Windows 7 not updating

You have a virus caused by being technologically illiterate.

You need to reinstall windows, and learn your lesson that not updating is a fool's gambit.

search for "windows update slow" or some shit. installing the rollup should fix it.

http://www.ghacks.net/2016/11/02/checking-for-updates-slow-on-windows-7-here-is-the-fix/

Solve this anagram for the solution: lastlin otengo

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This is a known issue. You need to download and install some update manually from the MS website to fix updates. Search for it

>>58047536
Get an ssd. You'll be installed in no time :*

look up Simplix Pack and have that installed on your media (DVD/USB), after install then disable Windows Update and not worry about updating until you reinstall 7

>Windows 7
>Release October 22, 2009
>7 years ago

http://download.wsusoffline.net/

I have the same problem op. Oddly enough installing the update in
>>58047658
Didn't help. The standalone installer is now searching dir updates in my laptop and will never finish.

>>58047912
this

dont use Windows 7
infact dont use windows at all

download.wsusoffline.net/

Install OS X

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>>58047536
>updating Windows 7

You chose this.

>>58048043
restarting applied those updates, but it's still not working, fuck this shit.

>>58047912
>>58048320
Is there a version of this for the 32 bit updates?

>>58047536
It probably tried upgrading to windows 10 just reinstall vanilla 7

>>58047536
So using the embedded Windows and use wsus offline updater

>>58048947
It encompasses both. There's a for it in the program.

>>58047536
Install SoLOOs

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>>58047536
Download and install all monthly update rollups:

KB3125574-v4 (KB3102810 is a prerequisite if it's not already installed)
KB3145739
KB3156417
KB3172605
KB3179573
KB3185278
KB3185330
KB3197868
KB3207752

Then use Windows Update Troubleshooter to reset Windows Update and try again.

>>58048320
>>58047912

Post your exclude list please.

>>58047536

You want Win10? Cause that's how you get Win10.

>>58049787

Excuse me, i meant "contract Win 10"

>>58047536
Mine finished in two days a few months ago, even with the so called patch. Just wait and install gentoo.

>>58049787
Microsoft actually pulled all GWX updates after the "free upgrade" shit ended.

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>>58047536
First install Windows
http://mirror.corenoc.de/digitalrivercontent.net/

and do not enable updates, instead, install these manually:

> [1] Installing and searching for updates is slow and high CPU usage occurs in Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 R2
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3102810

> [2] How to update the Windows Update Agent to the latest version
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/949104

> [3] April 2015 servicing stack update for Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 R2
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3020369

> [4] July 2016 update rollup for Windows 7 SP1 and Windows Server 2008 R2 SP1
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3172605

Restart after each. Now enable Windows Update and it should work fast.


No. Get Win 7 from here: (one of the highlighted isos)
http://mirror.corenoc.de/digitalrivercontent.net/

And use DAZ Loader:
https://forums.mydigitallife.info/threads/58464-Windows-Loader-Download
or
http://www81.zippyshare.com/v/kHbhIrV4/file.html

>>58049966
That's not enough updates for a clean install. See >>58049531

>>58050083
didn't say it was. this is the solution to windows update taking ages to fetch updates. I know cause I had same issue and this worked for me

>>58050171
Windows Update on 7 is a mess now, sometimes a particular update fixes it but sometimes not. However, that list installs *all* essential updates in just a few packages so it's the most likely to work (and also saves an assload of time since you're not downloading 200 individual updates when WU is fixed)

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>>58047912
When it comes to this program, should I just go all out and check everything?

>>58049531
That dazloader came up as a trojan in my virus scanner.

>>58050496
>>58049966
Im an idiot

>>58049966
>http://mirror.corenoc.de/digitalrivercontent.net/

Why trust this ?

>>58050736
idk just copy pasted that from some other thread.

>>58049531
I would do this but the standalone installer doesnt work right either

>>58050736
>>58049966
>>58050736
https://www.heidoc.net/joomla/technology-science/microsoft/67-microsoft-windows-and-office-iso-download-tool

Here. All downloads straight from MS own servers.

On my computer it took 48 hours to collect all the updates and get ready to install them. Windows is a fucking shit show.

>>58047912
Does this actually work?

Install Windows 10

https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/3w1kfp/windows_update_is_broken_for_w7_x64_ent_wsp1_and/cxso3r4/

>>58052321
You mean install Win10 and downgrade to 7? Isn't that a bit convoluted?

>>58052087
>windows10downloader.exe
What the fuck Richard

>>58052418
Windows ISO downloader.exe

LEARN TO READ

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>>58047886

>>58047886
it ages like wine

>>58047536
you better be glad win7 is still running, if microsoft could get away with it without getting sued they would disable win7 & 8 and make everybody buy win10

i have win7 on a laptop but i never let it touch the internet because i dont trust windows and i dont trust microsoft, i use it to run some SDR software and i use Linux for everything else

>>58047886
>it's nearly 2017 aswell
WAKE ME UP

>>58050432
Sure why not

>>58047536
Disable windows updates again and forget this ever happened.

>>58052590
>i have win7 on a laptop but i never let it touch the internet

wft? Im running 7 right now. Just turn off windows update. People got attacked with Win10 because they kept that setting on.

>>58047912
>>58048320
I'm trying this but it's been trying to install just one thing for about an hour now, is this normal?

>>58054010
Pls respond

>>58047536
DBAN and reinstall, trust.

bonk

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>have this same problem
>browsing through /g/ and see OP

IT gut at work was updating old pc's once. Each one took days, your just gonna have to wait.

>>58055709
OP here, using >>58047912 installed about 40-50 updates and seemed to fix the standard windows updater. Running said updater afterward seemed to get my PC all caught up with updates

>been having this exact problem
>beeing goolging shit for hours trying to find a solution and nothing works
>was just about to make a thread to ask /g/ for help
>see this thread

This is some Truman show bullshit.

>>58047912

How does this thing update windows without an internet connection like it says?

>>58055822
I imagine all the updates come pre downloaded with the installer

how can win7 manage to fuck itself so bad

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>want to play Deathwing
>game gives me visual C++ 2015 error telling me I dont have it
>what the fuck
>check my programs list
>I have visual C++ 2015 installed
>okay, whatever
>uninstall it, and re-install latest version
>install just fucking hangs and never finishes no matter what i try
>goddamnit
>google around for a fix
>people are saying that you probably need some windows updates to install the newest C++ properly
>GODDAMNIT
>go to install windows updates
>updates dont fucking work and just sit there at 0%

I dont even know what to do anymore.

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>>58047536

My reply is in this >>58047658 comment section:

First install Windows 7 SP1 and do not enable updates, instead, install these manually:

[1] Installing and searching for updates is slow and high CPU usage occurs in Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 R2
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3102810

[2] How to update the Windows Update Agent to the latest version
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/949104

[3] April 2015 servicing stack update for Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 R2
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3020369

[4] July 2016 update rollup for Windows 7 SP1 and Windows Server 2008 R2 SP1
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/kb/3172605

In this order and restart after each.

July 2016 rollup can't be installed without April 2015 servicing stack update. After installing these four updates everything works perfectly. Works with June rollup too, but it was replaced by the July one. The August+ rollups do not replace the July one however, which is the one that fixes (read: updates) 7's WU client.


>>58056586
MS change how WinUpdate works..

>MS totally fucks up win7 right around the same time they are trying to push win10

Really fired my brain matters.

>>58057405
8.1 and 10 LTSB2015 have the same issues. They want you to use the latest and bestest :^)

>>58047536
Not installing security updates mean your system is more vulnerable, especially if you run shit like flash.

It is entirely possible that you got some piece of malware that is preventing the download. A clean install would fix that.

Alternatively, you could be so far behind that the "security rollups" that W7 shits out now (it's all they are going to shit out from now on, and will have all the spyware included - either you take the spyware, or leave your system open to exploitation) are too far ahead of your system, at which point, I am not sure if a fresh install will fix that.

>>58047536
gentoo does not have this problem.

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>>58047912

It gets stuck at this and sits forever. Is it broken?

>>58057869
Depends on "forever."

Three days? Yup. A couple of hours? No.

>>58057583
Fucking Mint doesn't have that problem.

>>58047536
I had to leave my laptop on for over a week with svc host using 25% cpu and about 5gb of ram, I was about to give up and just shut it down when it popped up with the updates.
I hate windows so fucking much.

>>58047664
mfw that is the correct answer

>>58058008
I'm with you there. I might just be a mint pleb in the world of Linux, but man, if you aren't interested in gaming or other proprietary software like Sony Vegas, or whatever, there is just no excuse to stay on Windows.

>>58047769
>this kills the ssd

>>58052337
No, I mean install Windows 10 because you're a retard for using a 7 year old OS

>>58058024
windows bullshit drove me straight to arch. No looking back.
If I need to do anything windows related, well thats why god made virtual machines.

>tfw I booted a virtual machine up earlier and half way though sending an email svc host locked up the whole system by maxing off the ram

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>>58047536
same here

>>58058044
^This guy is right. Windows 7 has most of the shit you hate about 10 built into it at this point, and even if you dodged all the spyware bullshit, you can't anymore due to the "rollup" updates that just throws everything you are missing into one large update.

At this point, Windows 7 is just a gimped Windows 10. There is literally no reason not to upgrade outside of hardware requirements. If you value your privacy, go with Linux and be productive on an offline version of Windows XP. Game on a PS4 or Xbox.

>strg+f
>wu.kr
>0 results

http://wu.krelay.de/en/

Works from vista to 8.1

bookmark it fgts, you'll need it next month

>>58058133
I've been looking for that page for quite a while, thanks

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>>58047536
I had this problem
Followed a post on (reddit) and manually installed updates one by one until Windows Update stopped fucking itself
Now I'm back in the botnet, no hangups/stalls

Unfortunately it didn't fix my issue with standby/hibernate causing BSODs on resume

>>58058190
>Unfortunately it didn't fix my issue with standby/hibernate causing BSODs on resume
I had a USB TV stick that caused that

>>58058190
>standby/hibernate
y tho, use sleep mode

>>58058210
b-but... that's what I

>>58058190
>>58058204
>>58058210
I dont know what the fuck it is, but when my computer goes to sleep mode, my tv will not find a signal when I wake it up. I have to do a reboot every time.

>>58058224
Power-states from BIOS. Also, check the kernel/memory dumps when/if it BSOD's.

>>58056668
Reboot your fucking computer.

I JUST did this and had the same problem

>>58059620
To clarify: Uninstall, then reboot, then reinstall.

How to fix on vista?