/his/torical fantasies

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>tfw you'll never be a b17 bomber's Gunner
>tfw you'll never drop a payload on a German city

>never being a Alexandrian cavalry companion.
>never tearing down the Persian Empire
>never fighting through ambushes in Afghanistan.
>never marrying an Afghan QT and having many kids.
>never crossing the Indus.
>never witnessing Alexander pettily destroying his army in the Gedrosia because we wanted to go home.
>never leaving the army to setting in the Fergana Valley raising horses
>never dying old, after many years telling great grand kids about how i rode with Alexander.

God its not fair.

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>I will never be a mongol raping my way through Europe

Really, any situation where the weapon I'm using is hideously overpowered compared to what the enemy is using.

>mowing down Soviet penal battalions with an MG42
>mowing down Confederates with a Henry lever action
>mowing down everyone with a Mongol compound bow
>mowing down Zulu with a Gatling gun
>running over German machine gun nests in a Renault FT
>running over Erdogan supporters in an M60 Patton
>using Greek fire to dispatch entire barbarian fleets
>strafing Mesopotamian tribes in a Sopwith camel

The only unfair fight is the one that I lose.

>be a Canaanite chieftain c.1400 BC
>receive news of an invading tribe of savages marching north through Sinai
>consult the priests of Baal, El, and Asherah
>organize an alliance of the various Canaanite tribes
>surround and wipe out this disorganized band of barbarians to the last man, woman, and child
>go home
>unknowingly save the world and millions of people from millennia of Abrahamic nonsense

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>tfw you'll never put jesus out of his misery

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>>1471000
Being a mongol wouldn't allow you to do that, since the mongols didn't rape and pillage through Europe.

The Magyars tho..

>>1471042
utterly based

>>1470875
That's actually pretty much my fantasy as well. Harem scenarios are appealing.

>>1472720
Slavs count.

>>1470875
>implying you would be successful in Ancient Rome when you can't even make eye contact with girls in the modern world.

>>1472785
are you from /r9k/?

>be a young noblewoman in medieval Europe
>get sent to a convent by your father in hopes it will cure you of your lusts for strange flesh
>seduce all of the other nuns instead and turn the place into a den of debauchery

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>>1470875
>tfw you'll never be a European noble
>tfw you'll never join the crusades as a knight
>tfw you'll never kill Saracens for the glory of the Church
>tfw you'll never be granted lands in the kingdom of Jerusalem
>tfw you'll never settle down with a humble mid-eastern qt christian woman
>tfw you'll never grow old with your desert waifu and father many children

life is pain and suffering lads

>will never be gifted or inherit a small barony
>will never ride on horseback through my estates managing my serfs
>will never possess a small band of loyal warriors
>will never oversee the construction of a new manor or fortification
>will never marry a pretty young girl and make babies with her

I know there was probably a fair amount of stress involved in being a Baron but I love the idea of watching my estates grow and prosper on land where I am the law

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>tfw youll never slaughter protestnats left and right as did your ancestor
>tfw youll never be the comptroller of poitiers and one of the richest people in france as did your ancestor
>tfw you will never own a whole town with peasants on the st laurent as did your ancestor
>tfw youll never scare away a provincial invasion force and save nouvelle france as did your ancestor

how will i live up to this?

>>1472998
Arguing about semantics with equally stupid and worthless people on a cancerous website

>>1472992
The last one is doable

>ywn be an ottoman pasha ruling some north african city
>ywn fill your harem with the european qts the corsairs bring in

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>>1470875
Ancient Rome smelled like an open sewer because well, it was one. You could smell it long before you saw it.

>>1470907
I like my nuts thank you.

The only thing I want to do is observe and copy down books/scrolls. Maybe ruin the timeline with a cute girl and hope their ancient diseases don't kill me/I annihilate their population.

Actually, maybe that's how all the plagues got started - by time travelers being careless fucks.

>>1470978
m8 you can fight trough ambushes in Afghanistan right now

>>1473111
Only some parts of Ancient Rome smelt bad. Sure the wind could blow the smell from suburba towards the center, but on an average day it smelt like any pre-industrialized city

>>1470875
>ywn be a grizzled spanish mercenary working for Hamilcar Barca
>ywn take Saguntum alongside his don Hannibal
>ywn cross the Pyrenees into lower Gaul in an uneasy allience with the tribes
>ywn circumnavigate Massalia and narrowly avoid confrontation with the consualr army
>ywn follow your commander through the frozen hell of the Alpine winter
>ywn see countless comrades die from hunger, cold, sickness, or ambushes from mountain tribes
>ywn follow Hannibal to Northern Italy
>ywn stand proud as the Romans charge you at Trebia
>ywn charge down on the unsuspecting Romans as they fall into the Traismine drowning by the thousands
>ywn feel the heat and fear on the air of Cannae
>ywn be pushed to the breaking point as the line nearly breaks
>ywn glance over and see Hannibal in the thick of the melee fighting as bravely as his men
>ywn feel that relief as the calvary returns, slamming into the pinned Romans
>ywn feel that utter emptiness after spending literal hours killing thousands of trapped Romans
>ywn move from town to town in southern Italy for years, unable to find that next deciding battle
>ywn hear of the Roman victories in your homeland at the hands of some Roman kid
>ywn sail to North Africa eith Hannibal, seeing the rage on his face as the cowards from his home aid him only to save their own skins
>ywn feel that dread and acceptance when the battle at Zama started to turn to the Romans advantage
>ywn die a good honorable death, faithful to the man who saw you through hell and back only to be defeated by his countrymen and that Roman kid who learned all that Hannibal knew

>ywn take a bunch of acid in the 60's and be in an innovative rock band that dictates the course of popular music to come

Pretty contemporary feel

>>1470978
Alexander lost to Indians lmfao

>>1472966
>ywn go viking for two years to get rich and come back with a feisty ginger concubine that your wife will have threesomes with