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Anonymous
Gains Goblin Stories 2017-09-13 01:27:55 Post No. 42840971
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Gains Goblin Stories 2017-09-13 01:27:55 Post No. 42840971
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>be me
>walking to uni gym
>wearing stringer tank, basking in golden sun
>hot as fuck in summer. glistening in sweat
>hyped up, /sip/ mode engaged
>focused gettin ready for upcoming lift session
>have headphones in
>qt3.14 approaching on sidewalk
>she looks at me
>I think nothing of it
>she tries to gets my attention
>i barely notice
>walk past eachother
>gym up ahead
>letsfuckingoboys.wereallgunnamakeit.exec
>feel tap on shoulder
>its that bitch
>she starts talking to me about god knows what
>i barely hear what shes saying
>shes nodding and smiling
>im just saying whatever to placate her. cant escape the grasp of this goblin
>goblin has me in its grasp
>helpfam.jpeg
>try desperately to get out of the conversation
>waste countless minutes talking with goblin
>finally escape
>mfw I lost 5 minutes of gains
tell me how the goblin got you
>>
cool story
>>
>be me
>actually wait what
>who else would i be
>be you
>read this
>realize I've wasted my time
>>
>>42840971
>Be me
>Get to local gym wearing my favorite tank
>pumped.exe
>Warming up to hit back
>Watch as a swarm of 3 goblins surround the high cable pulley
>"Hey uh do you mind if we alternate?"
>"What's that?"
>mfw I just came across a herd of tourists
>"You guys know this is a back excercise meant to broaden your back right?"
>"What? But we don't want that"
>facepalm.png
>Recommend them the leg press and tricep extensions
>"Thanks anon!"
>mfw I lost my warm up and 15 mins of gains helping 2/10s
>mfw they didn't last 3 days
>>
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>>42841081
>>
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>>42840971
>be me
>detest effete office lifestyle
>decide to get manly outdoor job
>absolutely worn out after every single day
>nobody makes size 14EEE steel toe boots so my toes are numb after work
>want to sleep despite massive caffeine ingestion
>drag myself to the gym
>lifts are destroyed
>don't even do cardio anymore
JUST
This job is the biggest gains goblin of all. I have an interview to get already. Fuck working outside bros, call me a pussy but I can't do this anymore. I just want to smash 10ks after work.
>>
>be unattractive male
>not a superhero but gained the power of invisibility
>take all the gains
Today I was wearing a super generic v-neck and I noticed my clavicles making basically one line across my upper chest. That was neat. I guess I am getting leaner/muscular.
>>
>>42841163
ur gunna make it bruh
>>
>>42841081
Wait so who's time did you waste?
>>
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>>42841155
pussy, I mean, if you don't have to work outside, I wouldn't, its a fucking meme that retards believe builds character or whatever, its just bullshit.
>t. highschool dropout who worked demolition for years before realizing it was bullshit.
>>
>>42840971
>Chest flies on machine (I know)
>Old guy walks up weirdly close
>Checks out weight
Chest flying to the point marked 175 I don't even know the units
>Looks at me
>"I'm only fifteen below. Corrected for age I'd say I win!"
>I'm confused. Try to make him feel better because I thought he just talked shit about himself, say "It's not a competition man, just enjoy yourself."
>He looks smug and walks away
I realized that I beta'd out of showing this fucker and felt like shit for the rest of my workout.
>>
>be me, about to go to gym
>these cats outside are always wanting attention
>i pet them for a long time
>it eats into my gym time
>>
>>42843288
cute
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>>42843301
they are gains goblins
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>>42843317
Thanks for sharing regardless
>>
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>>42843317
They'd be even bigger gainz goblins if they could do THIS.
>>
>be me
>alone in the gym of my apartment building
>seating on the leg press machine, legs wide open inbetween 2 sets
>remember /fit/ said looking at porn during workout increases testosterone
>start looking at t h i c c girls on my phone
>boner.exe
>am wearing sweatpants
>DYEL nerd suddenly enters the room
>sees me seating on the machine with a boner as he walks by
>super awkward end of the workout as we're the only 2 in the gym
Goblin rob me of my test boost
>>
>>42843372
u could have turned that into a test gain,
get up
turn to him
point at ur throbbing rock hard cock
say, "you like what u lookin at?!"
he then 360 spins and runs away in fear
congrats, u have succesfully stolen all his future gains
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>>42841093
>cable rows
fag
>>
>>42840971
>be me
>hideous piece of shit
>nothing that has vagina ever mired nor ever will mire me
>the only gains goblin is that weakling guy, who always asks me for a spot, when I am about to start my set
>last training session
>doing dips
>he approaches before my final set and asks if we can train there together
>ye, I guess, why not
>he does 3 quarter reps
>then approaches me to tell me, that he is too exhausted from his 8hr arm workout
>I nod in approval
>thinking to myself "man, who the fuck cares, I don't need your shitty excuses, just let me do my set and fuck off"
>>
>>42843346
but they could produce milk anon, and good milk is expensive
>>
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>>42843488
But you'll spend even MORE time petting them.
At what point does the quality of milk make up for gym time lost in petting?
It's not as simple as throwing commies from choppers.
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