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I'm new and I have 2 months.

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Thread replies: 41
Thread images: 3

File: 2017-05-04 21.53.55-1.jpg (484KB, 1888x2365px) Image search: [Google]
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Hey guys, please don't go too hard on me, I'm new here. Here is the situation: I'm 19, I'm not fat but neither am I buffed. In 2 months I'm going to the south of Europe where I'll most likely be forced to take my shirt off due to swimming and heat. Attached is a picture of my current physique. I have 2 months to break myself and get a buffed-ish body. I am mainly (read: Only) targeting my upper body (Biceps, Shoulders, and Stomach).

Give me a 2-month hell workout plan to follow to get buffed, also tips on what to avoid eating would be nice, the internet gives very contradicting advice. WARNING: I can't go to the gym because of low self-esteem, working out at home is the only option. I also do not have any weights.
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File: 2017-05-04 21.53.41-1.jpg (684KB, 2194x2551px) Image search: [Google]
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This is my back, the weird blob on my shoulders is my scapula that is a bit too extended due to weird positioning and angle.
>>
>2 months
>no weights
>refuses to go to the gym
do the reddit /r/bodyweight
routine and eat a huge amount of food
>>
Get the "100% army fit" app. Do that stuff. Or do the reddit bodyweight routine. But STICC to a program. Consistency is key (and overload but youll get that with the app and if you read the reddit)
>>
Start roiding boyo
>>
>>41317416
>Give me a 2-month hell workout plan to follow to get buffed,
Getting a good body is more about doing repetitive shit for a long time
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>>41317416
I'd fuck you real good
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>>41317522
Got the app and will try it out
>>41317551
I know that it's about repetitive tasks but I need to know what kind of tasks... I know doing pushups and sit-ups are basic ways that work out very well, but what number should I aim for every day?
>>
>>41317581
Read the sticky you dumb motherfucker.
>>
>>41317416
ur perfect twinkmode atm, don't do anything else
post boipussy
>>
>>41317416
1. 2 months...are you fucking serious...that's fuck all time to change your body.

2. Not going to gym because of self esteem...are you memeing me? Barbell training is by far the quickest and easiest way to induce change in your body. Do you want this or not?

3. Jesus christ I need to reiterate how retarded you're being.

4. You'd better have a pullup bar motherfucker. Like the other anon said go do the /r/bodyweight routine.
>>
>>41317416
You'll never get in shape if you don't even have the willpower to step into a gym. That is just a fact.
>>
>>41317581
The App will tell you. I guess around 80% of your max reps for 3 or so sets.
>>
>>41317416
Buy a weight gainer and hit the gym

Monday : shoulder

Wednesday : chest

Friday : chest

Tuesday and thurdays : bicep or tricep

You do that and with a weight gainer, you can gain 10 lbs of muscle mass
>>
>>41317568
>>41317608
Why is /fit/ full of literal faggots
>>
>>41317613
True I think I am enabling him for not calling him out
>>
>>41317416
You are starting one year too late. And you're not even using weights.
There is no chance you will succeed.
>>
>>41317416
With such a trash reason there's no way you'll put out for two months anyway. Just stay twink and be mired by men who want your boipusc
>>
>>41317416
SS + GOMAD
>>
>>41317640
>test so low he couldn't even fuck another man.
Looks like someone's not gonna make it.
>>
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>>41317416
>I'm new here
>2 months to get buffed
>only upper body
>no gym
please tell me this is bait
>>
Did even more research... What do you guys think of 200 pushups a day for 2 months straight? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UQwUe4l6II this guy did it for 30 and it looks like it worked out?
>>
>>41317416
Holy fuck, this actually managed to make me genuinly mad. This hits so many triggers.
>Not reading the sticky
>Wanting to get buff for the beach
>Thinking you can get noticable results in 2 months
>Thinking that harder=better
>Not wanting to go to the gym
>Only doing upper body
>Unironically using the word ''buff''

Congrats, you have managed to make me legitimately angry. If this is b8, then this is fucking expertly crafted.
>>
>>41317640
You're sweet. I'm gonna nake sure you kiss me good with those big lips.
>>
Contrary to popular belief you don't need any weights to build a perfect physique, there are entire workout programs out there that are bodyweight only, some even zero-equipment (which would be perfect if you wanna work out at home)

2 months is very short though. It's not realistic to build serious muscle in that time, all you'll be able to do is be a little more defined.
>>
>>41317746
What? We have these threads daily
>hurr guys I'm 200 lb 5'8 40%bf how do I get to look like Zyzz in 3 weeks with one 5lb dumbell, btw I have no food or money
>>
>>41317416

Your post is really insulting to most of /fit/, I dont even know why some cucks are still giving you advice
>>
>>41317416
Stop being a bitch
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>>41317816
>>>/reddit/
go back to your safe space you offended bitch
>>
>>41317416
The most important thing is to eat your lean mass grams in protein every single day. Don't feel like lurking to figure out your weight and BF% but if you don't do that then you're just gonna play yourself. So eat like 130g of protein everyday. Chicken thighs is my go to protein source because it doesn't dry out and you can just shake on some seasoning mix and boom, sorted.
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>>41317416
Oh, also track your fucking macros. Don't eyeball it like a stupid faggot. Buy a food scale on amazon for like 15 bucks or more. I recommend cronometer.com since its minimal and quick to set up.
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>>41317416
what the FUCK are you on about, you do what you can, going to beach or whateverthefuck doesnt fucking matter at all

what does matter is that you get your ass to the gym, get on real program and then workout for rest of your life while improving your eating habits

rest of the things in your life are worthless and thats a fact
>>
>>41317416
go to the gym, nerd, nobody cares

everybody thinks everybody cares immensely about them when they go in the beginning

then you realize that everyone else is just there to work out too and don't give a shit
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>>41317759
he literally just changed the lighting. only doing pushups will barely get you anywhere
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>>41317767
My only objection is
>thinking you can't get noticeable results in 2 months.

With proper dieting and exercising you can gain 4 pounds of muscle a month as a beginner. Assuming he doesn't mind getting a bit chub with his gainz then he should be noticeably more fit in two times, not insanely fit or anything, but in noticeably better shape.
>>
>>41317416
I'd love to see people's reactions when you have maybe baby biceps and shitty Lil twig legs like that looks good
>>
Why are we even responding? Why should we give a single flying shit about OP and his neuroses?

He only wants to work out because he's insecure, he wants the quickest possible solution, and he doesn't actually want to work hard for it.
>>
>>41317416
>those traps
>those clavicles
>those pecs
Z-Zyzz, is that you?
>>
>>41317416
Fugging put some sand in some milk gallons and curl that till you cant
>>
>>41317416
OP, you have potential, but you need to quit being a bitch.

If you have no weights, you're gonna need to do bodyweight exercises obviously. Do LOTS of pushups and pullups for your upper body. Do planks for your abs. Do squats because I fucking said so. These will help your abs a little bit in addition to working your legs and glutes. Here's your routine:

Day 1: Pushups 5xF / Pullups 5xF
Day 2: Squats 5xF / Planks 5xF

The 5 is the number of sets, and the "F" stands for failure, meaning you're going to do the exercise until you're so exhausted that you can't do any more reps. If you can't do any pullups, don't worry. Just do dead hangs for as long as you can and keep trying until you can get a pullup. Given two months, you should be able to work your way up to 2-3 pullups per set even if you're starting from rock bottom. Don't skip any days, and repeat till you're ready to leave for vacation. Also, eat a lot of food and focus on getting as much protein as possible.

Buy one of these if you have no other way to do pullups: https://www.amazon.com/Iron-Gym-Total-Upper-Workout/dp/B001EJMS6K/

Once you get back from your vacation, get a gym membership and read the fucking sticky.
>>
Buy yourself a door mounted pull up bar and do pull ups frequently.
Thread posts: 41
Thread images: 3


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