ITT: Post ideas to polish this turd by means of Technolo/g/y.

>get a hammer
>smash it
There you go

>>60034364
what even is it?

>>60034364
>expiration date
Or you can just fucking pasteurize them and not have a 1 week expiration date? The camera costs shit anyways so it's not like replacing it with a retarded barcode scanner will help any. It's like you think that the 600 dollar price tag is because they have a 1 dollar camera in it.

File: juisir1.jpg (146KB, 1552x873px) Image search: [Google]

146KB, 1552x873px

The chinese copy that doesn't need internet to work and you can refill the packs as many times as you want cause you slice the produce yourself.

File: s-l1600.jpg (210KB, 1600x1200px) Image search: [Google]

210KB, 1600x1200px

>>60034364
Here's an idea: Abandon ship.

This entire device is unnecessary.

We have something called juice concentrate sold locally. They are small 2dl packages and you mix those with 8dl water in a mug and now you've got 1 liter of juice.

You don't need a machine to put juice concentrate and water in a mug.

File: 1491169979302.jpg (2KB, 125x125px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 125x125px

>>60034453
You seriously underestimating tech fans. They would buy a bottle of water with an apple logo for $150

What is there to improve. Those marketing experts probably reached exactly what they wanted. Just a stupid hyped up waste of money. I don't know why you wouldn't just buy a normal juicer or just buy bottles with that juice in it.

>>60034364

>change name to juic-Ero
>make it so you can put your balls inside the machine ant it will then vibrate at high velocity

>>60034413
A $400 juicer that requires $7 proprietary fruit bags and an internet connection to operate. Became a laughingstock on the internets after it was revealed that you can squeeze their fruit bags by hand just as easily, and then the CEO responded with hilarious bullshit like claiming that the ability to remote-disable juice bags over the internet is somehow an amazing feature.

>>60034364
person responsible for this piece of shit should be publicly executed

>>60034447
China is more freedom oriented than USA.

File: 1990algusehittMehukatti_HiiumaaMuuseum.jpg (197KB, 700x379px) Image search: [Google]

197KB, 700x379px

>>60034453
Juice concentrate is crap m8.
It's better than nothing, but it's not a replacement for freshly squeezed juice or better yet, actual fucking fruit.

>>60034495
Well, for now you can use it to squeeze your balls with a force enough to lift two Teslas!

why does it have ear/hair cutout hat

>>60034453
I have the same juicer!

>>60034447
Juicero makers are already suing them btw.

File: Screenshot_20170423-120642(1).jpg (290KB, 720x952px) Image search: [Google]

290KB, 720x952px

>>60034492
or just buy boost drinks if you're that fucking worried about getting all your daily vitamins and minerals. You can literally find these for like $1 or less a bottle in some stores.

>>60034419
You can't pasteurize whole pieces of fruit.

>>60034544
wat

>>60034447
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qczImf93M_E
based chinks not giving a fuck about IP laws

>>60034590
>You can't pasteurize whole pieces of fruit.
Good thing it's just a bag of fruit juice + some pulp to make you feel better about a 7 dollar cup of juice then.

>>60034587
Those have so much sugar that using them to get your daily vitamins will give you diabeetus.

>>60034624
>it's just a bag of fruit juice + some pulp

Well shit, if it's just a dispenser then how come they haven't been sued by the investors for scamming them?

>>60034364
throw it away and buy bottles of juice instead of fucking bags.

>>60034651
>investors
Isn't it basically impossible to sue people on kikestarter? I'm pretty sure there are tons of kickstarters that never deliver any products.

>>60034594

Oh wow. The Chinese knock-off actually squashes produce. It's not just a Capri Sun Squeezer.

File: Comb23042017121549.jpg (181KB, 720x998px) Image search: [Google]

181KB, 720x998px

>>60034633
>there's no sugar in fruit
Also you'd only have to drink it once a day. Who the fuck chugs boost drinks like it's water?

>>60034671
It's not a kikestarter, they got direct investments from some bigwigs in commiefornia.

>>60034690
That's why vegetables exist.
Also not eating pulp and fiber leads to literal pain in the ass.

>>60034717
>they got direct investments from some bigwigs in commiefornia
Sounds like their overpriced product is doing exactly what those investors wanted then. It's not like they invested in it to make a good product, they invested in it because they expect that it will siphon out money from hipsters.

>>60034364
What I don't get is that it's just squeezing juice out of a fucking bag.

File: 1380838052984.jpg (54KB, 323x454px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 323x454px

>>60034690
>more than twice as much sugar as the same amount of strawberries by weight

>actually need 4 drinks for 100% of daily vitamin/mineral intake, not one

Odwalla didn't pasteurize their juice until a little kid got a bad one and died.

Just get a juicer and some fruit from the grocery store. I'm lazy as duck and I'm capable of this shit.

>>60034753
I don't think there are enough hipsters in the entire States to get a positive return on $120m of investment.

File: wei2ahyjweix.jpg (67KB, 400x387px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 400x387px

>>60034364

>Add cheap camera and LED lights
>Machine takes pics of your drink when ready
>Posts photos on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook etc.
>with nutrition info
>Everyone in California buys your machine
>You become bllionaire

File: 49173afcceda4c4327c23cd99fdb6a6839856.jpg (359KB, 1746x1167px) Image search: [Google]

359KB, 1746x1167px

>>60034717
>That's why vegetables exist.
Lmao, nobody drinks that shit. The few who do juice in a couple mangoes and apples to make it go down easier.

>Also not eating pulp and fiber leads to literal pain in the ass.
Eat a few bananas every day, problem solved.

If the Juicero presses the bags at a force that can lift up two Teslas, how many Teslas can my hands lift since I can squeeze the juice faster than the juicer?

>>60034822
Meanwhile Apple is making more money than any other company in Earth's history.

>>60034831
>eating radiation
lmao ok kid, enjoy your intestinal tumors

>>60034772
>>more than twice as much sugar as the same amount of strawberries by weight

>>actually need 4 drinks for 100% of daily vitamin/mineral intake, not one
No you don't unless that's literally all you consume every day. The missing vitamins and minerals are supposed to come from the food you eat during the day.

If they made that drink with 100% RDA of certain vitamins and minerals then people could easily get poisoned. This drink would just guarantee you're getting a ton of helpful vitamins and minerals in at least small amounts if all that's all you consume.

File: Capture.png (34KB, 773x192px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 773x192px

You know you dun goofed when even fucking Gizmodo savages you.

>>60034848
You cannot squeeze phone calls out of Verizon or music out of the internet with your bare hands though.

>>60034922
Fucking watch me.

>>60034495
>Change name to juic-hero
>Make it so you can put your head inside the machine
>Become an hero

>>60034862
>"This translates to roughly 25,000 bananas, which, if you ate at regularly spaced intervals throughout the year amounts to one hell of a constipation. You would need to eat 70 bananas per day. With the average weight of about 100 grams, and 89 kcal per 100 gram nutritional value, this amount of yellow food would provide you with roughly 6,500 kcal of energy, roughly three times more than an average adult need. Constipation would only be one of your problems. You would also get fat quickly - or spend a lot of time doing sports, which again, can be tricky, if you're permanently constipated."

http://www.dedoimedo.com/physics/banana-radioactive.html

retard

>Be me
>Wife's son tells me the magic jew machine won't press his favourite CERTIFIED ORGANIC NON-GMO FRESH DAILY VEGGY JUICE into his branded Juicero glass (39 dollars, made exclusively for first tier backers on Kickstarter), the only glass that can withstand the freshness of the juice.
>Yells and cries until I remove the banana and kale packet from the enclosure and replace it with his favourite one: "poptarts and mayonaise - a founders favorite (A certified exclusive collaboration between Juicero and Kellogs)".
>at least he is a GMO free vegan and that is all that matters

>>60034936
>NEWS: Florida Man on probation for throttling a Verizon employee

File: $_32.JPG?set_id=880000500F.jpg (69KB, 848x566px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 848x566px

>TT: Post ideas to polish this turd by means of Technolo/g/y.

No fuck you.

This is the kind of technology that makes you a lesser human being.

Use your own bear hands and a simple tool like pic related like a decent human bean.

>>60034968
Verizon is pro-throttling anyways.

>>60034827
>proceed to make botnet out of faggot juice machines

>>60034964
>comparing apples to oranges, or in this case bananas to radioactive elements that humans don't eat
ur making my brain do thinky things

>>60034364
Simple idea: stop being a lazy faggot and use a normal fucking juicer that isn't the juice equivalent of a keurig.

Seriously. The juice will taste way better and the whole setup including produce for a year, maybe two, will still cost less.

File: Capture.png (133KB, 1109x328px) Image search: [Google]

133KB, 1109x328px

>>60034985
>tfw soon we will have botnets made of ovens

The ransomware potential is just staggering.

https://medium.com/@Juicero/a-note-from-juiceros-new-ceo-cb23a1462b03

Fuck me harder DRM daddy

>>60035088
A botnet of ovens is the final solution to a botnet of juice.

>>60035088
Can't wait for Russian/Chinese hackers burning your house down because your Wifi oven came with Linux 2.4

>>60035233
I wonder if he's just trying to save face, or if he's actually completely deluded to sincerely believe that "a system that allows us to remotely disable Produce Packs" is a key advantage for the consumer.

File: 1491188896926.jpg (41KB, 587x581px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 587x581px

>>60035088
Truly amazing

>>60034504
I'd heard about the ridiculous pricing, but
>an internet connection to operate

Holy fuck, someone elaborate. If only for the sake of morbid curiosity.

File: 1482630712516.png (269KB, 500x514px) Image search: [Google]

269KB, 500x514px

>>60035088
>oven botnet
now THIS I can get behind

>>60035088
>transfer 0.1 btc to me or i'll burn your turkey and fucking ruin thanksgiving
i love the future

File: SxJJMRe.jpg (148KB, 800x619px) Image search: [Google]

148KB, 800x619px

>>60034772
Actually you just reminded me of a rumour that you can lose weight every day without doing exercise by only drinking 4 bottles of boost throughout the day + water.

Can't say how safe it is but it makes logical sense at least in terms of calorie deficit. Everyday your body would have to extract ~1,000 calories from its fat reserves so after a week you'd lose 2 lbs/~1KG of fat without losing muscle mass.

I know they do something similar with mega obese patients in hospitals.

Maybe i'm too much of a anti-consumerist fucker, but ALL juicers seem like a stupid idea to me. You're going through all this effort, wasting all these materials, using electricity, etc... to extract fiber and nutrients from your fruit, so you can drink it... Why not just EAT THE FUCKING FRUIT? You know the actual fruit is healthy too, right? I mean what kind of asshole pays $600 + $8 for a pre-portioned bag of clipped up fruit, then spends 2 minutes using a machine, and maybe another minute or 2 to clean up afterwards, to make juice... when the fruit itself costs SIGNIFICANTLY less, has no clean up, wastes nothing(maybe a cutting board and a bit of water to rinse it off) and is better for you?

If you're an 80 year old woman with dentures, i can maybe understand going to such lengths. If you're a healthy person though, what the fuck is wrong with you, to think all this effort is worth it? Christ, the fiber in the fruits themselves are probably better for humans now a days, since its not like you'll be vitamin deficient if you have a proper diet anyway. A lot of people are not getting enough fiber in their diets tho.

>>60035327
It has a camera that scans a QR code on each juice packet. If it's not an authorized Juicero brand pack, or it's past the designated freshness date, or you don't have the app, or your internet is down, then the machine will refuse to squeeze the packet. The company can also remotely disable your machine if there's been a "recall." It's DRM juice.

>>60034364
biometric scan to assure owner or guest and simple sweat analysis to recommend juice based on salt and sugar content.

>>60035403
>Pays $600+ for an electric machine that squeezes $8 packets of juice that could otherwise be squeezed out by hand
>Complains about the DRM

Frankly, if you're stupid enough to buy this shit, you really cant complain about the DRM. The DRM is maybe reason #8 why this this is a stupid purchase, and more importantly, you're an idiot.

I remember about 10 years ago there was this special fruit rinsing product that was kind of advertised as the "swiffer for cleaning your produce". It was on the shelves for maybe a month before everyone with an ounce of common sense rallied against it for being so incredibly wasteful and un-needed(they tried to convince everyone that simply rinsing the fruit you bought at safeway was not sufficient)

I get the feeling this juice is gonna end up like that.... except the rinsing solution was maybe $10-15. Not $600.. It also didnt compromise your privacy.

File: the ride never ends.jpg (14KB, 241x210px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 241x210px

>>60035327

>You install the Juicero® app on your phone and create a user account
>You connect the Juicero® juicer to your Wi-Fi and add it to your Juicero® account
>You order Juicero® Produce Packs™ using the Juicero® app
>Every Juicero® Produce Pack™ has a unique QR code printed on it
>After ordering, these codes are added to your Juicero® account
>When you insert the Produce Pack™ into the Juicero® juicer, it reads the QR code and verifies online that the Produce Pack™ is in your Juicero® account and is not past the expiry date
>After squeezing, the code for the Produce Pack™ is marked as used
>You remove the Produce Pack™ from the Juicero® juicer, wash it and send it back for recycling
>The Juicero® app can automatically order new Produce Packs™ based on your preferences, as well as shipping labels for returned Produce Packs™
>Additionally, if a product recall is issued, e.g. in case of a bad ingredient, all affected Produce Packs™ in your Juicero® account will be automatically disabled to ensure your safety and health

>>60035488
I'm just explaining what the thing does, no need to be a dick.

>>60034364
There is no polishing. This is completely retarded.
>whole point of juicers is to make fresh juice out of fresh fruit
>buy some shit which squeezes pre-packaged juice
If it's not going to make juice out of actual fresh fruit, what's the fucking point of this contraption? If I want to buy pre-packaged, pre-processed shit I can just buy juice.

File: 5c1.png (32KB, 591x275px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 591x275px

>>60035403
It's hilarious because it's stupid, but the truth is I'm scared that there are people out there who have this on their kitchen counters.

File: 1448473786413.jpg (45KB, 540x429px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 540x429px

>>60035403
> tfw there will be no name brands making compatible juice packages which only cost $4 instead of $8

>>60035571
If they don't have an authorized QR code then they won't work. That being said, I can see some other company making a non-proprietary version and selling it for like $50 with cheaper/reusable packs if, god forbid, this thing actually catches on.

>>60035518
The sales pitch is that the bags contain pieces of fresh fruit that are squeezed to extract juice.

Of course, in reality either the juicer cannot exert enough pressure or the bags can't handle it, so the bags contain mostly pre-made fruit pulp.

File: Juisir-05.jpg (74KB, 1300x1000px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 1300x1000px

>>60035592
>I can see some other company making a non-proprietary version and selling it for like $50 with cheaper/reusable packs

It already exists. Although they're being sued by Juicero due to fairly obvious copyright infringement.

>>60035505
So, they protect me against criminals stealing my juice packs by disabling them remotely?
based Juicero

>>60034364
Update it to work as a soylent dispenser too.

>>60035647

>copyright infringement

They totally pirated the design.

>>60035234
underrated post

>>60035392
Because it's not for fruit, it's for vegetables. I own a jack la lane unit, and I don't use it that often because it's a hassle to clean.

>>60035760
Wish I'd had this in 3rd grade!!

>>60035514
I didnt mean that specifically towards you. More towards the person who would buy it. Id like to think no one on /g/ is stupid/rich enough to fall for this shit.

>>60035610
Sure, but how "fresh" is it if the bags are going to be commercially available? You can't just slice up fruit and leave it like that, it's going to spoil quickly. Won't the packs have to use some preservatives or something in any case? They're not going to be "fresh" anyway if it sits for 2 weeks in some store.

>>60035898
The bags are not going to be sold in stores (it won't work with their overdesigned QR code system anyway). They're shipped directly to you on order, and have a shelf life of only 7 days.

>>60036014
and you recycle them by shipping it back to them...

Its just so hilariously stupid and wasteful.

>>60035812
That said, if it cost me $6 per cup of juice, I wouldn't EVER use it.

>>60036014
So realistically speaking you're still getting "fresh" fruit that's actually a few days old. Still seems fucking retarded compared to buying real fruit and a real juicer.

>>60036028
You order the juice pack, then you order the shipping labels, then you post the juice pack back using the shipping labels. That's THREE packages for one set of juice packs!
I swear, US needs a postage tax and mandatory 3 days minimum shipping time to discourage shit like this.

>>60036052
Well, I guess some people are too lazy and/or stupid to peel and cut real fruit and clean a real juicer.

>you need the app to use it
>you need internet to use a press

>120m investment

if this is not a money laundering scheme, these investors deserve to be screwed

I don't really get the meme of juicing fruit and vegetables to get enough vitamins and be healthy and shit. Why can't you just eat the fruit and vegetables in the normal way?

>>60036030
You can get fresh squeezed juice at a restaurant for less than that.... And its *ACTUALLY* fresh(probably locally sourced if possible), not farmed in costa rica, shipped to america, processed in a warehouse where its cut up, put in an envelope, and stored for a week or two until dispatched, in the postage system for 3 days, then in your cupboard for up to 6 days before expiration.

It is so beyond me, on who this product is for. Like at the innitial concept stage, EVERYONE who was discussing it should have at one point said "This seems really stupid and wasteful". Maybe they're all in a silicon valley bubble, but they must have also done focus group testing too...

File: stallman.jpg (98KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 1920x1080px

>remove the drm
>still make money by still selling the pre-packaged juicepacks since people are lazy

>>60034827
generate coupons to local organic food stores, coffe shops, vegan restaurants

>>60034590
It's bags of pre-juiced juice, the fucking machine just pours it

>>60036267
>they must have also done focus group testing
I don't think so. Read >>60035233, they're either trying to scam investors and consumers by hiding behind a wall of buzzwords, or completely fucking deluded and not listening to any criticism.

>>60034453
> concentrate
There's this special thing called "fruits", you usually eat them. You can also put them in a blender and drink its product, usually called "fruit juice"

>>60035385
The reason you need to exercise to lose weight is because your body extracts calories from your muscles first.

Ignoring them myriad ill effects that a liquid diet will inflict on you, the idea would eventually work. You'll be an impotent skeleton and not at all aesthetic, but you'll have lost weight.

>>60035392
Or: just buy a $20 mixer and mix everything with a tad juice. Gives you nice smoothies.

>>60035088
I enjoy that we're moving towards a future where the 'tech savvy' punks of the future will be the ones doing everything by hand, meanwhile the average person will be the one living their lives constantly through needless technology.

>>60036736
>The reason you need to exercise to lose weight is because your body extracts calories from your muscles first.
>Ignoring them myriad ill effects that a liquid diet will inflict on you, the idea would eventually work. You'll be an impotent skeleton and not at all aesthetic, but you'll have lost weight.
That makes no sense, you literally can't control where your body burns fat first. Also the 4 daily drinks together would give you 60 grams of protein which is more than enough to keep your body from eating itself (muscle tissue due to protein starvation).

File: 1472234106770.png (120KB, 561x416px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 561x416px

>>60035505
Reads like an ancap maymay

>watch some caseyneistat video today because i like his on-the-go editing
>dude has this in his office
>"i'm friends with the ceo of the company blablabla BUT look you can just squeeze this shit lmao"
>"just buy it anyway he's my friend and it's good"

>>60034364
use it to castrate mudslimes and SJWs

File: medium.jpg (17KB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 320x240px

You mean there's an easier way?

>>60036131
the shipping labels are not shipped to you, you get an email or whatever, print the labels and then stick them to your package. Still wasteful as fuck

>>60037791
link to vid?

So why not just get a blender?

>>60038212
Because a blender can't read QR codes, sync with the cloud or cost $400 US while doing less than cheaper products.
But seriously. This device is like a parody of everything wrong with the world today.

>>60038348
>a blender can't read QR codes, sync with the cloud or cost $400 US

weirdly enough Google can't find me a single IoT blender
OH BOY KIKESTARTER TIME

File: 1492966445214.png (152KB, 398x397px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 398x397px

>>60038518
I can already see the commercial:

> Whenever I go to yoga I just start blending my favorite smoothie via my iPhone app

> The kids come home and they are hungry. I prepared everything for a wholesome milk shake. [cue scene where a kid presses the button on a phone app]

File: Capture.png (159KB, 879x1025px) Image search: [Google]

159KB, 879x1025px

>>60038348
>This device is like a parody of everything wrong with the world today.

The company's reaction to the hand-squeezing shebang doesn't help.

File: Capture2.png (87KB, 861x483px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 861x483px

>>60038596
I mean fucking wow

>>60038596
>lifespan of about 8 days
>recall
Yeah...

>>60038596
SPINACH
P
I
N
A
C
H

RECALL
E
C
A
L
L

>>60038596
>Consistent pressing of our Produce Packs calibrated by flavor to deliver the best combination of taste and nutrition EVERY time
What the fuck does that even mean?

>>60038794
Precisely nothing.
I wish I could write bullshit this eloquently.

>>60038838
I dunno dude, I'm sick of all those OTHER bag-based juice squeezers that sometimes give you a glass full of pure taste or only nutrition. Shit's annoying as hell. I bet they don't even calibrate how they press each flavor.

>>60034587
thats really not how those things work

>>60034447
It's funny how this one actually seems like a much better product too.

File: Capture.png (3MB, 2675x1566px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 2675x1566px

And the bullshit continues on the website. This is some next level crap.

File: Capture2.jpg (2MB, 2703x1514px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 2703x1514px

Holy fucking shit. How much do they expect consumers to be paying for juice out of a bag at a cafe?

one thing that really bothers me about it is the amount of waste they probably produce. I don't care that the company is scamming dumb hipsters but those plastic bags likely don't degrade

Put in whoopy cushions so you can drink farts.

would buy.

File: 1392508709109.png (149KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

149KB, 640x360px

>>60038991
>feel it deep inside your neurons
holy shit

>>60034364
>>Reusable zip-loc bags available
>>Juice packs have a chemical strip tracking temperature to dynamically adjust expiration date
>>QR code camera replaced by simple barcode reader to reduce the price

there is a chinese version which is the exact same technology except with none of these gay features.

the big difference is the bags are reusable and you can cut up veggies/ffruit yourself to use.

>>60039158
There is plastic and plastic. They say that they recycle it.

>>60039195
It's the taste of healthy living!

>>60034472
Or 149.99 with a Starbucks logo

File: 89234u8032.jpg (74KB, 620x620px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 620x620px

>>60034364
>mfw people will buy this shit and feel superior to others for doing so

>>60035647
open source juice is illegal.

File: DSC_0346[1].jpg (439KB, 2000x1500px) Image search: [Google]

439KB, 2000x1500px

>>60039062
It's Le Pain Quotidien, they're insane. I went there once and counted FORTY-SIX instances of the world "Organic" on a single page of the menu.

File: infected oven.jpg (21KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 480x360px

>>60035088
>mfw this will happen in your lifetime

>>60034587
Bro boost has more sugar than Pepsi

>Finland
>everyman's rights state that anyone can pick the berries and mushrooms in the woods so they don't go to waste
>you're even allowed to sell them and products made from them for a living
>literally everyone has a juice brewing pot at home that they can just pop onto a stove and get to brewing
>have a freezer full of berries and juice and jam of all kinds picked by my own hands and produced manually in my own kitchen
>make some extra cash by juicing other people's fruits and berries and selling my own
I miss my old house. Had 7 apple trees, 8 currant bushes in black, white and red varieties, 2 gooseberry bushes, 5 damson trees, a plum tree, two patches of strawberry, two patches of chives and a small patch of forest on my yard. And a strain of clover that always produced four leaved clovers.

Point is, USA is idiotic and fucked.

>>60034472
>applefags
>tech fans
They are fashionistas

File: yes.gif (573KB, 267x199px) Image search: [Google]

573KB, 267x199px

>>60034364
Some youtube video showed them just manually squeeing the sachets and it was the same, maybe even faster lmao.

>be juice company
>need new idea
>we make the customer 'squeeze' the juice so its fresher
>make wildy expensive, overly complicated squishy machine
>$90000.01
>juice packets are literally juiced already
>mfw people buy this shit

>>60040209
Rich people (especially nouveau riche) buy into stupid wellness and "experience" shit all the time. They will want something "nice" and proceed to ignore the fact that squeezing fruit for juice has been around for thousands of years. Even for home juicing, there is no reason for this gear to be as expensive as it is.

>>60040312
juicing for the purpose of directly ingesting the juice is retarded by itself.
>when people juice AND take fiber supplements at the same time

>>60040209
Actually you get half an ounce less out of the bags than you do by hand. It's not much, but after 8 days, you've basically thrown away a whole 'nother bag.

>>60040754
If the bags have juice in them, and those bags are gonna be sitting around for the same time as the non-bagged version, then whats the point? The end result is the same, unless that bag has an entire eco system with a apple tree growing in it or something

>>60040811
The bags don't just have juice in them, they've got the shit that the juice is being pressed from. It's not like the bags are capri suns here.

And the point is that you trade a lot of money for some convenience. I kinda like the idea, but at $400 for an internetofshit machine and $5-10 per glass of juice, it ain't worth it.

>>60039831
tbqh that sounds pretty heavenly

>>60039669
Oh that means it has lots of antioxidants and electrolytes

That's good for you

>>60038596
> hacking consumer products

I guess?

I don't know that "squeeze a bag with your hands" is clever, but I guess.

File: 1366683486921.jpg (36KB, 500x374px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 500x374px

>>60039669
>100% botanical

is this a weed euphemism

>>60034594
I want this

>>60034364
washable, reusable pouches. can hold and keep 4 pouches refrigerated @ 34°f. sbc controlled with touch display and flash storage, easy gui where you can customize your own flavor blends
>>60034827 plus map with local farmers markets and organic grocers

>>60039195
It's activating your almonds all over again.

>>60034594
Rather than using plastic bags they should just make a removable tray where you put the fruit and vegetable pieces in so you could take the thing out and put in in the dish washer or sink or however you want to clean it.

Alternatively you could just use a blender which is superior anyway

>>60040754
>>60040811
>>60040209

Why not just buy the juice bags and some cheap tool press

File: facebook-hacker.jpg (17KB, 500x331px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 500x331px

>>60041145
>I'm a hacker
*Squeezes juice*
>Pssht, nothing personnel

>>60034893
why hasn't anyone done that though, just a cheap bland food system, 3 600 calorie drinks?

>>60034893
>100% RDA
>Poisoned
Americans..........

>>60036736
>The reason you need to exercise to lose weight is because your body extracts calories from your muscles first.
please never post again you incredible fucking retard

Enjoy your listeria....

>>60034968
based Florida Man does it again

>>60039831
Hi, Linus.

>>60034364
>Redesign it so it can turn whole fruits and vegetables into juice, instead of turning juice into more juice

File: 1491993641840.jpg (11KB, 240x240px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 240x240px

>>60034364
>juice squeezer
Why don't they put the juice in a carton box with straw hole.
Am I retarded or is this a dream?

>>60044041
Because then the pulp isn't fresh squeezed

>>60039709
>tfw no OP custom richboi netnavi to virus bust with

>>60043848
>what are fat-soluble vitamins
Go ahead and chug an entire bottle of vitamin D or A and then come back and tell us you feel great the next day

>>60043981
that's what it does, in the packets are fresh cut vegetables and fruit, it doesn't just squeeze already-made juices out of packets, that would be pointless.

ice coffee bags

>>60034364
put a qr code on your balls and get it to press them for CBT fans

>>60039847
You have to go back pablo

>>60044560
If the average person with hands can squeeze the bags and get the same juice but faster then the machine is already pointless.

>>60034364
Just increase the price of everything and thus seal out the market that's probably complaining the most. Rebrand the entire thing and make it jetblack.

File: images (1).jpg (12KB, 311x360px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 311x360px

If someone was able to hack in and breach security, how much damage could they do? Would they be able to go as far as to brick juicers en masse?

>>60044928
Yes, but they could also turn your juicer into a spying device or a part of a botnet to DDoS other things.
>Hackers can turn your juicer into a bomb

>juicer
>juice pack
>not actual fruits/veggies
Regardless the price, it was retarded idea. Holy fuck, do average american that stupid? I assume no since it sells like shit, right? Right?

>>60039158
I was gifted a Keurig brewer for Christmas by family. It's convenient and all, but the amount of plastic waste from it bothers the fuck out of me. I got a reusable filter cup that I use about half the time, but even with that it's pretty bad.

>>60039235
Apparently they provide you with pre-paid shipping labels to get the plastic from the bags for recycling (according to their instructional video). Important question is whether printing labels and packaging and shipping it for recycling by mail doesn't create more net pollution than not recycling at all.

>>60043351
Kek

>>60035088
I like the idea of being able to control things like ovens, coffee machines, kettles, etc. from my phone, just not externally

Are there any home/local based solutions? Any open source projects to do all this to your home, but only to a local server, and control it from your phone, only from your home wifi, from a specific IP?

>>60034594
That actually looks like a good product.

>>60034364
The sad thing is even a glass of the most hipster ass fresh squeezed organic juice is about half the price of one of their packs. They fail even on a juice level.

>>60046327
Fuck it gets even worse, you can go to a wholefoods and use the same product for $2 cheaper than buying it yourself. How?
http://www.ocregister.com/2017/03/08/whole-foods-launches-diy-juice-bar-by-juicero/

>>60046073
There's no money in that anon, of course not.
It has to be proprietary and call home for every single thing, and report on your usage of the devices. Never mind the fact that anyone could control your home devices if the proprietary system is ever compromised. That part isn't as important as money and information gathering.

>>60034364
Who even makes their own Juices? I can't find this shit to be profitable.

>>60041217
>100% bot
I bet you stopped reading there
>without the "anical"

>>60035088
>put phone in pocket, somehow it turns oven on, your house is burning down
>turn oven on from afar, suddenly - no connection. Shows oven is off. But it is on.
You continue your day.

>>60035403
this is an april fools repost, right?

>>60042731
But then that's too normal.
Hipsters wont buy

back in my day we'd just buy a bottle of liquid juice concentrate, pour a little into a glass, fill with water, and you're done

how did we get to the point where we have managed to add DRM to this process?

I want to get off this ride.

>>60046956
NO.
You DON'T UNDERSTAND, Anon.
They are ENERGIZING VALUE and PROMOTING HEALTHY LIFESTYLES by allowing you to only consume their product if they approve of you doing so!

A fucking conservative, global-warming-denying MISOGYNIST shitlord like you could NEVER understand!

>>60039831
>"And a strain of clover that always produced four leaved clovers."
Where?

>>60047267
>How can I invest in your business?
t. venture capitalist

>>60034753
It's probably a tax write off or a money laundering scheme.
That sort of thing is getting bigger in this type of game.

File: 135880542297.gif (478KB, 250x161px) Image search: [Google]

478KB, 250x161px

>>60039669
>mfw that menu
>mfw those prices

they could sell it for $50 and then make money on the joos packs like the printer industry does.

File: wlwk.gif (204KB, 600x538px) Image search: [Google]

204KB, 600x538px

>>60039669
> 1 boiled egg
> $5

>>60034798
>dying from drinking a glass of juice that has gone bad
How?

File: 1493022799913.jpg (59KB, 588x647px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 588x647px

>>60035233
>a spinach recall

Corporate culture is so goddamn cancer. Can you imagine working in some plain looking office with a bunch of hipster looking cunts coming up with these bullshit advertisements and slogans? I'd hate that.

>>60036052
It's not just cheaper to go somewhere to get a proper breakfast? I mean you can get anyshit juice readily made for you for less then 7$ a cup

>>60048296
> Hey anon, do you want to join us after work at yoga? It will be just us boys, our wifes will be at the gym with their personal trainers.

>>60048251
Little kids with underdeveloped immune systems die much easier than an adult.

>>60048319
>BTW is your wife also in the British broadcasting company fanclub?

>>60034364
> can actually crush veggies and so on to create juice

> allow programming to create mixture of fruits/veggies as % of drink for recipes

> different coloring themes

> easy to maintain and clean

>>60034447
It says a lot about the state of things when a chink can improve shit so it's better than yours.

The chinks will rule the world I tell you

>>60034962
well done anon

>>60034590
You could bombard a bag containing fruit with radiation. They do it with Medical supplies

>>60034453
top tier taste in juicer technology mah nigga

File: [Commie] Musaigen no Phantom World - 02 [9DD4F2CB].mkv_snapshot_00.15.31_[2016.01.17_00.32.57].jpg (285KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

285KB, 1280x720px

Why not just eat the fruit right away?

>>60034364
>$799 device that squeezes a $10 bag to make juice
There is a word to describe people who would pay $809 for some juice. It is not a nice word.

>>60048168
Im on this theory as well. Lets say a buyer of the juicer will spend a total of 1200 USD on the product ever, 400 machine and 800 worth of juice. I think that is a good average. Then they would need to sell 100.000 Machines to reach 120mil and that is without considering any cost for production and cost for shipping bags and used bags back and forth. 1200 per customer might be low but 100.000 of those with increased spending will probably compensate for the production cost.
It will be interesting watching this unfold

>>60044928
You can brick the juice bags so that the 700 dollar juicer will no longer press them. That's by design. A hacker could just disable all the juice bags they have sold in the past week or so, meaning the juicer could not do anything.

>>60048679
I bet you hold the bananas in your throat for a while before eating em

>>60043312
why not just drink the fucking juice out of the fucking bag so you don't even need to wash the fucking glass afterwards

>>60034364
the juicer can suck your dick
I am not even kidding
for 400$ it should take out the trash, too

>>60048835
Why wouldn't you? You get to taste them for longer.

>>60048864
Sure, you're doing it for the taste...
You like how it fills your mouth and throat huh?

File: 1487825068893.jpg (3KB, 99x125px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 99x125px

>>60034419
>pasteurize them

File: the-true-story-of-the-1980s-when-everyone-was-convinced-japan-would-buy-america.jpg (57KB, 670x335px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 670x335px

>>60048565
It will be Japan all over again

Two possibilities:

1) Laundering some questionable money.
2) We're in a tech boom and this is a brazen attempt to make money from investors.

Both really have precedent, although I'm inclined to put my money behind the second possibility.
The directors of this shitheap will get their bonuses and run. As long as they can do that it'll be a success in their eyes.

File: tumblr_n12dr3tyv91rpe379o1_500_zpsnqboxjlb.gif (968KB, 500x600px) Image search: [Google]

968KB, 500x600px

Why this is even a thing?
Do you need a fucking machine to add water to some concentrate shit?

>>60049126
It doesn't add water or use concentrate.

>>60049142
how does it work? it's just fresh juice in a bag? and you need a machine to take the juice from the bag to a glass?

>>60049157
It's fruits inside a bag. You press bag to squeeze juice out of fruits. Juice comes out of the nozzle.

The power of capitalism. I can't wait til we need to sign a document or check a box on a legal document everytime we use a juicer.

>>60034364
How about just selling juices?

Because what's in the bags are already a pulp. Why don't skip the squeezing step altogether.

>Silicon valley startups
The idea is never to actually make money, it's to fake being a viable business and NEXT BIG THING in order to sucker in stupid venture capital into funding it or buying the company outright for countless times more then it's actually worth

File: nespresso-logo.jpg (7KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 250x250px

>A standard shot of espresso contains 7-9g of coffee
>Put under 5g of coffee in a pod and sell it for a premium price

>>60049261
>coffee
That is why you are a brainlet techie. Us at /sci/ are master race caffeine pills + l-theanine users.

>>60049261
Also
>sue any third party companies who want to sell their coffe inside their propietary capsule format

>>60049202
Because liberals ( i am talking about the rich capitalists who only care about identity politics and shunned Bernie for her) love making themselves feel superior by buying the "latest" useless crap that virties signals they are above the poor white trash who drink sunny delight.

>>60038616
>organic chopped
Aha that is the scheme. They use cheap GMO pesticided fruits and vegetables but the machine doing the chopping is operated by a hippie

>>60034594
I saw a documentary about China's tech industry and they have a concept called shanzai or something and they call it sharing but they say westerners often translate it as stealing. Basically what you said, ideas just get taken and improved rather than be stuck under patent and copyright laws which hinders the progress of technology.

>>60039669
>organic fucking eggs
I can understand free-range eggs, but organic? As opposed to the myriad of synthetic eggs on the market?
Also $5 ayy

>>60039565
you think that bad, wait a few more years till they move to fruit.
I mean its not like fruit self replicates and literally grows out of the ground.
Mark my words, Apple's largest pay out will be when we can only get apples from them. But they be nothing once Air Corp gets their legal rights recognized.

>>60034495
>change name to juic-neko
>make it so you can put your cats inside the machine and it will press them to vomit fur balls

File: download (1).png (9KB, 211x239px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 211x239px

>kidnap Richard Stallman
>put him in a room with one of these and a juice pack
>nothing else
>not even a window
>just a power plug and wifi connection for juicer
>see if he submits to the proprietary botnet or dies in the name of freedom

File: 1367642772250.gif (3MB, 200x260px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 200x260px

>>60034364
>beta glow

>>60050053
He will die for our sins.

>>60050053
He would just squeeze the stuff into his mouth. He isn't a weakling like most of /g/ who thinks water is too high in calories.

>>60049573
>improving
lmao

>>60050141

The packs are proprietary, retardo.

>>60035364
>0.1 btc
That's like $0.20 in a few years

>>60043312
Actually you can't, they only sell them to the owners of the juicer.

>>60048228
I just bought a dozen(raw) eggs for $3... and i feel i got ripped off over that, cause i know some americans get a dozen eggs for $1.30.

This company is very obviously a money laundering scheme, just like modern """"""art"""""".

File: doug evans.png (2MB, 897x900px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 897x900px

>be Doug Evans
>receive over $120,000,000 from (((venture capitalists))) to establish Juicero, among the most Jewish products in existence
>claim to be a huge supporter of your product to believe it will help start a health food revolution
>immediately step down from the company to be replaced by Jeff Dunn
>Jeff Dunn is the former president of Coca-Cola and served in highest levels of Campbell's Soup
>Campbell's Soup donated yuge sums of money to Doug Evans and Jeff Dunn to start this company

Why go through the trouble of embezzling when peddling overpriced jewish nonsense through your fraud "health startup" or "green initiative" is so much easier and safer?

>>60051586
The $1.30/dozen eggs are really shitty though, decent eggs cost like $3-$5/dozen.

>>60052043

There was an anon that mentioned to me before that this whole venture is about money laundering. Could perhaps be true as this thing is way too retarded to ever work and anyone with more than $1 to their name would know that.

>>60052072
You're a retard if you think this isn't just a way to embezzle/launder money. That was the purpose of the entire scheme. This product was NEVER intended to make any money.

>>60038158
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkfNLhgV6O8

>>60034975
>bear hands

Beer*

>>60052269
>gets all the interns around the office to come help him make a video so he doesn't look like a friendless loser

Top kek, Casey.

Doesn't look like a paid promotion though, he did the hand-squeeze meme, which is pretty bad PR.

>>60052133

>You're a retard if you think this isn't just a way to embezzle/launder money

Hey, that's not the first thing I thought but that doesn't mean I'm a retard. I know modern art is a laundering front yeah, but I just thought this was a very lucky dumb idea that got too much money.

>>60038991
How the hell did they manage to make drinking juice pretentious?

>>60052672
>which is pretty bad PR.
Everything is bad PR these days for Juicero.

>>60049573
it's called shanzhai not shanzai

>>60039831
That sounds awesome.

>>60034364
Juicing is unhealthy to begin with. This fad was already over when the press came out.

Just eat Whole fruits.

>>60035088
Hardware firewall, block oven's access to internet. Whats the problem? I could use it on wifi, local lan and vpn into local lan if I'd want to use it from internet.

>>60046956
>back in my day we'd just buy a bottle of liquid juice concentrate, pour a little into a glass, fill with water, and you're done
Enjoy drinking your recalled spinach

File: juicero-2.jpg (84KB, 600x900px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 600x900px

>>60053128
>Sorry, your Ovenero® oven requires an Internet connection to operate.
>Please open the Ovenero® app on your iPhone and log in to your account for instructions on how to set up Wi-Fi connection.

>>60048196
Those prices are pretty run of the mill for Belgian restaurants and the food was pretty fucking good, but my god they're pretentious as all fuck. And most of the male staff wore hipster glasses and beards.