ITT: come up with the next retarded feature/product for the iPhone 8

>>56491248
New innovative waterproofing by removing all the buttons and charging plug (and still no wireless charging). You can get it recharged for free (during the first year or until the next model comes out) at any Apple store.

NENE

Remove wifi chip, wifi is for poorfags who cant afford a decent databundle.

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All cellular components removed
Requires proprietary apple base station.

>>56491317
I unironically think this is a good idea

>>56491248
Home button will be moved either to the sides or the back.

In an effort to make the phone 0.1 mm thinner there will be no speakers or microphones. You need to use the Apple™ approved iHearU® earbuds with the iMic© that clips directly to the lower jaw using iAttach™ contact cement that has to be reapplied once a day.

>>56491248
Remove everything except the logo.
It's bloat anyways.

>>56491248

it only charges via power blocks that apple ships to your house.

electricity/usb doesnt work.

>no ports
>magnetic wireless adapter for 3.5mm HP jack
>distant wireless charging
>no physical buttons
>IP rated waterproofing to depth
>no sim tray
>eUICC instead
>still Retina
>new battery cell technology
>solar charging

Would buy. Srs.

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>>56491248
>It doubles as a credit card so you can swipe it in regular terminals.
>The only volume control will be in the earbuds.
>It's a flip phone that you open and it has dual screens.
>The only speakers are in your iWatch
>retinal scanner and fingerprint scanner and DNA sampler
>the camera flash is in your iGlasses

no ports, wireless charging only with Applel™ Magic Charger™ that retails for only $299.99
no buttons, you can buy Applel™ Remote Control™ for iPhone™ that you can use as your home/volume buttons

apple igoogles with integrated earbuds and microphone. The iphone has no screen, they can make it even thinner and smaller, just like a credit card.

The iDildo to increase immersion

>>56491248
Removing the microphones, lightning to microphone adapter

>>56491248
battery removed to make the phone thinner, you carry an external battery pack

>>56491248
>I phone 9
No screen. Just stab yourself in the eye ball with these wires and you're good to go.

>will now remind you to breathe 8like the apple watch 2)

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>>56491248

Pretty much all this

Remove the screen in favour of Apple iEye® glasses which stream the phone to you

Just got b& for posting here. Kek, oh well.

Anyways just remove every jack and button on the damm thing, just make it a white brick. The current design is too confusing for normans and applecucks would still eat it up. :^)

>>56491248
15MP camera
iChange music (Proximity Sensor music changer)
iPay in new countries
Better front facing camera
New color: Royal blue or Steel Blue
Retina Eye Lock
iGlass coming in 2018 also.

>>56491248
How about a built-in fire-extinguisher in case you meet someone with a Samsung phone.

>>56492074
>Pretty much all this
Fool! Now Samsung will copy this - badly.

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>>56491759
>I can barely even hear the iGener8 when I'm at the bar with my friends, riding the train or sitting at home!
>I'm just glad I don't have to worry about my phone running out of battery any more and all it takes is the iGener8 and a small bottle of petroleum which fit snugly in my purse.

>>56492328
>iGener8

Literally when

>>56491317
but then how do I google fiber?

>>56491248
The next iPhone will have wireless charging only, no ports.
Screencap this

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>>56494080
Done

Included the guy above you too because I think he wants to be in the screenschot

>remove a polarization filter from the screen making user interaction a private matter
>If you don't like not being able to control your iPhone via vibrate patterns and Siri, order $199 Apple Glasses to bring back the casual tap & swipe
>introducing 7.1 Beats Pro headphones working on a proprietary standard on top of Bluetooth, so it would be compatible only with Apple products
>restrict geolocation services by the area of activation, sell DLC to unlock worldwide GPS

>>56492328
reminds me of some fag at work with an apple laptop
>anon I need help
>k come over
>hear some sort of static noise kind of loud, but ignore it at first
>the sound keeps going for too long
>dude your volume must be way up or something, I hear something like static
>oh its the fan of my mcbook
>wut?
>well its because I have a bunch of stuff open
>eh? my chink pad never sounds like that, wtf take it to the shop or something
>no anon, it is normal, I barely notice it jeez, you never do any high demanding tasks
>mmmkay
have to stand macbook fan noise while I help that dude
>he is an apple fanboy
>he would defend this no matter what
>poor goy owns an applewatch

>>56491248

Remove the screen. You can buy the Apple™ iGlasses® wireless screen separately.

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iPhone 8 uses Apple's 'fused aluminum construction' making it impossible to open or repair

>>56491248
Removal of lighting port, Wireless is the future. Phone will be charged via the new Apple Wireless charger

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>>56491357

>>56493417
Apple's brand new innovative iFi technology ofcourse.

>>56496164
With less of that pesky "W".

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>>56495050
and the internal cavity is filled with spooge for 'shock proofing'

>>56495068
Damn, came here to post this
It's the most probable one though
Maybe not the iPhone 8, but eventually

Removed the phone function.

Because jeez who uses a phone anymore, it's 2017!

>>56491248
Home and unlock buttons removed, now it's fully touch

No charger input. The charging will be though wireless charger ($200)

Now introducing the new

>>56491370
I'm going for no home button and no volume controls anymore

Also, 7 color options: Rose, Gold, Silver, Bronze, Black, Jet Black and Smooth Blacked®

>>56491248
NO TOUCH SCREEN JUST A VERTICAL SCROLLWHEEL FOR INPUT

They remove the headphone jack

>>56491248
No third-party music players without jailbreaking. Solely use iTunes and Apple Music so we control DRM and get a bonus from the music industry.

No volume control, as it has comtrol in it's name. We control it for ours- for you I mean.

>>56491248
Remove everything.
Reach the ultimate thinness.

Removing the power and volume buttons

No removable battery, its impossible to manually turn off the phone. Volume is set to the highest by default and can only be turned down via siri

No more screen or buttons, just Siri, all you'll ever need!

>>56491248
Wireless charging, it's been around a few years now so no doubt apple will jump on the bandwagon soon

>>56499487
reach one atom layer thickness for the ultimative feeling and of course its protectet with one layer iSaphirGlass (only with the plus model 256 GB)

Just a isim card, everything else is sold seperately, will claim to have innovated modular phones

>>56491248
No ports at all, can't charge the battery not even with wireless chargers, everybody has to buy a new phone when battery goes empty.

Sales will skyrocket when apple calls this innovation and charging batteries obsolete piece of tech.

We will only include the iPhone
Nothing else because we figure all of our iShills will have everything already.

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Apple buys Starbucks and makes Apple Pay the only way to pay there.

Remove buttons, everything controled by Siri

>>56499744
That's not how it works, the idea is to make last year's accessories obsolete, that way they have to throw them all in the trash and buy new ones

>>56500048
Forgot about that. Fuck it, all they will get is a picture of an iPhone in the box. Phone cost other $800.

>>56491317
Only if you add support via a dongle

>>56491481
>so you can swipe it in regular terminals.
Have you seriously seen someone swiping a card in the past 15 years?
You just touch terminal with it, and apple already has it.

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>>56491399

i unrroncaly ths good idea

>>56491248
To continue with the trend of leaving the wired past behind, we are proud to announce we are bravely removing the lightning connector. In order to charge your your phone we have invented a wireless charging system. We proudly announce the icharge which retails at 299. This innovative charging dock wraps around your phone and allows to to charge your device wirelessly. Now we know some of you tech illiterates who still want phones to have floppy drives won't appreciate that the charger covers up the screen while charging. For you we have invented to idisplay port that allows you to hook up a touch sensitive display to your icharge so you can use your phone while charging. Because we had to invent a touch screen display and advanced UHD wiring this display will retail at 3899. Embrace the wireless future.

>This thread was started by an Apple employee as a brainstorming session and you all fell for it.

In addition to the fingerprint scanner the button now has a needle that stings you when you press it and the phone can only be started by your DNA sequence or by entering your credit card details.

>>56492328
>iGener8
I think you mean the Apple (R) iSocket (TM)

>>56491248
Remove all buttons and touch input, the whole phone is voice activated only.

The whole phone is touch-sensitive. There is no lock screen in order to streamline the experience. You have to buy a special $100 plastic baggie to contain the phone without having the controls going crazy. Also voice-to-text is always on for your convenience. Hope you enjoy your phone posting your creepshots on Facebook automatically while Twitter uploads every single thing you say.

The phone has an alarmclock set to 6 oclock you cant turn off

Apple knows when you need to wake up, so they set it for you

>>56491248
We have removed the speakers. Please instead use your provided wireless AirPods at all times.

>>56491248
Design completely streamlined:

No ports.
No buttons.
Gesture control via camera.
Wireless charging only.

                                                                                                                                                                                                       Final destination :3 

I mean, lower resolution screen for improved battery life.

Now fully waterproof and feature a world-first TrUnibody®.

It has a lanyard loop to prevent accidental drops. The phone will stay locked unless a lanyard is attached and it is tightly wrapped around your wrist. Doubles as a tourniquet.

>>56491248
no ports at all. if the battery runs out you must buy a new one.

>>56500945
Or we could just surgically implant our products directly in our consumers!

Or, better yet, we install "bases" which can have a phone installed($$$), and must be upgraded every 10 years($$$) or upgrading to the newest model will be impossible.

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>>56500593

> iPrick

It won't let you use it without an internet connection

>>56501037
>every 10 years
You accidentally added a 0, friend

>>56491248

Maybe they'd make the airpod microphone. The wireless microphone will probably either have to be clipped to some part of your clothing like a lapel or it'll just float and follow around you everywhere.

>>56491248
Miyamoto speaking a proper english because of wireless Siri aNal plugs.

>>56491248
Ear canal authentication. Your hands are so 2015.

>>56501037
If you are connected to the internet running an outdated iOS version, the device will administer a sedative intravenously until an Apple technician can recover your body via GPS and take you to the factory to update your system.

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The accelerometer is now controlled by a simple, sleek designed, portable lightning™ cable that fits snugly and firmly into your urethra and now you can use your penis as a joystick.

due to driver complications it won't work with non-circumsized penises

>>56491248
Remove lightning port. Add wireless charging. All data transfer is done through the cloud.

remove the lightning port and add wireless charging.

>>56491248
>t. apple r&d
fishing for some free ideas

>>56491248
Remove the phone altogether.

Think different.

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>>56491248
A headphone port, SD card slot and removable battery

>>56491357
>tfw cell companies intentionally throttle your speeds

stay mad faggot

How many anti-Apple circlejerks do we need at once?

>>56502502
Until the insecurity is forgotten.

No ports or buttons. The device becomes a sealed device and works as a suppository and charges from the heat in your ass.

For $169 you can buy the iNdia thermal container to store warm poo in it to charge your phone remotely

>>56494314
I unironically wish there were tech products without a polarization filter for the screen. Making glasses to view them is trivial and I wouldn't feel like people are watching what I do.

Add headphone jack as an upgrade to iPhone 7

>>56491272
De[n]j

>>56492074
>non-removable battery
KeK

Market to gamers and introduce wireless charging while Samsung has already released the note 8, another edge phone that can bend and wrap around your arm like one of those snappy wristbands faggots wear. Pretty cool idea, but touch jizz makes the entire experience terrible and resentful.

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>>56491248
APPLE! NEW MOUF GUARDZ!!!!
>SPOUTING WE WE WE WE
AS KANGZNSHEIT MEET

>>56491248
Removing the Vibration module for even bigger Taptic module

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while i don't like that they removed the headphone jack, the reaction of this board is retarded

>"but but how will people listen and charge at the same time???"

if you actually do this with your smartphone, kill yourself

No physical buttons. The digitizer of the screen is kept on (low-power), and tapping the screen will wake the phone. Long-pressing and dragging left/down or right/up controls volume. Charging and headphones are wireless. The front camera is one of the only indications of direction, and it defines the top and bottom bezel. There is also a slight indent on the back, closer to the top of the phone than the bottom, to convey the orientation without looking.

A new color is light gray-blue and there is a subtle texture on each phone (not unlike brushed metal).

>>56504480
>hurpadurp iz all bout headphonez

Do you realize that this applies to everything with an AUX jack?

>>56504572

u wot m8

introducing the apple toilet. water is precious, flushing mechanisms are ancient 100 year old technology. we at apple is continuously pushing forward technology and looking for better and more sophisticated ways of doing things. the main component of our toilet is the iSuck. you simply place the iSuck directly onto your anus and it sucks the fecal matter out.

toilet paper not included, not available in india

It will be during the Great VR push. So, 4k screen on the 8+ and a proprietary €400 phone VR kit.

>>56504630
>want to charge while connected to speakers? you're fucked
>want to charge while connected to a car stereo? you're fucked

>>56491481
>Still swiping your cards

Another reminder that America literally is a third world country

All jokes aside I see next years model having two lightning ports.

>>56504898

3.5mm jack back for next year's iPhone, guaranteed.

>>56504935
>he thinks apple is pragmatic

it gets you a gf

>>56504935
Nah, Apple doesn't renege.

>>56504696
> not available in india

Kek

>>56491248
It will be invisible and weightless and you can control it with your mind

>>56491248
no charging port, wireless charging only

>>56491481
Damn you're good at this

Scent-pics. The abilities to capture scents from the pic taken(cooking, mountain range, smell goods while taking selfie,ect).

>Live Photos.

Remove the speakers, add a semen dispenser instead

Has a bluetooth buttplug which recognizes the patterns of your anus as a passcode

Entire body of phone is now made from glass, with no openings or physical buttons.

The iPhone 9 is permanently attached to your palm and you need to eat iSoylent to recharge it through your blood.

They're gonna call it the iPhone 10 since its the 10th anniversary.

Screencap this.

>>56504935
They won't have it on the next one, but I think eventually they'll discontinue the iphone name and call their phones something else and that's when they'll reintroduce the jack

>A decent camera
>Removable battery
>Wireless charging
>High res (>2K) OLED screen
>Screen taking over 60% of the phone surface
>2 front-facing speakers
>A decent flash that's usable as a torch
>Dual sim
>SD-card slot
>No camera tumour
>No fugly antenna bands
>An industry-standard port
>Root-level access to the OS

Apple iStick...the proprietary selfie stick. Features siri to tell suggest angles and lighting.

>>56506142
>>SD-card slot
nope. you stupid fagget apple arent gonna do that. they are removing as much ports as they can so why would the add an obsolete one?

>>56504480
i do this when i plug my phone on a stereo or in my car ?

>>56506262
>sd card slot
>obsolete

here's your (you) i guess

Introducing the new iPod. Now with a 3.5mm port for your headphones!

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who needs the iphone 8 when the iphone 7 does all this?

REMOVAL OF A FEATURE ISN'T A FEATURE REEEEE

Boys, just make it run on Android so it'll be a total piece of lagging shit. But they'll have to drop dual octa cores in it and 32 gigs of ram just to hope it doesn't lag. It will though.

And make sure it has touch whiz.

And all the features of the wonderful and superior android phones and then maybe you'll have to have to find something else to cry over.

If you don't like it then don't buy one.

Remove phone calls

>>56504480
I do it all the time in my car

Screen on both sides and no jacks, ports or buttons of any kind.

>>56505639
>feature only works in toilets, landfills, water treatment plants and inside or around your mum's anus.

>>56506798
Your physiognomy looks painful, assface.
Don't worry, you can look that up but your two full processing "cores" wont be able to handle that long of a word, let alone your apple-brainfucked mind.

>>56507312

Yea yea. How long you spend on dictionary.com looking for that word? Because I know that android shit you're using doesn't have one built in that's worth a fuck.

Watching Apple keep releasing products is the most entertaining news

It's like you think there's a point where the icucks will say enough, yet they eat it all up every time

Give it another decade and the iphone will literally be a steaming fresh pile of Chinese shit and it will sell in record numbers

SAVE THIS POST
Calling it now

They wont let you buy the phone, you'll have to rent it from their store. It'll be a New Innovative Security feature.

>>56507528
That's the iPhone 10, or iPhone X if you will.

>>56491248
Removing the screen itself to make the phone thinner, then selling the screen as a seperate module requiring an adapter

Someone make a pun using "hyphenate" and "iphone 8".

Get rid of the charging port in favor of a more paper thin design with the help of wireless charging.

>>56508373
The next big thing is here. Get hyphe. *Iphone 8 slowly starts to fade in on the screen behind tim cook*

>>56491248
Remove the internal speaker and mic.