Disk read error on startup, right after installing Windows 7

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Disk read error on startup, right after installing Windows 7 on new SSD.

Laptop's hard drive died, I suggested buying an SSD to keep it for a bit longer.

Turns out, after much bickering, attempting from several computers, and even dabbling in Russian YouTube computer voodoo, the thing is adamant at refusing the drive. I've tested the drive, it works perfectly anywhere else.

Using a computer capable of installing the operating system is not the solution.

The Windows installer provides different errors.
One error that got me worried, was that the controller was unable to "start" the SSD. Odd wording.

I've plugged SATA 3 SSD's into SATA 2 boards before, with great success.

Why is this shit failing on me?

I've cross-tested in every imaginable way to try to exclude possibilities.

TL;DR:

Gay toaster is being a faggot

Is it even remotely possible that a drive controller, previously using an HDD, is incapable of using an SSD?

Are there workarounds?
I can't imagine a BIOS firmware update would do me any good, but I just can't believe that this would be a hardware issue.