amy schumer thread

>>10316193
fuck that dumb bitch

>>10316193
She wanted to be the funniest female comic when she was little and people laughed at her.


Now that shes grown up...nobody is lauging.

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>>10316202
Her schtick was funnier the first few dozen times. Not sure how much of it is because she hasn't really come up with new material in ages, and how much is the effect of the change in her looks though. A lot of the humor in her early act relied on her appearance - a pretty young blonde with reasonably good manners, she almost looked like a sunday school teacher but not the mean old spinster type if you know what I mean. So it was kind of shocking when she walked out presenting herself like that and after a few minutes this really wild stuff would start slipping out.

Now she comes out obviously older and heavier, decked in leather and swearing like a sailor from the get go, and it's just not shocking anymore. It's sad instead. People don't go to comedy shows to feel bad for the act.

>>10316202
you're fucking gay, we've all seen that facebook post.be original you fucking follower, unfulfilled shit of a subspecies

Leave it to a jew to kill comedy.

Wait, why is everyone just posting pictures of a turd?

>>10316193
hey guys last night
snickers
i stuck a win bottle in my vagin
muffled laughter
but then i got drunk because of the wine in my vagin
hearty laffs
and THEN two guys started spitroasting me!
full on laughter
so i started deep-throating a big ass weenie
laughter starts exceeding 90 decibels
and then i got high and raped a guy
laughter is close to approaching 130 decibels
BUT THEN
everyone in a 3km radius has blown out eardrums, the pain threshold is exceeded and quickly increases
CHECK THIS
the military is preparing for the final solution, as now the laughter is a national threat
NO SERIOUSLY
the whole earth is shaken by the loudness of the laughter, like millions of earthquakes around the planet, the human race is taken hostage by Amy Schumer
I SWALLOD THE CUMMIES
it is now year 2200, long after The Laugh. Most of the human race didn't survive the apocalypse that happened after some really funny jokes made by The Amy Schumer, the only one's that survived were, maybe by faith, an ordinary man and a woman. As the earth had to rebuild itself from dust, it was fitting to name these two Adam and Eve. It was beginning of the new order, and new planet earth. It is now close to 200 years after that incident, and we still haven't fully accustomed ourselves to our new enviroment. Not new to us, since we were born after the apocalypse, and the only information about the past we got from tales of the old timers. If this works, and someone out there can hear us, stop her. Do whatever is needed, one persons death is nothing compared to billions of bodies, rotting, decomposing, and now forgotten.

>>10316193
This girl is the definition of a hatefuck fantasy for me. She's so objectively unattractive and degenerate and fucking awful at what she does that it somehow goes full circle and turns me on. Go figure.

Eww! No!

If Amy Schumer were a porn-star, the same people who say she's not hot would say she's super hot.

>>10316262

What's sad is she CAN look halfway decent. But that leather ensemble she wore was fucking terrible. Shame.

>>10316334

>anon thinks he'd get more laughs than she does if he did the same routine on stage

>>10316357
her ratings are trash fuck off with your audience of paid shills.

>>10316208
>>10316262
she tries SO fucking hard

>>10316357
He probably would considering his display of more creativity in one 4chan comment than she has in most of her career

>>10316358

>audience of paid shills

Who is funding her? Why?

Why have none of the paid shills ever said anything?

>>10316359
WOMEN CAN BE FUNNY! STOP BEING CLOSED MINDED

>>10316363

It's just that if that were true anon would already be doing it.

Amy Schumer can make a great living shit-posting. This doesn't make her less than anon who has to pay to shit-post.

>>10316365
>anon has never heard of a confidentiality agreement

>>10316370
You can be more creative but if you're an antisocial hermit with no ambitions it can be a bit tougher to get on a stage

>>10316372

I've never heard of hundreds of thousands of people sticking to one, no.


How do they work this? Do they pay the shills who then buy tickets, or do they pay the venues who hire regular shills?

>>10316378

Anon only has to get on stage once, be funnier than Amy Schumer, and then have a better career than her.

Or would people be paid not to laugh at anon?

>anon thinks everyone in every audience is a paid shill

>>10316384
Look at what jeb bush did, it's not hard to pay people to show up somewhere

>>10316396
You've got a pretty vivid imagination yourself there, ever think about going into showbiz?

>>10316403

How do you know Jeb Bush did it?

>>10316415
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3426866/50-turn-Jeb-Bush-s-Iowa-rally-organizers-need-high-energy-seat-fillers-desperation-hits-candidates-hours-electoral-test.html

Wanna make an easy $50 anon?

>>10316429

Now the link to where Amy Schumer does the same thing at all her shows.

>>10316403
trump did the same thing with his presidential announcement

She's fat, ugly, and unfunny though.

>>10316438
I never agreed with anon's argument that she does that, even then nobody's gonna report on it because she's a poster child for fat acceptance feminist garbage

>Autistic losers on this shithole website want to fuck someone they hate

I don't understand how anyone could possibly be so lonely that they would stick their penis in this grotesque caricature of a human being. She is literally the physical incarnation of genetic drift

>>10316446
If you could post a link that'd be neat information to have

>>10316454

And you say that none of the hundreds of thousands of people who are being paid to see her shows and pretend to like them would ever say anything about it.

>>10316280
Who hasnt sucked a cock now and then? Youre saying it likes its a bad thing.

why and how do you find amy schumer attractive

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>>10316558
She didn't look too bad the night she roasted Tyson.

>>10316196
Everyone laughed when Amy told people she wanted to do comedy. No ones laughing now.

>>10316193
who is she kissing?

>>10317203
Amber Rose I think

>>10316884
>only anon to post amy schumer

idk i think she's hot and funny

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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>mfw the last Amy Schumer thread was derailed hard by that one psychotic poster

>>10316193

I'd unironically nut all over her tits.

>>10316368
Can be and often are. She's not. Neither her gender nor her sex have anything to do with that.

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>>10316193

>>10316202
when i first heard this joke, i laughed at it

now that everyone's heard it 100 times...no one's laughing

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>>10317898
Here's a (you).

>>10316334
Kek

>>10316193
>amy schumer thread
>last thread didn't go to well

... I wonder why

>Amy
>Fucking
>Schumer

>>10317808
>neither her gender nor her sex
go back to tumblr you fucking faggot

>>10316461
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr-esq/donald-trump-escapes-fec-punishment-paid-actors-at-presidential-announcement-966428

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>>10318814
And you go back to stormfront please.

Kekistan is for kekistanis!

>>10316193
What the hell. Why the fuck would you want an Amy Schumer thread?

Shill elsewhere please or at least make it a little less obvious.
>nothing but low quality gifs

>>10316348
That's good Amy. That's good. That's ALMOST funny. Now say like "my vagina" and stuff.

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>>10316193
I see Amy Schumer as a challenge, more than anything. Here is a woman who, in every single aspect, is absolutely revolting - her exterior AND her personality - yet I can't help but wonder what would be like, to plunge balls-deep into her repeatedly.

That's right. Balls-deep. With no protection.

I won't lie, I'm extraordinarily-hard while typing this. I want to grab this... thing... and that's what Amy Schumer is, let's not delude ourselves, a "thing"... by the hips and ram mercilessly in and out of her quivering, malformed cunt with the force of a gladiatorial chariot, while she makes stupid faces and contorts orgasmically, unable to control her bodily reactions even if she wanted to.

I would erupt violently inside that corrupt and corrupting womb as though the entire fate of humanity depended on my seed penetrating the foul walls of one of her ovaries, the electrical fusion from this coupling creating the Antichrist, as our combined, guttural, Chewbacca-like roars shattered glass and walls alike around us, the house toppling down while we lay there in a filthy, disgusting mess.

Yeah. I reckon Amy Schumer does it for me.

>>10319611
thats nasty bruh

>>10319619
i don't know why i find this creepy. which makes it even creepier.

fuck you anon

>>10316262
Dude you actually finally pinpointed why I used to think she was funny I could never figure out why because I used to love her old stand up and then I watched anything from the past couple of years and it sucked I never even thought about it but you're right

>>10316779
>>10317074
This was the first I'd ever heard of her and I though she was funny. Someone must have been writing her jokes that night, because she's never been funny since.

>>10319619
da fuck?

>>10316193
Yea.....I would like a webm of this

>>10319619
This was posted in the last thread too. I'm not sure which would be more disappointing, though... If you are reposting this yourself hoping for the same number of reactions, or if you're stealing this from someone else because you're even less original than the bottleblonde fuckpig that op is paid to keep in the public eye.

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>>10319619
Seek help.

>>10319646
Yeah, I just rewatched one of her early ones and it was exactly that, she came out all cute little girl next door and eased into the crazy a little at a time. It took her over 2 minutes to get to a penis or a vagina. Her new act she gets there in 24 seconds or less.

>>10320193

She wanted to be the funniest female comic when she was little and people laughed at her.

Now that shes grown up...nobody is lauging.

good thread op :)

>>10319619
Thats gross.

>>10319619
pls no

>>10317756
kek

>>10316193
long island jew -

>>10316193
>the last thread didnt go too well
yeah thank god you disgusting fuck

>>10316368
Not just funny. Smart, too.

>>10316193

kys op

>>10317808
>Neither her gender nor her sex
you do know where you are?
efficiently and expediently remove yourself from the gene pool, faggot

>>10316193
>Muh vagina!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

>>10319619

>>10317251
Fuck you, Miss Piggy is funny.

>>10316193
She was only funny when Anthony Jeselnik was writing her jokes.

Now she steals jokes and ruins the timing.

>>10319619
Oh God no

Not again

>>10316262

BINGO! You've cracked it.

Fuck. This has given me a new perspective. It's like it's funny when the cute tiny girl at work blurts out a story about a time she was wasted or the quiet guy at the bar tells you about the time he accidentally brought a hooker home.

If "Chad" or "Stacy" are telling you the same stories it's not funny anymore. It's just obnoxious and distasteful.

>>10319129

Oh my god

I want to murder Sargon

>>10316429
You didn't even read the article? Fucking idiot.

>>10319129
>Kekistan is for kekistanis!
I don't hate the guy, but he needs to cool it with shit like this, and audibly saying reeeeee

>>10323220
>>10323692
Oh go fuck yourselves and grow a sense of humor.

>>10319619
pls

>>10319619
wtf?

>>10316193
say what you want but this makes me hard AF
if she lost some weight she'd be okay

>>10316193
I mean she'd be a good ugly fuck.

>>10316193
What the fuck?

>>10319619
Well done!!

Can't we have an Amber Rose thread instead?

>>10319619
K

>>10319619
Damn

>>10316365
>Who is funding her?
doesn't she have filthy rich parents? I'm pretty sure she does

>>10326700
shes chuck schumers niece
and shes jews so she gets all the support of that nepotism

>>10319619
swg

>>10319619
man fuck

>>10316790
Cause she isn't funny?

>>10316193
kek commands her death

Someone post ass now.

>>10316202

Forwards from grandma.

>>10316208
wow she doesn't even consol the dog she just grabs the hat. What a cunt