/h/ is producing its own hentai manga!

>>4409287
Don't know what is going on here, but it needs moar lolis.

>>4409333
Agreed

Oh right also, what we currently have:

Script: googl /EYNy4i
Page test: googl /FGbXSs

>>4409333

While I agree, loli is banned on /h/. As this is the /h/ manga, it's not going to happen.

>>4409981
Why are you using the googl links?
Just use the full links.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QZnIXJFjVVtUD7_0PrtlE7zBDDEXgVPO7Bgqdqd5j8A/edit
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1zcpDghTeMKhUxxHL66U1pbpCZDyCDBo2JNVOlAL0tsA/edit

>>4409287
I'm not sure if this is the worst thing ever or the best thing ever

>>4410005
And the /h/ manga itself is also against the rules because it's western made.

>>4410570
oh snap

Well, I guess we better cease and desist, then!

>>4410571
Or at least make an effort to make it look passably japanese.

>>4410570
Hey you don't know if any of us are Japanese or not.

>>4410908
I love this. As long as the writers/artists/contributors remain anonymous this is essentially Schrodinger's hentai.

so its happening?

>>4411305
Probably not
Unless people are getting paid.

>>4409287
I'm slightly hyped.

>>4412266
I'm cautiously hyped. Who knows if they'll actually finish this or not.

>>4412322
Unless there are some very generous artists or money is involved, no.

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Ok . im going to re post everything since the people can't read.

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>>4413304
page 02

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>>4413305
page 03

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page 04

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page 05

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page 06

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page 07

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page 08

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page 09

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>>4413313
page 10

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>>4413315
page 11

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>>4413316
page 12

that's all now

any update is here!
>>4410384

>Left to Right

100% unreadable

>>4415105
practically no one voted.
http://www.strawpoll.me/11452506

your fault

>>4415105
> wanting non-Japanese authors to make a comic right-to-left because muh mangas
Fuckin weebs

>>4416213
Well if it's supposedly a manga then it should be in the normal manga format of right to left.

As an Artist, I like what you've got so far. Let me know if you need more help with that.

>>4416230
Depends on your perspective. Manga is right to left because Japanese is read in that direction when written vertically. In other words, drawing something originally written in English right to left would essentially be a bluff. As if it were an English translation of a Japanese original and not a native English product. I can see how people might want to do that to maintain the illusion but it actually might be kind of annoying for the artists who would have to think "backwards."

>>4416727
actually I'm thinking backwards when I do this LtoR
not because of a weeb but because I'm used to normal manga.

.

>>4416727
I myself don't really care either way, but if it were right to left, you could consider it less of a bluff and more of paying homage to the medium which inspired the project. Especially since the thread is and was titled something along the lines of "/h/ producing it's own hentai manga!", emphasis on manga.

>being this autistic.

art and plot matters far more than paneling format.

and it seems like a pretty good effort from the people involved so far, so relax. This is why we can't have nice things.

>>4409287
Sounds great! Hopefully this gets completed.

Just needs moar cum.

>>4416230
You have artists making a comic
F O R
F R E E
Quit your bitching.

>>4421169
"It's free so don't complain" is a poor reason, >>4416727 explains it pretty well. Practicality is important considering how long it takes to draft and draw from start to finish.

I'm saying this as someone who reads more right-to-left, but if it's really such a big deal just wait until it's done and flip all the images
[spoiler]:^)[/spoiler]

Awesome job Anons! Ignore the autistic faggots.

I'm pretty ass at drawing manga compared to friends but Im bored as fuck. I might try something on one of the pages and repost what I got

>>4421169
For free? I thought the original plan was to pool our cash together?

>>4409287
>The premise is this: three girls go to /h/con, a convention where cosplay IS consent
>Lots of potential for many characters to be shown, different events, and so on
>Progress is moving steadily
Isn't there a hentai similar to this except that it's in an amusement park?

Too much story, not enough /h/

>>4423668
So this drawfag isn't even getting paid?! HAHA!!
And the dumb fuck is already twelve pages in, what an IDIOT!

19 actually

>>4424282
19 what? bucks? Is that how much you've managed to squeeze out of the weebs and their dreams for an manga?

Your work sucks, by the way. Just saying.

>>4424296
19 pages

>Your work sucks, by the way. Just saying.
thanks.

Is this a comic book? Aren't published, professional mangas produced from top to bottom, right to left? The format is all wrong here.

This belongs on /aco/, not /h/.

>>4424297
No no, I mean, like, your work blows, mee boy. I've seen some shite in my days, but nothing as ugly as this. I'm not paying you a damn thing, but please, keep on uploading.

>>4424297
What's up with the underage, bro? You got a thing for little girls walking around at conventions, you pervert?

>>4424313
Unless you're a chick drawing this, which makes me cringe a bit. But just a little.

>>4413317
Last panel on the page, is that guy hitting her with the back of his hand? If he's not, you have the smack on her ass all wrong, man. Fix that.

>>4424321
everything is a draft to be fixed.

>>4413307
>>4413308
Inconsistent panel work. What was the whole point of having that sonic kid take her hat?

You'd better get that resolved, or else, what's the point. Is that Sonic Kid going to come back and fuck the witch girl? Was he just being an asshole for one storyboard page, and never heard from again?

You lost me, and the story is barely finished.

>>4424325
READ HERE !!!!

>>4410384

there's the story more pages and comments.
some shit was romoved someshit is different

>>4424324
I'm going to grill your ass so that you learn from your mistakes.

Pages one through three, seems like a few teen girls are showing up to a convention, which REALLY makes no sense, even in a fantasy world.

Page 4:
Unnecessary storyboard. Either make that Sonic kid a bully that the protagonists come back to make an example of, or you lose your readers right here. No need to finish the damn comic, just end it here.

Page 5:
If the witch girl just wants to fuck (clearly all three are at a fantasy hentai convention for that and nothing else), then what was the point of her getting upset?

Page 8:
What's with the gratuitous sex in the first panel? It detracts from the little story you're trying to tell now.

Page 9:
Is Basketball coming back? Why did he leave? Is he going to go get his fuck on? What the point of this character?

Pages 10 thru 12:
Mindless sex panels. Aside from the security short, what's up with all the characters all of a sudden? Do they all play a part in the story now? Or are they just filler material?

I feel sorry for the person who has to letter this, let alone the inker who has to make sense of everything. Your storyboards are inconsistent. There's no story. If you can't even tell one with your artwork, how are your readers suppose to follow?

>>4424331
The script proves my point. Why even introduce Sonic brat at all?

6. Belle: It doesn’t matter. I just—

7. Belle: —WANNA FUCK!

So why even have her get upset at the whole thing?

>>4424339
2. Chad:
No reason. Just try to stay out of trouble, ok, sis?

They're at a HENTAI convention. Why would Basketball even say this? Is he a moron?

>>4424340
EIGHT
Panel 1: The girls walk toward a doorway with a banner above that reads “ARCADE”. A topless Lara Croft, skirt torn enough to see her ass, shuffles out of the arcade, clearly exhausted. Her makeup is running and semen trickles down her leg from her ass, leaving a trail on the floor. A similarly disheveled Jill Valentine, due to being barefoot, slips on the semen trail. She is in mid-air, legs outstretched. Her shirt it torn open leaving her semen-covered boobs jiggling mid-flight. We can see up her miniskirt and she is not wearing underwear, her semen-filled pussy fully visible. In the background a female security guard is approached by a man.

Most conventions can't afford full cabinet arcades. Game rooms, yes. Arcades, no.

>>4424342
Panel 2: The girls all face the reader. Belle is in awe. Charlotte is blushing with embarrassment. Annie is just happily giggling. The man from the previous panel is now ripping open the security guard’s shirt and pulling down her pants as she struggles with him on the floor.


5. Belle:
WHAAA!!!!!

6. Man:
Let’s see those huge titties!

7. Security Guard:
I told you I’m not a cosplayer!

8. Man:
Mega Milk me, bitch!

So, she's getting raped, basically? And the protagonists are basically standing by and watching someone getting raped?

Weren't they focused on reading this:

Focus on “COSPLAY IS CONSENT”.

Like, three or four pages ago? Why even have the protagonists STOP and READ that SIGN, when like, three storyboards later, they stand by and watch someone getting raped?

>>4424336
>>4424340
>>4424342

dunno man.

it's not my story and you were never helping before. there are reasons for everything that's happening on those pages.
everything was fixed on the fly because no one cared about fixing the script or making it simplier to be drawn

if you don't like them. then fix them by yourself in paint.do a damn storyboard with stickmen to help. would be helpful.

>>4424339
because they're not getting the D even if they want.
that's why at the end belle act like a damn whore.

not my idea.

dude....

it's not li ike I dont care about your opinions or I'm mad and just defending myself

it's a colaborative work. and I'm doing this because no one else started to draw. I'ts practically my first time drawing lewd stuff that's not a doodle in a corner. and I just want to practice on a regular basis.and that's what am doing right now.

>>4423727
Whats the name of it?

Ugh, I couldn't bring myself to finish this tripe. Neither the artist, or writer have ANY concept of fluid storytelling. You ought to be ashamed for even creating this and ATTEMPTING to defend any part of this. This is garbage—Corey Feldman Angels and Demons garbage.

You all need to start from the beginning, make a descent attempt at a script, and the artist NEEDS to stick to that script. Your perspectives are all wrong.

But hey, /h/ is making its own manga. For free.

Trust me, it shows. I've seen translators botch up rally good doujins better that this.

If you feel the need to defend this little project, go right ahead. Take the critique, shut the fuck up and learn from it. No safe space here, kiddo.

>>4424345
Fucking excuses, you lazy shit. "It's not my work duuude. it's not my story, duuuude."

Take some fucking responsibility. If the story is shit, they draw something AMAZING to compensate. It might be your first time drawig something, but at least make a FUCKING effort, even if it's just chicken scratch thumbnails.

Just because you can draw a novice work's on anime, doesn't mean shit when it comes to drawing a story.

"it's not my story, duuuude." Then make it YOURS, dumb ass. You really want your first work to look, and SOUND like shit? Seriously?

>>4424347
Teenage Tits go to H-Con, apparently.

>>4424345
Start from the beginning. AGAIN. And this time, put some fucking effort into it. That goes for you too, ghost writer.

A pairing of two shits goes well, doesn't it?

WATCH the autistic, brain dead manga crusade jump on my case for setting your ass straight with their safe space, SJW bullshit.

"You're being too hard on him for something that's free, anon." "Let's see you draw something better, hurrr durrrr."

>>4424348
You're asking questions that demonstrate that you're the one who doesn't understand storytelling. There are very obvious beats being hit upon. Like the security guard thing. She's in a uniform at a convention where cosplay is consent. The connection is obvious to anyone with basic critical thinking skills but here you are asking "wut why she gettin rap3d?"

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>>4424348
>>4424351
>>4424365

am not defending a damn thing.
I'll draw the entire thing again if you come with something better.

>Take some fucking responsibility. If the story is shit, they draw something AMAZING to compensate.
>they.
who?

>Take some fucking responsibility.
I'm drawing the entire without asking a thing for it. isn't that enough for you?
I've wasted hours for this and in every moment I said that this is a damn draft.

you want an amazing art... asking this way?
if it was up to me the whole story would be a vanilla on a simple location with 2 characters.

if you know how to relate the story in a better way. then help me.
work with us and stop whining

also I never asked you to draw something better than mine. if youre better than me then fix my stuff
or draw something better. if not then help with paneling or something else.

>>4424373
Is she or not? Answer that, manga crusader. unless you're the writer and you like rape, then I understand this completely.

>>4424374
Fix your own shit. I gave you a solid critique on how to go about it, dipshit.

I'm not here to hold your hand. I'm not here to baby you. No more excuses. GET to WORK.

>>4424374
Waaaa, waaaaa, waaaaah. Quit your bitching and take a critique like a man.

>I've wasted hours for this
No one asked you to. That was your choice.

>>4424365
You haven't set anything straight and there hasn't been any safe space shit going on until you came in and started popping off the buzzwords. Literally two threads of people making suggestions and bouncing ideas back and forth, making recommendations and suggestions and yet now suddenly "lulz u SJWs and safe spayce!" Again, you have no idea how to tell a story if you have to ask half the questions you did. It'd be one thing if you didn't like something but to say such and such doesn't make sense means you lack the ability to discern expository value.

For example:
>>4424336
>Is Basketball coming back? Why did he leave? Is he going to go get his fuck on? What the point of this character?

Like literally asking "why is this exposition and character establishing moment here?" You're complaining about Act 1 exposition on the grounds that it's not Act 3 resolution. For fuck's sake, criticize all you want but learn about plot structure first.

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>>4410989
mfw u use Schordinger to explain any scenario with some marginal form of uncertainty

>>4424380
>>4424383
that's the best argument you can bring.
I'm not against critiques or redoing things.
I've never said that I'm the best at this.

what's your real problem, man?

>>4424384
So you're telling me there's still TWO more acts of this garbage?

What, spooky, scaaaaary ghost writer can't take a critique either?

I know a good story when I see you Speed Racer, and this, isn't one of them. You post your garb here expecting everyone to bow at your feet as if you're Gods gift to /h/.

And are you kidding me, it took two threads of this crap to come up with this? This is just amateur shit and you're not parading around like you're top shit, right?

Admit that it's garbage and I'll take leave. I already tore the artist a new one, writers are smarter than to jump into the fire as easy as artists do.

But that's cool, Corey Feldman. We can't all write AMAZING music like you can.

>>4424390
He's trying to get a rise and you're giving it to him. If his criticism were in good faith he wouldn't be asking questions that have obvious answers. Just leave him.

>>4424385
AAAANND here comes the Manga Crusade, right on schedule ready to defend the righteousness of all autistic works uuuurwhuurrr.

>>4424392
He's already broken. The seed of doubt is already in the back of his mind.

"Am I doing it right?" "What am I doing wrong?" "Is my work good enough anymore?" "Why isn't anyone helping me?"

>>4424392
ahhh... whatever.

>>4424394
ok. sure.

>>4424390
Remember this day. This was the day someone told you your work is shit. You are against critiques.

I would be like, "Fuck, he's right. If my writer isn't doing jack shit to help me by FIRST, giving me a shit script that a four year old could easily redo, I need to make this better with my visuals. And you know what, looking back, I could have drawn that angle better, I could have taken that out and added that in. Hell, its still the thumbnail phase, I can still fix this. Shit, that critique was good, although badly written, but it had some good points. I need to take those points and apply them to my work."

But you don't. All I hear are fucking excuses, but what do you expect from an amateur who can't even take one little, itsy bitsy critique?

What do you want me to do, sugar coat it for you? Do you want me to tell you that you're super duper, fun diddly good? That your artwork is amazing, that it's the best I've seen in forever? Do you want a gold star for effort, kid? Do you want me to your work up on the refrigerator so that when the neighbors come over, they can see it, and you can go and say that, "Yay, I've drawn a comic book! Huzzah!"

You're not going to learn to shit. You're going to sloth on with your average shit, and everyone around you is going to tell you that, "It's okay bro, we still love you."

You should be asking me questions about how to go about making it bettter, you dumbass.

>>4424396
That's what I thought.

>>4424394
>this edge
>this level of tryhard
>trying to run psyops against a drawfag on a chinese cartoon masturbation imageboard

You're not trying to look underage right? You don't actually think this is gonna stop Drawfag from drawfagging right? I only ask because then there's
>>4424399
>all that shit
Damn son. The only thing I gotta ask is:

Who hurt you anon?

>>4424399
>A bunch of unknown amateurs cobbled together a hentai manga from scratch and it turns out utterly mediocre at best? Unacceptable!
Nice bait. By chance, do you have a blog where I may peruse your detailed reviews of only the most artisan doujins?

Yay, this still lives. I thought I'd lost the thread. The progress looks really good!

Also, the criticism is shit.
>WHY IS THERE A SEX SCENE IN THIS HENTAI?!?!?!
I don't even think it's a troll. I think it's just someone who wants something specific and wants it to be that way now, while in production, and is mad that this isn't it.

>>4424296
it's unfinished you stupid fuck. What do you even do? Go back to walmart and your shitty comic book movie review vlogs

>>4409287
Just want to say, fuck all the hate, just do your manga the way you want to do it and your quality will shine through.

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posting. just because

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>>4430083

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>>4430083
page15

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>>4430088
page 16

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>>4430089
page 17

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>>4430091
page18

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>>4430092
page 19

that's all for now

>>4424936
This

>>4409287
Seriously, cut the Sonic Guy, that is so cringy.

I was excited to see what this project was all about, so I took some time to read through the script.

In retrospect, I'm glad I did and I wish I didn't. Though I applaud the fact that you're all trying to get this project off the ground, you've met a wall of criticism that is well deserved, for the artist and the writer alike.

The first three storyboards of this story were genuinely building up to something good, where the protagonists of the story were placed in a setting where plot was incoming, pun intended. A good story was emerging from those three boards alone.

You even introduced an antagonist of sorts in the form of the Sonic cosplayer. I was really hoping to see something come back to that character as punishment for his behavior. Really good stuff up to this point, I thought.

But then the story starts to deteriorate from that point on. You took a story that had potential and just joined it with 25 pages worth of mindless sex, and underage characters.

By the end I was expecting some form of resolution, especially to the Sonic cosplayer, but nothing ever materialized. What was the purpose of introducing that point in the story? I guess we'll never know.

Most of the criticism here is valid, though not eloquently put, but what do you expect from 4chan, let alone /h/ posters and lurkers alike?

As an artist I can only imagine the zoned out droning repetition of having to draw this script and attempt to make it look good. As a writer, I could have written something far better for the artist to interpret in his or her own style, playing to strengths.

But then again, this is all being drawn for free, and it's being posted on 4chan. I imagine its being drawn for shits and giggles. --->

>>4433412
----> This looks like a giant request and delivery thread, from the looks of it. It looks like there was a fan out there who was desperately trying to get his story drawn for free, and someone actually fell for it, with all due respect.

The last seven storyboards haven't been sketched out yet, and if I were the artist, I'd stop here and ask for some form of compensation for my time, and my efforts. I can see how the draw of creating something for someone can be incredibly satisfying, because we all know we love to have our backs patted ever now and then, but it's not worth going to all this trouble just to make someone's script a reality.

And the writer should have given so much more for the artist to work with. There should have been a story put together from beginning to end, rather than it be grossly abandoned for underage cosplayers peddling to the likes of the writer's fan boy imagination. It's evident that the writer drew inspiration from Capcom and Nintendo characters— a batch of mundane and oversexed characters in their own right already.

By the time I got to page 15 I was already groaning, "I saw that coming," over and over again for the remainder of the story. It was no longer fun to read.

It really was an awful collaboration of ideas that could have been better well written.

Again, this is just an opinion, and this is just something drawn for shits and giggles. I could have paid three or four bucks for this if it were showcased at some convention in the future, but the way it's presented now, would only merit a simple glance through if it were in a presentation book.

You really shouldn't bother uploading any more storyboards. If this is, in fact, just a rough sketch at this point, imagine all the redrawing the artist has to do if any of these critiques stick alone?

>>4433421
I don't hide the fact that some of you will rise to the occasion and post your opinions against anything I've written. Again, I'm writing on /h/, on 4chan. Let the back and forth schoolyard mud slings begin.

But you have to admit, comments like this>>4426463 ...and this...>>4426490
and certainly this... >>4426626 are also a hard contribution to why this project if off to a bad start. None of you are willing to see the bad things going on with this project, starting from bad script, to bad artistic direction.

Kudos for getting a project like this started. It's turned into a train wreck after four pages in. i could only imagine what could have been, had the Sonic guy been taught a lesson in the end. Sadly, it just turned into this game room orgy, where neither writer nor artist have any concept whatsoever of putting a band where people play their video games. It just doesn't happen.

Though fans of Ninendo, Sailor Moon, McDonalds (Grimace makes an awkward appearance on stage as a bass player. Good luck plucking those strings, big boy, lol) and Capcom are sure to read through this and enjoy a good masturbation session to it, using a lot of imagination I gather, but other than that aspect going for this project, there's nothing else to it.

A generic, descent attempt at something that could have turned out much better, even if it being presented for free. It's like Ghostbusters 2016— worth a watch once, then completely forgotten about it, withing a week.

You had four good pages, then 21 mediocre or less than above average filler material until the end. Good effort. Solid C-, and that's being generous.

>>4433421
>It's evident that the writer drew inspiration from Capcom and Nintendo characters— a batch of mundane and oversexed characters in their own right already.

This bit was a problem from the start, in part caused by not having an actual storyboard before going into rough sketches. There are a couple of missed opportunities, such as the security guard could've more resembled Officer Jenny or Kiruko or whatever other policegirl, although that in particular is probably being left for post-production.

That being said, if I've learned anything from film, it's that the post-production meme is terrible and each of the three times I've fallen for it resulted in something not able to reach full potential, which looks like what's starting to happen here.

I'm willing to stay on this ride for a while longer, but who knows when it'll actually become something more than just rough pieces.

>>4433444
Dub, dub, trips. Checked.

>>4433445
I agree, though most of this could have been avoided had the script been a formidable force from the beginning. All great comics or mangas derive an incredible amount of inspiration from a well written script.

Your Officer Jenny/security guard scenario would have played out well in this, given the rest of the comic book was already undertaking the task of pandering to the fan service genre. This story had good potential before it derailed to that overexerted fan service plot. Yes, we've already seen Princess Peach, and the Sailor Scouts, and Cammy and Chun Li kissing, and the Wii-Motes being used as dildos; it's like, why introduce more of that to an already over-saturated pool, do you know what I mean?

I'm not trying to be a dickhead like this neanderthal>>4424399 ..., but after reading through the story in written form, like you mentioned, there are missed opportunities, ones that I'm sure no one will tackle on for free, should this project ever be given a go-ahead for a second run, but that's just my opinion.

>>4433444
>>4433421
>>4433444

well. the quotes you pointed out only makes me think that you're the troll from before being educated now.

aside from that.

right now we're strugging with the end since the band part is not going be drawn. many shit from that appears from nowhere or for no reason and also it was a pain in the ass to draw.
So the story has to be fixed in order to continue the work. but we want to keep this thing less generic orgy at the and too.

and actually we are out of ideas.

>>4433445
>>4433466

I don't want to sound harsh. I'm not mad or something. it's just that if you guys want to point something. do it and try to fix it or give help in order to do it.
I'm not encouraging you because I'm pissed. it's because we had no idea how to.

just to remember you guys that this is the first time I draw something like this and the wrifefag admited that is his first time writting actuall porn.
I say that not to escape from critique but to take in consideration that we're not erogods working without listen your points. we know it's not perfect at all.

and talking about myself. if you see those draft pages. I actually removed or skipped a lot of nintendo shit. I know its generic,
And everything was done on the fly because like as you said there's no storyboard to work with and It would be useful to have one but no one is doing it either.

I hope comments like this comes more... often. everything since was decided inside discord chat due the lack of activity in this thread.
If you guys want to change something or give Ideas. just do it . that's the point of a colaborative work. nothing is settled in stone.

---->

>>4433743
>>4433466
many of us thought in make the officer girl like Kiruko but the problem was that she wasn't a cosplayer. so why the cosplay look like to start with? the sailor moon part. removed.
in fact even some of us criticize the story for being complicated or over saturated while's trying too appeal many things.

to summarize what's on the future of this thing so far up to now.

>draw the draft pages until the story is completed. mostly to show progess on this thread.
>talk about everything that has to be fixed/redone.
>look if another artist can help in the following work. like drawing better stuff
>rebuild all the dialogue for the final pages because it's too much.
>see what happens

>>4433412
>>4433445
It occurs to me that this is the second thread for this project, and it doesn't introduce the original premise that was in the first. The idea was that we would collaboratively work on a script and then crowdsource funding to get a professional artist to draw it. /h/'s own doujin. There was recognition that we'd never agree on anything, so one genius cobbled this script together... Something with a group of three main characters, so we could cover different popular archetypes. Something set at a cosplay convention, so any character you wanted to see could be there. Something not massively story-driven and set in a chaotic place, so any meme or joke can be featured without losing the plot.

But the point is that this is a community-written thing. We talked about character appearances and names, and will probably do so again. If you're complaining about the writing... you're the writer. You're /h/. Get on that. Some of your suggestions may be shouted down (like the apparent distate for allegedly underage characters), but you can do good. (like making the security guard Officer Jenny. That is a great idea and we should totally do that.) Don't hate it for not being what it isn't; make it better. I'm curious what missed opportunities you're seeing.

Why is this on /h/?

It's western.

>>4433762
Or is it? See the chain of comments coming off of
>>4410570

>>4433764
It's obviously western.

>>4433762
>>4433767
So should all of the collaborative threads on the rest of /h/ also move out, because they're obviously made by english-speaking westerners?

Something being produced by /h/ for /h/ not being allowed on /h/ is one of the stupidest arguments I've ever seen, and it doesn't help that this is the fourth time it's being brought up in this very thread.

Either the people having trouble with this are way stupider than expected, or this is horrifyingly weak bait that should stop being used already. Legitimate criticism, sure, that's something that can be worked with. "hurr durr it's left-to-right so it's not /h/" is useless garbage. You should've voted if you didn't want it to read in that direction.

>>4433263
It's supposed to be. Sonic-man is the type of person you'd run into if /h/Con were a real thing.

>>4433753
Appealing to many different tastes was absolutely the goal. The /h/Con premise was the one that got the best reception so we all went in that direction and it allowed for a lot of background shenanigans to be happening to fill all the different niches and fetishes while also taking the piss out of the absurdity of the concept (ex: Sonic-man). People are saying that this was some sly drawfriend request but the /h/Con idea and the /h/Con script came from two different anons. It was an open invitation for collaboration and only a handful of people took up the offer. Most are just standing around and observing.

>>4433412
>You even introduced an antagonist of sorts in the form of the Sonic cosplayer.
There were a lot of suggestions in the other thread for concepts that involved good guys and bad guys but they were all deemed too complicated for a collaboration to work. Also, having a "villain" in the /h/Con story was brought up I think but the real controversy was over rape. We're already playing fast and loose with how consent works and this could have gotten very rapey but a lot of anons shot that down. That leaves us with a slice-of-life type story.

>>4433753
I also think there's a bit much of an unreasonable for this. It's intended to be a porn-first, plot-second type of thing. The reality is that nobody is willing to put forth the amount of effort required to realize and ambitious project, so we set the expectation lower to something realistic. This has honestly come a lot further than most of us have expected, and while I personally am disappointed with the direction it's taken, it has received some popular support and is noteworthy for coming this far. In the previous thread, I proposed a more character-driven story with an overarching plot, that heavily featured porn, but it generated no interest. There was another idea as well, but the current one was the only one that got any form of support from multiple anons. So that's why we're here.

>>4433767
Why are drawthreads allowed, then? Aren't those artists (presumably) western? Not that you could prove either way in any case.

I actually think the porn needed more build up than what we ended up with in both script and current early drawings. But the reality is that we can't have 50 pages worth of background and character development and have to work within the limitations of artist ability. What kind of changes could be made under these circumstances that would improve things?

>>4433263
>>4433412
>>4433850
>>4433872
Yeah, this is kind of a clustefuck (no pun intended). I'm not sure appealing to every fetish was the best approach. But we should try and finish the first draft while we got it. Focus on finishing something. Then we can go back and do an edit.

I've got some ideas myself I'd like to contribute. But I'll wait till we finish this one.

Although right off the bat about the sonic cosplayer:
1) he should look more disgusting
2) he should be the one at the end who getts fucked in the ass by the fully-erect Zangief. Not that Link guy in the background. You could do some "they call me the red cyclone" jokes while you're at it.

>>4433905
>>4433925
I'm actually thinking of maybe contributing a total rewrite of the script. The only thing is a) I've never written dialogue before and would probably suck at it, and b) I feel it would be too much to ask of our drawfags to just illustrate a whole new hentai.

Still, I think I might be able to make this a lot better. Would it be appreciated? Or should I just sit down and shut up?

File: Dragon_Cream_020.jpg (432KB, 1280x1837px) Image search: [Google]

432KB, 1280x1837px

>>4433928
Don't ask "should I", just do it if you feel that it's something worth doing. Having to restart is one thing, but if the people working on it don't even know what your version looks like, then that's the same problem the current script has.

Trying to build upon the current script, which is also in the doc, will be the most painless way to restructure it, as elsbx says about the things being taken out of the first script.

>>4433925
>Although right off the bat about the sonic cosplayer:
>1) he should look more disgusting
>2) he should be the one at the end who getts fucked in the ass by the fully-erect Zangief. Not that Link guy in the background. You could do some "they call me the red cyclone" jokes while you're at it.
Not really in favor of these, seeing a gross man fucking someone plays into degradation, but having a gross man fucked in the ass is not really anyone's favorite thing. Maybe something like pic related would satisfy both sides?

This has a slight resemblance to the style of Ken Akamatsu who made "Love Hina".

>>4433928
go and try to fix the end of what we actually have.
if its not good we can take it as an starting point to fix it more.

I think redraw the whole thing is out of question unless something really good comes out.

>>4435048
is that bad?

/h/ bump

This should probably be written. It's pretty bad even for porn. Barely anything even happens and it's been 19 pages what the fuck?

>>4441605
it's already dead

>>4441605
rewritten

elsbx do you have a tumblr, pixiv, soup io gallery where I can look up the rest of your stuff?

>>4441649
there's no rest of my stuff sorry.

>>4424399
I hope you're happy this is an anonymous imageboard because this post is fucking embarassing

>>4424347
Sounds similar to Oideyo! Mizuryu Kei Land. Link's here, if you're interested : https://exhentai.org/g/778675/78df013aa1/

>>4430083
Pls do u have finished works? I dig the artstyle

>>4409287

To all of you working on this project. I wish you guys good luck.

I agree with the walls of text above this, and I agree with both the critiques and slams as well as the helpful points.
Making comics is a difficult thing to do and I think running into a multiple drawing project like this for a novice artist is gonna be a hard deal.

Keep practicing anatomy, create character sheets for your main characters to stay consistent and have a well written script. Those 3 things will pull most of your shit together.

Keep practicing you guys, I hope to see your project somewhere someday.

This is still active. It was slow for about a week but we've started work again. A revised Act 3 is posted in the discord.
>https://discord.gg/xz3cD9z
Come join in the discussion and give your suggestions!

>>4443371
I'll give you a suggestion: page 24 is pure shit

File: 1476220177956.png (3KB, 283x282px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 283x282px

>>4443417
what a constructive opinion

>>4409287
is the goal to eventually have this printed for a real comiket distribution?

>>4448042
I don't think so.

given the utter amount of salt and nonconstructive critique in this thread, im starting to wonder whether people here would rather we continue work as is (if only to have something to unanimously bash) or start from scratch with constant review of script and character design, multiple artists at different stages, producers, etc etc, in essence just starting a fucking manga circle just to in the end be critiqued over some petty shit (probably the 'oh but isn't this western?' argument).

>>4450355
if anything there needs to be less design-by-committee.

elsbx I really like your artstyle, regardless if this comic makes it or not I would really like to see more of your art in the /h/ and /aco/ drawthreads.

>>4448042
What's comiket?

>>4450355
I don't think it's more than one or two people who are making up the most of the totally non-constructive bitching. The rest of the critiques are pretty reasonable but the reality is that there's no realistic possibility of getting a 100% approval rating across the board. We knew this from the time we were pitching ideas.

What matters is that there's a general sense of accomplishment and a reasonably decent end product. Both of which seem to be on their way to being fulfilled. It'd be silly to scrap everything now. If you add everything up, this has gotten a surprising amount of support even accounting for the more critical comments.

>>4450721
It's a catch 22. If one or two people took on 100% of it then it isn't really a hentai by /h/. And the lack of contributions from the community would itself generate criticism. I think the best option is to see this through, get a final sense of whether people think it was a successful experiment, and then see if maybe it's something worth pursing again in the future, tweaking the process. At minimum we would be able to say we had the experience of working on a project as a community.