Stallman is love, Stallman is life

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> I was only 39 years old
> I loved Stallman so much, I had all the FSF-approved distros and GNU corelibs
> I pray to Stallman every night before shutdown, thanking him for the software I've been given
> "Stallman is love" I say. "Stallman is life"
> Linus hears me and he calls me a freetard
> I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Stallman
> I called him a proprietary cunt
> He kernelpanics me and sends me to go to my userspace
> Im crying now, and my shell hurts
> I lay in bed and its really cold
> A warmth is moving towards me
> I feel something touch me
> Its Stallman
> I am so happy
> He whispers in to my ear, "share the software"
> He grabs me with his powerful free-as-in-freedom hands and puts me on my hands and knees
> I'm ready
> I spread my libreboot cheeks for Stallman
> He penetrates my GRUB
> It hurts so much but I do it for Stallman
> I can feel my init system tearing as my package manager start to update
> I push against his force
> I want to please Stallman
> He interjects a mighty interjection as he fills my homedir with his love
> Linus walks in
> Stallman looks him straight in the eye and says. "It's all free now"
> Stallman leaves through my X window system
> Stallman is love, Stallman is life