iOS 11 Hoax

>>59628571
By moving a powerful magnet over an iPhone 8, you can charge it without a magnetic charger. Thus people will erase their iPhones with magnets.

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>>59628571
Android

>>59628571
Water and microwave have already been done, so unless theres a critical bug that we could trick people into causing then we will need to come up with a new "feature" of iOS 11

>>59628624
I like this idea. Make them rub magnets on the back of their phones and say that it's like those shakeable battery electromagnets

>>59628624
>cell phones use magnetic storage

>>59628648
Magnetic charging is already confirmed, so this one may be pretty plausible to an idiot.
>>59628624

>>59628624
This doesn't work though

Magnet could be a possibility. Any other suggestions?

>>59628571
all apple services replaced including store with microsoft's

>>59628664
Last time I checked magnets DO in fact wipe flash memory.

>>59628685
No?

Or maybe we can tell them that they can charge it by touching it on a certain part of the case through your bodies static field or some bullshit. Then the apple fags will caress their phones for hours at a time for nothing.

>>59628624
Yeah, this won't work.
http://electronics.stackexchange.com/questions/36921/does-magnetism-affect-sd-cards

Inhaling through the lightning charge port
checks how sober you are.

>>59628760
But what app would do that? Or is it a hardware feature? Elaborate.

>>59628760
*exhaling which at times can make the person inhale if they're dumb enough.
Correction

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With new Apple Forever IOS 11 detects your nearest apple store where all your photos will be stored and printed. Feel free to delete all your photos from your phone and if you want them back simply go to your nearest apple store and ask to view your Apple Forever album in physical or digital form.

Something like that essentially tricking normies into deleting all their shitty selfies and pictures.

Lots of talks of magnets, but what about something heat related?

iOS 11 will implement an Android emulation layer, based on the new fART engine

>>59628834
"All data saved to iCloud is automatically routed to the nearest Apple store, and you can pick it up at any time!"

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Never forget

>>59628870
I made so many accounts to spread it

shit was so cash for a few hours

>>59628571
iOS 11 now uses lets you shrink the data on your phone using a magnet, giving you more room to store your pictures without having to delete memories

>>59628870
>quality unix maymaying by your friendly neighborhood technology board

>>59628685
no they don't

>>59628895
>>59628755

>>59628624
Your average person doesn't have access to a magnet powerful enough to wipe a device.

>>59628834
Messages, Contacts, Pictures are now uploaded to your cloud and can be downloaded online at apple.ca or picked up in store. Freeing up your storage without giving up your memories.

Quick tip for older phones running iOS 11. Placing your phone on a hot stove element will heat up the and restore the thermal paste inside. This will let your phone cool itself better and run faster.

>>59628624
No iPhone has used a magnetic storage drive.

Magnet idea is gone. Won't work. Use Google, the most it could do is mess up the compass.

>>59628936
Don't forget unlimited iCloud storage, which is also accessible through your nearest Apple store.

>>59628648
Has drop-proof been done?

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>>59628624
>tfw the average /g/entooman is now more retarded than the average macfag

we have to go back.

Upgrading to iOS 11 allows you to access free Cloud services to store unlimited memories in. Consult your local apple store for more detail.

#unlimitedmemories

>>59628954
This actually sounds pretty funny. Is there a way to make the batteries inside the iPhones explode so we could have another Samsung incident lol

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>>59628901
Latest retina macbook pro with fingerscanner still has no check for that

When you set the time to that date and fiddle a bit around, you get a presented with a black screen for 2 minutes

it's funny how they don't learn out of their mistakes

>http://blog.eriknicolasgomez.com/2016/11/27/the-untouchables-apples-new-os-activation-for-touch-bar-macbook-pros/
>Fun bugs

>Given that iOS has had difficulty in the past with time, I hopped in my DeLorean and went back to 01-01-1970. Sure enough, the TouchBar failed to load, Touch ID was broken and the machine took a significant amount of time to boot.

Also: The new rmbp with fingerfeces needs an internet connection to be usable, read that article and shit freedombrix

>>59628954
>this
But be sure to make it subtle, apple normies are getting smarter about our hoaxes. Just be ware.

>>59628993
I think it would play out well if you say a stove top element and warn against putting it in the microwave.

>>59628624
god dammit

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>>59628984
DONT consult your local apple store because then they will tell them its not true, tard.

>>59629022
Whole idea is to get people en masse into apple stores ... but okay there betafag

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>>59628991

>>59629011
True

>>59629030
Actually, good point. I hereby retract my previous statement. Props to you, anon.

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I don't think the "deleting your pictures is safe now" hoax is a good idea. We're trying to get normies to damage their $800 iPhones, right? Photos on an iPhone don't really have monetary value.

>>59628954
i like this but instead of creating an "official" ad image for it, we need to sort of just spread this around as a rumor, spoofing websites like Wired and TechCrunch

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>>59629065
Thank you Anon

>>59629074
Plus, I don't really think they would fall for it anyways.

>>59629074
money isn't everything Anon

>>59629078
Truth, almost like it was an experiment they did to test out the thoery and it works.

Buzzfeed article too like: Ten ways to speed up your old iPhone with the release of iOS 11

Say it finally uses a sapphire screen and can resists even hard cuts from a razor.

>>59629117
Maybe this explains the ridiculous fucking price? Good idea, anon.

>>59629117
That wouldn't make them actually scratch their phone with a razor.

>>59629117
Yeah I don't think normies would actually do that ...

>>59629148
>>59629137
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAsa3EZmahE

you'd be surprise

>>59629162
>russian
>kid

>>59629162
kek okay maybe it'll work

>>59629184
even kids these days have iPhones tho

I think you guys are thinking about this the wrong way. We've already done iPhone hoaxes. What's the new cesspool of Apple stuff?

Airpods and dongles. What's an easy way to render the airpods useless? Or break the dongles?

Maybe this time it would be more effective just to inconvenience a bunch of gullible faggots. Perhaps the iphone ship has set sail

>>59628834
This is specially good since Google Photos has been bundled with most Android's for years
>>59629074
Photos are way more important to your average normie than the new leased phone
>>59628954
This is pretty good

I think if we target those with older iPhones and have them do something damaging in order to "speed it up" would be our best bet.

Then you frame it like >>59629114 as a tech website finding a "hack" or whatever.

>>59628989
An iPhone 6 literally burned a plane with 56 people on board, they already blow up but the last STAND of Job's, the RDF, is protecting the brand

>>59629381
Why did it happen, exploding iPhones would make me LMFAO

>>59628571
>Native c# / real visual studio coded by microsoft (not mono)
>Windows games will now work on mac without any extra software, benchmarks supporting about the same performance or better in some cases
>Steam got together with mac to make it all happen because microsoft is indians
>Drive hard at the indian thing

>>59629543
>drive hard at the indian thing

kek

I've made a discord to discuss the hoax in real time. https://discord.gg/vABT2Qp

>>59629494
Because iPhone's are equally shitty as Samshit's
http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/faulty-phone-battery-may-have-caused-fire-that-brought-down-egyptair-flight-ms804-investigators-say-1600963
There's also those recent videos of smoking iPhone's

>>59629592
Is there a surefire method we could trick users into heating up their battery enough to explode?

How do I fix the microscratches on my jet black iphone?

>>59629715
Grinder works the best. It'll buff em right out.

Where to get Helvetica font? Does Apple use any special version?

>>59629765
Apple uses a custom font now, "San Francisco"

>>59629574
People don't actually log on there do they....

>>59628663
has microwave charging been done?

>>59630205
yes

>>59630205
Apple Wave™

iOS can now handle signals from 3.5mm inputs as well as lightning port. To install a lightning/headphone port, simply remove the home button to unplug the standard lightning port from the MoBo and replace with new dual duty port.

>>59630325
new port looks like so:
___
______/ \______
|_____ _____ |
\___/

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>>59630385

>>59630261

>Apple Wave™
>No ports whatsoever
>Wireless Dongles

best i can think of tbphf - plausable - builds on the momentum of recent events

>>59628663
nothing has been confirmed for the next iphoe because Apple hasn't said shit and they wont until it's just about released.
>>59628624
phones don't use hard drives you idiot, that wouldn't do anything.

>>59628571
There's the only idea: Apple is shit.

>>59629715
A sander with 50 grit sandpaper.

>>59634945
>>59629715
Is tricking the people that bought the jet black iphones into sanding the back a plausible meme? Would normies have easy access to a large grit (<=50) of sandpaper?

>>59629266
I think this is the right way

>>59629162
fake, phone goes out of frame for a second. They probably switched it with a broken one.

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>>59628870
>"4 hours ago"

Fuck this time format, I want to remember what year and date something was posted, this fucking toddler shit ruins screencaps. Googoo I can't tell what time it is so I need the computer to count hours for me

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>>59636262
It's got the date and time on it dumbass.

>>59636262
Wait. Disregard >>59636307
I was thinking images stamped with Unix time.

What about a fake bug they can take advantage of

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The screen tilts out so you can sit it on tha table to watch movies without propping it up on something.
But the feature was abandoned, and screen glued down.
To unlock this feature you run a blade around the left side of the screen to split the glue, then leverage it out.

It was abandoned because of it becoming lose over time.

>>59636471
Goddammit. I need sleep. I thought it was another hardware release.

>Environmental Requirements
>Nonoperating temperature: ‑4° to 113° F (‑20° to 45° C)

You can preserve battery life by putting it in the freezer.

>>59637641
Yeah, something like this.

iOS 11 introduces Hibernation for iPhone. Forgot your charger at home, but running low on battery? Battery saving mode originally debuted in iOS 9, but in iOS 11, Apple revolutionized the battery industry by creating the world's first software-driven low temperature deep sleep. Simply enable battery saving mode like you always have, and place the phone in the freezer. Your iPhone will enter hibernation mode, extending your standby time to 650 hours, while still receiving notifications, iMessages, and phone calls.

>>59637641
This could actually work

>>59637742
Id say make it a more realistic number like 50 hours.

Heating up the phone resets the firmware and unlocks the phone.

>>59638032
Fix that shitty fill around the phone. Make ice a solid light blue; the rainbow is too tacky and the people gets lost in the black. That TM isn't in the proper typeface; remove it and replace it with a smaller one in the same typeface as the rest of the text.

If you're trying to juke out retards, you have to do "muh design" better than the company who built their business around it.

>>59638114
The purple gets lost*

>>59638032
Has potential, just have to take into account what the other guy said

>>59628571
If you Tweet "Thanks, zombie Steve Jobs" to the official Apple Twitter account, you get extra iCloud storage.

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>>59638114
I literally pressed Alt 0153 for the TM but here we are, I think this is better

>>59638331
Perfect. Black iPhone is a nice touch, too.

When's ios 11 coming out anyway?

>>59629617

Thanks to recent breakthroughs in medical research technology, apple has unlocked the thermometer's capability to produce energy.

The same part of your iPhone that detects temperature can now charge it too.

When an iPhone running iOS 11 is placed at a temperature between [minimal temp for overheating] and [15°C over that], the screen will turn off for maximum charging capability.

After only [however long it takes for the battery to explode], the phone will have charged 50%!

>>59629117

iPhone 8: Introducing Apple Sapphire

Revolutionary new materials make the iPhone's screen practically indestructible. Scratch-proof, shatter-proof, and crush-proof.

Take sandpaper to your phone, hit it with a hammer, run over it with your car, hell you can even drop it off a 5 storey building and it'll keep going.

Apple: It just works.

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>>59638331
The black iPhone gets lost in the background color. You could use a frontal version of a white iPhone with a snow/ice wallpaper, something like this.

>>59629266
THIS.

>>59638416
with the iphone 8 i guess

>>59638826
Way too small.
The black works out well IMO. Adds some sublety.

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>>59628571
We've already used up waterproofing, microwave charging, date changing, and drilling for headphone jacks. What now? It is true that lithium batteries charge faster when warm, so we could find a way to get people heat their phones to fully charge them in 10 minutes or something stupid like that. Get them hot enough so that they break.

>>59628624
You'd need a VERY powerful magnet to damage any of the board components. Magnets will not wipe flash storage. It's not magnetic. Fuck off, /v/.

>>59628855
lol

>>59628954
The heating idea is great but it needs to be a lot less obvious than a stove or microwave. It should also be about how the silicon expands allowing more data to be stored which makes the CPU faster.

Force touch now advanced enough to use as scale so u can step on ur phone

>>59638991

>old hoax
>tripfag

pls go

lightning is now backwards compatible with USB-C

>>59639043
OK I'll leave this thread

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>new iphones are water resistant
>make new "chemical charing solution"
>it actually makes poison gas
>homemade 4chan crystals 2.0
>laugh at them

what about something with static charge? any way we could use that to kill the phone?
t. no idea how electonics work :DDDDD

I think the point where nothing new to trick ifags into doing stupid shit is possible anymore.

>>59639240
No.

>>59639263
You're wrong. They are premium grassed lolcows. We'll be able to milk them for many years to come.

>>59638032
700 is a bit much, change it to 100 or something

>>59637742
>>59638653
Why not both.

Have a theme around temperature.
Or would that be overselling it?

>>59628993
They fell for the fucking "drill your own headphone jack", they will fall for anything.

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>>59638983
>It is true that lithium batteries charge faster when warm, so we could find a way to get people heat their phones to fully charge them in 10 minutes or something stupid like that. Get them hot enough so that they break.
I second this. While we're at it, we can also make their fucking airpods explode somehow.

>>59636262
This what format?

>>59638192
I'd do it anyway if twitter wasn't forbidden in my country

>>59638416
When the CIA backdoor is finished, the CIA took longer than expected to deliver

Fireproof iPhone

>>59638331
Apple is not using myriad pro anymore for their product ads. They're using a font called "san francisco" afaik

>>59628660
perfect

>>59641853
Never mind, they do, I'm a fucking idiot.
They use an ultralight myriad pro, though

I know that there is thing called "memory effect" on batteries dunno if it tru or not. But you know for not loosing your capacity you should warm it and cool it few times in row or something.

>>59641933
>warm it and cool it few times in row or something.
That might make the phone crack, or better yet, expode
Perfect

>>59641995
I remember from the old days that some batteries needs some times to suck up all the energy and after that fully charge. But nowadays batteries doesnt like. Unfonturnately you will need to empty that battery really hard and I think that nowadays phones will tell you that batterie is empty but in realty there is still 10% left.

The new phones have a "safety bounce" feature. People will hurl them on the floor to see if it works.

>>59638983
>It should also be about how the silicon expands allowing more data to be stored which makes the CPU faster.


Some of materials if hot or really cold behave like supra conductor (Superconductivity). Like faster charging. :^)

So are we going with the Apple Ice Hoax?

>>59642100
Because most freezers dont go below 20 F

>>59639186
YES!!!!!! Nice idea, but it has to be easy enough to make at home.

Something with APFS and data loss

The new APFS replacing HFS+ has a built in undo feature, you can safely delete the everything and then restore it all.

>>59642124
Which is why -5F was specified.
Normietards will make absolutely sure to break their phone properly if daddy Apple tells them to.

>>59642124
fug

>>59642124
Lmao where do you live that freezers don't go below 20?
Sudan?

"Cool DIY wooden, aluminum, rgb *fast charge plate"
Normies like ez DIY cool stuff. Cuz its hand made isnt it?

Hot plate or Cold plate in wooden body to warm up.

*battery repair

It is going to be hot out there in Europe so cool down your iPhone. New iOS will remember temperature and maintain it for few hours. So you can be literary cool outside.

>>59642170
Wow I'm dumb lol. I just woke up my brain isnt working right lol

>>59629148
>>59629137
didn't they fall for it with the waterproof meme

>>59629574
everyone's got a fucking discord for something don't they

you little faggots can't wait to create a discord for something just so you can finally be an admin of something or so you can finally feel like you've contributed to something

>>59642405
This
What's wrong with staying ITT, exactly?

iOS 11 now automatically prevents accidental Uploads of nude selfies on social Networks Using advanced Image recognition or something. Try it yourself!

>>59642100
you know those normies will become impatient and they won't leave their phone in there for long enough
those fuckers need their precious iPhones to live
they will take it out too soon and complain so no one else will try

>>59642557
Holy shit they really are just like cattle aren't they?

>>59642405
LOL. I don't need a discord to feel like I've contributed to something. I'm not some little kiddie who thinks hes gunna make the next Facebook lol

>>59642582
Then just stay ITT and discuss here instead of shilling your "muh 1337 supah secrit" chatroom

>Ctrl+F
>no posts about suggesting normies to fast-charge their iPhones wirelessly using the induction stove

Are you even trying, /g/?

>>59642623
Applefags are stupid, but not that stupid

>>59638331
Add that there is a 1-year no questions asked warranty

>>59628624
Any iPhone with iOS 11 can have wireless charging through the use of a powerful magnet

>>59642844
They were stupid enough to fall for Wave.

>>59642998
You might have a point

>>59642602
Threads tend to disappear. The discord wont. And it's more of a real time way, I could use a different platform, discord was just easiest.

>>59638331
Looks nice, but I'd use a lighter more subtle blue for the Ice thing.
Current blue would be appropriate to represent water, not ice.

Also the iPhone picture has a white border around it, which you should either remove or find another image altogether, and also has artifacts from the shrinking, so use something else to reduce its size.

Otherwise it's good.

>>59628930
This, and nobody is going to bother to buy one. Shit idea >>59628624

>>59638331
this is fucking retarded

>>59629956
Why not?

>>59638331
Will this even damage the phone? Not sure it will

Apple Flex
You can now flex your phone in any direction and itll stay that way with no damage. Just bend it back when you're done

Its ehh since bend gate already happened but who knows. It's simple and it'll cause damage

>>59644844
This was already a thing

lel the latest beta of iOS 10.3.2 already doesn't support 32 bit devices anymore

I don't know who's trolling who anymore

>>59644844
This already happened. Look up #BendGate.

>>59639186
Seriously this. We can get rid of so much cancer
Also this is pretty good:
>>59641995
>>59628989
>>59629494
>>59629617
>>59638653
>>59641731

>>59628571
we need something like the 70s theme.
A breaking bug, an orininal idea to trick users into doing it and grab some popcorn

>>59641731
>we can also make their fucking airpods explode somehow.
How?

>>59639186
What would they mix, though?
Hydrogen peroxide and vinegar?
Ammonia and bleach?
Drain cleaners?

With iOS 11, we are introducing solar charging. Just place your phone under the hot sun and watch it charge! It's recommended that you charge for eight hours on your first charge.

Introducing air charge, the new iPhone will be able to charge by harvesting electromagnetic fields from the air, wave your phone in the air very fast to experience this effect.

>>59646188
this has potential

why does /g/ give apple free advertising and do free marketing for them?

That you can throw it up the motion from that charges it through the haptic feedback thinger?

>>59638331
it "cools the iphone's thermal core" allowing for greater performance (and thus visuals) in games, can't you see the cold difference?

the compass app will measure height now, throw your iphone into the air and catch it with the measurement on the screen. it might get some people to drop their phones

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Instead of making the normies think that they are adding a feature why don't we make them think that they are removing one? How about they are going back and removing the wallpaper for the home screen. This way people get pissed and decide to not buy it.

>>59628624
magnets don't even damage regular hard drives unless you manage to pull the read head into the spinning platter with it, which is usually what happens, not magnetic data erasure.

if you've ever disassembled a hard drive, you'll find it already has two extremely powerful magnets inside of it

>>59649205
or some bullshit analysis/benchmark that there is a secret part of the OS that slows it down over time

>>59638331

this is dumb because people who are dumb enough to try it are also so dumb that they are heavily addicted to their phones and would never put them away for 24 hours

simply requires too much from users

>>59650823
this.
the thing needs to happen either instantly or in less than 2 hours

>>59629117
#SapphireChallange
Here at Apple we are so committed to the quality of our products that we've made the new iPhone screen practically unbreakable.

If you manage to film a video of a new iPhone screen getting scratched well offer you our next generation iPhone for free.

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>>59650823

to add some ideas and explain why this is dumb

You have to keep in mind the target demographics of people who spread this shit without second thought on social media

Connect it to liberal ideas like open borders, refugees and racism.

We could do stuff like:

>Project Wall
>Ask Apple Devices owners to send their old phones to a mailbox in cupertino (we need a cali anon for that) for an Art project of Shia LaMeme made out of millions of old iPhones, iPads
>connect it to environmental friendly garbage and old electronics, electronic waste
>we collect all old apple devices and donate the money to pro life organizations, donald trump, NRA and shit

This is sophisticated and requires a lot of effort including fake websites, mailbox & co but it could work very well

Project Borders

>Bezels = Borders
>Bezels = Racism

Make them disappear!

We make an animation and show how the bezels disappear giving you a completely bezelless phone (the new iPhone will come without physical home button).

We have to come to an agreement on how to make the bezels disappear. I think microwave isn't bad tbqh. It will always work and #Wave is such a nice meme.

Alternative to that idea could be something like

Project Beacon:

>turn on flashlight
>put in microwave
>iPhone will glow

Millions of iPhones glow around the world to signal unity and humanity to counter the refugee crisis.

We need an Apple looking website with world map and some lights and a counter of how many "Beacons" there are in the world

>>59628837
like using the oven to charge the phone or warm up the processors to make the phone more responsive/faster?

>>59628648
Normies have vanishingly short memories, so microwave could work again.

Omggg you can charge iPhone in the freezer now i can't believe how far technologys come

>>59649399
thats just called Android

You can crack nuts using the screen because gorilla glass... bla bla.... vegans... blah blah... just hit the nut exactly in the center of the screen...

>>59652386
It's actually great.
Name another period of history you could do this
PROTIP: Tesla doesn't count

>>59644402
yes it will

>>59628624
kinda like it but unfortunately normies don't have access to powerful magnets
>>59638331
I was thinking something similar but it's probably too obvious

>>59628571
dunno, induction stove for induction recharging

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>Get bowl or tray
>fill it with liquid cleaner
>drop phone in
>cleans screen and removes scratches

>>59654505
This

>>59654505
This one has potential

>>59628571
We could do something with USB killers and macs, and perhaps by extension, iPhones

https://kukuruku.co/post/usb-killer/

Did you know the Apple Airpods™ Airpods have limited Bluetooth functionality? The receptors are in the base of the Airpods™, encased in restrictive plastic, dampening the connection. You can extend the range of your Airpods™ by giving them each a few revolutions in any ordinary pencil sharpener. This also works by cutting 1/3 of the base off with scissors.

Am I doing this right?

>>59655706
most people dont have a mechanical pencil sharpener anymore, and it seems too risky. like with #Wave, people wouldnt think twice about putting their phone in a microwave to speed battery charging bc wireless charging does exist

>>59628870
my sides are exiting the galaxy right about now

>>59638032
no normie will ever part from their precious phone for 24 hours, it needs to be something that causes quick or instant damage

>>59639043
What did you expect from that fucker. Always here with that Trip acting like we actually care about him.

Fuck off Jordan

>>59639084
LAME ASS BITCH

>>59654362
this is the only one that could actually work