I have created a new diet to become healthy once again

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Hello, /fit/. I have, through countless research. trial, and error. thought of a brilliant idea for a diet which will make me healthy again,

According to the second law of thermodynamics. nothing can be 100% efficient, meaning that energy is always expended and lost when work is performed. Also, according to an extraordinarily reliable soruce. for every third of a kilometer of muscle you have (sorry, I just moved to Great Britain and my metric is pretty bad. it might be a bit more or less, but I know it's for every pound) you will automatically burn 200 calories every day to keep that muscle alive.

Then I realized something; farting requires energy. If I were to fart as much as possible every day, I could create a workout based on it to lose weight. According to my calculations, for every three hundred farts. your anal sphincter will become a kilometer heavier, and it will be all muscle,

Here is my new workout regimen;

>1200 farts while sitting. twice daily
>800 farts while squatting, three times daily
> 2 farts while performing a handstand. once daily, to get those rock hard 'ceps,
>160 farts while imagining myself running. to get the endorphines pumping in an abstract way to promote muscle growth,
>A minimum of 10 farts every night while sleeping. to prevent muscle atrophy,

My goal is to lose 40 kilometers eventually. what do you guys think?