Help me seem smart

You know what to do anon. Go for it.

>>14863
Because I want to berry my cock in you

cuz dat ass is ancient

Because i want to fuck you as hard as meteor hit our ecosystem millions of years ago

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>>14907

>>14863
Because you can dig into my pants and in there is a bone of some sort haha my boner haha

>>14863
there's no female scientists, i was just asking as a joke.

>>14951
kek

>>14863
Because having an interest in something as dumb as me (a rock) will feel like a huge waste of life

>>14863
Since you are famed philosopher, Michel Foucault, who used his method of Archaeology to illuminate the inner workings of the history of ideas, which, before, had the myopia of contemporary perception.

>>14863
Cuz you look dusty as fuck. Like I'd spread those lips and be hit by the curse of th mommy lmao

>Darwin once wrote in his origin of species of the survival of the fittest. Through millions of years of evolution, I have emerged the ultimate life form, the harbinger of your ultimate sexual satisfaction. Join me in coitus. Listen not to your brain, but to your animalistic desires.

But then again, I'm not autistic like you guys

>>15022
Fuck

>>14863
MiLady, thouest heart is surely the greatest of all treasures. What wondrous joy the very though of uneearthing it brings me.

BC I have a rather large bone for you to examine ;)
But actually have a bone and use it as a club to beat her into submission then rape her.
But never call her again, only a slut gives it up after only one day of carbon-dating

because i heard you lured my daughter into an alley and raptor

>>14863
"Do you know the ancient Egyptians used to fuck their sisters?"

>>15077
>carbon dating
this part saved the post

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It does work

>>14863
"Because I want you to dig in"
Then you send a dick pic

>>15145
/lit/ pulls off what /fit/ failed at for centuries. like pottery.

>>15145
Yeah, on fatties

>>15145
now i'm no expert, but it looks like you have no chance here and are just validating her
can someone confirm for me?

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>>15209
No, we ended up getting together and we've been dating nearly 2 months
>>15182
She's lost 40 lbs since I've met her in December, reap what you sow

>>15022
Holy... I want more

>>15022
That would dry her pussy up so fast

>>15257
40lbs in 2 months? Did you start shooting crank with this chick?

>>15462
anon, that could be as long as 4 months ago

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>>14863

Just flex a 'cep.

>>15462
/lit/izen detected

>>15145

Anything work on faties and butterface.

>>15531
dat nigga got locks like da maiden of mayfair

ima faint

>>15654
Why do you post like a nigger?

>>14863
Show me your tits you filthy whore or I'll stab your mum

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just bee urself

>>14997
hearty kek

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>>15654

>>15710
this reminded me of a thread i saw a few years ago, think it might have been on /b/

it was on kik or tinder or some dating app, somebody did an experiment to see how much of a dick you can be and still hook up with women if your profile picture is of a good looking dude who's in shape

so this guy we invented, chad, pretty much goes around calling everyone a shallow bitch, stupid, slutty, ugly, fat, etc and they just lap it up. he'll say all that and then they're like asking him where they can meet up and what they can do for him and shit

does anyone have a screencap?

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>>15836

>>15114
You gotta understand, carbons are sluts. It's not their fault, from birth carbon is told that their "special" and that it's "essential to life"by organicist S2J3W's and that it should bond with any other element it wants to. That puts carbon in a place power. Let's use my ex as an example, I was nice to her, shared all my valence electrons with her, but no, it still wasn't enough, she had hook up with another element on the side just to make a "stable compound" She even said she wanted to be with me forever. Well that FUCKING LYING BITCH only had a half life of 5,730 years! All carbon are bitches like that they don't wan't any nice elements, they only want douchebag elements who treat them like shit, they just want to get as many electrons as possible and our society rewards that. So the best solution is to do just like that and treat carbon like they want to be treated, like shit.
It's just chemistry.

>>15897
it wasn't this exact thread but this is still funny as fuck

>>15836
You have to be model tier for this to work, I have a friend who is pretty chaddish has banged over 100 chicks and uses this approach on tinder calling girls piglets and trout and he has a pretty slim success rate with it but doesn't give a fuck.

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>>14863
OP checking in

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>>16151

>>15145
>love

lmao welcome to the "guy who might buy me gifts" zone

>>15531
Hahahahahahahahaha

>>16151
what now though

>>16151
>inb4 she asks you to send her 5 bucks

>>16151
>that was pretty good
n-nani??

>>16235
>are you free?
>want to meet?

>>16151
NO IT WASN'T

WHAT

FUCK

Post letters to Nora.

OP here, dubs are what I'll reply next

>>16151
>y-you too

>>15531
Kek'd

>>16309
>are you free right now?

>>16309
suck dik

>>16357
rerolling.

>>15022
Goddamn even im moist.

>>16309
Before we go on, I am obligated by law to inform you I am a registered sex offender.

>>16151
womyn are simply infirior

>>16309
God I'd love to syringe my baby butter into your cherry clam baby

>>16398
Damn so close.

>>15182
>>15636
what the h*ck are you talking about? she looks cute as h*ck to me

I hope someday you will find a black man who will properly satisfy you. I hope you will let me watch.

>>16309
I don't believe you.

>>16309
how about i educate you about archeology ;) ?

>>16488
Worst reply.

>>16309

have you heard about a guy called Nick Land?

>>16309
Wouldn't mind having you sit on my face so I could suck a fart straight out your ass. A shame my dicks on ice after the accident otherwise I'd be rock hard right now

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>>15022
>I'm not autistic

>>16488
kill yourself

>>16309
my friend tyrone really wants to meat you lol

>>16309
shut up you stupid roastie

>>16677

whelp

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I really like the look of this girl

Help me

>>16488
don't do this OP it's not even remotely funny or clever

say something about her tits instead

yo /fit/, this guy I'm crushing on just started weightlifting but he said he's "only going 3 times a week tho :(". I replied that 3 times is plenty and "I'm sure you're getting stronger already"

... Does that last bit sound condescending to a guy? I realized after I sent it that I might sound like I'm belittling him.

>>16309
How about some Empirical research?

>>16746
who cares, stop overthinking it

>>16733
"Hey nice eyebrows. You look really confused"

>>16765
Fair enough. Good advice.

>>16746
Nah you're fine . Kind of a cute reply.


Do you do facesitting? Or fartplay?

>>14951
this or youre not gonna get anywhere anon

>>16733

tell her about roko's basilisk in a detailed manner

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>>16806

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>>16822
No, but he does

>>15145
> u

Dropped

>>16869

"Let me add to your apparent confusion. [proceed to talk about roko's basilisk in an austitically detailed manner]"

>>16929
i dont know anything about roko's basilisk

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>>16869
LOL he fucking did it. The MADMAN

>>16951
a-anon you better not have tried to make me mess things up with this girl

she's a real qtpt2

>>15836
>>15992
http://imgur.com/gallery/F9hRS

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>>16983
your on your own now, buddy.

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>>17024
you son of a bitch

>>16995
Thanks

>>16869
oh man...

>>16983

relax

its not like shes gonna answer
Move on to the next one boi

My cock just died, can i bury it inside you?

>>16309
say fuck you thirsty ass bitch nigga looking ass

I found that the girls you fuck up the most when talking are the ones you really liked


>>16733
>>16869

>matched ages ago
>haven't send a single message
>to top it off the first message you send, its you making fun of her eyebrows

yeah mate
Move on

>>16869
Pls respond

>>16995
it wasn't this one either, but thanks anon

the one i'm thinking of wasn't acting like an autist, he was being a dick. I specifically remember one 8/10 girl who he called a stupid whore, ugly, retarded, and all kinds of shit like that, and then she invites him over and tells him he can do whatever he wants to her. one anon replies, "this girl has a father"

might not be a screencap around

>>16944

you do now

>>16733
Are you related to Anne Frank? Because I want to Zyklon Be with you

>>16309
You're not me you dumb nigger

>>15022
>Darwinianism
>survival of the fittest
fake news

>>16618
kek

>>14863
"Have you read Infinite Jest?"

>>14863
You would need to be one to find all of the corpses I have buried

>>16733

Is that a ring in your nose or are you just pleased to see me

You have cara develignes eyebrows and hannibal lecters stare

>>16733
"sup bb wan sum fuk"

>>15145

"u,"

cmon :(

>>16151
I told that to my girlfriend in college, who was actually pretty reserved, and she thought it was good too.

I honestly don't understand women's mindsets. That is one of the stupidest fucking pickup lines ever written down, it's a fucking meme for Christ sake, but women like it.

I don't fucking get it.

>>17661
See >>15836

>>15182
H I G H T E S T

>>17679
This was after I was already dating her and I was telling her stupid pickup lines, though.

>>17661
lots of people, men and women, like dumb jokes, in fact I think being able to laugh at dumb shit is quite a positive trait.
The reason why you think it's a meme and so stupid is that you already heard it a dozen times on here.
Didn't it get a small giggle out of you the first time?

I put the STD in STUD and all I need is U.

S H I T
I somehow got a tinder date. What do I do? Help me?

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>>14863

>>17661
It's genuienely funny first time you hear it.

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this

>>14997
dying.

>>19194
>snacks
that's how you make a fat gf

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>nobody posted this yet

>>19194
>eating in bed

why the FUCK would you do that?

>>19532
damn, too bad I'll never be like this. Even if I tried, it wouldn't be sincere, u dig?

>>19532
is this life on easy mode

>>19532
These whores disgust me
Manasvi seems like an alright girl though

>>15145
this line is so overused that it doesnt deserve to work anymore

>>19532
Manasvi is a keeper man (ofc not a white girl..)

>>19532
>that one indian girl who seems smart, but then invites the guy over once she's done her with her bitching about "I'm not a slut like other girls"
Bit depressing.

>>21938
flowers and chocolate is so overused but it still gets them every time

why fix what's not broken

>>22164
just because she says she might want to grab pizza sometime doesn't mean she's going to let some random stranger fuck her right off the bat. Nothing wrong with getting to know someone a bit first before spreading your legs for them

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Well wtf do I do now guys...

>>22286
when in doubt whip it out, big fella

>>22311
B-but she's kinda fat

Not disgusting fat but still...

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>>16869

>>22344
so she thicc?

>>22286
ask for her phone number

>>22373
Idk, all her pics are from cleavage up

>>22286
Tell her she's a used up slut.

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>>22376

>>22344
Send a dick pic and see if she wants to fuck. It's not like you're signing a contract if you don't wanna, just ignore her.

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Lauren was a fucking savage

>>22286
just kidding haha

>>16267
>>16151
in that situation you need to pre-empt her by asking for 5 bucks first

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>>22411
Last one is her number

Is it usually this easy? I'm not usually this forward...

>>15145
BASED LIT SAVING FIT VIRGINS

>>22586
>im not usually this forward

that's why you dont get results, dummy

>>22586
Why do you think they want to have an actual conversation with you on tinder?

>>22627
Idk man somehow this seems gross

>>22656
all you did was flirt and get a phone number

>>22656
The sole purpose of tinder is for you to fuck sluts. If casual sex with loose women doesn't appeal to you, you shouldn't be using tinder.

>>22674
>flirst
>meme pickup line

>>22694
I mean it's a meme here, I've never seen it used irl though

>>19532
d-d-d-does this really work

>>16995
Is there more of this?

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>>22627
>that's why you dont get results, dummy
>>22627
>>22627
>>22627
>>22627

>>16869
I can actually hear her drip the sauce

>>22692
what about the girls saying "i just want to find a serious relationship hereee"

>>22799
naive or lying

>>22627
This, women have the attention span of a child. Cause they are fucking childrens.

>>22769
it's all a mental game. stop being a sissy and just go for what you want.

>>22274
>just because she says she might want to grab pizza sometime doesn't mean she's going to let some random stranger fuck her right off the bat.
that's exactly how it works

>>22274
oh ye poor fool

find a chad and tell him to show you his facebook pictures, then tell him to point out every girl he has fucked

>>22858
He doesn't get it my dude

If she actually just wants to get pizza you definitely wouldn't meet at her place

>>22799
That's code for they want to get fucked by a guy who wants to fuck them at least more than once.

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>>22274
>>22274
>>22274
>>22274
>>22274

>this fucking thread

/fitlit/ is a work of art

>>22274
This post was obviously made by a girl

>>22950
>a
an, you illiterate dipshit

'you've unearthed something old and broken.'

>>22979
Are you taking the piss?

>>15022
is this what lit is like?

>>23017
>are
is*, you illiterate retard

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>a friend of mine wants to hang out with me
>she has an amazing rack
>but no ass
>literally no ass to speak of, like her chest sucked all the potential from her ass
>she is also vapid

do I hump and dump and hope for the best, guys? We have A LOT of friends in common and I know she would tell them.
Beyond this, she is vapid as fuck. I don't think she's ever read anything outside of really shit genre fiction.

What do?

>>23063
>I don't think she's ever read

LOL who gives a fuck reading is for fucking faggots and nerds kek

>>23036
U wot m8???

>>23063
>what do?

missionary my friend, that way you dont have to look at her flat ass but see her nice rack

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>>19532
>bad credit score

>>22962
>girls on the internet
It thought we already talked about this ?

>>22858
I mean to actually talk to the dude a bit first, those other girls in the picture give off the impression that they'd fuck the guy right as they showed up on their doorstep.
It'd make sense to actually talk to the dude a bit first just in case he gives off bad vibes or something, but then again that'd be the smarter thing to do, and these are just whores

>>22902
she never specified getting pizza at her place, she could have very well meant to go out on "date"

>>22962
Nah, I just have a very poor outlook on casual sex for being degenerate

>>22286
"darn"

>>23149
>Nah, I just have a very poor outlook on casual sex for being degenerate
You have a very poor outlook in general.

>>23102
That would work desu but thats a bit boring, i guess it is the only solution though.

>>16733
"I like your dark eyebrows."

But that's an anthropologist you dump trucks

>>23149
>she never specified getting pizza at her place, she could have very well meant to go out on "date"
might be one of those slags that use dudes for free food.

>>23271
Honestly it's the most-used positions for a reason.

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>>15897
holy shit this never gets old

>>23294
I know but I like dominating women, like tying them up and stuff.

That's part of why I am hesitant

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>>23317
he was too good for this world....

>>23341
Three ways:

1. you on top, her tied to the bed railings (or whatever

2. her on top, handcuffed and blindfolded

3. man up and dive into psychological bondage. Force her to undress you and fuck you all without physical restraints (either through threats or blackmail or mind control or whatever).

>>23341
this is /fitlit/ bro

step 1: get her ass to the gym, and get her doing squats

step 2: get her to the library and have her start reading some books

>>15145
>it's so dumb it may actually work

>>23395
>>23421
I guess I'll just go for it

>>23063
anon be honest here how many girls have you met that have even read a book?

What do I do on a blind date?

>>22720
Not giving a fuck? Yeah. Just a month ago a dude I haven't seen in like a decade was asking me to send him pictures of my dick after like one conversation. Didn't even try to pick him up lmao

>t-this only works for fags
sure :^)

>>16677
rip

>>23204
>You have a very poor outlook in general.
Why's that?

>>23632
>DEGENERATE! DEGENERATE!
We'll all turn into monkeys.

>>23549
My friends (not the bitches I fuck) are generally not that stupid.

>friends

>>23658
>we'll all turn into monkeys by not falling to our pure animalistic desire to fuck anything that moves

>>23913
No I'm making fun of what you're saying.

>>23937
sorry i'm not used to /lit/ humour

>>24004
Oh. It's a Zizek reference.

>>24017
zizekGOD

>>16309
Poo poo pee pee caca nigger fart shit penis

>>23395
uhh, yeah I'll guess I'll just use my mind control powers

>>24086
>australian """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""humour"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

>>24144
>mind control? In ROLEPLAY? HOW UNREALISTIC
Anon I do hope you weren't planning on using actual, real-life threats/blackmail.

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>>24172
W-well...
I mean I'm not exactly experienced in that kind of thing

>>24221
If it comes to it you can work that into the roleplay.

>H-hi I'm an apprentice wizard and -- Oh shit! I accidentally mind wiped you with my wizard powers! btw suck my dick

Okay you get the picture.

>>24172
>I do hope you weren't planning on using actual, real-life threats/blackmail.
where do you think you are?

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>>24151
Actually friendo, this is Aussie humor ;)

>>22286
sorry i wasted your time

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>>16869
lmaoooo

>>15077
> carbon dating

fucking kek

>>16488
why

>>15531
im really enjoying this board

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>>24366
every time

>>15897
REST IN PEACE YOU CRAZY DIAMOND

>>15182
>>15209
>>15636
>>16215
>>16887
>>17592
>>21938

hey /fit/ how many calories are there in sour grapes?

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>>15022
>Darwin once wrote in his origin of species of the survival of the fittest.
No he didn't

>>19194
if he knew how to eat he wouldn't be fat!

>>15022

>You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel

>>23063
Do you want an enjoyable experience watching her big ass bounce up and down or do you want your dick to be buried in the flat lands but watch her twin peaks bounce up and down?

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What do I say next

>>26324
Yes he did, he also wrote about flying to Jerusalem on a donkey.

>>26917
Tell her that you have a hidden body you'd like her to uncover (((;

>>26917
Tell her to read it to you

>>26938
She lives 20 miles away from me

>>16869
When I go on the interent eye brows

>>26967
You can't drive 20 miles?

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Are we just doing a tinder thread, I got this one a couple months ago.

>>26917
>Would you like to know where I've hidden my body?
Where?
>In your bed.

>>26979
That's a long way for pussy

>>26988
>Are we just doing a tinder thread
wanna know how you are only /fit/?

>>26988
>Well, I can make you feel ACTUALLY raped, if you'd like. :)

>>15836
>>15897
Has anyone tried the same with a 10/10 stacy pic?

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>>27041
I am only /lit/ though.

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>>26917
Update

>>27116
>Can I have a mug of milk coco too, mummy?
I dare you, faggot.

>>27048
>>27048
>>27048
>>27048
>>27048

>>27116
Well, dubs already >>27144

>>15836
Would this work on guys if you had a picture of a beautiful woman?

>>26917
this isn't going to work, I promise you.

Even clever girls are still a slave to their primal sexual urge to submit to the pure masculine

>>27116
She sounds dumb. Tell her that you want to just get to the fuckin

>>27185
He should say:
>I just calculated the square of pi.
And she is like: "Ooh?"
>Yeah, it's rooted firmly in your pie. ;)

>>27211
That is the most awful thing I've ever heard.

>>15145
>you regularly make women you have no sexual interest in laugh because you aren't being a turbo autist around them
It hurts.

>>27232
What about:
>I must be a Cajun...
Her: "Why?"
>Because I'd love to taste your crawdad. :P XD

>>26917
tell her her taste is shit and that you dont date plebs

>>26988
the best kind of raped :^)

>>26988
Wow and I thought I was an autist with no social skills. It looks like this woman has me beat.

>>26988
you better have replied to her, she's actually got a sense of humour

>>22479
>5 days ago
>no reply

>>27399
Kek u blew it

>>27399
Haha, holy fuck.

Can I use up one of my other dubs like: >>27211

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>Text girl in the afternoon
>She hasn't responded in a while
>panic

EVERYTIME

WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS

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>>27399
Top shit lad

>>27419
t. manlet

>>27419
Just picture them as 'pleasure receptacles'.

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>>27419
Because you are a bright person, who perhaps did not mature emotionally as much as you should have as an adolescent (or are somehow hindered in that regard), and you falsely believe that everyone else in the world perceives the same shortcomings in your life that you do, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end.

Forgive yourself my man, you are a good person with many positive qualities, and you deserve to be loved.

>>27399

LEL

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Yawn....it's back on

>>27399
>I stole the crown jewels, I need to hide them, any ideas?
Her: "What?"
>I know! Can I bury them in you? ;)

>>27477
Oh, faggot, nice way to recant.
>I might be kidding about that, but I'd like to make kids with you.

>>27462
Holy shit that's one of the nicest things someone said to me on 4chan thank you

>>27477
mummy mummy me want milkies!
*grabs tits*
*sucks nipples*

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>tfw trapped in a relationship

OK long story short, we met on this livestream app and we instantly kicked off. Thing is, she leaves a few states away and we're both poorfag students.

The relationship obviously isn't going to work, so I want to end it. However she is constantly texting me "I love you so much" and telling me how I'm her only friend.

TL;DR: How do I break up with a girl I've never met without breaking her heart?

>>27477
>Are you an empty yogurt pot? Because I'd lick you out.

>>27477
Now tell her that you want soitroast her with your boy Jamal

>>27533
>>27477
WINRAR
Since >>27522 was a waste.

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>>27533

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>>27116
kekked hysterically

>>27522
Block her and never contact her again, that's what I'd do.

>>27547
You need the punchline:
>I know! Can I bury them in you? ;)
Also >>27533

>>27547
Don't ignore my winrar you cuck.
Finish the Crown Jewels shit then do my winrar

>>27611
Oh fuck my life... :'D

>>27563
But that will break her heart anon, she has me on social media as well

>>27633
You just need to talk to her about how you think it won't work.
It's going to hurt.

>>22371
fucking gold

>>27611
This needs to get sexual, fast.

Tell her your going to pick her up for a nice dinner, then set her back down on your dick.

>>27633
Well guess what, that's what love is. It sucks man, but this girl deserves to know the truth.

>Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

>>27670
Rolling for this, after >>27533

>>14997
holy fuck

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>>15531
Holy shit my sides

>>27611
>Are you a chiropractor? Because I need you to massage my bone.

It's over. I wasn't going to drive 26 miles for pussy.

>>27888
That's like a half hour drive.

You're dumb, could have convinced her to drive to you retard.

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>>15145
the most magical of boards

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>>27399

>>27888
Kill yourself.

>hurr I dun wanna drive that far
Okay then get her to drive you dumb faggot, whores are fucking easy as shit to manipulate.

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>>27888

>>27972
>easy as shit to manipulate
>Hey want to come over?
>manipulate

>>27972
>Have sex in my parents house.
That wasn't going to happen

>>27611
How is it that you are consistently half delivering these lines.

>>23094
this is /fitlit/ not /shit/

>>15145
how are women this fucking stupid

these threads depress me

>tfw I used to be chubby and dorky so girls would never give me attention and now that I can get any woman I want I just reject them all out of spite
I'll never enjoy anything and I don't even want to anymore.

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>>28207

>>28207

lol looking for intellectual qts interested in meaningful relationships on tinder? mmk.

>>28304
to be fair, there's a certain amount of leeway you've got to give for that.
No girl would really want to date a chubby dorky dude like how no dude wants to date a bitchy landwhale. You can't just spite women for not expecting them to have liked you when you weren't desirable.

I understand where you're coming from though since I'm a chubby autist myself

>>15912
audible kek

>>26917
>You two

>>15022
>uses 'ultimate' twice in the same sentence.

6/10