>The gym falcon laid eggs in the squat rack

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>gym trebuchet out of order
>have to launch manlets at the gym castle to gain entry

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>Fail gym metallurgy apprenticeship
>kicked out of the smith machine

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>>42724279
>ride bike to the gym
>do a spin class for 30 minutes
>ride bike back home
>cardio quota for the month achieved
Good thing I found out the cardio-stacking glitch.

>Gym milkmaid took the day off
>Go to gym general store and buy 27 buckets
>Milk gym dairy cow 27 times
>"Add scoop to bucket of milk" 27 fucking times
They get mad at you for using macros, luckily the gym mods haven't caught on

>>42724279
>ran out of barbell-butter
>have to awkwardly jerk the plates into position
Free me from this hell!

>priesthood of the squatrack launched a crusade to retake the lost freeweight area from the manlets
>many paladins of steel lost in the sea of the benches during a kettlebell-storm
>corpses and broken barbells lie scattered throughout the gym
>cleaning company currently on strike
Well fuck

>>42724279
>The gym falcon laid eggs in the squat rack
I should be so lucky!
At my gym, the goddamned gym yak took a gigantic steaming dump in the goddamned squat rack! They had to close it for a week! MY GAINS, GONE! Goddamn you, yak!

>>42726510
>lol poop xD

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>gym floods, overnight looters take most of the free weights and some large machines
>of what's left of the equipment half of everything is rusted
>ask gym owner to make this month free since half the gym is missing
>he shrugs his shoulders and says a contract is a contract

fucking
>
3

i better not get tetanus or some shit

>gym dragon has awoken from its hibernation

really gotta find a better gym

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>gym ran out of crablegs

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>gym plate dispensers ate my quarters again

>skellington tried to squat without the safety catches
>gym necromancer had the day off so we couldn't even resurrect him

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>gym has no singles policy
>have to ask bro's at the entrance if they can act like they know me

>gym scribe is some fucking Albanian who doesn't speak a word of english and gets off by writing calligraphic half-gibberish
>supposed to have an appointment with gym therapist today
>it was Jim the town rapist instead

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>>42724307
>Not tossing manlets straight into the manlet pit

No wonder your trebuchet is out of order. May as well just set the thing on fire

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>gym trap is taken

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>front desk ran out of manlet meat
>were all forced to listen to manlets in heat

>gym night king burns down gym wall

>>42726414
Underrated

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>>42726927
>gym trap commits suicide
>tfw drafted as new gym trap
this wasn't in the contract wtf

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>be 5'7"
>gathering up stray plates that fall into the pit to sell back to the above-men
>overhear an argument from above
>something about female males
>the language of the longmen is as strange as their ways
>hear a scuffle and a shout, and right before my eyes a longman appears at the edge and falls in
>The Management just re-greased the sides of the pit yesterday
>he can't escape
>a crowd of my brothers surrounds him but he gets up and towers above us
>starts spewing empty rhetoric about the rightful place of those born to the pit
>soon a small circle of my family forms, sitting beneath him and listening to him speak
>sneak behind him with the 2.5lb plate I scrounged
>spring up and wield the plate, screaming
>"Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!"
>strike the back of his neck with the edge of the plate again and again
>he falls over limp
>keep striking until
>hauled up by longmen and taken to the place of judgment where I will surely be executed
Witness me, longmen tyrants! The Pit shall overflow and consume you!

>>42727921

I like this

Are they still doing benis inspections?

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>>42724279
>The gym goyim forgot to deload the squat rack for me.

>>42724279
>falcon

The pickle bird?

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>>42727921
>tfw the hurricane floods the gym and all the manlets float to the top of the manlet pit and swim away

fuck. it took me months to catch that many. i even had them trained to reenact half the oompa-loompa song before i lowered down their first meal

>>42725554
Only good one in a while

>>42727921
Oh hey Kaspar

>>42727510
>drafted as gym trap
>have to take loads in my boipucci
>always have someone to spot me on leg day
a mixed bag

>>42724279
just eat them like i always do

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> he can't into bent press

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>go to check out new gym that just opened in my city
>as I walk in they instantly grab me and handcuff me
>they say it's a women-only gym
>the fine for being male on the premises is $100k (WTF right???)
>I can't pay it so I have to work for them to pay my debt
>forced to clean the sweat off cardio bunnies with my tongue
>have to help their clients de-stress my giving massages and going down on them
>clients start complaining about me making them uncomfortable since I'm male
>management forces me to wear a dress and makeup
please send help I've been a slave here for 4 months now

>>42727921
Tales from the pit

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>The gym falcons lost a 28-3 lead in the squat rack

>>42724279
>not eating them after workout for extra protons
OP, do you even wanna make it?

>>42726862
I feel sorry for their children

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>some retard took his kid on the fly machine and took it too close to the sun, melting it

>>42726482
There is always one who has to ruin it.

You are not a funny person

>get chosen as the gym DJ for the day
>cardio bunnies constantly ask me to play Despacito

atleast they are talking to me I guess...

>the squat racks have begun to gather cobwebs
>even then, they rattle and shake during night's dead hours
>humans lift together in silence during the day, for one must not let the eldritch horrors hear
>when night falls, they pray in silence, for hope should not be heard