/SIG/ - Self-Improvement General

>is afraid
How to fix?
I have moderate social anxiety but I'm tired of being a sadkunt

I don't know if I'm in the right thread but thought I'd add to. I'm currently trying to learn japanese through duolingo and Rosetta stone. So far so good. Duolingo is teaching me characters as I go. And Rosetta stone throws me right in and practically forcing me to learn the differences in things. Not bad either way though.

>>42227268
Acept yourself like you are and maybe you will be a little better but still an autist it is like it is

>>42227268
This is something 4chan can't help you. People with social anxiety need to talk it out with therapist. Also check out "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnagie

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>>42227251
Guys I am looking for collection of self-improvement/PUA books collection torrent that I found on 4chan. Does anyone here have any PUA book collection and can help me out? I unknowingly deleted my books folder. Please help

>>42227268
Try this
https://www.google.com.mx/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D7zNH_bRO_Do&ved=0ahUKEwjJy6uQ8pvVAhXCKCYKHXqDAW8QtwIIITAB&usg=AFQjCNEvxv0LT0wJM9qox2Ryosx9T-LL1A

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Are these good goals for gaining better intellect? Should I add more, if any?

1. Develop a reading habit for life.
2. Make an evolving list of books to read.
3. Develop a new skill every week and every day.
4. Watch an educational documentary every day.
5. Develop a self-inquiry habit, as well as strategic planning habit.
6. Keep updating my common place for life.
7. Keep a journal, and write in it every day.
8. Pick up chess.
9. Take useful university classes.
10. Connect and talk to intelligent people.
11. Work on emotional intelligence.
12. Develop a love for learning, and a curious mindset.
13. Eat foods that increase brain health.
14. Download good podcasts, and develop a habit.
15.Quit negative habits that deteriorate the brain.
16. Graduate College.

Stole some ideas from some old self-improvement blog. Does anybody have any experience with nootropics? I heard they increase brain power.

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>Cut back on drinking massively
>Got my diet under control
Next I gotta start exercising and looking for a place to move. We all gonna make it

>>42227468
>foods that increase brain health
I think you bought into some pseudoscience there bud.

>>42227604
What is fish?

>>42227616
I ate some salmon today wow dude i feel like a genius my iq increased by 20 fucking points

This is what you actually believe. ROFLMAO'ing at your life and sub 3 plate squat.

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>>42227468
>are these good goals for developing intellect?
Depends on what you want to use your intellect for.
In general, 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, 13, and 15 are advisable in all cases.
4, watching a documentary every is time consuming. Watching surface level information thru documentaries will take time away from studying things you are passionate about and want to study in depth. Tho if you don't know what those things are yet, documentaries can be a good way to find what interests you.
6: idek what that is.
8: this is a meme. It's only useful if you want to get specifically good at chess. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
9: don't just take university classes to "develop intellect". If you can teach yourself the information contained in a course and study it diligently, then paying money to have someone teach it to you is probably worse than useless.
11: "emotional intelligence" is not a scientifically measurable thing like IQ. If you mean to work at becoming less of an autist, then yes, identify your specific areas of weakness and work on them.
14: podcasts are like the documentaries in that they can be a waste of time, though they suffer less from being surface level information. The way to not waste your time with podcasts is to find the informational niche you want to know lots about, and then listen to as many quality podcasts on that topic as you can reasonably manage. If you're just after listening to podcasts for "general intellectual development", you'll wind up listening to every episode of JRE like a normie faggot.
16: graduating college for the sake of it is a dumb idea. Doing it for a specific reason like going into a specific field of work that requires a degree/specific knowledge is a sufficient reason to put yourself in that much debt. Doing it to "develop intellect" is dumb and will land you in debt for which you have no solid plan to pay. If you can't give 5 good, solid reasons for why you should go to college, don't go.

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>>42227268
You are going to just have to plow through it and ease yourself into situations that make you anxious. Be patient, it doesn't happen over night. Your confidence will bioluld slowly and steadily. Also, learning to smile can help a lot.

We are all going to make it.

>>42227468

#7 seems like a good goal.

Reddit's nootropics boards are much more specific and informative for beginners.

sage

>>42227268

Take acting lessons and find an improv troupe to practice with. Social anxiety by itself isn't a big problem but if you don't have practice feeling appropriate emotions then people will not want to be around you. This can happen if you don't socialize normally for a long period of time.

>>42227604

I got this list of healthy brain foods from webmd, and dr. axe. I'm already eating healthy anyways, so it doesn't hurt to try. I don't know how much a difference it makes though.

Whole grains
Oily Fish
Blueberries
Tomatoes
Vitamin B6, B12, and folic acid
Blackcurrants, red peppers, citrus fruits, broccoli
Pumpkin Seeds
Broccoli and Cauliflower
Nuts, leafy green vegetables, asparagus, olives, seeds, eggs, brown rice and wholegrains
Curry
Celery
Walnuts
Crab
Garbanzo Beans
Red Meat
Healthy Fats
Avocados
Pomegranate juice
Freshly brewed tea
Dark chocolate
Bone Broth
Turmeric
Salmon
Rosemary

>>42227638

1. A common place is a journal where you keep your favorite quotes and observations. It's more convenient then going through your daily journal for that stuff.

2. Yeah, I don't have time for chess anyways desu.

3. I was thinking free online college classes like khan academy, I should've specified that better.

4. Yeah, my ideal goal is start a business and quit college. If that doesn't work, I'm gonna go into accounting and get a degree there. You're right though.

>>42227660

Cool, I'll go check it out.

>>42227468
Try not to get addicted to checklist overload. I feel like you're gonna get to number 4 and complete it and be like, alright, time for 5, with little or no natural weaving.

You should have segments of your life that you acnowledge: Health/Wealth/Knowledge/Happiness.

You should look at your segments and see where you're lagging, and work to correct it. Arbitrary productive checklists just lead to unorganic "improvement".

Sure, it's better than spamming League of Legends games, but it's about getting the most results with the least effort. You'll probably get 80% of the value of this checklist with a mindmap of health/wealth/knowledge/happiness and have stems of ways to improve it and just look at it for a general daily path.

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Ars longa, vita brevis brahs

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>>42227251

>>42227541
Nice anon! Keep it up.

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Going to post some anon advice that's been compiled

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>>42228907

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>>42228915

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>>42228918

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>>42228923

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>>42228932

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>>42228937

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>>42228943

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>>42228980
Last one, for people going to university

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>tfw went back on dads farm
>everything going to shit, they spy on me, pay attention what I watch on tv, when do I turn off the lights
>refuse to eat for over 36h and have to work
>haven't felt this bad since suicide attempt

h-help me

>>42227541
Good job and thanks for the motivation.

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>be me
>graduate engineering college in June 2016
>work in a deadend job finance job
>have no friends no one to talk to about feelings
>nothing to do on saturday night other than to go to the gym

what can i do to make my life not as shit

>>42229755
IDK, my life is kinda shit too. Wanna be friends?

>>42229775
whats your story friend

What books and podcasts on self help/self improvement would you guys recommend?

Dedicated to winning back someone from the past. What are the most attractive things for me to do besides getting fit/attractive? Like learning another language, learning to sing etc which do you think would be the most desirable?

>>42227952
Hey mate, this sounds interesting. I've always worked with checklists to varying degrees of succes, and your segments way of looking at things sounds much more usefull to be honest.

Got any more info on it in general, and on making the mindmap you mentioned in particular?

>>42227268
Fake it until you make it

>>42230507
i mean, that depends entirely on them, you know? for example, some people think it's really cool if you can talk in a different language, others couldn't care less. got any idea what tickles their fancy?

>>42230507
the harder you try, the harder to fall

learn to not care and things will fall in place as they should. don't motivate yourself with the thought of impressing someone else; that's pathetic as hell

what is desirable to YOU? why don't you think of that and then do whatever it is.

I already know the kind of person you are since you wrote this in the first place, so I what i said will just fly over your head. But it's worth a shot, maybe you'll understand

i was slowly getting into the habit of reading daily, but i skipped yesterday, and today i really don't feel like it...

and anyway im super slow. i just read 30-40 pages in an hour, and just read 1 hour daily. is that a normal rate?

any tricks to actually get into the habit? im reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. Havent watched the series, I actually find it interesting but i find it hard to sit down and commit to read a bunch.

>>42227468
Some of these seem like they're ultimately a waste of time, like watching documentaries, learning chess, or listening to podcasts.

>>42227604
>>42227629
I don't think the point is increasing IQ, but reducing your risk of shit like dementia and Alzheimer's.

>>42227400
Pick-up "artistry" is not self-improvement, mate, it's fedora-tier garbage.

Just talk to people for fuck sake.

>>42232951
Youre probably bored of what youre reading. Try and make it interesting again to motivate yourself.

>wasted another day because there was a lot to do
Is this some sort of anxiety problem

I would like to have a girlfriend.

Should I set a goal to get a girlfriend, or should I only set personal goals and getting a girl is the effect of the self improvement?

>>42234914
the latter is waaaaay better. become an interesting person and the gf will come naturally when someone notices how interesting you are

>>42234914
Why does it need to be one or the other?

>>42230676
Hi anon, I do mind mapping. Can't be arsed to find a picture right now, am in le library, but remember brainstorming before taking those standardized tests in grade school? You draw bubbles with themes in them, and then lines draw out to other bubbles or thoughts that relate to the central theme? It's like that. You're mapping out your current situation and where you would like to go in the next month or so.

>>42228907
nigga aint nobody got time for that. talk about junk food improvement. worse than watching some motivational video

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>>42234976
>le

>>42232951

Your problem isn't how fast you read.

The speed of your reading has no bearing on your understanding on the content.

You are focusing on the end result by living in the future rather than enjoying the words that are before.

It will take as long as it takes. Finishing a book, getting your gains, cleaning the floor, learning a language, etc.

>>42228923
all of the posts posted by this guy is fake. dont listen to them. its all piecemeal shit that doesnt consider the ultimate reality which is that everybody, wants to associate with capable, independent, tested men. thats all it is. be smart, be interesting, be tested. leave out all the rest.

>>42232975

There is no such thing as a waste of time if it is being enjoyed.

If you are mindful while doing it, then it is a good thing to do. Having the mindset of only doing things that don't waste time indicates that you are hurrying yourself to an end result.

Diversification of skills adds to character. Learn chess, then learn calligraphy, then your guitar chords, then a new trick for the doggo, then your marble solitaire.

Arguably, all of these things are a waste of time, but then you'd be skipping life.

>>42234914

Once you have a girlfriend, only then will you find happiness?

>>42228986
anon disqualifies himself here with the ursa major comment. be wary of who you take advice from, and make sure you surpass them, quickly and find a new mentor

I've been lifting recently and sticking to it but now I'm always completely exhausted, my body is looking better but now I have bags under my eyes. How do I fix my sleep schedule so I actually feel well rested after sleeping for 8 hours?

>>42235035
idk going to the library for self improvement is such a meme to me.

yet here i am, it ended up being a good spot today

Anyone else here decide to build their own furniture in the spirit of self determinism? I build my own bookself to hold all the books I'm reading now for the symbolism.

>>42232818
This, some people just can't be helped, this stuff isn't obvious to them, they live their lives trying to please others not realizing that nothing even matters so why not just be your self and it will lead to having people around who like you for who you are and you will never have to larp something you are not

>>42235227
>recently

Just how new to this are you? Assume that some portion of your fatigue is due to an insufficient number of calories. Only throw out this assumption when you see the needle on the scale increasing.

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>>42227251
SOMEONE HELP ME STOP HITTING SNOOZE ON MY ALARM PLEASE GOD

>>42235087
It just seemed to me that that anon was dividing up his time too much. Ideally, one shouldn't only focus on one thing, but shouldn't focus on too many things either, and to me it seemed that he is doing the latter. For example, chess wasn't a pre-existing hobby of his, he just wanted to pick it up, while he has other habits, like taking university courses, that are both more beneficial and require more time. In my opinion, one should spend at most 20% of his time spent learning on learning in a superficial way, e.g. watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, because too much superficial knowledge and not enough in-depth knowledge makes one a pseudo-intellectual.

>>42227468
these arent goals. goals involve a plan of action. instead of "develop a reading habit for life" which is too abstract to pursue meaningfully, try "read 30min per night". turn these aimless platitudes into actionable statements

>>42235672
Put your alarm in a hard to reach place and make it loud. Having said that, make sure your sleep schedule is in check. You should get 8 hours of sleep every night, and maybe make it so you wake up before the alarm goes off, you should ultimately have the same amount of time on your hands, assuming you wouldn't oversleep for like 9 hours.

>>42227303
Hey you might like this thread on /t/.
>>>/t/746368
Some really good Japanese books/audio courses and stuff in the OP.

How do I fool around with girls? I can't help but be a stiff, serious faggot when interacting with them. No "game", teasing or slight insults, just all serious talk

I have the feeling that this has always been the ultimate hurdle I have to take in order to finally be succesful. I'm already ripped and my face looks decent. Get enough mires and approaches but I somehow always fuck up after a couple of minutes of convo

>>42236664
start by practising with the uggos you don't want to fuck. small steps!

>>42236680
I've heard this advice before. "Start with ugly or average girls and then work your way up"

The thing is, since I will not have to put in much effort, how will my social skills grow?
And how do I explain to my friends that I hooked up with some thot

>>42236721
>And how do I explain to my friends that I hooked up with some thot

lol why are you worried about this? If anything, it will make for a good story a couple of years from now. I made out for a couple of hours with some ratchet girl with the worst teeth I've ever seen after some tequila at a house party. It's a funny story now, but I've never been so embarrassed after I woke up next to her the next morning.

You can always not tell your friends, but I doubt any of them will think any different of you for hooking up with an ugly girl.

How do you hide your powerlevel in social situations when it comes to insecurity? I just don't want to reveal weaknesses

>>42236617
Which one exactly?

>>42227268
like the other person said, fake it until you make it

you have to understand that the universe doesn't revolve around you. Yes, if you get blown out in a conversation you will remember it but what, you think that the girl for the rest of her life is going to be walking around telling every person she sees about some guy that tried to pick her up? that there'll be posters going up warning of a /fit/ guy who is trying to talk to women? of course not, she'll forget about it and move on with her life, like you will

likewise, how many times have you been on the street and noticed someone chatting up a girl? I doubt you've ever noticed it, it's not as if a big flashing sign goes up above your head saying "I'M TRYING TO COURT THIS GIRL FOR A DATE AND/OR SEX" - people don't care about what's going on in your life

once you realise this you can begin to settle your anxiety

something that helped me was imagining that I was way more attractive than I actually am, once I did this, I found I was much more confident in conversations and it made me realise that often it's personality that counts, not looks.

Think about how long you're going to be on this planet. When you get to your deathbed are you going to look back and go "fuck, I really shouldn't have talked to that girl at the bus stop, that was really embarrassing" - Life's too short.

>>42240127
>>42240127
>>likewise, how many times have you been on the street and noticed someone chatting up a girl?
never, because people don't do that. i'm autismo and notice every thing that happens around me

i've been in buses where a guy would start talking with the girl next to him. they never exchange numbers at the end

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pls help me

I used to have it all.

Now I'm 21 years old and have severe social anxiety. Groups of 2/3 or more cause me to have severe panic attacks what can last over an hour.

I've lost all my friends. my family and have struggled with drugs for years. Now my mums been diagnosed with cancer.

I'm trying to keep myself going to give my mum the strength as well, but I can't and I'm a failure.

I'm currently one month sober, training 5 times a week and jogging every night.

tl;dr

Crippling depression / social anxiety and can't fight to hold eye contact while talking to someone while my mums fighting cancer

9 stone > 9.5 stone

>>42241909
Count your calories and do pushups

>>42241940

4K a day here and counting.

I do manual labour as well so I burn easily 1k+ off a day without exercising on top.

I used to eat > 1000 a day, as I worked at a subway and got one 6 inch sandwich a day.

Now I make sure I eat 6 full meals a day.
breakfast bowl of oats then egg on toast
Chicken and rice x 3 (work day)
2 x fish fillet / whatever
then one big last meal before bed. Last night was a 1000 calory pizza

I just wanna get massive, be it muscle or fat. No more dyel.

>>42227251
Any good books on dealing with Social Anxiety / Shyness? I'm awkward as fuck around people and I just want to be normal.

PROTIP

If you have social anxiety and drink a lot of caffeine, I can recommend L-Theanine

It's not a magic pill but it really chills you out and makes being in public easier

red-pill me on meditation

>>42242043
I bought a paul mckenna book that helped me with that. But it was mainly a result of practice.

>>42242768
>L-Theanine
how much? i'm taking a 250mg pill with a coffee in the morning, and i feel the same

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Hey, we have a little discord server focused on self-improvement with some 20-30 dedicated users. We're a diverse group with some people focusing more on fitness, others on social improvement and others on some niche goals they have like drawing, work, etc.
Most people are a combo of different aspects they want to improve their own lives.

If you decide to join please present yourself in the #wall subchannel and state your self-improvement goals. The #wall subchannel is only to filter the trolls from the genuine people wanting to join.

https://discord.gg/EBZdn

I'll be here in thread if you have any questions. Also the invite link is open for 6 hours then discord automatically shuts down the invite link.

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>>42241193
>never, because people don't do that.

never gonna make it

>>42227376
That's bullshit though. It says you'll be happy when you serve a lot of people and see them smile. Works for some people but not for me. I feel used afterwards.

>>42233130
talk to who, why would a stranger want to talk to me?

>>42227468
>3.
impossible. skills are gained by practising for years. any skill learned within 1 day is useless
>5.
what the fuck does this mean? how are you going to do it?
did you write it because it sounded cool?
>6.
again, what the fuck? means nothing and shouldn't be considered a goal
>11.
not a goal. a concrete achievement is a goal. "working on" sth. isn't because you yourself don't know how to do that
>12.
alright, now i'm convinced that you just wrote everything that came to mind, rather than something you'll actually do
>13.
uhhh

all in all, a shit list. if you actually think you'll be able to achieve more than 3 of these you're delusional
you remind me of the fat guy who made a list of things he would do every day to get fit: run 5km, do 200 pushups, drink 2l of water..
it sounds good when you're writing it down, you can already see the gains you'll be getting from it.
but only when you actually try to do the things written there will you realise how out of touch with reality it really is

How do we solve the >tfw no gf problem?

>>42227468
Exercising like running will help you increase braincells and helps against stress and anxiety. It also makes you focus more as you will get dopamine from exercising.

>>42227251
>tfw the most productive part of my day was ruined by having to go into work for a couple of hours for something stupid
Reeeee. Wasted day off and I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to today.

>>42230488
see >>42228980
shit ton of stuff on Audable and thegreatcoursesplus

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Long story short, I'm going to be losing my virginity soon to a close friend of mine.

How do I stop being so nervous? And any tips to make it enjoyable for her as well?

>>42249054
it's probably gonna be awkward, but whatever. do it anyway

>>42227251
does anyone here have experience with lifting and accutane? i'm only considering taking it at a very low dosage to minimize the side effects as much as possible. my acne is moderate btw.

>>42249054
dont worry about it just give it a go first time i did it i just pretended i wasnt a virgin i was shit the first time but we did it again straight after and i was way better, youll be surprised by how good you get quickly

>>42245130
Link again please?

>>42245130
Can you resend a new link plz

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Does anyone here feel like they were born just to fail.

I'm 25 and I dropped out of college when I was 20. I went from a business admin major to a marketing major to finally, an accounting major (I don't know why I picked that because I suck at math). I hated all three of my majors and I really didn't know what I was doing in school, so I just ended up leaving.

I've been working at this easy/shitty restaurant for the past 7 years and I'm finally ready to quit. I want to leave so badly. I hate all my coworkers and I feel like the place is really taking its toll on me. Even though its easy, I still fuck up a lot. I feel like a dumb fuck everyday I step foot into that building.

I've tried to find other jobs in offices, but no one wants to hire a college drop out. I can't even get an easy high school lvl office job.


I've tried to get a IT cert, but that didn't workout. I don't really want to go for a trade. I'm not physically/mentally strong enough for the military either.

All I want is to work in a nice office with good people. I just feel stuck right now and I feel like nothing will ever change.

>>42250634
Do the self authoring stuff in OP, focus on getting a regular schedule of gym and sleep and read
Try and get out at least once a week somewhere new

Good luck, because at the end of the day you got yourself in this siutation and you'll be the only one who can get you out

>>42249054
Masturbate a few hours before so you don't bust too early

Any tips or good sources of info on learning how to become more confident, charismatic and socially dominant?

>>42251413
Pook of Book helped me loads

>>42249054
>Long story short, I'm going to be losing my virginity soon to a close friend of mine.
lol did you plan this out beforehand? like a formal agreement?