Asia. Aphro offered Helen. Both can be lost.

>>1879851
You can lose wisdom too, traumatic injuries were common in warlike societies

>>1877909
Give it to Athena.
Traditionally Hera is the most deserving, but her reward is more like a chore to the average man.
Aphrodite is very tempting, until you realize she's just offering beauty rather than love.
Athena is supposed to be the least deserving, but fuck it between her gift and her divine portfolio she's the most likely to successfully protect you from the ires of the other two, so she gets it.

>>1879760
>What about Atalanta?
Not a goddess.

>>1879909
>she's the most likely to successfully protect you from the ires of the other two, so she gets it.
I'd trust Hera more to protect me. She's got a lot of loyalty and a lot of jealousy. Choose her if only to not piss her off.

>>1879922
Traditionally Hera is the goddess that gets fucked over the most. No way I'm trusting her not to get hoodwinked by Aphrodite or Athena.
Besides her prize is a fucking kingdom. What the fuck am I gonna do with a fucking kingdom? I don't want the hassle, and I don't have the competences for ruling it even if I did.
I'd much rather have a waifu (granted, Helen came with way too many strings attached to be considered a decent reward too) or an actual brain upgrade.

>>1879947
There was no way Paris would've chosen the mind upgrade seeing how his sister was Cassandra. All of the choices were some monkey's paw bullshit. Paris probably chose the safest one and it still resulted in the destruction of his kingdom

>>1879967
>There was no way Paris would've chosen the mind upgrade seeing how his sister was Cassandra.
What has that to do with anything? He didn't even know about his parentage at that point I think. And even if he did, I'm not seeing the relevance.
And I'm not seeing the downsides of Athena's offer either, aside from the ires of the other two divine bitches.

>>1879989
It would've been similar where he was super smart but no one gave a shit about anything he said so his intelligence was useless

>>1879998
That's ridiculous, the benefits of being smart and wise aren't dependent on others. Besides where is it said that nobody would give a shit about what Paris said anyway?

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>>1877920
>Best waifu
Do you mean all of Greek mythology? If so Hecate is the best waifu of them all, prove me wrong.

>>1880025
What would he do with it then? What would be the point of intelligence if you couldn't make productive use of that intelligence?

>>1880042
>What would he do with it then?
Anything. Invent or build shit, trade, become a merc, literally fucking anything. Hell stay on his fucking hills and just chill while being the best farmer and shepard in the Ida region.
Where is it even said that he wouldn't be able to make use of his intelligence?

>>1880072
The point of the myth is that no matter which one he chose the other two would be pissed and come after him. Intelligence wouldn't help him much when Aphrodite sends Ares after him nor when Hera convinces everyone around you to fuck you up. Being the most powerful man in the world would be his only chance of actually surviving.

>>1879892
Athena offered Wisdom AND skill in war.

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>>1877909
Eat that fucking apple and tell those bitches to stay out of my sun.

>>1877909

Surrender

Zeus made a good choice here handing off the decision to Paris instead of dealing with the other godesses ire
Really though the decision that would've caused the least strife for everyone would've probably been taking Athena's offer, but it wouldn't make for as good a story

>>1877924

underrated

>>1878049

No, she became the main ruler but she was always called "Kindly Persephone". Hades isn't a bad guy either, people fear him because they fear death, but he's content to keep to himself and his judgement is always just and sometimes gentle.

>>1878061
>"The wisdom I grant you is this: You should have picked the pussy."
>*micdrop*

>>1878076
>wanted to return home to her husband and daughter -- which she does.

Uhh.... only to murder her husband in revenge for Paris. Real "coming to your senses" material.

>>1879697

Artemis is a virgin deity like Athena, she once killed a man for accidentally seeing her naked and is essentially the butchest of butch dykes, you really think she'd lay with YOU? I mean I don't want to be rude, but LOOK at you!

>>1879892
>>1879851

Also death. The legends of Alexander and Paris are honored even to this day, no-one mentions Anon the wise goatherd who live a good life and died alone.

>>1879947
>Traditionally Hera is the goddess that gets fucked over the most.

This is because her cult was based in Argos and not in Athens, so we get a very biased view of her. On the Peloponnese, Hera was viewed at the kindly protective goddess and Athena was the but of all the jokes.

>>1880374
Is Athena still a virgin if Hephaestus came all over her?

>>1880398

Yes. She's the "Parth" in Partheon, which means "place of the virgin". Her virginity is eternal, like saint Mary's.

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>>1877909

Give it back to Eris. Go play your mischief elsewhere!

>>1880268
>Eat that fucking apple and tell those bitches to stay on my cock

Fix'd that for ya

>>1880268
>Eat that fucking apple

You- you realise it's made of gold, right?

>>1879760
>Atalanta
Does she drink lean and listen to trap?

>>1880590

it bestows immortality if you eat it

>>1880629
What's immortality good for if you have no fucking teeth?

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>Not choosing Hebe as best Greek Waifu


I am so ashamed of you right now /his/

>>1880629

You're thinking of the apples of Idun, or possibly the pomegranates the Sumerian gods ate to become immortal. The apple of discord was made of gold and embossed with the motto "for the fairest".

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>>1880641

>>1880590

Eat.The.Fucking.Apple.

Teach them humanity is hardcore and don't play by no rules.

>>1880646
>apples of Idun

Was thinking about the apples of Hesperides

>>1880650

Well, choking to death on an apple-sized chunk of gold you're trying to swallow will certainly make an impression.

Say beforehand that I won't accept any gifts in exchange for my judgement then pick honestly (chances are aphrodite would be the most physically attractive) and then hope at least one of the goddesses I don't pick thinks I've been just. Alternatively all three of them will be pissed and take their revenge immediately, without fucking up my home for a decade.

>>1880660

Honestly, trying to eat it is probably your only shot of getting out of it with your fate, if not teeth, intact.

-"What is he d...oh hell, he's eating it. Of course. What were we thinking?"

>>1880670

The gifts are incidental, it's the act of choosing that is the poison chalice. Zeus is the wisest of the gods, and he cleverly dropped this little doozie on poor old Paris.

The only winning move is not to play. Claim to be an inadequate judge and pass the responsibility to someone else.

>>1880670
>without fucking up my home for a decade.
they'll fuck it up for eternity, greek gods are spiteful cunts

>>1880673
>yfw the Greek gods once watched a human choke to death on a solid gold apple
>this is why they treat mortals as children and imbeciles

IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

>>1880674
So judgement essentially becomes The Ring tape? Not a bad idea

>>1880681

There's a good horror movie premise in there.

>>1880683
We need more horror movies based on greek mythology in general, most of it is pretty fucked

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>>1880697
>no matter where you run
>he will chase you
>no matter how you hide
>he will find you
>LABYRINTH
>all paths lead to FEAR

>>1877909
Pick Athena, with her blessings seize all of Asia, conquer Greece, take Helen as one among my vast imperial harem.
Also she's obviously the hottest herself.

>>1880362
According to what source?

>>1880590
>>1880646
It's assumed to be a golden (as in gold colored but edible) apple from the Hesperides which in fact gave people immortality.

>>1880730
>pick Athena for wisdom
>nothing happens
>yfw you were wise already because you correctly assumed that you are ignorant, that's why you craved for wisdom, but realizing your ignorance is wisdom already.

Just pick wealth or pussy.

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>>1880858

Then Paris a retard and apple-eating guy is the REAL winner.

Atheists BTFO

>>1880879
Maybe the story is actually a fable that says don't believe in promises and bribes, instead, try to forge your own fortune, you will be much better off?

>>1880730
>Also she's obviously the hottest herself.
Tradition wants that Hera is the hottest, but prim adn shrewish so she underperforms.
Then comes Aphrodite, who is a slut and expert in charming men, so she overperforms.
Last comes Athena, who is androginous and beyond femininity, so she doesn't even compare.

>>1880867
I'd laugh and and go fuck my lovely, holy wife Oenone.

>>1880674
>Zeus is the wisest of the gods
Top kek, absolutely not.
Still, choosing is indeed a trap in itself.

>>1880902
Incorrect. Athena is the hottest.

>>1880901

But Anon it's written in a book so it can't be made up. That's what my preacher said when I asked about Samson.

>>1877909
I don't like old hags.

>>1880909
In your headcanon, sure. But then only you care about your headcanon.

>>1880908

What god do you think is wiser than Zeus? In later Antiquity he was endowed with attributes of being all-knowing like Christians would later claim for their guy, but even in the earliest myths he's the cunning god.

>>1880914
>canonical hotness
Taste isn't the same between all.

>>1880923
Ah but cunning is not the same as wise.
Coeus, Phoebe, Metis, Athena, Apollo are all supposed to be wiser in traditional greek religion. It's a bit inappropriate to consider late antiquity, because by then Zeus is not really the greek Zeus anymore, he's simply the agglomerate of all mediterranean chief gods.

>>1880923
Horus for one. He tricks Set constantly with brains over brawn.

Zeus is constantly shown to be worshiped just because he's the strongest Olympian not the wisest.

>>1880944
You can't really call on taste.
It's a tale, the goddesses don't exist in the flesh. Their beauty exist only in how they're described and compared to each other.

Athena. On a side note what the fuck is the point of Ares? He's the god of war but gets thoroughly BTFO by Athena, who's also associated with war but a host of other shit too. If he's not the best at fighting what's the point? Every confrontation he's less impressive like when Athena renewed Diomedes' vigor to defeat both Aphrodite and Ares.

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Here's a question: why did everyone paint these divinely beautiful goddesses as fucking landwhales?

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>>1880987

I mean, fucking hell.

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>>1880995

How about instead of an apple, you compete for a fucking Stairmaster?

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>>1877909
the answer is Hera. if you own half of the known world, you can have any woman or book you want. It's just more choice, and it's not like you HAVE to rule your kingdom for more than a day, anyways.

Also Hestia is best goddess

>>1880946

Zeus is the lord of all knowledge, look at his daughters, they have names like "Memory" and "Mind". Athena is of course also his daughter, and again she is a paragon of wisdom (for the northern Greeks, in the South she was the wicked vengeful figure and Hera was the wise one).

>Apollo
He is the father of civilization, but Zeus is the father of philosophy.

>>1880953
>Zeus is constantly shown to be worshiped just because he's the strongest Olympian not the wisest.

What? He literally became King of the Gods thru trickery.

>>1880982
>On a side note what the fuck is the point of Ares?
He represents physical combat and savagery, as opposed to Athena's strategy and generalship. He's supposed to get rekt, to show the power of brain over brawn.
Yeah he's a shit war god, the dignified view of Ares we have nowadays is basically all due to Mars, who was actually seen as a positive divinity, a guardian and a soldier rather than brutal warrior.

>>1881000

I think we can all agree that Aphrodite was the absolute worst choice.

Paris was already a Trojan prince, he could get plenty of hot girlfriends whenever he wanted.

That said, choosing the others would have had major catches as well. Hera makes you king of Europe and Asia? Terrific, your subjects are now in revolt against the king. Athena gives your wisdom and skill in battle? Great, now you're just smart enough to know how fucked you are when the Greeks come a rapin'.

>>1881008
>>1880982

It's also regional. Sparta had a great temple to Ares and honored him as the God of Hoplites. Naturally this made the Athenians cautious of the god's cult and since they wrote the only books we have from the period, their view has become our view.

>>1881007

He can dish it out, but he can't take it. He gets tricked just as often as he tricks.

Zeus is clever, not wise.

>>1881020

She offered a teenage boy the literally hottest woman ever. Hera and Athena never stood a chance what does a young man care for power or wisdom when he's jacking off nine times a day while he watches goats.

>>1880953
If you think another god is cleverer than Zeus- the Homeric reference for intelligence- then why hasn't Zeus been overthrown? Except Athena, who may well be his match, but she is Zeus's wisdom, and loves him.
>>1880953
You consider Seth to be Zeus, then? Their mutual identification with Ba'al would support this, but the Greeks themselves considered Ammon to be Zeus and Seth to be Typhon, who was conquered by Zeus.
>>1880958
There are canonical, sculpted depictions of the gods in human form, anon. I've seen Athena right next to Aphrodite. I know well which I'd pick.
Also, Athena is a deliberate and well-courted virgin. This makes her insanely desirable, since her favors ever being yielded- which they will not be- would be so much more an honor.
Moreover to have wisdom is superior to having vulgar pleasure, since the former is not only pleasurable in itself, but required to truly have and keep secure vulgar pleasure.

>>1881029

Hmm... yeah, in retrospect, that probably was the better pitch after they got him all riled up with their godly blowjob contest or whatever.

>>1881025

In the early myths sure he's not all-knowing. But then Yahweh is persuaded by argument to change his mind in the Bible. Concepts of Zeus changed over the course of time, particularly under the influence of the philosophers and the Greek mystery religions.

>>1877909
Didn't Aphrodite cheat by seducing him with Goddess power?

>>1881030
>There are canonical, sculpted depictions of the gods in human form, anon. I've seen Athena right next to Aphrodite. I know well which I'd pick.
>Also, Athena is a deliberate and well-courted virgin. This makes her insanely desirable, since her favors ever being yielded- which they will not be- would be so much more an honor.

This is literally why Saint Mary is mai waifu. So pure and untouchable, just picturing her huge demure Jewish eyes as she sucks on my cock make me diamonds.

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>>1877909
I choose myself.

>>1881050

You realise that didn't end well, right?

Ask for one of them to bring back Adonis and make him seem unattractive to anyone but me, oh and make him a homo for me and able to carry children, but still retain his male genitalia and no female ones. Whoever can do that, gets my pick. I'm betting it won't be Athena and probably not Aphrodite either.

>>1881058

How could you possibly think this will end well?

>>1877909
Eat the apple because any who offer bribes for it are not worthy.

Or just give it to Hestia I guess

>>1881049
There's a part of me left over from my old half-adopted Catholicism that makes me want to scream at you 'BLASPHEMER BLASPHEMER'.
But I don't think that's sensical, and that would be hypocritical of me to fantasize of Athena on the one hand and deplore doing so of Maria on the other; though I find the Greek mythology far more rational and beautiful than the Christian.
I'm diamonds too now.

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>>1881084
>yfw you die and Olympian Zeus condemns you to Tartarus for soiling the image of his daughter

Who has the most rocking tits and fidelity to me?

>>1881093

Hera is objectively the hottest, Aphrodite is the sexiest. But Hera will stick with you thru anything, she's the most loyal to her followers of all the gods.

>>1881090
I'm scared and I don't have any oxen to spare.

Why were the Greeks so pessimistic about gods? Paris did a virtuous thing by fairly judging a bull contest, and suddenly Zeus fucks him and his entire nation over for it.

>>1881110

Just goes to show the deep wisdom and truth of the age-old proverb, "Always own an ox".

>>1881111
Zeus fucked them over because he was the god of hospitality. Paris violated Agamemnon's hospitality by stealing Helen, regardless of whether Aphrodite promised her to him.

>>1881111

Sick digits.

The God in the earliest times were analogies force forces of nature. And nature is capricious, and so are the Gods. But bear in mind that the sources such as Homer were ancient even in the Classical period, and Greek ideas about their gods continued to evolve, culminating in the mystery religions and pagan monotheism.

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>>1877909
So this inspired me to check wikipedia and..

>The subject became popular in art from the late Middle Ages onwards. All three goddesses were usually shown nude, though in ancient art only Aphrodite is ever unclothed, and not always.[8]
>The opportunity for three female nudes was a large part of the attraction of the subject.

Some things never change.

>>1881125
But the judgement itself would fuck him over. The two other goddesses would destroy him.

>>1881137

So pick Hera, she's the only one with the stamina for a prolonged campaign. Notice how Aphrodite got in one little fight and immediately NOPED the fuck out at Troy, meanwhile Jason dies an old man literally under the weight of Hera's love.

Paris picked a quitter, Hera is Best Girl.

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>>1881090
>yfw Olympian Zeus elevates you to Olympus that you may soil yourself with that of which his daughter is the image

Hephaestus did NOTHING wrong

>>1881153
>Paris picked a quitter, Hera is Best Girl.
this

>>1881162

He's a nerd.

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>>1881173
dlt ths

>>1877909
>Alright anons your Paris, what do you do?
Fill myself with illiterate Africans and Arabs because I'm scared of being called racist by socialists

>>1881134
>All three goddesses were usually shown nude, though in ancient art only Aphrodite is ever unclothed, and not always.
This really bothers me, because Athena is supposed to be chaste while Hera is supposed to be loyal. Only Aphrodite is slutty enough to get naked, and as far as I remember, that's the reason she could compete with Hera (who's canonically the most beautiful) to begin with.

Poor Athena never had a chance though. At least she had the last laugh, I guess.

>>1881192
This is why we can't have nice things.

>>>/pol/

>>1881218
>Anyone who doesn't want the west to become a third world shithole is from /pol/
anon plz

I'd ask for a day to think about it then bury it underground and ask Hades to hide it.

Then kill myself.,

Better than having a load of pissed off goddesses after me.

>>1881125
*Menelaus's but yes.
Mindless Trojan apologists really bother me.
There was clear jus ad bellum- the Trojans' breaking of the mutual bond of peace and hospitality, and their continuous violation of it which they could end at any time. Then from the Iliad we see that they continued to hoard Helen even after doing so was a further violation of sworn treaty.
Looking at the Trojans themselves, we find Paris an utter degenerate and the worst of men. Æneas is weak and cowardly (and from Virgil a madman and monster). Priam is a horrible king who murders his people out of inordinate affection and weakness of will- this is opposite of Agamemnon's sin, which is an excess of will and arrogance. Hector is a noble and charitable and brave man- but this is also his fault, in that his virtues, admirable in any other context, prevent him from doing what really needs to be done and turning Paris over to be stoned as he admits he deserves.
The Iliad is the portrayal of the fall of a civilization to barbarians of greater virtue.
Moreover Athena was against Troy <3
>>1881162
He made arms for Æneas.

Choose hera and still cuck melonman since I now rule two continents and he wont be able to do shit

>>1881222
Anyone obsessed enough to randomly bring it up in a completely unrelated thread where people are happily discussing the topic belongs to /pol/.

Go away.

>>1881228
What would happen if you eat an immortality apple in Hades after having died?

>>1881261
>jokes anger him
you must be a fun one at parties

Choose Athena in exchange for fugging her.

>>1881228
good job, now all 3 goddesses are mad at you
enjoy eternal torture

>>1881278
I don't know, at least I'm able to talk about more than one topic instead of repeating the same thing over and over again for eternity.

>>1881279
She's chaste, you literally can't fuck her

>>1881300
Not willingly you mean

>>1881289
Well good for you sport! Now all you need is a sense of humor and people might just mistake you for a non-autist!

>>1881314
I find your comment unfunny precisely because I have an actual sense of humor. You fail to realize how childish the "humor" in your "joke" was just as much as you fail to realize how annoying you and the rest of /pol/ are.

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>>1881348
>claims to have sense of humor
>manages to get anally ravaged by some wordplay
sure thing buddy keep telling yourself that

>>1881372
I'm not mad at a dumb joke, if I seem irritated it's because I'm tired of dealing with people like you who try to make everything an inside joke about their own interests, no matter that it will be unfunny to everyone outside their echo chambers.

>>1881433
Sorry anon, ill put a trigger warning in front of my posts from now on so that none of the anonymous posters on the internet get their panties in a bunch

>>1881348

3rd party here. You made your own shitstorm with your dumbass remark to tell him to go to /pol/.

If you see a post you don't like, ignore it. You didn't, and now it's what the thread is about.

You're not standing up for anything, let alone a better /his/. He made an arguably bad post. You made an unarguably bad thread because of it. You didn't even say anything meaningful, you just picked a fight. You are the problem.

Anyone else on this topic is not me. I am done with your worthless ass.

>>1881483
>I can't talk back so I'll compare you with an SJW
I shouldn't expect more from you.

>>1881536
I actually agree with you somewhat. I did realize a little too late I was just picking a fight with a faggot for no reason.

Not that I regret telling him to fuck off, and I do think you're blowing it out of proportion, as it has only been about 4 back and forths and not a "shitstorm".

>>1881604
Great job, you fucked up an entire thread with you raging autism

>>1881641
Is there any point at all in repeating what was said two posts ago?

>>1881659
You just can't stop replying and fuck off can you?

>>1881681
I can, but I had no reason to. Am I not allowed to ask questions now? And don't you think you're being hypocritical?

Ask the three to decide who wants me more as diplomatically as possible and watch the show

>>1881192
>everyone discussing classical history
>a newfaggot comes into the board to post /pol/ shit on /his/
>Thread ruined
For what purpose?

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Shut the fuck up and praise grey-eyed Athena.

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>>1881756
Ach, saved the lesser.

>>1881741
They'd all instantly say none of them want you and stare you down

>>1881755
>a newfaggot comes into the board and responds to a /pol/ post on /his/
>Thread ruined
Fuck off

>>1881776
>a newfaggot responds to a blatant shitpost
>thread ruined

>>1877909
Say none of them deserve the apple because they tried to bribe me. Call them vain. Give apple to Artemis and hope she protects me from their wrath.

>>1881802
Artemis is weak in this context, anon.
Moreover, what's the meaning of that? Becoming a celibate transwoman?
The only goddess one can reasonably cheat with is Persephone, since she -can- shield you from the other's wrath. But that's just suicide.
Perhaps Gaia might be acceptable to all, since she's the mother of all.

>>1877909
fug them and decide which felt better

>>1880268

That would make a degree of sense, if we interpret the inscription on the apple differently. Paris was chosen to judge the contest because he had a reputation in Olympus as a man of his word and a fair judge. So, if the apple is "for the fairest," then Paris technically fits, being the fairest judge, in the gods' eyes. Zeus would probably laugh his ass off at the exploitation of wordplay.

Plus he'd be immortal, so that's cool.

>>1877909
Why is that loli so smug?

>>1881954
That really wouldn't work. That wordplay doesn't really work in the Greek, and moreover the noun is feminine:
"In some later sources, Eris inscribed on the apple "for the fair"[3] or "to the fairest" before tossing it. The most popular version of the inscription is ΤΗΙ ΚΑΛΛΙΣΤΗΙ (Ancient Greek: τῇ kαλλίστῃ tē(i) kallistē(i), Modern Greek: τη kαλλίστη ti kallisti; "for/to the most beautiful").[4] Καλλίστῃ is the dative singular of the feminine superlative of kαλός, beautiful. In Latin sources, the word is formosissima.[5]"

>>1881954
Or he could give Hera the apple since Aphrodite says shes the most beautiful mortal.

>>1882073
I meant Helen

>>1877909
There's literally nothing wrong with giving it to Venus.

>>1877909
I'd check my post in case I had confused your with you're

>>1877909
bang the three of them

>>1879697
>artemis
>not a fucking feminist

>>1882041

I was forgetting the connotation and gender of the original inscription, yeah.

I'd bet Zeus would get a kick out of him having the balls to say "I'm the prettiest woman here," then eating it. He'd also get to lay a sick burn on three goddesses at the same time.

>>1882116
And? She's still qt and pure.

>>1881030
>why hasn't he been overthrown

His physical power and lightning bolts.

>>1881030
Zeus is literally more powerful than all of the other Olympian gods combined. The only time he was actually scared was when those Twins wanted to fuck his shit up and jammed Ares into a jar.

>>1881049
>This is literally why Saint Mary is mai waifu. So pure and untouchable, just picturing her huge demure Jewish eyes as she sucks on my cock make me diamonds.
Please, please go on.

>>1882121
And a man-hating lesbian.
How great it'd feel to shove your dick up all her holes.

>>1882168
>jammed Ares into a jar.
wat

>>1882375
They were like two really powerful giants, they were going to build a big ass pillar to reach the top of Olympus and fuck shit up. One wanted Artemis and the other wanted Hera. Ares tried to fight them and they stuffed his ass into a jar. Artemis ended up beating them by making them fight each other over her and they killed each other.

>>1882397
>they were going to build a big ass pillar to reach the top of Olympus and fuck shit up
>Artemis ended up beating them by making them fight each other over her and they killed each other
holy shit these parallels to the tower of Babel

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>>1881756
As you say

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>>1882851
Rather, as you COMMAND

>>1878460
It was more of a destroy everything you love and ruin my ex-wives new life.

>>1882852
I like Gustav Klimt

Give the apple to eris considering she dropped it

I demand to fuck aphrodite in ezchange for the applr

>>1881049
>>1882172
Delete this

How old was Pâris when he had to choose?

>>1880355
Note that the "Kindly Ones" was used to refer to the Furies so as not to anger them.

>>1880381
Plenty of philosophers and cult figures are still remembered today.

>>1879989
Cursed parentage, happens all the time.
>>1879998
Clearly he'd become so smart he'd become hubristic and somehow fuck everything up, like trying to outwit some god or other.
>>1880660
Killing yourself is the safest option here.
>>1881067
There's always a catch, might as well enjoy it while I can.

>>1881963

That's Eros/Cupid if I'm not mistaken. I think you can make the connection now

>>1880735
The movie probably
lmao none of these fags read the Iliad don't bother with them.

What does the "Pallas" mean in Pallas Athene?

>>1877909
Who's the little babe?

Make them swear that no matter who i choose, the other 2 will not fuck me over and will instead protect me from harm. Then pick Hera because she is indeed the fairest. Reject the bribe, sounds like a fucking chore.

>>1885838
Athena killed a dude named Pallas and wore his skin.

True story.

>>1885936

Oh... I thought it was a euthemism for her arms or something.

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>>1877909
There was literally no other choice.

>>1877909
In the Homeric Hymns, Aphrodite falls in love with the mortal Anchises. One day she shows up and says, "We're doing it". Anchises is reluctant because word on the street is that once you've slept with a goddess you can never get it up again. Aphrodite does not handle rejection well, so Anchises decides that having sex with her is better than being turned into a toad. The result was Aeneas.
The moral: stay away from the gods.

>>1881211

It's fairly likely that Athena wasn't in the original myth, which would make it a more classic type of dilemma (power vs love). Athens DID exist during the bronze age, but it was a backwater and it's patron goddess was unlikely to be widely known enough to have been memed into the Homeric epics.

>>1881265

You're now immortal, but you're still dead. Kerberus the three-headed dog guards the gates of Underworld, but his job isn't to keep people out...

>>1881308
>he wants to rape the virginal goddess of war
>whose father is the king of the gods
>and whose patron city is the leading Greek state

>>1886791
Athena was probably a leftover goddess from the Minoan era that Athens latched onto. She was important enough to be involved in the binding of Zeus, after all.

>>1882402
>parallels

It's likely it came from the Sumerian myth.

>>1886805

Unlikely, Athens had it's current name during the Bronze age (a plural form of Athena's name).

>>1886846
I'm not sure how that conflicts with what I said. Could you elaborate?

>>1886903

Given that a city named after her existed during the Minoan period, she wasn't a "leftover Minoan deity".

>>1886907
I mean leftover as in derived from a Minoan precursor, as opposed to derived from elsewhere like Aphrodite.

>>1886919

Oh okay then. She's more likely a Mycenaean deity given where she is worshiped, but many Greek deities have deep Minoan roots including the biggest ones Zeus and Dionysos.

>>1880406

I don't care if it's eternal, I just want to know if it's invincible.

>>1886948

Ares, the God of Jocks, tried and failed to take her virginity. Do you think you can do better than him?

>>1886953

Ares had a pretty poor track record in non-war related exploits and I'm a high test sort of fellow myself.

Also in my mind Athena resembles my ex so yeah. I couldn't not give it a go.

>>1886969
>Ares had a pretty poor track record in non-war related exploits

This is because Ares was the primary god of Sparta, and most of the written records we have are from Athens. The Spartans allegedly sacrificed humans to him, whihc seems unlikely, and puppies, which seems very likely. The Spartans also had a great temple with a statue of the god wrapped in chains, hinting at some lost tradition or possibly suggesting that the god is "bound" to the city of Sparta.

>>1886995
Sources?

>>1887003
>"Ares, exceeding in strength, chariot-rider, golden-helmed, doughty in heart, shield-bearer, Saviour of cities, harnessed in bronze, strong of arm, unwearying, mighty with the spear, O defence of Olympus, father of warlike Victory, ally of Themis, stern governor of the rebellious, leader of righteous men, sceptred King of manliness, who whirl your fiery sphere among the planets in their sevenfold courses through the aether wherein your blazing steeds ever bear you above the third firmament of heaven; hear me, helper of men, giver of dauntless youth! Shed down a kindly ray from above upon my life, and strength of war, that I may be able to drive away bitter cowardice from my head and crush down the deceitful impulses of my soul. Restrain also the keen fury of my heart which provokes me to tread the ways of blood-curdling strife. Rather, O blessed one, give you me boldness to abide within the harmless laws of peace, avoiding strife and hatred and the violent fiends of death."

>>1887012
...Source?
And that doesn't support your claims regardless.

>>1887028
>"To Ares, Fumigation from Frankincense. Magnanimous, unconquered, boisterous Ares, in darts rejoicing, and in bloody wars; fierce and untamed, whose mighty power can make the strongest walls from their foundations shake: mortal-destroying king, defiled with gore, pleased with war’s dreadful and tumultuous roar. Thee human blood, and swords, and spears delight, and the dire ruin of mad savage fight. Stay furious contests, and avenging strife, whose works with woe embitter human life; to lovely Aphrodite and to Dionysos yield, for arms exchange the labours of the field; encourage peace, to gentle works inclined, and give abundance, with benignant mind."

>>1887028
>>1887003
>In Greece itself the worship of Ares was not very general. At Athens he had a temple containing a statue made by Alcamenes (Paus. i. 8. § 5); at Geronthrae in Laconia he had a temple with a grove, where an annual festival was celebrated, during which no woman was allowed to approach the temple. (iii. 22. § 5.) He was also worshipped near Tegea, and in the town (viii. 44. § 6, 48. § 3), at Olympia (v. 15. § 4), near Thebes (Apollod. iii. 4. § 1), and at Sparta, where there was an ancient statue, representing the god in chains, to indicate that the martial spirit and victory were never to leave the city of Sparta. (Paus. iii. 15. § 5.) At Sparta human sacrifices were offered to Ares. (Apollod. Fragm. p. 1056, ed. Heyne.) The temples of this god were usually built outside the towns, probably to suggest the idea that he was to prevent enemies from approaching them.

I should point out that the temple to Ares in Athens was put there by the Romans, who of course equated their own soldier god Mars with Ares (although Mars is a much more sympathetic figure, the patron god of the citizen-soldier and a protector of Rome)

>>1883486
the Furies became the Eumenides as part of the establishment of patriarchal Athenian law, for the sake of the goodies they'd get out of being nurses and wives

>>1881090
> yfw you die and appear before Aphrodite who is eternally grateful to you for bringing her back from the void through the sheer amount of semen you tributes to her statues in your life

I can't wait desu

>>1886655

Truth. Only problem would be the fear of Hera's retaliation

>>1877909
As fate has commanded of course, it's like you people don't even get greek mythology.

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10 minutes into netflix and chill and cupid give you this look

>>1880406
>Yes. She's the "Parth" in Partheon, which means "place of the virgin". Her virginity is eternal, like saint Mary's.
I love how women think they are virgins when they have anal sex for months and give BJ to the first UPS delivery guy.