doing a bad job and disappointing people

>>57970398
I'll start
>be 20 yo math student with no easy career path
>reluctantly become a dev to follow the money
>realize the great power in augmenting human's life with intuitive software; find inspiration
>take intro to comp sci course, build neat ~500 LOC java program, install linux, browse forums
>switch to a better school, take comp sci classes
>wonder why I'm taking these graph theory and algorithm analysis courses when the tools people use day-to-day are not covered
>go to local programming competition, intro to startup ceo, get hired on coop two months later
>meanwhile start using Vim and Git
>working at the startup, learned their codebase and framework quickly, and got offered another coop term
>things are good
>get switched to another codebase all of the sudden and lose 7 or 8 days of coding work that hasn't been merged
>start coding features in another codebase
>have to learn a new monolithic framework and how it interacts with the other framework
>have a ton of trouble getting simple features done
>small team of smart & fast specialist devs means helper classes just don't get built if not immediately beneficial, so my job is much harder
>after 3 or 4 days, bang out a sexy feature
>call boss over and he breaks it in short order, explains things should be unbreakable by the time I call him over
>fix it, get it merged, next task is once again in a completely unfamiliar environment
>shit happens at work that throws everyone for a loop over the course of ~2 weeks; lose productivity
>get thrown into YET ANOTHER unfamiliar environment where I have to be full-stack in new ecosystem
>fail lots with no idea what's going on
>lack of mentoring from experienced devs means I have to learn the whole stack and tools while implementing features that are time-sensitive

contd

>>57970461
>fail some more
>get in some shit with boss which sucked
>get moved back to other project
>things are going along ok
>but code reviews go around 4 times
>I start fucking the dog more
>have a mountain of work to do still
>still not doing my QA right

The worst part is not giving it my all every day. It would be great if I was the kinda person that could focus all day and not get distracted and make excuses to put off work, but the anxiety I get with work and the mental energy it requires makes it tough to consistently crank out good code.

>>57970572
You're about to get some serious burn out man. Take it ease. Get some regular exercise or meditation or something.
This is not healthy and counterproductive in the long run. Believe me, I've been that path and it's not worth it.

>>57970572
>It would be great if I was the kinda person that could focus all day and not get distracted and make excuses to put off work, but the anxiety I get with work and the mental energy it requires makes it tough to consistently crank out good code.

that pretty much sums up my life right now. thankfully I work in an stress free environment.

Done my share of fuckups. If you can still keep going, try to the very end. I once lost my company $12,000 but pressed on. Improved my act and eventually got hired instead of being a temp. Just a simple matter of shaping up rather than giving up and letting everything go to hell.

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>junior year high school
>allow a friend to cheat off of me for a project
>we get caught, receive honor code violation
>senior year, applying for colleges, each application asks me if i received an honor code violation
>answer truthfully, don't want to get blacklisted on the off chance that they check up with my school
>GPA is pretty OK, SAT scores are exactly what they need to be to get into every college I applied to
>want to get into biomedical engineering cause it's like, the future, man. or become a doctor
>apply to three places- a tech school (where i want to go), a science/law school (second choice), and a basic ass general purpose place (they've got good science programs, but overall it's pretty meh)
>but cause of the honor code, only end up getting into my last choice
>place doesn't have a biomedical degree, start out as biology, hoping to transfer into my first choice
>first semester goes by, classes are pretty ok
>second semester hits and i'm taking chem2 and bio1, shit hits the fan
>realize biology isn't for me, frantically switch majors to CS
>end up with all B's, could have been a lot worse
>second year, doing CS, still planning on transferring to my first choice
>CS classes are hella easy, practically raping without even trying
>put in my application for transferring in during the summer semester
>get in
>study my ass off for every class and still manage to fuck things up royally
>can't help but feel like i cheated my way in
>while i was at my old college, applied to a few internships
>every place turned me down
>dad decides to help me out when i got into the tech school and asks his friends if they can get me a job
>have to do the interviews and everything as a formality
>spill spaghetti each round and lie about literally all my experience
>get the job
>doing ok at work, i enjoy what i do, but idk, feels wrong
>literally cheated my way in cause of nepotism
Just one more year of college and after I'm done saving money for my sister, I'm quitting.

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Not a programming story, but...
>Be hired for all-round IT support (1st, 2nd, and 3rd line)
>Know very little; it's my first IT job after I abandoned telesales
>I am a fuckup, but my good education and upbringing got me this job anyway
>They're training me to do all the good stuff so I can be a proper IT guy
>Have to go in the server room and plug some cables in
>If I plug them in wrong, the entire infrastructure will go down
>The one guy who knows what to do is in another office
>The other office knows the servers by its virtual machine names, while I am just reading the brands off the machines down the phone to them
>Finally, finally work out where I'm meant to put the cables
>He promises, repeatedly, that it'll all be good and that I'm doing it right
>(I was later criticised on my performance review for not taking enough initiative myself)
>Plug the cables in
>Everything breaks; entire office is kill
>They were dual-channel cables when they should have been single-channel, or something like that
>I've ruined everything
It might not be the best story in the world, but it hurt because I don't have much to be proud of and I wanted to be proud of doing things right ;_;