If OS' were restaurants

>>58175264
Windows - McDonald's
Apple - Cereal Cafe
Linux - GBP-bought tendies with cold ketchup.

>Microsoft
McDonalds
>Apple
Any expensive, luxurious restaurant
>Linux
Any run down, shitty burger shop that only hipsters go to to feel cool and different from the other "sheeple".

>>58175264
>macOS
5 star restaurant

>gnu plus linux
Arby's

>windows
Dumpster where an AIDS infected homeless man threw up.

>>58175264
MacOS - gay strip club w/ buffet
Linux - college dining hall
Windows - indian restraunt that gets closed down because pajeet chef wipes with his hand

>>58175317
found the faggot

>>58175317
>Aids infected homeless man
>Projecting

>>58175307
>"Sheeple"
T. Sheep

>>58175264

Windows:
>McDonald's

Apple:
>Subway

Linux:
>Del Taco

>Windows
Fast Food Chain (Unhealthy, Normie AF, but technically gets you filled up)

>Mac OS
Luxury Steak House (Expensive, tasty, but not much choice on the menu)

>Linux
Buffet (Plenty of choice to create a good dish by combining ingredients, but most still fuck it up.)

>>58175307
Change the Apple to that last one and make Linux a all-you-can-eat-buffet and it's accurate.

>>58175535
Most accurate post.

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Where's that copypasta

>>58175546
this

>Windows
Burger King

>Apple
Gay sushi

>Linux
Pajeet street food buffet

Linux ~ A cafeteria with many options, but none of them are good.

Windows ~ McDonalds, what you see on the wall is what you get, and it's the same trash every time.

OSX ~ An expensive french restaurant that serves escargot and oysters of the half shell; gourmet to some, nasty to others, not a lot of options either way.

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's

>Mac
Starcucks

>Linux
Taco Bell

>FreeBSD
A place that just serves one thing and makes it good.

>>58175264
>OS X
El Celler de Can Roca

>Windows
Brazilian McDonalds

>Linux
Hobo semen

>Windows
Indian fast food, high chance of getting salmonella or worse since the staff uses their hands to wipe their asses after shitting and doesn't wash them afterward

>Mac
Fine dining restaurant, expensive but the food is fucking terrible and if you want to make a small modification to your dish (e.g. no peanuts because you're allergic) you'll be kicked out

>Linux
You get to choose from a wide variety of ingredients that you use yourself to prepare a dish or if desired you can have chefs prepare the dish for you, the quality will of course vary depending on the skills of you or the chef, when you leave and ask for the bill they just laugh and tell you it's free but you can tip if you feel like it

>>58175697
Yeah I think this is the best one so far. I can't say it better myself.

>>58175264
>Linux
Asian hot pot/BBQ place where they give you ingredients and you make it.
>Windows
Indian McDonald's
>MacOS
Hipster fusion cuisine stand that has 3 things on the menu

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's that run by pajeet
>Apple
Overrated French restaurant
>Linux
Shabu-shabu or grill Japanese restaurant (After all you adding everything that you like and make yourself comfiest as possible.

>>58175697
>>58175724
Shit! This is the most correct answer I guess.

Linux would be a Chinese buffet. Cheap, capable of being extremely delicious and filling if you know which foods to go for, and also capable of making you feel ill if you act like a total retard.

Mac OS X would be an overpriced restaurant with a tasting menu that doesn't leave you full, but does leave you feeling smug about your worldly experiences.

Windows would just be McDonalds.

>>58175535
Most accurate vouch

Windoez
Wendy's

Apple
Mc cafe

Linux
Some shit between your toes

Solus - its like a great steak buffet, delicious, responsible and works anytime!

>windows
Mcdonalds
>osxreally expensive gay bar
>linux
Your home with peoples sitting in fridge and giving you tips
>templeos
Presbytery

>>58175264
windows is a restaurant where you have no menu to choose what you eat and they bring you a 5 gallon bucket full of pig slop

apple is a restaurant where you have no menu to choose what you eat and they bring you a 3 gallon bucket full of pig slop with parsley sprinkled on top

Linux is a restaurant where you can go to a table and choose what you want to eat

>>58176212
>he doesn't know how to play with windows or a mac
LEL this is cute son, you should try to be funnier and less dumb.

Windows:
>McDonald's

Apple:
>McDonald's with $50 entry fee and $25 exit fee

Linux:
>Your single parent moms spaghetti in her basement

I AM A FAT FUCK

IMAGINE LOOKING AT COMPUTERS AND SEEING FOOD

>windows
mcdonalds
>apple
mcdonalds, but is advertised as fine cuisine, with prices to match
>ganoo \ lunix
go to the grocery store, buy stuff, and make your own fucking burgers, except the grocery store had an ultra shit selection if ingredients

Windows
>McDonald's
Apple
>Starbucks
Linux
>Home cooked meals you make yourself. Can range from microwave dinners to a deluxe 3 course meal made from handpicked ingredients

>>58175561
>hard time
Soulmate

>>58175264
WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP COMPARING A KERNEL TO COMPLETE OPERATING SYSTEMS

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>>58175264
>Camping with friends is best for me...

>>58177870
So basically what you're saying is people need to pay $150 for a hamburger and spend 2 hours waiting for it in a hipster restaurant where the employees stare down their noses at customers rather than just getting a McDouble for $1.20 in 30 seconds at the drive through.

Or if you're a Linux, you live in the woods and kill wild hamburgers by smashing them with a guitar and bring them back to feed your tribe of papua gnugineans.

>Apple
Michelin starred restaurant

>Windows
Applebees

>Linux
Culinary school / Chef's table

>>58175264
windows - any fast food place
apple - overpriced restaurant with a small menu that people only go to because other people recommended it
linux - homemade meal, it's as good as you can make it

>>58175264
>Microsoft
A nice 80s style gas bar restaurant — has flaws in places, but that gives it charm.

>Apple
A futuristic style avenue. Getting past the digital gate requires you to swipe your credit card, charges 120 up front. Getting a seat requires another 50 dollars. Any utensils are 25 dollars. The meal itself can range from 1100 to 3500, an extra 100 for any garnishings. There are rich people wearing strange fashion statement clothing that regular this restaurant, and they smirk at anyone not using their utensils with handheld utensil holders, see: adapter culture.

>Linux
A man around the corner of your local grocer handing you reinforced plastic forks knives and spoons, paper plates, a small handful of fruit, veggies, and a hunk of minced meat. He supplies this to people who don't feel like paying, but asks you to spread word of his service. Sometimes he doesn't show up at gis usual location-- you see him laying in the gutter, moaning in agony. (when the mirrors for package fetching are offline)

>>58175660
Noice

>>58176125
TempleOS is the food they'd give you at churches

>>58175264
>Windows
Reliable fast food chain, you know what you're getting. Nothing too great, but nothing too bad for an expected price.

>Apple
Fancy gourmet place downtown. It's okay, you'd like to eat there more often but it's pretty expensive and there's hipster faggots there all the time.

>Linux
A buffet restaurant with a wide selection of food but you pay by weight and you don't like to buy from there too often because not knowing how much you'll pay stresses you out. Seriously though, I hate those fucking places.

>>58175264
Windows: KFC
Apple: Juice Bar. popular place for grindr meetups
Linux: All you can eat chinese restaurant

Windows:
Feeding tube for the brain dead.
Mac:
Gay bar pub grub.
Linux:
Order out pizza. Linux crust. Over 9000 GNU toppings to choose from. It's totally free, whether it arrives in 20 minutes or not.

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's.
>macOS
Paul Bocuse.
>Linux
You're in a street with 10 restaurants, some of these are decent restaurants, in some others a chef gives you lessons with standardized paths so you can eat something decent, but everything is eventually self-cooked.

>>58175339
>>58175697

kek

>windows
Papa John's/Domino's.
It's fucking easy, you don't have to do shit, they know where you live.
>MacOS
Starbucks. It looks nice, feels nice, has alot of selections but you've never tried most of them and the ones you have tried don't really seem that great. You keep wondering if these guys have actual food.
>Linux
Grocery store. You pick and choose everything you need to make Gentoo casserole then go home and manually put everything together. Only tastes as good as your ability to cook is.
Sudo cook food-get omelette

>>58175535
this is accurate as fuck. give this man a prize

>Apple
That one 5 star restaurant that you would give a 1-2 star review for
The kind that only hipsters go to and review

Imagine being so fat you see computers as food

>windows
stuck in the 90s pizza place
>os x
nice coffee shop
>linux
sketchy canteen

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's
>Apple
Supper club or steakhouse
>Linux
Cooking at home

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>this thread

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>>58175264
>Windows
Good quality restaurant, multiple cuisines, with emphasis on the familiar feeling. If you don't know how to eat some dishes you may get food posioning.
>Apple
Quality restaurant but nothing special, one cuisine, american, extremely overpriced burgers, fries cost extra, pickles cost extra, ketchup costs extra.
>Linux
Basically a fucking market with every ingredient you could possibly imagine, most of them free of charge. Downside is you may have to learn to cook.

how do i do "windowed" mode in linux? where everything looks nice and comfy on the screen

>>58175264
>Windows McDonald's
>OSX Wendy's
>Linux cook for yourself at home

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>>58175264
>Windows 7 and below
Burger King or Wendy's. It's not the best and not the worst.

>Windows 8.1+
It's like sucking on a raw sewage pipe.

>Mac OS
It's a five star restaurant with six star prices which serves three star food.

>Debian based GNU/Linux distros
Cooking a meal at home. You buy your ingredients at the local market from people who sell their products on the weekends for fun. It tastes ok and satisfies you.

>Other GNU/Linux distros
You try to turn on the stove to cook your food and it explodes. You spend all day fixing it, then come on /g/ and tell everyone about how much you enjoy struggling to keep a working kitchen. You say that it builds character but in reality you're crying and giving up on life. You slowly starve to death or go back to Burger King. In some cases, you're so desperate that you suck the sewage pipe.

>BSDs
It's a pack of ramen noodles. You might be able to add shrimp but it's still garbage. You are hungry an hour later.

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonalds
>OS X
Luxurious restaurant, serving everything for twice the market price
>Linux
Home cooking from ingredients you buy yourself

>>58177912
Yes

>Windows
Bad with good parts
>Mac OS
Good with bad parts
>linux
good with bad good parts

>>58175264
Windows - Shitty run-down Indian restaurant that serves cheap curry
Apple - Overpriced vegan restaurant with sub-par food filled with metrosexuals
GNU+Linux - A kitchen, some ingredients and some utensils

>>58175264
Windows: Five Guys
Mac: Local $15+ burger restaurant
Linux: Your kitchen

>>58175264
> windows - Indian food
> apple - Starbucks
> Linux - your pantry

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>>58175264

> Debian
Year-old burger. Says it's good because it's stable.

> ElementaryOS
Luxurious restaurant where paying is optional. You prefer not to ask questions.

> Arch Linux.
A cafeteria where you assemble the meal yourself. There is an extensive cookbook that covers every recipe and problem so well, other restaurants tend to use it as a fallback.

> Linux From Scratch
Like above, but you have to get your own ingredients and the cookbook isn't that great.

> Gentoo
Takes years to prepare your food because you're the farmer.

>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's
>macOS
Hell's Kitchen
>Linux
New York Fries

>>58185081
Give Ubuntu Windows' ciabatta sandwich and make Windows a big mac or happy meal and that image would be perfect.

>>58175535

It's very accurate because the buffet food is always subpar, just like free software.

>>58175264
>windows
A well-reviewed Steak n' Shake that a lot of people go to. Not that people can't go anywhere else, it's just that SnS is all people really go to because it's all they know
macOS
>A fancy 5-star restraunt whose menu depends on what day it is, and only serves that one thing that day.
>linux
a buffet that's quality depends on the establishment in question and not so much the food itself

also I'm hungry now
fuck you

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>>58185310
Is this good?

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>>58185326
Don't you dare dis on Super Tux Kart.

Also, fml for letting my kids play this game because I'm too cheap.

>>58185479
i have no idea what that is

>Windows
McDonalds-like famous restaurant, they ocasionally place a few tracking chips or flies on the food.
>Apple
Fancy clean as fuck restaurant, no one eats there anymore because the Windows restaurant has copied their food and perfectioned so even a baby with no experience with forks can eat it.
>Linux
Filthy bar full of angry bikers where RMS himself serves free-as-in-free-beer and Toejam Burgers, some clients eat Stable(tm) WWI Rations, others eat the latest burgers with ingredients guaranteed to poison you, some vegan fags take off all the delicious bloat from their sandwiches, and some only eat Kosher Red Hat/Halal Canonical parts of meat.

>>58185462
Perfect.

>windows
ihop
>apple
olive garden
>gnu+linux
cooking your own meal at home

Windows: Burger King
Apple: Chipotle
Linux: Roadside diner. Quality varies

>>58175476
What does t. Stand for?

>>58175660
Good horseshit?

>>58175339
/thread

>>58175535
Truth.

>>58176065
Except Battery and package management are so under cooked it gives you food poisoning.

>>58178134
More like church run soup kitchens

>>58175697
Best one so far.

>>58175660
So... FreeBSD is a street taco vendor?

>>58186025
Except you take the cart off the vendor and make him buy the tacos from you.
Or just a filthy hooker that pays you for sex.

>>58185479

I don't know why people diss linux for no gaymen. homOSX still uses opengl 4.1

>>58175571
accurate because all three are enjoyable

>Microsoft = El Celler de Can Roca
>Apple = Osteria Francescana
>Linux = Eleven Madison Park

IM SO FAT I LOOK AT COMPUTERS AND SEE FOOD

>>58175264
Apple are those fancy restaurant that charge a lot for small portions (caviar)

Windows is a fast food chain(just werks)

Linux is home cooked (foods either good or bad depending on your skills)

Windows = Union Square Cafe

OS X = Dorsia,


Linux = Taking whatever you can find out of a garbage bin and trying to cook it yourself, if you're successful at cooking it you'll share the recipe with all the other homeless people in town

>Windos
restaruant that has a menu for kids
>Apple
hipster restaruant with fake varista
>linux
restaruant expecialized in experimental cooking

>windows
ez bake oven restaurant that occasionally catches on fire
>apple
chain restaurant trying to look like a local diner
>linux
redneck bbq where you can fuck your neighbor's sister, your cousin's sister or your own sister for that matter

>>58185865
newfag

Windows - Dairy Queen
Apple - A five star restaurant that gives you an ounce of steak for $100
Linux - the dumpster behind a laundromat in chinatown

>>58175264
Windows is McDonald's/BK/TB: cheap, available literally everywhere, flawed but tolerable and gets the job done
Apple is Applebee's/Chili's/TGIF: Objectively the same thing as fast food but at a higher price for """the experience"""
Linux is that local mom and pop restaurant that looks seedy but has the dankest food at low prices

>>58175264
>Microsoft
The always shitty restaurant of your home town whose menu is extremely large with terribly old dishes that haven't been removed since 30 years. While eating your not so good looking food with multiple forks and knives that fulfill the same purpose, you're being observed from the kitchen door by the sneaky cooks who are writing down notes about your behavior. Your napkins are full of ads although you have paid quite a lot for your meal. The waiter will come to your table very often and will serve and charge you for new food, although you haven't ordered it.

>Apple
Some fake "posh" restaurant where the building's facade is all shiny, but the kitchen is utterly filthy and full of garbage. All kinds of food costs a ridiculous amount of money compared to the actual quality and you need multiple adapters for your cutlery. The menu tries to convince you that each meal is innovative, although you have already seen it in other restaurants years ago. Once you've ordered your meal, you're not allowed to leave anymore and you're being charged for drinking tap water and going to the bathroom. Here, you're also being observed.

>Linux
It doesn't look like a high quality restaurant first, because there is no menu, no price tags, the tables and seats are all custom-made and you need to cook your own food. But once you're getting used to bringing your own food and utilities, you're quite comfortable and have learned a lot about cooking. Most of the time you're enjoying your favorite food and you try to optimize it, but you're also open to learn about new dishes. Sometimes your meal doesn't turn out that great, but other customers will help you out whenever you're needing help. You have become a healthier person since your first visit.

>Linux
Your own kitchen

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>>58183131
>sucking on a raw sewage pipe

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>>58175535
/thread

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For the life of me, I can’t figure out why everyone on this board is so obsessed with Linux. I mean, when you buy a new computer, it comes with Windows (or OS X if you swing that way). Why brag about using something that’s free when you’ve already paid for something that’s better? That’s like going out to a bar, ordering a pint, running to the men’s room, pouring the draft down the drain, and filling your glass with toilet water. Then you can’t even enjoy your own toilet water, you have to come back out to the bar and yell at your friends “WHY ARE YOU DRINKING THAT NON-FREE BEER WHEN YOU COULD HAVE FREE TOILET WATER?” or “YOU KNOW THAT BEER GIVES YOU CANCER IF YOU DRINK ENOUGH OF IT RIGHT? WATER IS THE HEALTHIEST DRINK YOU CAN PUT INTO YOUR BODY”. Then you have to go looking under the barstools for gum because the toilet water can’t be drunk on its own, you need to add your own flavoring. And then you all have internet fights about who found the best gum under the stools, “My Mint flavored toilet water is best” “No, I found a new flavor stuck to this guy’s Fedora, it’s the greatest toilet water flavor ever”.

I, along with everyone else in the bar, will just give you strange looks while we enjoy our quality beverage and be social.

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>>58175264
>Windows
McDonald's
>OS X
That one fake restaurant Penn & Teller made that looked all fancy but the food was cheap as fuck
>Linux
A food court at the mall but all the restaurants are sharing ingredients with eachother

>>58186577
You fucked up at Linux. It's more like a college cafeteria for engineering and science students.

>>58188870
>I mean, when you buy a new computer
Assembling components. There's no OS.

>>58188870
>Why brag about using something that’s free when you’ve already paid for something that’s better?
That's only true for people who install Linux on a Mac.

>>58188870
I had no idea microshills actually existed.

>>58188901
Is that a systemd joke?

>>58188870
Did you know most Linux users have a Windows partition/VM that they keep around, and almost never use cause of Linux? They actively choose not to use Windows.
You'll have even more difficulty figuring this one out with that learning disability of yours.

reading through this thread I gather:

>windows
shit

>macos
good, but expensive and limited choice

>linux
lots of choice but not that great

So if your not a poorfag, it looks like mac wins unless you want to get into customization.

>>58189064
I just copy pasted that from a thread from years ago desu. good writing skills.

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>>58189024
possibly

>>58189070
OS X isn't good, it's just better than Windows. If I could buy a premium laptop that comes with Linux and is compatible with Linux, I would. That's usually not an option - you buy either Windows laptops or Apple laptops, replace the OS and hope for the best. No manufacturer support involved.

Dell has Ubuntu laptops but not in my country. I buy Thinkpads because they have a good reputation with Linux compatibility.

Linux is wawa, you get to pick and choose exactly what you want and its always delicious, as long as you know which ingredients go well with each other

>>58175546
not true anymore. apple used to be hipstery until iphones came out and then it became mainstream

>>58187697
>Linux
So comfy.

Linux.
A local buffet. Cheap and they have shitloads of everything you want...but it all kinda sucks. The locals advise bringing your own sauce to fix it yourself...but it's fucking cheap and filling
Android.
An Asian buffet. Usually good with something for everyone but quality varies wildly based on the establishment serving the food. Maybe your particular spot has frog legs and the awesome coconut shrimp...or maybe it sucks ass and you get food poisoning. Try and few and you'll learn which vendors serve awesome shit and who serves fried shit.
Windows.
A tgi Fridays with a jealous ex girlfriend as a waitress. The food is decent if slightly overpriced for what it is but the bitch won't leave you alone...you swear she's done nothing but spy on you since you arrived and won't stop watching your every move. Passive agressive and makes you double confirm every menu choice. The experience is fine overall but you feel very skeezy and violated.
Apple.
A hipster coffee shop that serves a few dessert items and baked goods. No real food to be found no substitutes on ingredients (all good was pre made before your arrival and you get it as is like it or not) but let's be honest, you didn't go there for food and drink. You went to be seen there. Also everything is ludicrously overpriced but you put up with it to be seen as that establishments clientele.

>>58189128
system76

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>>58175264
Windows- Dennys
>Generic mediocre food
>Ridiculously pervasive

Apple- Ben and Jerry's
>Only have one thing but they do it well
>Your only choice is the flavor
>Cult following (emphasis on cult)

Linux- Your kitchen
>If you're good it will be better than anything else
>Most will just eat some potato chips and a banana and complain when they feel hungry in thirty minutes

Linux - self serve buffet full of every kind of food imagine, and it's all free

OSX - Very expensive restaurant, which always seems to have enough room no matter how many people book, everything is very (((beautiful))) and "well presented", but the food portions suck, you have no choice as there is no menu - whenever you come, you get dictated a specific set menu.

Windows - Used to be a decent fast food joint, but has gotten worse and worse over the years, with now fewer choices than ever, and angry staff akin to the soup nazi. You want to choose when to install updates? WELL YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!

>>58175264
Windows = Mc Donalds - American junk, convenient, unhealthy, considered upscale in third world countries
Mac OS = fancy Asian fusion restaurant - stolen ideas smashed together, authentic looks, overpriced, overrated and unoriginal
Linux = A Chinese dim sum restaurant in Chinatown - low key location, heard of mostly by word of mouth, various dishes, make to order, tasty but greasy, discouraging but rewarding

>>58189562
You are an interesting nigger.

>>58185756
What type of places do you eat in?
Oh, you cant afford to eat out.

If OS' were lukewarm bowls of water, what disney princess would you fuck?

>>58189128
tuxedo computers... Google it

>>58177870
if you were using gnu/linux there would only be one person in that campsite

I guess GNU is like a farmer's market maybe. Mac OS is Shake Shack. Microsoft is McDonald's, maybe? I'd like to pick something more expensive but equally popular and shitty, but nothing comes to mind.

>>58189641
Ariel, she'll probably smells like Asian pussy.

>>58175264
>Android
Papa John's
>iOS
Dominoes
>ROS
Robotic pizza factory
>don't even cook the pizza
>don't even deliver the pizza
Papa Murphy's.

>>58189665
Wouldn't Mulan smell like Asian pussy? WTF anon.

>>58189562
Also steam rice is free and the dishes are cheap, but all the small components add up and you still end up paying a lot of money

>>58175697
this is v accurate

>>58189671
>Cross-dressing tranny
No thanks.

>>58189678
You don't like the thought of a cross-dressing asian cutie, but the princess who was literally half fish and changed into full human...?

>>58189659
Got food poisoning from a shake shack, seems pretty spot on.

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>>58189688
>He doesn't have a fish fetish.

>>58189711
i dont even know what's going on in this picture

>>58175264
Windows - KFC. Used to be nice, but now mix of shit and salt.
Apple - Amy's bakery. Such shit, that it can't be saved.
Linux - mom and pop restaurant. Food is good, but daddy's ugly daughters work as waitresses,because mom and dad can't be bothered with paying someone
Freebsd - vegan hipster restaurant. Once was an alternative to Linux. Now hipsters grew up and moved to something else.

>>58189745
>but daddy's ugly daughters work as waitresses

If she let her hair down and took off her glasses tho

>>58175264

>Windows
McDonalds

>Apple
That fancy restaurant were you sit in front of the window to showcase your homosexuality.

>Linux
A farm.

>>58189711
>>58189718
reminds me of this:

https://0x0.st/pP0.jpg (VERY NSFW)

>>58189785
let's pretend that didn't happen

>>58189793
how the fuck did we get here?

>Windows - Applebees
Food is alright but service sucks and management doesn't really give a fuck what you think

>mac - Olive garden
Acts like its upscale but under the surface is basic as fuck and serves people who want Italian but don't know any better

Linux - cheesecake factory
Menu is giant, food is damn tasty, and you look forward to coming back

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>>58175264
>Windows
Dinner at the white house with 5 star food and service

>macOS
Rich kid's premium private restaurant but the waiters are all homosexual

>Lunix
North korean death camp with food that consists of 3 day old shit dildos but it's ok because it's communism, eat well comrade

>Windows
You walk in. There's a 10 minute wait. Someone appoints you to a table. After some time spent settling down, a waiter appears and introduces themselves, then asks what you'd like to eat. S/he doesn't show you a menu. You think it's weird, but whatever. You ask for fettuccine Alfredo, s/he says they don't serve that. You ask for lasagna, s/he says they don't serve that either. You spend 30 minutes patiently playing a food-related guessing game until you stumble across a dish they do serve; sushi. How the hell were you supposed to guess that? Whatever. S/he says, "I'll get right on that." One hour later, s/he comes back and says, "Sorry. Something happened. You can't have your sushi. Try something else?" You end up eating a panini.

>macOS
You make a reservation one full week in advance. The place is beautiful; absolutely gorgeous. You walk in, state your name, sit down, and a rather dapper and attractive 20-something-year-old waiter comes to your table after 10 minutes where a menu has already been laid out for you. The waiter asks for your order and you tell him/her you'd like some more time do decide. "Take as much time as you need," says the waiter, who leaves only to return 35 seconds later and ask you the exact same question. "I...I said I needed time to decide," you stammer. "Right," replies your server. 35 seconds later, like clockwork, s/he asks for your order. "What the fuck?" you quietly think to yourself. Since you're obviously not going to get enough time to decide, you just opt to pick any fucking random thing off of the menu just because. Everything is over $150, even the spaghetti, which is lightly sprinkled with golden flakes for 'added experience.' Fuck it; you ask for the spaghetti. The waiter looks at you like you're human trash. "...No, no, no. You know what I think you want? I think you want a panini." You try to hide the confusion on your face. "What?" "A panini. That's what you really want." The waiter grabs your menu and turns to the third page for you, pointing out the panini item. It's $3,500. "No, thank you," you say, "I just want the spaghetti."
The waiter scribbles in his/her pad. "A panini it is."
You end up eating a panini. It's the best panini you've ever eaten, you stupid faggot.

>GNU/Linux: Part I
Your best friend since high school recently started spending countless hours telling you about this obscure restaurant downtown called "rstrnt." He won't shut the hell up about it. Day in and day out, all he ever talks about is this pretentious restaurant. He says it's extremely well-hidden and once you get in, crazy stuff happens. Out of a mixture of frustration and intrigue, you ask if he'd show you where this damn place is so you can visit it and see what all the fuss is about. He says, "You have to go alone. They won't let you in if you bring a friend, but here," as he slides you a napkin.
The napkin contains GPS coordinates leading to a back alley downtown. Below the numbers reads, "Midnight or later. Look for the red light attached to the side of an office building. Stand directly below it and knock five times, like in that short little jingle -- you know the one: knock, knock, knockknock, knock... and wait. If the light blinks twice, finishing the melody, it means you're in. If nothing happens, go home and try again next year."
You follow the coordinates at 1:34 AM and sure enough, near the end of an alleyway, there's a deactivated red light attached to the side of one of the buildings next to a dumpster. This dumpster smells especially awful. There's no door or anything, just a tagged wall bearing a red light about 12 feet from the ground. You stand directly below it and knock, knock, knockknock, knock...and wait. 15 seconds later, the light blinks twice.

>>58189923
>>58189933
>>58189949
>TLDR

>>58189949
>GNU/Linux: Part II
A bald man in a black jacket emerges from the dumpster and grabs your wrist. You panic but he shushes you in a way that's both threatening and welcoming. He drags you into the dumpster and closes the lid behind you. You then walk down a very long set of stairs. You're underground now. Very loud, strange /mu/sic is playing. Some of it is terrible, some of it is amazing. The place is completely dark; you can't see your own hand in front of your eyes. The man, still holding your hand, guides you into a room where several other people begin to touch your head, back, arms and shoulders.
Eventually, you realize they're guiding you; they're helping you cook your own dish. The music gets much, much louder over time and becomes increasingly beautiful as time passes. After some chopping and slicing and pressing and bouts of warmth and grunts and almost tripping here and there, one of the hands grabs your elbow and puts a plate in your hand.
Meanwhile, another hand grabs your other hand and gently pulls your toward a door. You know it's a door because you can see light attempting to beam from behind it, creating a bright, vertical rectangular silhouette. It's the only thing you see. Everything else is black. When the door is opened, someone pushes you through it and closes it behind you, locking you into a small, windowless room with a single overhead light. Below the light resides a single, white chair and a gray table. There's nothing else in the room, besides a few metal rods hanging from the ceiling via fishing line 20 feet away from the table. Only when you sit in the chair does the overhead light move mechanically to shine on the rods, creating a shadow cast on the wall behind it. The shadow on the wall simply says, "Enjoy," in big, bold letters. Looking down at the plate, you see what you've created in the dark. It's a panini.

>>58189949
What the fuck, that's not linux at all, you make it sound more exclusive than the mac restaurant when it's easier to get into.

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>>58175264
>Windows
McDonalds

>Apple
Starbucks

>Linux
Your own kitchen with fridge full of ingredients from all over the world.

>>58190021
>open fridge up
>have sushi
>have curry
>no idea how they work one and one
>ask how they work
>Literally get "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THESE 2 WORK TOGETHER! WATCH THIS!" Adds them together
>Some how works but in 10 minutes you're shitting your brains out (kernal panic)

>>58189949
>>58189964
That was actually pretty well-written, albeit wildly inaccurate.

>>58175264
Windows, a burger with a slight chance of diabetes

Apple, an expensive lavish dinner for one, which does not impress anyone seeing the instagram post about the said food.

Linux, a dozen of scrambled eggs mixed with cereal, fried in a kettle

>>58190040
Yeah, that's part of Linux experience.

>>58190040
>he can't even shit his brains out on demand

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>>58189923
>"Sorry. Something happened.
heh

>>58185865
Terveisin. It's Finnish and means regards

>>58178798
>>Linux
>You're in a street with 10 restaurants, some of these are decent restaurants, in some others a chef gives you lessons with standardized paths so you can eat something decent, but everything is eventually self-cooked.

I forgot to mention that it gives you a professional and huge kitchen with first-class utensils and that you can eventually become a chef yourself so you would get paid for it and could invite friends at home.

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>>58175469
I think it's called "projectile-vomiting"

Mac: gourmet burger place
Windows: mcdonalds. Pajeet working there may give you salmonella
Linux: trash bin. You can make any burger you want for free from whatever you find there

>All these retards calling macs a gourmet/luxury item

This is the power of mass marketing and brand image folks.

>>58192323
It's not retards, it's shills. Nobody actually thinks like that.

>>58175264
>micransoft
shit
>appauling
shit
>lienux dick tips
fuck