What's iOS 11's incredible new feature gonna be? We

What's really left to do? After convincing retards to nuke their phones or dump them in water, there's not a lot of room to go up. I don't think even an iToddler is going to believe a software update can make their phone drop-proof.

>>60383300
Last time we had this thread, that was the idea.

>>60382863
do it with the iphone 8 instead

>>60383300
>I don't think even an iToddler is going to believe a software update can make their phone drop-proof
:^)

self-healing screen

minor scratches and small cracks can auto-repair themselves with some heat from a hair dryer.

>>60386023
that will be for the iPhone 8, not iOS 11 though.

It should be something small this time, otherwise normies might realize it's another hoax.

it will make all older ishits a laggy mess, which will cause isheep to flock into the apple store for the new fancy ishit.

>>60382863
>We
>>>/b/

>>60382863
/gd/ here, these are cringy as fuck.
You'd honestly do more damage telling people to smash their iPhones, as such samage is now covered by Apple Care.

>>60386041
Why don't we release a botnet feature where every phone call is uploaded to icloud, so that you can now cherish your fondest phone call memories.

>>60387803

It would work better with text and it might actually redpill some normies about privacy.

>Apple's advertisments are so incredibly simple
>autists still can't make a convincing fake

We had this thread a few weeks ago and it just ended up in everyone screeching at a retarded tripcunt and anon and at the end nothing decent was made.

File: quote-unix-is-basically-a-simple-operating-system-but-you-have-to-be-a-genius-to-understand-the-dennis-ritchie-154741.jpg (57KB, 850x400px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 850x400px

>>60388302
Pic related also is true about apple advertisements.

>>60388595

Same goes for Apple products themselves. They're extremely simple in design, yet near impossible to copy in aesthetics. Its amazing. Something like the iPhone SE is just timelessly good looking, yet barely even designed.

Convince them that screen scratches self heal when you put the phone in cooking oil.

>>60383300
You can say the motors counteracts the fall.

I think updating one of the old infographics can still work.

>>60389126
this

>>60389199

This is fucking brilliant.

After years of development Apple has found out how to use the vibration motors to dampen damage created by the fall.

Although scratches might still happen to the body, the screen is now safe from falls of up to 10 feet.

With this new IOS update Apple has delivered this new feature to all its phones so users won't have to worry about a broken screen any longer.

>>60391282
seconded

>>60382863
>We haven't done one since iOS 8, let's bring back the tradition.
We did the whole drill your own headphone port thing last time.

Magnets? Making your own wireless charger by rubbing magnets on the back?

>>60387803
that sounds like a legitimate feature that Apple would do, desu

Seamless integration with Windows 10 Fall 2017 update.

Let them update their Windoze boxes.

>>60391282
>Although scratches might still happen to the body, the screen is now safe from falls of up to 10 feet.
Can't include that or nobody will try it. Gotta make up some bullshit about scratch proof sapphire reinforced metal or some shit.

>>60393109

It's only a software update. There might be non retarded normies that catch up to it.

You can delete all your contacts after 30 minutes as they will be added to apples new Ibook which automatically organizes and creates a profile for each person in your contacts.

>>60394048
You can bullshit about the update activating a shell around it with small bits of electricity.

>>60388275
>>60392745
Exactly, causing physical damage to the device has been done too many times, and will most likely fall flat. If we come up with something drastic enough software wise that makes people ditch their iPhones we will win.

>>60394364

I think normies might actually catch up to that than to the screen.

Still,
>>60394555 might actually be right and we should do something more software related.

Wait I got it, there's haptic feedbak on button that makes a satisfying click like a mechanical keyboard.
However it's a bit hard to press so they disabled it by default.
You can enable it by pressing the center of the screen hard enough to make it click once.

>>60383300
Well they did think it would make it waterproof

If people were dumb enough to believe in the water and microwave, how about using sandpaper to clean the screen from scratches and dirt? Or maybe have some liquid to fill in any cracks on the screen, and use the sandpaper to remove the excess liquid and the cracks are gone?

NEW collecting EVEN MORE data

$1499

Say that there's an always-on, voice-activated feature where saying 'iPhone, where are you?' in the vicinity of the device will cause the iPhone to emit a loud beep once a second, allowing you to locate it.

Twofold result: 1) normies will be even more blase about where they throw their phones, since they'll assume they can just voice-activate to find it, and 2) retards will be shouting 'iPhone, where are you?' trying to find their phones.

Why not do one for the new version of android :^)

>>60396760
Because Android phones are too varied, so you'd likely need to do a new sheet for every different phone that's getting the new version.

Not to mention that Android users aren't sheep who blatantly consume everything that's fed to them over the internet that has the company logo on it.

>>60396298
topkek

Here's something we could do. We could affectively make a voluntary email worm where we say they are part of a group of apple beta testers. Have them download a jailbreak like program and just brick their phones.

>>60396298
KEK
i want this to happen

The iPhone plus models will now be able to act as a scale, all you need to do is stand one one foot while your iPhone is off for 10 seconds and then on the other foot for 10 seconds.