>gym grabbler grabs the poop scissors from the locker room

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>gym eagle laid eggs in the sauna again

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>quarter got stuck in the plate dispenser

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>Tard wrangler hasnt cleared the freeweight section and all the 60lb DBs are being curled
>slightly impressed

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>didn't hit pr on bench today, had to wash stretch matts as penalty

>gym guru doesn't teach the poot chakra

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>gym orangutan ate from the mulberry bush again

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>gimp bridge catches fire again
>get teased for forgetting mine
>lose stretching privileges

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>gym twink got AIDS

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>Had to run to Blockbuster to grab elbow grease cause gym ran out again

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>the snoot fell off of the dingler again and the echanic has died of dissentary
>tfw no dingler volumetrics for at least a fortnight

>gym hoofer no longer snuflorps

>>40941621
Can someone draw a picture of this?

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>no one has cleaned out the manlet pit for at least a month and the stench is awful

>have earned biceps, triceps, and quadceps but still not a receptionist

>>40941608
My gym locker room has them chained to the stalls like pens at the bank so no one can walk off with them accidentally.

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>>40941804
> used to rent vidya from blockbuster
> will never be able to do it again

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>pull day
>almost done, just gotta do curls
>find a nice corner all by myself
>start going through a set
>some dude with massive thighs walks to the water fountain, sees me doing curls
>ohfuck.jpeg
>i plead him to say nothing
>"WHAT THE FUCK DUDE" he shouts
>"i-its not what it looks like"
>"YOU SICK FUCK"
>he grabs me by my hair and drags me to the front counter
>"I caught this freak doing CURLS in the corner"
>the gym staff shakes their head in disappointment
>i try to start explaining myself
>they tell me to shut the fuck up
>parents are called
>they arrive and my mom has clearly been crying
>"anon - is it true?"
>"it's not what it looked like-"
>mom bursts into treats
>dad pulls her away from me
>"you're no son of mine. stay the fuck away from our home"
>they leave
>gym record has me registered as a curlbro
>banned from my current gym
>no gyms will accept my membership
>also homeless

w-will i ever make it, brehs?

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>>40941608
>Squat plug falls out during my set

>>40943363
This post was so reddit it hurt my physically.

>>40943149
kek

>>40943530
am i the only one here who's never been to reddit and therefore doesn't know what the fuck this statement means?

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>Got caught peeping on the zoomba class again
>Manager sends Shaandaar to catch me by a toe
>I holler
>He lets me go
>Finnish set

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>TFW a gym member doesn't tip the jack-off room operator and doesn't rewind the VHS tapes

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i just came back from planet fitness and nobody moved the little plastic table from the center of the pizza and when i reached over some hambeast thought i was grabbing more than 1 slice per chin and the staff pulled the lunk alarm and i got my tumblr handle posted on the shame wall again this week

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>Preacher Bench on trial for sodomy and the rabbi rack performing a bris

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>Gym shaman forgot to perform the daily cleanse so now the bench is haunted by angry spirits

>>40944769
Fuck when this happens, I knew those evil spirits weighed the bar down. Fuck 'em.

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>>40943183
that reminds me
>go to a school that has poop scissors chained to the walls (low-income school, i know)
>you knew which stall had a kid pooping in it because of the chain
>my mates and i used to wait a bit then yank on the chain really hard
>we stopped when the kid accidentally cut his clitoris off
>we bolted out before anyone saw us and we see him with his pants around his ankles and his poop and his labia majora in his hand
>never got caught

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>gym bookie refusing to pay me for my bet on the janitor committing suicide
>now can't afford the troll toll to get into the showers
>not allowed to eat the receptionist's ass anymore

>>40944788
>angry spirit haunting the squat rack spooks you mid-rep and gives you a mean charlie horse

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>>40941608
>gym physicist fucked with gravity again and everyone PR'd.

>>40944807
>Angry spirit invading your colon while you're squatting, pushing shit through your intestines faster causing you to do one less rep than needed and forcing you to run to the bathroom to excise the demon in the toilet.

>>40944716
Holy shot that run on sentence

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>tfw the gym hires this fucker to sell the gym's potions and he keeps giving you a hard time

I'm gonna file a fucking complaint if he keeps doing this. my workouts have been shit without my potion

>>40944497
I think it means trying to be quirky. The humour never really pushes boundaries and is done to death. Pretty much safe auto-pilot humour

>>40944546

Underrated boast

>>40944793
s-sauce

>smashed all 7 of the gym psychic's chakras and now she gives me dirty looks when I walk past

>Locker room goblin stole my 6' high heels.
>Tripped manlet detector on the way out.
>squat plug rights revoked and forced to re rack all pl8s

>>40945117
>tfw you miss your PR because the gym medium decided to do his table levitations in the middle of your workout and sapped everyone's energy.

that fucker's spirit control called me a manlet too. i don't even know why we keep him around

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>feed protein shakes to little jew boys that hide in my locker in exchange for their cum so i can get an extra test boost before my workout
>gym gestapo comes for a shakedown (these come once a month so we're prepared)
>im a skelly fag that wears baggy pants. order each one into a seperate pant leg, making my lower body look lumpy and disproportionately large in comparison to frail upper body
>officer checks lockers, fins nothing then gives me a strange look, demands to know what i have in my pants
>tell him i do SS, he apologizes and leaves
that was a close call but i think they might catch on soon

>Some asshat released the gym golem
>have to wait 10 minutes in the designated gym fart room while the Trainers and shamens gather potions to capture the golem
>Can't wait long enough have to finish my set (losing pump fast)
>Sprint to the bench and bust out 5 reps before shamans yell at me for interfering with spell
>They cast spell on me, now have a severe case of RTS (rumblin' tummy syndrome) for the rest of my workout
>Don't get my numbers, can't squat too heavy because scared of taking a dump in my tuxedo
>Always workout in tuxedo because my guidance counselor told me to dress for the job I want (I want to be an actor)
>TFW golem was caught by playing the gym flute which some asshat hid in the janitor's closet

I think it's time for a new gym.

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>>40944497
Sometimes they're just being dicks. Also only faggot redditors know what it's like on Reddit.
>4chan master race standing by and standing with you

>>40941621
>eagle
It's falcon, dummy

>>40945682
Falcons are for the kinoplex you stupid whore if you tried to bring a falcon to the muscleflex you would be shot

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>the wolves haven't been fed all week

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>>40944818

>ran out of quarters in so had an odd number of plates from the plate dispenser
>had to deadlift sideways

>>40945725
That's why you're there!

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>OHP bars everywhere
>not a single Squat bar to be found

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>went to gym with the plague
>half the regulars haven't been since

>>40944793
Sauce

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>>40941608
>gym rapper won't even rap i wish by skee lo to irritate the manlets

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>All barbells are already rented out for the day

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>someone is squatting in the curling rack

>>40945781
>you got banned from your gym doe a month because the resident break dancer schooled you in front of everyone and you started crying

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>shirtless out of shape middle aged men doing odd isolation exercises running from set to set around the whole gym while linken park plays
>so disturbed by the commotion I can't even finish my gallon

>>40945815
Shit dude, don't ever cry, even if you walk away without dancing, it's only a 1 day suspension.

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I'm too much of a normie to understand any of this autistic rambling. Translation please?

What are you literally talking about? This has nothing to do with real gym experiences

>>40945839
I saw one dude get the lifetime suspension once. he got schooled so bad he pulled out the glock and shot his own dick off.

>>40945860
Spike was the reason I started smoking.
[spoiler]Spike was my hero.[/spoiler]

>>40945865
>>40945860
>when that weird guy walks in so everyone starts acting like autists and doing simple compound exercises in a great coordinated mockery that is apparent to everyone but said weird guy

>everyone in the ohp racks trying to sit on the ground with weight in their hands

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>>40945755
You mean The Press bar

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>>40945925
You mean the gym javelin

>>40941766
aids cured his stomach cancer from too many supplements

>>40945940
OONF!

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>coupon for one free lift expired yesterday

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>gym rented out all the equipment to the local refugee shelter so they can make more gains to repay past wrong doings

how am I supposed to survive the race war and get a cute gf now?

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>spaghetti fountain has been tampered with again
>thankfully have extra pouch in my gym bag along with extra poop scissors for such occasions
>smear down the overhead lunge machine
>realize it was my diarrhea pouch and not the spaghetti
>liquid poop is smeared all over the place
>the pansexuals and gym eunichs are starting to take notice
>quickly go rent a leafblower from the receptionist
>leave a tip
>scramble to blow all of the diarrhea down to the manlet pit
>turns out the anthropromorphic tuba working out next to me had a spaghetti tub the whole time.
>tfw close call bros

>gym monkey locked me inside the bathroom again

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>wrap boy put knee wraps on my wrists again

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>>40944793
well done

>tfw you hit a PR on your birthday and everyone else in the gym has to sing to you

>>40946087
kek

>>40946114
The gym employees always sing for people on their birthdays at my gym, PR or not.

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>accidentaly switched my creatin pills with my viagra
>now every rep I deadlift makes me erection harder
>hit 7 new PRs in one lifting session and intimidated every other guy in the gym

>Didn't change my phone for daylight savings time and forgot about 5:00PM Rodeo.
>Gym cowboy on horse comes out and runs around and lassos up one member
>It was 5:00PM and I was too stupid to hide because I didn't change my phone and remember to hide at 5.
>He lassos me and says "Get 'on up her' now bhoi! Clean them floorz up reel good!"
>Have to pick up the plates, wipe up the vomit room and re-stack the bars because I got caught

fug

>gym miasmancer keeps summoning gas elementals

Help

>>40946172
just get your warlock to curse her and do a banishing ritual to get rid of them

Please someone screen this thread

>>40946264
Screen it for what?

Good posts worth screening

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>someone snatched my barbell while I was having a quick wank in the sauna

>Feelin' fit today
>Nobody asks me if I'm feelin' fit
Guess I'm not a lucky guy :(

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>>40946264
Here you go, my man.

>>40946264
>>>/r/eddit

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This thread is on a whole new level of autism, someone explain pls

>>40945725
Don't you guys feed them gain goblins? We used to use manlets but now we're resourceful

>designated shitting bench is closed for repair
>poop myself doing squats
>my gym rating goes from AAA to AA and I have my glutes revoked

>walk into gym
>head to the squat rack
>start doing squats
>look around
>naked guy running on all fours around the center of the gym
>squat plug and chain with 4pl8 attached
>two other naked ripped guys with goblin masks chasing after h im
>they keep slapping his ass with belts
>look to to the left
>blond spiky haired guy wearing weighted armpads and legspads
>dbz t-shirt
>he's shoving 1lb internal weights into his anus
>look to the right
>two lean dudes are doing 2pl8 penile lifts
>one guy's squat plug falls out
>realize I walked into the openly gay side
>head for the closet
>people are wearing clothes and doing normal workouts
>finish the rest of my routine

>>40946282
screencap, my bad.

>>40946411
>>40946296

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>>40944818
i spy a good post

>missed the bench deadline so I have to stretch again

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>Squat plug inspection day
>The guy is 12" flaccid

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>accidentally summon Chainex with the rowing machine
>gym ombudsman puts me on administrative leave

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>>40941608
>plate washer wouldn't give me a hot clean plate without a tip

>have to stay at work late to finish preparation for a presentation the next day
>head to gym 2 hours later than usual
>today is left side day
>start off with left leg calf raises
>recovering from lower back injury so only able to squat half rom
>accidentally touch the ground twice with my right foot, thankfully no one saw
>finish set and realise I only have 15 minutes before the smoke machine goes off
>don't usually have this problem because I'm always here earlier
>start on chest exercises, quickly try to finish my left pec barbell flyes
>smoke machine goes off mid set
>realise weights room is empty and everyone has already evacuated
>fuck
>drop barbell and leave a $20 on the bench in case the mess militia track me down
>run as fast as I can to the change room, left leg is full of lactic acid so I keep veering left
>finally make it, the whole gym is already in there
>everyone staring at me, must be mirin my left pec flex
>realise I left the squat plug in
>can't go back out until the smoke clears
>20 long minutes of silence pass before the wind willow gets summomed by the gym gimp
>everyone begins to walk back out to the gym
>gains goblin pushes me out the way
>nearly cut myself on the poop scissors
Cancelled my membership the next day, starting to buy all the gear I need for a home gym

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>>40941608
>gym volcano erupted again.
>sandstar got on the free weights again so now we have a surplus of anthropomorphic dumbbell girls
>still on a deficit of power-rack girls.

>>40945737
Sideways? the bar or yourself? im so confused right now you fucker

>gym twink is back after months
>excited to be bigger than somebody
>mfw he hopped on cycle

>>40946140
Normies

>tfw i'm the only one who racks on the rack squat

>>40945940
BREHS!

>that gym necromancer who does nothing but deadlifts

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>>40941608
>gym smith is hammering out the dents in the rubber mats again

>gym closes early on st gods day, didn't even get to finish my boxclaps

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>>40947145

>the busboy took my plates before I was done eating

>the gym hamster ate the gym twink again

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> tfw its first time assigned to clean out the communal catgirls cum cooch
Not sure how I should feel, but I'm excited! Wish me luck guys!

>>40946063
At least you left a tip breh

>>40946306
LURK MORE

>That guy who does jumping squats in the stairwell
This actually happened.

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>gym mommy found the tricep tickling thermometer

>the Wii Fit balance board is out of service and the licensed Nintendo technician is nowhere to be found
Our gym leader had to comp everyone with a 20% gainz coupon that day

>Gym admin set sv_cheats to 1 again
>Dudebros set gravity to 150 and take pictures of each other lifting yuge weights
>mfw I just enable wireframe and look into the women's locker room

>>40942593
>that image
toppest of zozzles man

>>40948924
Beautiful.
You're beautiful.

>>40944855
>he doesn't have a live in gym priest who specializes in colon demon cleansing

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>doing heavy barbell snatches
>Snatched 4 barbells without a trace

The perfect crime

>someone put petrol in the water fountain again
>gym is now full of aboriginals

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>>40949321
my favourite post in this thread

>>40944793
Yeah but, wtf are poop scissors

>head to local gym for the lower part of my split
>lady at counter greets me and asks me if I'm a member
>lolno.gif
>head straight to rest room, stopping at dumbbell wreck to pick up some 40lbs. beauties
>find empty stall, leave door open
>remove pants
>start at squat position with weights at my side
>stand up, then go back down
>tiny bead of poop drops from my chiseled anus
>repeat motion again, let out another tiny poop
>after eight reps of pot squats I'm getting tired
>start grunting really loud
>small crowd gathers around stall
>everyone starts doing pot squats after they notice my form
>time to switch it up
>perform three sets with eight reps of dangle wangles

Anybody else tried a gym with the three seashells instead of poop scissors? Comfy as fuck brehs

>>40944793
sauce

>>40944855
>forgetting your squat plug blessed by a priest
You deserved it desu

>>40944793
Sauce

>forgot to tip the deadlift assistant
>he's threatening to pour poison into the gym's chalk pipeline
he's a menace

>tfw the entire gym packs up and leaves town
>only the tires remain

>>40944793
Sauce

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>tfw took double dose of creatine

>Squat activated shitting mat left on max weight
>Ass to grass in my own feces whether I like it or not

>>40941608
>ants in my protein powder again

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>tfw the world's gym mongols invade your little garage gym during chest day and you have to use every barbell to repel siege ladders

Every fucking time

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>gym bully doesn't wash his plates

>tfw I keep having to chase away crossfit imps in the middle of the night. They keep doing kipping pullups in my cage.

Anybody know how to deal with this?

>>40946306
It's the /tv/ meme.

>was doing barbell rows
>only made it about halfway across the gym pool before I had to drop the weight.
>got caught and now I have to feed the gym pool sea serpent for a month.
>tfw barbell rows are banned now because of me.

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>rafnor skullbreaker comes to the gym after a raid
>only does skullcrushers

ohhhh these are cringy bad

its like a bad version of the dystopian theater memes on /tv/

why is /fit/ so embarrassingly unfunny

i dont understand this thread are these things real?

>gym vegan stole all the carrots from the running machines again

>>40954518
Are you real?

>>40946264
>>40946286
This exact thread with the exact same posts gets made every day, /r/4chan scum.

>>40941661
>Taking photos at 55mph

Fuck off, kys so that you don't kill someone else, and don't breed.

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>the blipper popped a sock off the dingus
>zippity boop bop a wop tam too

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>>40954387
Shup up

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>>40955201
Absolutely howling

>>40954518
Yes all of them

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>gym cultists summoned The Unspeakable One for the third time this month

This shit is getting ridiculous.

>>40954518

>gym retard posted on my board again

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>>40946063
>gym eunichs

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>>40944793
Lmao

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>Squat rack's lube dispenser is broken again
>Have to ask the guy with the milky eye who curls all day to spit on my plug

>>40953037
kek

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>Walk out of changing room
>Watch the gym hippogriff swoop down and fly away with another manlet in his talons

>>40950154

They are for cutting off a piece of poop if it's dangling from your anus.

>>40955129
>not knowing how safe based subarus are
silly beta.

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>>40946063

>>40952233
>Going to a gypsy gym

>>40946264
Newfag

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>>40952849
>tfw the gains goblins use Grond to break down my garage door

>>40956828
Like, is that such a common problem that it needs to be in toilets everywhere? Can't you just push harder? Wtf is still don't get it

>>40946306

You're stupid

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>>40944930
>gym alchemist is all out of featherweight potions
>fail ALL of my lifts

>>40949711
underated

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>>40944818
>gym mathematicians lifted my homotopy without my permission again

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>gym push-sled is broken.
>owner parks his Mercedes in the sled area.
>members push his car back and forth.
What a nice guy.

>gym wizard hasn't reset the sword stones
>Only ones left unpulled are 10k newtons and up

>squat rack only accepts cash
>Only have card

I didn't tip the receptionist either, feel bad.

>>40941621
>gym only has an owl
>closed at night
You're lucky desu

>>40941766
Tfw there's no gym twink at my gym

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>gym emperor is assassinated by his praetorian guards
>they appoint a dyel skelly who can't even bench 1pl8
>Have to rearrange the whole gym to his liking
>Tax on protein powder, 20% of all our protein powder must be delivered to him before we can use it
>Pushes everybody in the senate around during the weekly gym sessions
>Won't let anybody work in, ever

Can we just kill this fucker already

>>40957482
In europe a lot of the plumbing is centuries old, so it really can't handle flushing big loads. Here in Germany we use poop scissors to cut up your logs into smaller pieces so they flush more easily and don't clog any pipes.

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>>40959338
Sure anon, sure. I thought you recycled your shit by doing german scat pornography.

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>gym thaumaturge readying up for PR on barbell hip thrusts
>manlet #25-D04 accidentally drops pl8 on Thaumaturge's infusion crystal
>Thaumaturge (6"5) doesnt see manlet and blames me
>have to face trial by combat in the gym vulture den

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>imaginary gf cucked me with the gym receptionist again

>>40954579
no, i'm not, but still, what is the joke? what is the meme? what is the organic material that inspires this sort of exchange between you guys? are these just exaggerated happenings at your gyms? poop scissors? i mean, i kind of get that one.

gym bully doesn't wash his plates? wtf does that mean. i get that sounds absurd to expect. nobody does that, hence humor. but where did this humor come from. i am behind on this meme.

>>40960595
Its a ripoff of the theater memes on /tv/

a bad one at that.

No falcons, guards, penis or virgin inspectors. No wonder you're gyms are a mess.

>someone left the A/C on overnight
>plates got too cold and now they won't fit onto the barbells

>>40960997
didn't the bars cool down too?

>>40961029
>his gym is too poor to afford a heated barbell cupboard
Being the first in and taking your grip on the nice, toasty bar is one of life's greatest pleasures

>>40961088
>tfw the barbell heater malfunctions and barbells become too hot and thick and you can't fit your hand around them

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This is one of the better threads in a while.

>lifting with gym bro
>go to refill water bottle
>walk too close to the gym anomaly
>try to find gym bro, but from his point of view I was gone for hours and he has already left

I fucking hate this place

>>40962304
SHOO SHOO SPOOKY SKELETON

>>40962304
SHOO SHOO SPOOKY SKELETON