>Forgot my squat rack voucher at home and got forced to work

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>>41137509
>16 people in line for the bodyfat collector
Why can't I afford a better gym REEEEE

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>>41137555
>All of them are hamplanets that show up every week to use it

>doing 8 reps on the bench
>get to 6
>suddenly bar is light as air
>tfw forgot to turn up the gravity machine timer
>tfw 6 reps does literally nothing

>bring an extra 45 from home because I want the extra boost after my 45 minute inverted crunch workout
>Put the 45 in the machine slot and select creatine
>it eats my 45 and no creatine

>>41137509

>Go to squat rack
>Line
>Wait in line for what seems like forever
>Finally my turn
>The gym Shrek runs up
>Did you insert your butt plug?
>N-no..
>Everyone who uses this rack needs to plug their ass you fucking understand me?!
>Take the plug and rams it up my butt
>Yells no squat you faggot squat
>Squat like your riding that thing in your ass!
>Begin to cry
>I like when my bitches cry and he strokes my hair

I dont want to share any further I'm tearing up just typing this.

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>walk into grass hut
>walk over to the Cambodian children rack
>bloated Cambodian children mixed with the boney malnourished.
>Gym guard ignores my complaints and keeps cleaning his rifle
>have to sort through children myself just so I can do my bicep curls
>Can only find one 40lbs Cambodian child and his 45lbs brother
>Entire bicep work out uneven
>Cant even enjoy my post work out grub larva
>War Lords wont stop snickering

I am so fucking tired of this shit.

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>go to the vending machine for sips
>put in 1pl8 and push number
>ERROR
>Push change button to get my pl8 back and try another machine
>it dispenses a Canadian pl8 in kg
>none of the fucking machines will take it
Guess I'm sticking to water today.

>>41137674
>Not going to a superior gym that has already implemented the metric system
wew lad

>>41137674
>his gym doesn't have a complimentary sips fountain

Got my dick stuck in the plate dispenser again

>Begin eating second lunch of they'll day
>Hear a strange whaling coming from the door.
>Chief Skelly of the clan DYEL barges in with his 100lb warriors.
>Forces to run on hamster wheel until calorie surplus is gone
>I need a new gym that isn't in chief skellys land.

>>41137738
>be me
>at gym
>try to get 45's from the plate dispenser
>it won't take my quarters
>suddently, dispenser goes haywire and spits lmao2pl8 at VERY hihg speed straight at my dick
>dick is bruised
>penis inspection day is tomorrow
How can I pass penis inspection day with a bruised dick? Can I use some sort of make-up on it or something?

>enter gym, it's surprisingly busy
>head over to the protein dispenser
>pump the handle
>nothing comes out
>must be nearly empty from all the other customers today, but that won't stop me
>pump a few dozen times, speeding up as I go, have to switch arms after a while
>finally I hear it coming
>try to line up
>the stream misses my mouth, grazes my cheek, mostly lands on the guy in line behind me though
FML

Bumping this great thread

>enter gym
>picking my gym shorts off the wall
>most of the good pairs are already taken
>one last decent pair that doesnt smell like shit
>make eye contact with 6'2'' black guy also browsing
>it becomes like one of those commercials where two moms with shopping carts are racing to get the last item off the shelf
>it raises to a physical fight
>they spray us both down with the gym hose
>they make us both put one leg into each side of the shorts
>when we squat his balls leave wet prints on my thigh
>mom picks me up and i cry to her about it on the way home

Now i make sure to get there early

>have to share squat belt with my gym nemesis
>barely long enough to fit around both of us
>he refuses to coordinate or squats so we're not in time with each other

>was about to reach a 30 day checkin streak and get a free plate voucher
>couldn't tip my receptionist since I forgot my wallet
>they wouldn't let me in
>made a scene about breaking my streak
>TFW no streak restore

>Manlet pit closed for cleaning
>Entire gym is covered with them
>Had to wait 45 minutes for the weighted ab wheel

>Gym had 2 pairs of 55 lb plates
>Much rarer than 45 plates, and the most prized by heavy lifters
>55 lb plate worth at least 75 lb on the plate exchange
>One day some door to door plates salesman comes by and pawns off two dozen gently used 55 lb plates
>Market is flooded
>55 lb plate trading at 35 lb
>Had all my gains invested in 55 lb futures, gains are now worthless
>Have to completely restart training with a beginner program and just the bar

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>plate dispenser coupons are out of date

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>Gym forgot to hire guards to keep out the gains goblins
>Half my gains lost in a day

>>41137630
Hahaha!

wtf gym do you guys go to? plate dispensers? manlet pits??

>>41138315
>His gym doesn't have a manlet pit

How do you manage to contain them? Do they injure themselves on the human sized equipment?

>Gym only has 3 pairs of 2.5 lb plates
>Need them for 5 lb bench press PR
>Gym Jester is holding all 2.5 plates hostage for his gym juggling routine
>Ask him for a pair, he just taunts me
>He starts saying "better round up fat boy" over and over, the whole gym is laughing
>Try to bench 10 lb PR
>Get stuck on the bar
>Gym Jester balancing plates on his head chanting "leg drive leg drive leg drive"
>Have to roll of shame while the whole gym watches
>Gym Jester gives me a balloon barbell that's "more your pace" and a 30 day subscription to the chest press machine

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>doing leg curls
>suddenly someone grabs my ass and scuttles away
>see the local gym rapist hiding behind the smith machine

fucking hell, looks like the gym bodyguard won't be getting his tip this week

>>41137509
>looking for micro plates
>only find .75 lb plates
>ask gym bouncer where the .25 lb plates are
>gives me a weird look

>>41138147
Kekked.

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>>41138147
This is great.

>>41138147
>Not investing in stable, reliable smith machine bonds

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>>41138147
>tfw the plate market crashes before your eyes

>>41138422
>tfw gym enters recession
>only one (1) lmao pair of solid gold pl8s which hold their value

Anyone know of a good Keynesian gym around here?

>>41137572
Hahaha Xd upvoat

>Forgot my gym buddy voucher at home
>Have to work out solo
>We're at gobbo alert red
>Decide to chance it anyways
>Mid-squat and I'm suddenly mounted
>"Nyeeeheheh igri decha Piana!"
>Oh god no
>Orc-Piana begins to spot me
>Sobbing as he steals all my gains
>Banned from the gym for regressing into a lanklet

God damn you Orc-Piana

>>41138527
>tfw gains backed securities caused the plate market meltdown of 08

>>41137509
>there's a black widow spider hiding somewhere in the gym drum-set.
How am I supposed to get them finger and ankle and rhythm gains when a bite from that gains goblin could take me out for a few days?

>>41137634
underrated

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>plate machine ate all my quarters
>gym attendant took the day off cuz 4/20
>kick dispenser out of frustration
>my SS+GOMAD physique breaks machine open, plates land on my foot
>foot broken
>everyone rushes over to loot the plates I had just broken free
>get pushed over by the angry mob of lifters
>start making sounds of agony holding onto my foot
>lunk alarm goes off
>lunkbots come and escort me outside
>guard the entrance and won't let me back in for another 24 hours
>left my keys, wallet, and sips in my locker

IT'S NOT FAIR

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>walk into the gym
>scan in
>lady tells me there's a problem with my membership
>go to the front desk and they tell me I owe fees
>I take out my credit card and pay the fees
>walk into the locker room and change my clothes
>urinate and wash my hands
>walk into the mats area
>warm up with plenty of stretching and mobility work
>head to the bench press and do five sets of five reps
>followed by light OHP
>some bi's and tris
>shower and change
>go home

>>41137769
jusd glen the benis nd desdiggles

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This is by far the most autistically unfunny shit /fit/ has ever spewed ever since our lord and savior got cooked in the sauna.
It's like fucking /r9k/ was trying too hard to meme while pretending to lift.

Thanks for bringing the national autism level up by 15% assfaggots

this thread is so try hard. God how could you be worse than fucking /tv/

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>Gym falcon keeps eyeing me

>>41138796
Kekked several times