ITT: Gym /mischief/

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>>41059812
>sign saying "be sure to rerack your weights"
>yeah... sure thing

spotting requires more of a row movement than a deadlift movement

and since he would be pushing up on the bar it wouldn't matter that you can't row 2pl8 anyway

>>41059812
absolute MAYHEM

>>41059812
>sign saying "don't lift heavy weights without a spotter"
>pfft I'll show them
>deliberately drop 50kg dumbbells on my face

SOMEBODY STOP ME

>>41059812
>sign says please wipe down machinery
>make me

>walk into gym after eating mommys pulled pork bean burrito
>BRAAAAP
>Whole gym turns around and looks at me
>Thinking quick I turn my head backwards
>see some beta pale faggot lank post. holding a gallon of milk
>walk right up to him and say
>"Oi faggot lay off the bloody stinky milk"
>He simply stares at me, with a distant stare
>Grab his skinny wrist, dropping his milk
>"HEY BRO YOU MIRING ME?"
>whole gym now laughing at the beta faggot
>"Yo Bro ima give you three second to get yo milk drinking ass outta here"
>stare him in the eyes
>he looks down
>"yo bro my eyes are up here"
>look down for a second
>see his legs
>fucking jacked
>some pound of raw strong muscle, blood pumping out and towards the veins, ready to
>to
>he leaps forwards, and wraps his long strong legs around my leg
>I try punching and grabbing his legs but hes too strong
>feel his cold bony fingers wrap into my ears
>see wall behind me go to smash him off
>just as I get close he leaps off my head and lands infront of the squat rack
>blinded by rage and sprint towards him
>trip on barbell I left on the floor earlier
>fall right next to the squat rack dazed
>look up
>see kid squatting 6pl8
>that means
>NO
>he blasts out 20 reps while I watch in horror
>drops the barbell on my head
>tfw while I shouted he stared looking for a plan
>tfw while I looked him in eye he was simply calculating when he should jump off my head
>tfw brainlet
>tfw
>tfw SS claims another victim

>>41059987
(you)

>>41059987
ffs

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>gym has all kinds of tryout offers
>first do the 2 week for free tryout
>then use all my buddies invite passes (5 per person, 4 buddies)
>go again with my brothers id for a free 2 weeks
>a total of 9 weeks without paying
>go to the next gym and do the same thing

Haven't paid for a gym membership since I started lifting 2 years ago

>>41059987
You're trying too hard.

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>have a home gym
>no mischief to be had

NEFARIOUS

>"do you mind if i jump rope in here"
>"not at all"
>shoes smell like death after 3 minutes

>See beta asian go into the bathroom stall
>wait to here him start shitting
>bang on the stall aggressively
>put my hand above the stall and hold up two fingers
>"Two! you have two minutes to get the fuck out before I drop a dumbell on your skinny ass!"
>hold up a 40 lb dumbell with other hand
>listen to him scamper trying to shit and wipe his ass
>bang on stall door again
>"hurry!"
>he runs out of stall with his head down like the submissive beta he is
Don't even have to shit

>incline bench press
>does it anyway

>finish workout
>leave weights on pulldown machine
>2 dyel roasties unracking weights
>"im still using this"
>"o-ok s-sorry"
>wait them to put plates back
>go to shower instead
never saw those 2 idiots again

>>41060558
Reminds me of the basic training for the military

>decline sit-ups
>compounds are enough for abs

>sit on bench
>doing only leg raises

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>do a handstand in the squat rack
>stay there for an hour
>leave

>>41061684
Kek

>no outside shoes allowed
>okay sure thing bro

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>>41059844
You bastard, I'll find you and fuck your mouth if i have to unrack your babby weight and add pl8s to my shit.

What do you mean by a plate btw? 25kg?

>sign says wear slippers in the showers
>wear sandals instead

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>not allowed to use chalk
>use chalk anyway

>>41059957

i unironically do do this

>>41061902
45lb plate on each side nigger

>>41059812

>Go into gym and see lanklet loading up plates
>Walk over to him and ask if he needs a spot
>"Nah bro I'm good."
>He is loading up 5 pl8 and looks like he is 130lbs at 5'8
>My eyes drift down
>What the fuck
>He looks like an oly powerlifter from the waist down
>Notice he has a hardcover copy of starting strength and a gallon of raw milk in his gym bag
>He drops down, ass to grass
>"HIPS T-T-TIGHT!"
>BRAAAP "EUGHHH ONE"
>BRAAAP
>BRAAAP BRAAAP BRAAAAAAAAP!
>Whole gym is staring as this guy slams whole milk protein zyklon D out of his sphincter while exploding 5pl8 up like it is absolutely nothing
>Whole of gym is congregating around the squat rack
>Yoga class rushes out to observe his perfect glutes
>A fever rushes over the whole room two dozen people form a ring around the rack
>BRAAAAP BRAAAAP BRAAAAAP
>We all exhale deeply from out mouths in unison.
>SNIIIIIFFFFFFFFF

>>41062066
Why u do this

>lift at an old school bodybuilding gym
>front desk has no computer, you sign up 6 months at a time and pay up front
>owner is a super nice guy, former conpetitor and friendly with all the members
>people pay on the honors system
>owner is barely getting by and has put his own money into the gym multiple times just to keep it open
>i haven't paid in years

>>41062278

>i haven't paid in years

this genuinely made me hat you

>finish last set
>some bro asks me if I am done on this machine
>nah bro
>ok how many you got left?
>3
>SERIOUSLY?!?!
>Yeah man
>do one and cruise /fit/ for 20 min on chest flys till this faggot leaves the gym. That'll teach him to talk to me at the gym.

>>41062278
If this is true
Then kys yourself

>last rep
>swirl fingers around under foreskin
>wipe that cheese into the knurling
>see next guy to grab the bar sniffing his fingers

S A T A N I C

>>41059812
Unless you seriously fuck up, your spotter needs almost no strength.

A 80lb gril could spot 3pl8.

>>41063038
next time just smear shit all over the gym

>sign in gym saying 'no chalk'
>use liquid chalk that leaves no marks
>they have no clue

IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666

>>41062278
>people pay on the honors system
How hard would it be just to at least have a notebook
>Anonson, anon - paid 3/7/17

>uni gym
>first to grab the aux is god
>people only want listen to edm or rap
>i don't mind that
>but
>play country every time for shits N' giggles

CALL ME LUCIFER

>>41061985
Just grind some Smarties onto the barbells brah

>receptionist says "Have a nice day!"
>I don't

INFERNAL MACHINATIONS

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>rack all 5kg plates
>cover them up with 25kg plates
I AM THE ANTICHRIST

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>>41059812
>guy asks me to spot him
>use the opportunity to check him out up close

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>guy asks me to spot his bench
>mfw i havent showered in 5-6 days due to depression
>get my balls as close to his head as i can
>breathe downward toward his face as i help with the last rep
hope he got a good whiff

>>41063095
people like you should not be allowed to post, even lurk

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>>41059812
>sign says no chalk
>sneak in eco-friendly chalk that doesn't leave marks

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>>41059812
>hot hunky guy asks me to spot his bench
>tfw thinks he is hitting on me

>>41062066
underrated

>>41061902
It's 20 kg I belive. Americunts are beta cucks so they need lower weight plates

>>41060288
my plan exactly

>t. not even a nigger/slav

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>>41063318
this

>>41063482
>tfw i can only do 60kg, or 1pl8 bench
I thought i was average strength on /fit/

>>41062278
please, anon, please

>tell a girl i can deadlift 335lbs easily
>dont tell her im counting the bar and my entire weight

None of this happened. You are all autistic bastards that would never manage to pull something like this in a public place like a gym.

>>41063565
ps i fucked her and she wanted me to lift her while fucking her and my arms started shaking so i played it off as an orgasm

>>41063573
Legendary mate

>>41063565
>>41063573
kek'd, have a (you)

>>41063482
one plate is 40kg

>>41063657
So two 20kg weights

>>41059892
This

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>>41063371

>>41062066
GLOOTS
FER DA
SLOOOOOOOTS

>>41060618
which branch? never happened to me in airforce basic. maybe once.

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>some DYEL asks me to spot him on bench
>I'm dripping sweat from all surfaces
>watch in slow mo as sweat from my forehead drips onto his forehead, eyes and mouth as he struggles to put up lel em ayy oh 0.5 pl8

>>41062278
Are you guys going to raise money by trying to win a dodgeball tournament?

>>41063565
>>41063573
good stuff

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>>41061766
You're gonna have to catch me first.

>>41063371
He's right though....

>>41063663
so 4 plates is 80

>>41064288
nice meme

>>41063238
Every time

>See cute girl walking by while I'm benching.
>right as she passes me I drop the weight on my neck so she has to come and help me
>make sweet social gains as I tell her thanks for helping me as she rolls her eyes

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>go to curling rack
>start squatting

>go to the squatting rack
>start squatting

wait a moment

>>41063147
H E R E T I C

>stare at girls butts
>pretend I was just scratching my nose when they catch me

>Guy walks up to me and says
>"Feeling fit buddy?"
>I say "I guess I am just a lucky guy"
>He smiles.

This fucking clown doesn't even know that earlier I bought a scratch card and didn't win. Cunt thinks I am a lucky guy...

>song request sheet posted
>request "on the floor" by ice jj fish
>they actually play it

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>>41062278
literally neck yourself you disgusting piece of shit

>>41060288
Touché anon

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>>41059987
>be 35 year old powerlifter
>wake up at 9pm, after all-night tendie bulking feast
>Oh no, gym closes at 11!
>shout for mummy to bring me my lifting gear
>"Anon, I'm with New Daddy right now. You're a big boy, can't you get it yourself!"
>ungrateful bitch! she knows that if I have to walk up the stairs to get my gear I'll be too winded to do my deadlift singes!
>engage operation stench press
>roll my 500 pound frame out of bed and into the kitchen
>grab some of my shit jugs and store them in between my rolls of fat
>starting to get dizzy from rolling around and vomit all over myself
>finally get to kitchen
>mummy and new daddy are playing wrestling on the table
>"Anon, I thought you were in your room!"
>"Mummy won't get my lifting belt, she will wish she never smelt (my diarrhea)"
>unleash torrent of chocolate poopie funtimes all over mummy and new daddy
>table collapses under the weight of my big boy poopie
>new daddy screams and starts running towards me
>little does he know the awesome strength I have built by participating in the venerable sport of powerlifting
>grab him like a twig and deadlift him off the ground
>abdominal muscles are so strong that they squeeze my stomach from the effort, propelling gallons of chunky milkshake out of my mouth
>mummy starts pleading with me and says she'll make me all the tendies i want if I just stop and be a good boy
>grab my shit jugs that i stored in my fat rolls
>pour them on mummy's head
>9:30
>too late to go to the gym now
>order 500 tendies from Mickey Dee's
>can't cheat on my dirty bulk just because it's a rest day!

>>41062278
finally an actually D E M O N I C one

>lose footing and smack bar into mirror
>tip over plate rack too
>shatters
>no other witnesses
>drop it and grab random dumbbells
>managers runs up (second floor)
>want to know what happened
>say niggers jogging track dicked around and tipped rack into it
>cameras down
>they believe me

>>41059957
>using machines

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>Guy deadlifting with improper form
>Give him terrible advice