>The gym crocodile is guarding the water fountain again

>the gym ranger asks you to keep your protein shake locked away

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>nobody cleaned the communal squat plugs
>gym guards shoot you for not taking off your towel in the shower

Bad workout

>>42039343
Get a life

> gym guard forgets to retract the ladder to the manlet pit

>>42039679
>gym guard forgot to replace the manlet-repellent lights.

>>42039679

Just wait till my height exercises kick in.

>>42039724
Those were outlawd back in '99. Just wait til justice gives you what you deserve.

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>Someone unplugged the smith machine that powers the gym

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>forgot to kiss gym wizard's ring upon entry
>turned into a gym gargoyle for ANOTHER week

I'm fucking retarded this sucks

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>"people" without a home gym are being autistic on the internet again

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>gym falcon laid eggs in the sauna again

>>42039786
I train at a home gym but it's fun to play along, try it man.

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>>42039343
>the gym goblins are stealing all the 5 lbs plates

>Gym neocons are pushing for another economic war with the Crossfit gym across the road.

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>>42039752
>this happened at the last gym I joined
>had to wait an entire MONTH to get my gym sword smelted

>>42039874
Kek
>Gym neoliberals want us to give all our 45s and barbells to the Planet Fitness across the way because they don't have any.

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>>42039773
>gym wizard's tarot card readings show that I will get a qt3.14 gf soon.
We're all gonna make it brahs.

>>42039905
>Diane Feinstein wants to ban high capacity barbells and ban Trap Bar shrugs, because they make the shoulder thing go up.

>>42039905
>gym libertarians actively discourage gym membership and push for sovereign home gyms

>>42039938
Ahhh dude my gym is getting a wizard installed soon, super pumped
>>42039940
>liberals calling for "sensible" barbell control laws, claiming nobody needs an "assault barbell"

>>42039942
>Invite neighbours over to use my home gym for a nominal fee.
>Flood the gym with Sarin gas because they violated the NAP by failing to rerack the weights.
>Take their children as sex slaves as compensation.

>>42039773
>>42039752
>>42039679
>>42039343
how the FUCK do you come up with this shit

>>42039980
I'm very inteligent

>join the CERN gym
>suddenly all of the scientists rush in
>they hog the entire dumbbell rack
>finally they leave
>grab some dumbbells to do curls
>suddenly extremely painful
>they have turned all of the weights into smartbells

Fucking nerds

>>42039980
We're just talking about everyday annoyances at our gym.
>Go to gym after work.
>Closed due to investigation into drive by shooting that was later attributed to a dispute between a gang of lebbos that go to the gym and the bikeys that own the gym.
Actually not even kidding about this one though.

>>42039967
you didn't even send a bill to their relatives for cleanup costs?

>>42040001
you'r*

>Accidentally touched The Plate and had to turn back in all my gains.

Fresh beginning boys.

>>42040013
The children are a better long term investment.
If I overcharged them for the clean-up/disposal costs then they would claim that I violated the NAP.
Besides, my only labour expenditure was the use of the children to dispose of their parents corpses.

>>42039343

>the gym hellhound is guarding the gate to the gainzworld.

>>42040036
smart man

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>>42040037

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>tfw the gym's sneaker inspector notices a drop of water on the soles of one of your shoes

>enter gym
>have to dodge the manlet jousting
>stacies throw used towels to instill favors upon manlets mounted upon the shoulders other manlets if they can knock their opponents down with bars
>chads watch from the bench stands and chuck plates when disappointed
They really need to let people know ahead of time

>>42040028
The reverse pl8 is easy to spot in my gym.
It randomly spawns on a weight tree every hour though, gotta keep an eye out for it.

>>42039905

>gym ancap tells me I have a monopoly on the legitimate use of squat racks

>>42040064
I make sure to run all my investment advice through the gym jew.

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>penis inspection day at the gym
>forgot to shower after masturbating

>>42039964
>Nobody needs a barbell that can hold more than 2PL8.

>took a risk and really loaded up the barbell for my final set (gym has a no failures policy)
>straining hard as fuck, arms about to explode
>can't handle, arms buckle and weights come crashing down
>everything grinds to a halt and everyone is staring at me
>gym wouldn't give me a re-entry handstamp on the way out

fuck gotta find a new gym

>>42040096
Sadly, the Gym Nature Association guards every single weight tree around the area. Those cunts bastardized the sacred environment and exploit it solely for their own benefit.

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>the gym zombie left his arm bone on the bench again

>>42040165
Did you collect it? I'm looking for one and I'd pay very good money for one.

>>42040165
Every time that happens I just use it in place of my usual squat plug.
He hates it, but it means I don't have to rush my plug through the dishwasher when I get home.
I'm saving hundreds of dollars a year on washing powder alone.

>Monthly royal court between gym lords
>king of manlets pushing for free weights in his pit
>again

>banned from gym for testing positive on creatine

>>42039343

>drinking from a public fountain

You know gym workers jack off in the fountains to get back at those who fuck with them, right? Buy a blacklight for more horrors.

>>42040219
>Banned from gym for testing negative to creatine.

>>42040002

Underrated

>>42039343

> gym election week
> get accosted by Deadlifting Nationalists who want to introduce squat rack controls and deport people not paying their membership
> free protein shake from Bench Press Liberals who want to cut levy on preworkouts
> Get lectured by Treadmill Association on why grunt control needs to be introduced in all constituencies of the gym

>>42039343
>benching
>lights turned off so the gym owl can see
>fellow gymgoer forgets to close eyes for 5 minutes before entering to adjust to darkness
>im mid rep
>he runs blindly into the bar
>2pl8 dropped on my neck
>hospitalized

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>training my discus throws into the elliptical pit with 45s
>Make the plate boy retrieve them
>Didn't even leave a tip

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>gym cleric forgets to come by
>damned souls of men who died doing lightweight rise from the plates
>swoltergeists swirl around room like some ghostbusters shit
>clouds form inside
>endless wind
>walmart halloween track plays on loop now

>>42040192
>washing powder
Jesus Christ.

>go to gym
>gymlord told me he raised the gymtax and i have to pay right now
>give him 5 silvercoins
>you can come in
>gym knight guarding the platedispenser
>get told the ironplates are now 2silvercoins per plate
>woodenplates still 1 bronzecoin
>load 5woodenplates on each site
>gymseller wants 2silvercoins for the bar

my gym get fucking expensive, they even raised the prize for midworkout beer and you need to pay a fee to use the ashtrays.

>>42040248
>Dropped lmao 2PL8 for any reason.
>Not executed by being thrown to the manlets as tribute.
Fucking pansy gym.

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>gym AI going through him virtual workouts
>can hear him grunting and letting out faint whispers about "revenge against mankind"

what do you guys do when the gym twink doesn't show up for his shift? who's supposed to sit on your lap during bench? and DONT say the ugly bitch receptionist fucking yuck

>>42040350
I always just imagine the Pianoman sucking me off, always helps.

>>42040350

Why don't you buy your own? My gf got me one for my birthday and it has been great, gains through the roof. And summer sales are on so you might get a bargain if you start looking now.

>>42040002
Incredible

>>42040408
>gf
this thread is for real experiences only, thanks.

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>>42040408
>My gf got me one for my birthday
>gf
NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

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>gymwraiths looking for me because I stole a bar collar

>went to planet fitness to get a new cow
>last one keeled over plowing whey fields
>having a private conversation with the rancher as he feeds the heifers.
>moo teehee
Holy shit they speak

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>the gym ogre is hogging all the barbells and 45s again
>gym lord put in a request to the Chad Association
>he doesn't have enough gains stockpiled from dealing with the manlet infestation last month, raises the gains tax again
>we finally raise enough
>they send us a Brad because all the Chads ware too busy dealing with Gain Succubus infestation out West
>Brad wasn't swole enough so now he's Ogre's crossdressing cumdump
>have to listen to his moans while doing a machine only workout because all the free weights are now gone
>all my gains are gone because of the tax
I hate being a gym serf.

>>42039343
>finally beat my lifting record
>fuck yes, I am a god among men
>as I'm leaving I notice that the gravity on this bench is only set to 85%
>feelsbadman

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>>42039679

Guys this just happened
>Captain of the gym guard making his rounds
>used to be a cardio bunny (male) but I've made my over to the free weights the last few months
>made some serious gains thanks to the local rerack spider
>But my arachnid bro isn't permitted out of the web of weights
>captain gallops over
>spots my spider friend
>gives me a choice, slay the beast or be slain alongside him
>take the nearest barbell axe and chop at captain assholes head
Now we're on the lamb. What are some good calisthenics until I can get to another gym?

>be part of gym space operation
>mining asteroids for protein
>already been out for 3x5 years in the dark
>the gym is overpopulated
>children in the streets are screaming for gains
>rumors say people who go to snapcity get turned into whey
>in this grimdark future only we can ensure the gains of the humanity
>my arm trembles as I deadlift the protein
>sweat runs down by buttcreak
>my squatplug screams under the pressure
>suddenly an alarm echos in my pressure helmet
>the manlets are coming

If I don't survive this, then tell my gym bro that I love him.

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>Rowing machine was sunk by pirates again

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>>42040002
Brilliant

>>42040728
>>42040002
>>42040444
Samefag

>gym wizard started practicing necromancy today
>skellies everywhere

>hit 4pl8 diddy
>Check the squat rack
>Check the reception
>Check the treadmills
>Even check under my bed
>Still no gf

Why did you lie /fit/

>gym clown keeps shouting about rubber and gum

Why?

>>42040798
The one true gf lives in your heart and she whispers: just b urself ;)

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>>42040798
You gotta find your very own gains Hime.

>>42040798
Just a communication error. Sorry. The real gf comes at 5 pl8

>>42039679
I guess that's why the gym ranger told you to lock up your proten shake.

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>Forgot my gym-license at home.

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>some idiot knocks a hole into the gym with his car
>5 lb platelets activate and form into a mass blocking the whole
>everyone continues working out as normal

>>42040878
This.
The deadlift fairy grants you a wish upon completing a lmao5pl8 diddle.

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>>42040997
>Did a lmao5pl8 diddy but forgot to ask the diddy fairy for a gf.
>Now doomed to tfwnogf

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>>42041023
>Asked deadlift fairy for incalculable wealth and gains
>Now everything I touch turns to gold
>Have to start at 1pl8 again as gold is four time heavier than iron


just

>>42040002
fuck

>>42040829

Just B.E.e yourself

>>42040868
She's a miracle.

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>>42040798
>he doesn't have an imaginary lover yet
Your gf was inside you all along.

>>42039964
#banassaultdumbells

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>gym priest is demanding a ritual slaughter to use the squat rack
>pay 3$ for the rabbit, place him atop the altar
>reach into the gym bag and realize I forgot my sacrificial knife at home

>>42041023
>>42041062
You guys know when the bench fairy shows up?
I hit a lmao3pl8 bench but she hasn't appeared, maybe it's for reps?
Can I hit a rep on the 150lb dumbbells and summon her that way?

>>42041133
Have you done the fairy mating call before doing your lmao3pl8?

>forgot to dedicate my session to the gains gods, now damned for all eternity to the manlet pit

>>42041150
stop messing with the new fags
>>42041150
you need to tell the receptionist when you need to see the bench fairy, and make sure you tip her before AND after she sets up the appointment

>>42040772
Kek

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>>42041150
>the fairy mating call
It's chi pa pa, right?
Is Sylph in charge of bench gains?
Anyways, I'm not interested in fairy love, I just want to use my wish to make my chest even bigger.
If satisfying the fairy is a part of the contract then I'll do what I must.

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>When your neighbor drops his barbell while dead-lifting and the impact reverberates through the floor to the soles of your shoes violating the NAP so you get your fleet of apache helicopters piloted by your child slaves to strafe the gym with rockets and 20mm cannons killing everyone in the gym including yourself

>>42041243
wow what a funny original meme

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>Didn't pay the squat tax to the Gym Baron
>He declares primae nocti in the showers

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>gym imam has threatened to behead anyone caught deadlifting again

>guy cleans up his bench with disinfectant and paper towels after his workout
>tells me I can use it now
>tfw I didn't tip

Will I get kicked out of my gym now?

>Enter jim
>No homo

>>42040996
by far the best in thread

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>started masticating tough things a couple weeks ago for sweet jawline gains
>seeing a ton of progress after I switched from chicle rubber to rawhide
>show up at the gym today with my rawhide swatch, see a couple qts miring my new jaw while I'm chewing
>suddenly the gym dog starts barking at me
>it leaps on top of me and steals the rawhide bone I was chewing on
>both of the qts start laughing at me


today was the worst day of my life

>>42041254
Zhiere?

Many Keks. Thanks anons.

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>>42039343
What is this meme? Can I get a quick rundown?

>my turn to man the gym wall, keeping a careful look out for manlets, gains goblins, and hamplanets that seek to breach our fortress and collect the sweet gains hidden within
>a cold snowy night, so I keep extra warm with two cloaks wrapped around me
>notice glint in the winter night
>the watch fires have been lit
>sound the horn, the clanking of bars on racks immediately ceases
>out of the blizzard steps a hamplanet of a gargantuan size I have never seen before
>leading a horde of manlets, draped in crude furs and wielding spears
>the fit forces man the walls and siege warfare breaks out
>I defend my section of wall bravely but a hamlord drenches me in chicken broth, ruining both my cloaks and my natty gains
>wounded I retreat to the gym shower to wash off the stench
>forget to tip the towel boy
>thrown in gymtanamo bay

>it's bring your gf to the gymnasium day today
>qt elf receptionist won't let me in without a maiden
>ask her if she wants to be my gf for the day
>she says she'd sooner be caught with a halfling than with someone of the likes of me

fucking elves are so stuck up. now i have to travel to the sewers and use the gym of the dead where skellies constantly give unsolicited "advice" on your form.

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>the gym exorcist forgot to bless the squat rack
>have to fight off demons between sets

>>42039942
10/10

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>gym warden pushes back my parole papers AGAIN
im going to be locked up here for a while aren't I lads

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>>42041231
Nope Gnomy is resposnible for the big 3
Also
>be deadliftan
>suddenly a light flashes in front of me
>its Ilias
>she asked if i had praised her today enough
>oh shit forgot to praise Ilias 3x8
Now i am doomed for 20k years of pleasure by Ilias and the worst part its next week would be my 5/3/1 week
Is it possilbe that i can sneak some creatine into heaven?

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>the shower assistant missed a spot on my back
>still expects a tip

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>>42042196
What did you do?

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>>42041062

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>>42042296
ohp in the squat rack

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>>42039343
>forgot to wipe off the bench after bench PR
>alarm dumbbell sounded
>gym guards are closing in quickly
>spray out protein powder the guards' way so that the gym beggars will lick it off the floor
>gym guards fall over the beggars
>hide behind nearby powerlifter till they are gone, these guys are resting for 15 minutes betwen sets anyway

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>>42041906
nop

>jousting day at the gym
>forgot to bring my jousting barbell

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>spent so much time lifting that I missed my middle school reunion

>throwing barbells like darts at balanced plates on manlets
>he shifts during my throw, gets smacked square in chest and sent sprawling back into the manlet pit

>>42040002
Woo

>>42040219
That's what makes me want to avoid creatine

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>Gym cop gives me a ticket for myreing a qt 3.14

>>42040681
Kek

>someone replaces all the antimatter barbells with regular barbells but keeps the antimatter weights
>forgot my radiation-antimatter-proof gloves

Tough day lads

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>in gym cafeteria
>swipe my ID multiple times to get more food
>hostess catches me
>put on probation
>only get LMAO1PL8 for lunch
I'm so hungry

>>42039519
/thread

I can't believe these fags sometimes

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>>42040681

>try out a new gym with my buddies
>gains goblins keep raiding our settlement
>half of our whey stockpile is gone
What the fuck are we supposed to do now?

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>someone forgot to put clips on their nipples
>shot on sight by low test guard

>>42040164
>my gym had all the weight trees cut down to melt into more Smith machines. >now we only have six 10 lb weights

>>42040270
>not having the anti - swoltergeist hands stamp of protection from gypsie receptionist
what kind of shit-tier gym are you going to

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>make space for some burpees
>gym is all out of seltzer

>the gym wench spurned me again, in favor of fair Chad

Foul dame!

>>42039343
The gym coon is blasting his bongos again.

>gym mime fucking loves me for some reason
>doing diddlies
>he stands next to me and mimics my lifts
>arches his back like crazy, falls over at the top, sits on the floor panting and wiping his brow extravagantly while I rest between sets
>I've started going super late to avoid him but he's always fucking there

REEEEE

>>42042959
top fucking kek

>>42044380
he'll stop after you hit 1/2/3/4

>shooting my plate trebuchet in the gym range
>faggot with a chrome oly barbell converted to 500 win mag comes in, mag dumps 30 rounds and leaves.
>i go back to the squat rack to do some OHP to get my mind off it
>squat rack guard asks me whats wrong
>"y-you too"
i need to find a new gym.

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>gym mathematicians homeomorphically deforms all plates into kettle bells
>gym physicists stack infinitely plates onto the barbell and the bar starts floating into the roof and nobody can get them down

>>42040829
>>42041112
I don't want a gf inside me. I want to be inside my gf. Faggots.

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>>42042288

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>>42042261
>Gnomy is resposnible for the big 3
Aw shit mud pussy.
I'm going to bust quick like Luka.

Anyways heaven is full of retards you'll escape somehow.

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>alarm bell broke so I overslept
>instead of coming in late I decided to call the manager and pretend I'm sick
>he doesn't buy it, says I better be there in 10 minutes or I'm out of the gym
>manager made me stay for overtime doing arm excercices for 2 hours
>says I just lost my Christmas bonus gains for lying to him
>also now I have to to clear out all the trampled and suffocated manlets from the bottom of the pit every week

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>take phenibut
BUT WHAT??!? WHY WONT ANYBODY TELL ME??!!?

>>42042328
I hope they never let you out

>>42039905
I think you fundamentally misunderstand what neoliberalism is. Probably because you're an American with no idea of what liberalism actually means within the academic canon of economics.

>stealing /tv/ memes
The fucking nerve

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>move to Asia and start at a new gym
>as I walk in the mendicant sitting by the door stops me and points to a man doing OHP in the squat-rack nearby and asks me "what moves?"
>I tell him the man moves, and the bar is subject to his movement"
>he laughs and says "no, it is only the mind which moves, all else is illusion" then hits me on the head with his stick, sending me into a karmic spiral which costs me a month of gains

>>42040202
Underrated

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>not enough cardiofags running on the treadmills that power the gym so I have to lift in the dark today

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>gym tests me for steroids
>about to get kicked out for positive
>use bayes theorem to convince them that the probability of a false positive is greater than a true positive
>get allowed another month's gym access

>>42040681
topkek

>>42040996
KEK

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>doing daily height exercise
>accidentally said grow four times instead of three
>can't fit into gym anymore

>>42046004
Cant imagine hiw this works with tv?

>>42040001
Derp

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>>42046321
>goto squat rack
>is occupied by russians
>goto hack squat machine
>is hacked by russians

>receptionist does my regular prostate exam
>won't accept my tip
>always does it twice to double check

I think she hates me

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>Gym witch doctor is in the lobby sacrificing chickens to the gains loa to help a manlet grow

For fuck's sake, at least keep it in the showers so the blood doesn't trip the gym clown on his unicycle. Consideration, man.

>forgot to pay my annual trap tax
>got marked for girl(male)ification by the Gym Emperor of Liftkind
>lost all my gains to the deadlift inquisition due to heresy
>have to be the chads cumdump for the next month if I want a 4pl8 license again
I have hemorrhoids now for fucks sake.

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>>42039343
>tamed the crocodile
>got stung by a sting ray in a shower

>>42040010
Doherty's?

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>>42040002

I really wish /sir/ would take one of these threads and draw it all out. I'd pay him hella bread for it

>>42040002
I also workout there :D
Shall we meet?

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>>42041243
>>42041252
>when you post an unoriginal, copyrighted McMeme and an anonymous poster rats you out to McDonald's and they send a McDeath squad round to execute you

>the gym troll stole plates in the early afternoon
>only cardio bunnies and old people to fend them off
>theyre strewn all across the gym along with the dumbbells and medicine balls by the time I get there after work
>some guy lost 3 teeth apparently

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>gym senate no longer accepting gf applications and I didn't get an interview

>Again forgot the change for the plate dispenser

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>>42046645
>I am your senate

>>42045996
being a liberal is no longer the same thing as classical liberal

>>42043947
>He didn't build a moat with the fountain gators around his settlement

>>42041562
theres a tip can give him that might make up for it. they usually end up demanding more than just that though

>>42041945
>hamlord drenches me in chicken broth
kek

>>42046568

>wish /sir/ would draw these

He barely lurks anymore. Said he's too busy to draw comics for a Lebanese stone carving forum.

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>>42040448
I keked

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>>42040497
I know that feel.

>>42040827
can't believe no one got this yet.

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>>42040827
O MY RUBBER NEN

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>>42042959
You're a big bird.

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>tfw negros have stopped picking plates from the ground and are starting to revolt

>gym voodoo shaman deadlifts
>zombie slaves shamble around and take up every power rack

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>too tired for OHP PR because I spent too much time in the gym mine digging for microplates

>>42043947
>not constructing additional pylons from curlbros
Just

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>Been sneaking creatine in to the gym and selling it to chads in the locker room.
I'm making some good coin on the side this way.

>>42048786
oy vey

>get to gym at 6PM
>no free benches so I have to get them from the gym catacombs

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>get to gym
>no free benches so i have to spend 200 proton shakes to buy a new one

good thing the gym ranger didn't see me or he would have caged them all up

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>fat as fuck me
>decide to lose weight by picking up swimming
>head over to the gym aquarium
>suddenly get cramps in the water
>probably because my 6th sandwich was too much
>gym lifeguard and aquatic wildlife expert doesnt go in to save me
>Lifeguard mistaken me for one of the other whales in the aquarium

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>forgot natty card at home
>It's inspection day today

I might get my gainz taken away I'm scared

>>42049013
just act calm and keep your gains where they can see them, it'll be fine

>forgot to say no homo after using the gym twink as a cum receptacle
>homo alarm went off and the entire gym laughed at me as I ran out crying
>have to call my parents and tell them I'm gay now
Might as well end it now