you're... bulking?

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>>42195448
Yes, limp dick. In addition to my normal caloric intake, I drink one gallon of whole milk EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

>>42195448
try and move me bro!

>>42195448
yes. clean bulk. about 300 cal surplus each day. that way i don't gain too much fat.

>>42195477
you will still gain fat and muscle but slower so what is the point?

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>>42195994
this cunnnnt

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>>42195448
>it says here you broke your foot after being thrown into the... manlet pit?

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>tell me about these 'gains goblins' you've been seeing

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>>42195448
>why did you called my receptionist a... "chinlet?"

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>>42195448
>Sexually active, haha, obviously...right?

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>>42195448

> sorry, anon

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>>42195448
>we have examined your feet and found no injuries on your toes

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>>42196058

> I'm afraid your insurance only covers men of an adult height
> Your policy provider should have informed you of the under 6' options

>oh this doesn't look good...
>how did this happen?
>...
>you inserted WHAT into your butt before squatting?
>wtf is a squatplug?

most embarassing moment in my life

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>>42196084
> and you say your girlfriend appears to you as one of these "goblins"?
> yet you remain sexually attracted to her?
>
> ...
>
> I see
> And you think - despite her numerous medically-backed warnings to you - that these muscles that the protein powders give you are "real"?

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>>42196088

> I see, I see - Oh excuse me, there is a call from the other room. One moment please.
> ...
> Uh-huh
> Yes
> Oh
> OK, thank you Susan.
>....
> Sorry about that.
> Before we continue I must ask - you didn't intentionally neglect to tip my receptionist on the way in did you?
> Because this WILL enact the termination clause on your insurance if you did

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ass to what?

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> And despite knowing that the muscles will disappear when you going to the gym, you continue to spend all this effort building them?
> No it just seems peculiar thats all.
> Most people build lasting things like families and careers
> Seems like building a sandcastle on the beach with the tide coming in. Its fun but you would have to be a moron to put a lot of energy into it

>>42196312
Woah qboa whoa wtf
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa chilll
whoaaaaaaaaaaa hold on

>>42196384
Except that with your degree you should know that doing sport, and especially lifting gives a lot of longterm benefits such as bone density, stronger muscles when getting old or a healthy heart.
You...you do have a degree right ?

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>>42196445

> Oh forgive me, I thought we were talking about your "bodybuilding" hobby.
> Yes sport is very healthy - cardio offers many advantages to the heart. And particularly team sports can have many mental health benefits.
> Its those people who try toil away for hours on their own putting on "mass" and intentionally increase their BMI that are ruining their health.
> So what sport did you say you did again? And how much cardio is that a week?

>>42195448

bump because i love these threads

>>42196482
Listen doctor, I...I need a sugar daddy... do you have a high income...?

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>You ate how many eggs?

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>Alright Anon time for your prostate exam.

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>So you skipped penis inspection day everytime in college and wonder why you are having problems now?

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>>42196237
Underrated

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>>42196822

> You aren't aware that the sugar daddies are a front for the tooth fairies?
> They all want tooth decay
> They will do anything for that precious calcium, you know

>>42196312
>>42196338
topkek

>>42195994
If he has been working out past his noob gains, 300 kcal versus 500 kcal won't be much of a difference compared to the fat he would be putting on. The only reason to ever bulk with a higher than 300 kcal surplus is if you're still relatively now to lifting or you're working out for strength purposes.

>>42196312
woah dude chill

>>42196889
>36, h-hardboiled, doctor...

>>42196926
This fucking picture, imagine looking out of your window at 6AM and seeing this.

>>42195994
>he thinks you build muscle faster with more calories

>>42196237
?

>>42197677

mark _______

>>42197779
wahlberg

>>42196237
kek

>>42195469
Kek

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>>42195448
>sir, please stop calling me pajeet

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>>42195448
>HOW many scoops?!

>>42197827
these are shit, i've seen much better ones that arent in the screencap

>>42195448
>1400 calories a day? I want to run some bloodwork, check your electrolytes.

1 week later...

>All clear anon, wow you're healthier than I am! poly counts are a tad low is all.

>You did deadlifts with a slipped disc? Where did you get the idea

>A stranger on a box weaving forum told me to.

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>Eat big to get big?

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GOMAD you say?

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>he told me he was leaving humanity behind
>I don't think I can keep this up, Sinclair

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>so anon, are you sexually active?
f-for you I could be
>what was that anon?
n-no hehe
>I need you to take this seriously anon.
n-no

>>42196282
I will believe this happened

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>GOMAD? Don't mind if I do hiihihiiihii

>>42198300
more like
> I need you to take me seriously
amirite?