>you are sexually active, right?

>>40729725
>no.

>>40729725
>m-maybe

>>40729725
You-you to.

File: 1489642244555.jpg (97KB, 800x450px) Image search: [Google]

97KB, 800x450px

>>40729725
>i don't ask you these questions doc

>>40729725
>H-have some eggs

>care to find out?
At this point I would take out my wallet and show her the condom that I keep in there.

>>40729790
Drop your magnum condom for your monster dong.

>why, you tryna smash?

>[Lie] Yes
>No
>What is sexually active?
>HATE CONDOMS

File: doctor.jpg (10KB, 283x300px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 283x300px

>You said you went to "Snap City" when working out? Where is that? And who the hell is Myron Ganes?

>>40729872
>Myron Ganes
audible kek senpai

File: 534123788.jpg (265KB, 711x1024px) Image search: [Google]

265KB, 711x1024px

>A gallon a day?

>>40729725
No doctor ever asks that question

>>40729725
>u-uh....n-n-....no.....

>>40730332
I was asked last week. I think they ask so they can offer free STD testing.

File: 1483850437775.png (882KB, 560x795px) Image search: [Google]

882KB, 560x795px

>>40729725
"fucking a right I am.bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks."

>>40729725
If any nurse ever asks that question, you have to make sure you say something good back.

I'd probably just pop a 'cept and say "You know it, babe."

Uh yeah I masturbate a few times a day

>>40730316

fuck this post has me laughing for like 20 minutes

>>40730332
They always ask. Wtf are you talking about?

File: 1469980664394.png (567KB, 698x720px) Image search: [Google]

567KB, 698x720px

>not actually sexually active
>say yes to save face
>they move on to the next question

>>40730332
was literally asked exactly this earlier today, the fuck you on about?

File: stock-photo-funny-and-crazy-doctor-is-laughing-and-holds-saw-in-hand-isolated-on-white-background-330700172.jpg (267KB, 1500x1096px) Image search: [Google]

267KB, 1500x1096px

>GOMAD? DONT MIND IF I DO! MUHAHAHAHAH

>>40729833
M A G N U M D O N G

>>40730472

psure this is an american thing only.

work in hospital

never once had to ask or heard anybody ask about sexual history

unless its something specifically due to sex, e.g. STDs

america it seems you go in for sniffles

yo dawg u fuckn?

>>40730473
desu i've been asked a few times and now i just say no cause if you say yes they start asking follow-up questions
the female docs prolly notice my engagement ring so i guess they look at me weird

i went in for a little cyst around my groin and my young kr qtp2t doctor asked if i was sexually active

>y-y-you too

>>40730332
Yeah they just see your ugly ass face and assume the answer is no

>>40731271
Wow
That actually was not nice

>>40729725
>you are sexually active, right?
I play runescape, you know what to write down.

File: 1487810711273.jpg (35KB, 512x658px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 512x658px

>>40729725
would you like to... activate me?

>>40730582
>Innocent Young Me
>In for a checkup
>Large black nurse comes in
>Fucking Kramer style
>Ay boi gotta ask you some routine questions
>He's uncomfortably close
>Any sexual history so far little man?
>N-no!
>Ay whats up with that you're looking right
>Places hand on my thigh
>Can't escape
>Head is locked in
>Dentist finally walks in and starts the checkup

>>40730316
Wow. That's top funny

>that thing that's supposed to hold my left ball tore/is missing
>whenver i sit down there is a 1% chance my cord will twist around my left ball
>one of these days i won't be able to untwist it manually and will lose a ball
>been putting off getting it fixed for 5 years because the urologist at my clinic is female, went to her only once during penis inspection day (yes, it's a thing where I'm from)
>too poor to go to private urologist

>>40730332
last time i went for a pain in my stomach and the nurse still checked my balls... first time i had been touched there in a year

>>40731385

probably because abdo pain can be a symptom of ball cancer

also no nurse is giving you an examination, you're a dumbass who get evaluated by a doctor and probably said "tank u nurse :))" as she was leaving.

she then went and discussed how small your dick was with her colleagues because of that slight you gave her.

>>40729725
>go to doctor
>"are you sexually active?"
>uh uh uh
>laughs then moves onto the next question
>stutter through the rest of the physical
>get home still hear my doctor's laugh in my head for weeks
>call up doctor's office and schedule an std panel
>nurse asks me if I've had a change in partners, what contraceptive I'm using, and symptoms I'm having
>freak out and say I have a rash on my dick
>I don't
>appointment is later that afternoon
>Google common skin irritants
>can't find any poison ivy but I try shit like hot sauce and icy hot and it burns but doesn't leave any lasting marks.
>last resort I dry shave against the grain for some razor bumps
>saved
>get to doctor's office, doctor asks me same questions as nurse
>asks to see dick
>I show him and he does THE SAME
FUCKING LAUGH
>then he says he thinks it's just razor bumps but he'll do the rest of the panel to ease my mind
>fucker sticks a qtip in my fucking dickhole which hurts like hell and has me pee and takes my blood

What a fucking quack. Can I sue for malpractice or something? Also, will they be able to tell I'm a virgin from my blood or pee? I haven't masturbated for two weeks cuz nofap.

>>40731358
Fuck anon dont be a pussy and get that shit fixed

>>40731454
Fuck out of here you needed a qtip down your dickhole

>>40729725
I just lie and say yes, what's the problem?

File: vlcsnap-2016-07-31-12h29m31s711.png (567KB, 848x480px) Image search: [Google]

567KB, 848x480px

>>40731454

>>40729725
yeah , imeen i , uh masturbate
that counts right ?

File: concerned-doctor1.jpg (29KB, 440x660px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 440x660px

>what do you mean "ass to grass"

File: 638932_stock-photo-concerned-female-blonde-doctor.jpg (50KB, 567x600px) Image search: [Google]

50KB, 567x600px

>10g of creatine a day? And what kind of supplement is a "proton", and what are you doing with 300g of them?

>>40731322
activate me like your almonds bby

File: 1489270657888.jpg (70KB, 511x571px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 511x571px

>so you thought "starting with just the bar and your body-weight" meant 2plt?

w-well yes and no, you see...
>go into 5 minute explanation about how ive been really busy with work and sick on and off with colds

>>40731761
pop that disgusting white head

File: How-Can-Doctors-Track-Risky-Drinking-IV-Drug-Users.jpg (122KB, 1200x800px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 1200x800px

>you flex a 'cep how many times a day???

>>40730446
Wow! You sound like you really know what girls want!

>>40731358
>whenver i sit down there is a 1% chance my cord will twist around my left ball
Holy fuck anon stop being shy and get this fixed
Do you realize how often you sit down?

>>40729725
*flexes 'cep* heh... wanna find out?

>>40731906
It happens about once a week.
I'm a virgin with a grower: 6'' erect but 2'' flaccid.
I know for a fact that the doctor will gossip about it afterward: our doctors are not big on professional standards. When I was in hospitalized for a week I heard doctors making fun of patients all the time.

>>40729725
Am I what now?

File: Doctors.jpg (33KB, 600x800px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 600x800px

>>40729725
>Wait, what you are sipping daily again? When do you take the first one?

>>40731939
Who cares? I cant even see the downside. You get your testicle fixed and a female touches your willy. What's the problem?

>>40729725
>do you want to see my cum sock collection?

>>40729725
>not the way your 3-d mind comprehends sexually activity, no.
>BUT IN THE 2nd DIMENSION, I AM A DIVINE AT SEX

>>40729725
D-do fleshlights count?

>>40729725
>I guess I'm just a lucky guy.

>>40729725
y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you too

>>40729725
w-what do you mean

>decide to visit because /fit/ visits my board sometimes and been working out for a couple months, maybe I'll learn something important..
>second thread I open

This board is a lot more entertaining than I anticipated.

uhhh ghouls hheh

>>40732284
Come for the fitness advice, stay because wow what the fuck we're all retarded.

>>40732284
Lifting and eating right are not rocket science.
You can learn everything you need to know within a year at most.
So the majority of people posting "seriously" are noobs who don't know what the fuck they're talking about but think they do because they read a couple articles.
The majority of people who have been here a while basically only come for the bants, feels and humor. Or to be autists on /cbt/ or /plg/.

>>40729725
No. Only cucks have sex

doctors always assume i have a girlfriend and just ask if i wear condoms, i guess because i'ma handsome autist

File: 1468407726372.png (105KB, 1621x985px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 1621x985px

>>40732284

File: 1468267432776.png (1MB, 1712x2268px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1712x2268px

>>40732284
Everyone is autistic as fuck here.

>>40732589
i'm fucking crying

>>40730332
Medfag, generally we ask this

File: 1468410887481.png (502KB, 1218x1809px) Image search: [Google]

502KB, 1218x1809px

>>40732619

>>40732577
It has literally nothing to do with your appearance fuckface, they ask every male if they wear condoms

>>40731271
Haha, fuck yeah.

I don't know, are you an archeologist?

File: IMG_7945.jpg (44KB, 399x385px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 399x385px

>>40732644
>OHP LMAO1JAP

>>40729725
UUUU

>Are you sexually active?
No
>Oh, you're waiting?
...no
>Are... you gay?
No
>....

But then later on:
>Are you a swimmer? You have the body of one
Literally ottermode achieved

>>40732589
literal gains goblin

>>40731803
I think that's his nipple. Kek.

>"You're 30 years old an a virgin? Excuse me for a moment."
>*walks out of the room*
>*hear some loud talking*
>"OH LAWD! I TOLD YOU! HaaaaaaaaHAAAAHAHA!"
>*more cackling from multiple people*
>*she walks back in*
>"I'm sorry where were we Vir-, I mean David?"
>*storm out of the office crying*

>>40731322
A-are you and almond?

>>40729725

>are you offering?

>I am now

Then i fuck her.

>>40730582
Nice green text you tremendous faggot you have to be above 18 to post here so why don't you fuck off back to Facebook you annoying cunt

>>40734671
Kek

File: kekadoodledoo.jpg (10KB, 200x211px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 200x211px

>>40729725
>that image name

>>40730392
>wearing a necklace that looks like a booger stain

>>40732284
I think thats how everyone starts coming to /fit/

Start off thinking everyone in here is helpful and informative and find out that this is just a meme dump

>>40734837

You forgot to put your trip back on.

>>40729725
>why, you want to hang out?

>>40732638
>bub bub bub

>>40734673
always makes my kekkles burst

>>40731846
>diagnoses you with a severe autism

>>40729855
kek

>>40731492
whaaaaa?

File: doctor-surprised.jpg (24KB, 283x424px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 283x424px

How many scoops?

>>40730332
I've gotten asked this a few times as an adult. Not all the time but yeah

>>40731332
KEK

>>40734671
Judging by the rings isn't she married? You'd have a tough fight with that

>>40729725
Yeah but it's a solo sport

>>40731454
Why did you go to get checked for STDs if you know you're a virgin? What??

>>40731454
>>fucker sticks a qtip in my fucking dickhole which hurts like hell and has me pee and takes my blood

You just remindedme that this happened to me. Fucking nearly passed out.

>>40732644
So everyone "hated her" because she was being a cunt?

>>40732589
I did shit like tha tin HS. I painfully, painfully shy and I didn't know how ot make any conversation, so I'd make mental scripts to run when I'd talk to people.

It didnt work very well.

>>40732644
My sides

>do you smoke?

>why yes thank you I forgot mines at home.

File: confused-doctor[1].png (161KB, 283x424px) Image search: [Google]

161KB, 283x424px

>You're suffering from WHAT feeling?
>Could you speak up please!

File: IMG_0615.png (246KB, 490x561px) Image search: [Google]

246KB, 490x561px

>>40735197
Is the sticky at least non-meme info?

>>40729725
Not really, I concentrate on learning for my college degree and lifting. Actually, I don't even watch that much porn, I'm a virgin who doesn't give a fuck about being a virgin.

>>40731939
it's not that hard you fucking idiot, just get a boner before the operation

>>40736342
if you want actual info, the sticky and QTTDTOT threads are pretty nice.

the rest is pretty retarded

>>40736476
But isn't stuff like SS and SL extremely bad? Won't that make your posture worse? Not everyone has someone to fork check and watching videos and excecutibg it are different pair of shoes.

DOES SOLO COUNT?

File: doctor.jpg (21KB, 660x444px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 660x444px

>you are cutting?
>I'm getting you a psychiatric meeting scheduled
>self-harm is serious issue Anon, I'm glad you told me

Correct

>>40731271
you nasty, sour little man...

File: feel_the_finger.png (56KB, 485x409px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 485x409px

>>40729725
If you've ever taken a class in therapeutic communication you will learn that asking loaded questions like that is not the appropriate way to get information from your patient because it implies the answer should be yes.
A better way to ask this question would be open ended, for example:
>are you sexually active?
in conclusion, terrible role play, 4/10

>>40731271
rekt

>>40729725

>stand up
>roll up sleeves
>flex a 'cep
>''H-How' s this for a start?''

File: howromantic.png (77KB, 371x314px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 371x314px

>>40737114
Had a nurse say "I assume you're sexually active" at a checkup once. I just laughed nervously.

File: uwot.jpg (22KB, 278x306px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 278x306px

>how much do you bench?

>>40731271
outfuckingskilled

>>40731271
fuuuuuaaaarrrrkkk

>>40731322
*queue porn clip*

>>40731454
don't put me in the screencap

actually no fuck that, put me in lmao

File: thumb_COLOURBOX4620666.jpg (11KB, 320x213px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 320x213px

So are these Pepe and Scooby friends of yours?

>>40737640
where is season 3?

>implying anyone here would go to the doctors with a /fit/ issue
there was a guy with fucking rhabdo that came here before he went to a gp ffs

>>40729790
after you flex the cep

File: 1467129975257.gif (1MB, 260x195px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 260x195px

>>40729725
>4u

>>40731271
Kek rekt

File: 1486581745269-pol.jpg (9KB, 189x292px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 189x292px

>>40729855

>>40731995
No doc I said I'm blasting dbol daily. Please don't waste my time.

>>40729725
NO

File: fallout.jpg (84KB, 1024x576px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 1024x576px

>>40729855
I had to recheck if I am on the right board. Nice.

>>40729725
>d-define... 'sexually active'
puts lips together and quasi-seriously tries to look at clipboard before falling into a cackle

File: 1478814604417.jpg (280KB, 620x375px) Image search: [Google]

280KB, 620x375px

>>40731454
sometimes I think I'm a fucking loser, then I come to this website and see posts like this

>>40731454
put me in screencap plz

File: epcCV0z.jpg (35KB, 453x500px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 453x500px

>>40731271
I kek'd

Does it affect your health to not be sexually active?
Why would they ask that?
And does fapping count as having as sexual life?

>>40731454

I need this in my fit humor folder

>>40739728
No
STDs
No

File: GETBACKTOWORK.gif (2MB, 398x300px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 398x300px

>>40731271

File: 1383259545345.jpg (45KB, 421x409px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 421x409px

>>40730332
My urologist assumed I'm a virgin because I thought I have phimosis when I reality I wasn't aware that you can actually pull your foreskin back, I was 22 back then

>>40731454
Why has /fit/ come up with so much cringeworthy shit in the past couple of months

>>40729784
>W-why are you doing this to me D,:

>>40731454
Pls b fake

>>40739927
>It puts the eggs in its mouth

>get a fucking eczema on my chin
>its glowing red
>go to my doctor to get something to fix it
>during appointment she asks me if I have a girlfriend
>say no
>she gives a speech about how girls don't care about looks and that its not important
>I just want the huge glowing red mark on my chin to go away

File: Wojak.png (8KB, 512x512px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 512x512px

>>40731271
fuark man that was harsh

>>40739986

I got an eczema on my both feet during army. Didn't realize it was that until it had mildy gone on for 2 weeks and I got a high as fuck fever after one sunny and hot day of marching. After that there were no spots in my legs that didn't pus or feel hot to touch. Later it developed into an erysipelas which kept me in bed for quite a long time since walking with those feet would've just glued my socks and made the swelling worse and opened the blisters.

>>40740057
I got a triple infection in between my toes in the army. A fungal infection I hadn't noticed had broken the skin, then I got pseudomonas and staph. The doctor had to look through a list of antibiotics that would hit both things and luckily there was 1 that didn't require injections. I got to walk around the base in flip flops for a while too

>>40731454
As a medical lab tech, I can tell you with all certainly that we can definitely tell if you are a virgin from your blood/pee. We like to sit around and have a giggle at all you virgins.

>>40730503
Holy christ

>>40735953
Wow you really are retarded!

I heated up a turkey breast cut a hole in it and fucked it was honestly better than some of the women I've fucked

>>40729833
DENNIS

>go for my first physical in like 10 years at 21 (scheduled the same day as my moms so she could drive me. Had just got my first car and it was manual and i was scared to drive it at first etc)
>everything checks out, doctor tells me nothing out of the ordinary
>i then proceed to ask her about all the obscure shit from fit
>i think i have scoliosis, i think i have gyno, do i have a deviated septum, do i look like i have a pelvic tilt etc
>she asks if i am sexually active
>stutter and just say one partner
>asks me about the relationship
>oh fuck
>tell her it was just a girl i met in highschool and we broke up a couple months ago
>she buys it and tells me she is going to recommend me to get my blood taken and some other tests
>o-okay
>actually scared that i had something from rubbing used panties on my face/dick etc, shit you do as a kid.

Had to go to some shitty clinic. At least i drove to it in my godmachine. Ripped 2nd gear hard as fuck when i made a right onto the main street.

>>40740645
>actually scared that i had something from rubbing used panties on my face/dick etc, shit you do as a kid.
I was about to post a picture ridiculing you, but then i realised i once took some of the clothes out of a girls locker, masturbated while smelling them and then putting them back where they were.
Only time i ever masturbated in school actually.

>>40740645
>>40740774
/fit/

File: destroyed in seconds.jpg (13KB, 300x225px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 300x225px

>>40731271

>>40732589
jesus christ im dyingg

File: 1338061365706.jpg (28KB, 339x310px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 339x310px

>>40732589
my sides left orbit

>>40730582
>never once had to ask or heard anybody ask about sexual history
>
>unless its something specifically due to sex, e.g. STDs

see, this is why you've never heard it

File: 1471912450885.gif (897KB, 800x430px) Image search: [Google]

897KB, 800x430px

>>40731271

can y-you restate the question

>>40732619
>>40741078
>>40741557

Hello literal new faggots.

>>40736613
>But isn't stuff like SS and SL extremely bad?
They atre what they are, which are beginner routines to do for 3-4 months to learn the basic lifts.
>Won't that make your posture worse?
Not if you use decent form.

File: IMG_0298.jpg (46KB, 310x387px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 310x387px

>You want me to tell you what "mode" you are? I'm not sure I understand the question.

File: 1471500582772.jpg (12KB, 296x296px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 296x296px

>>40739915
>past couple of months

File: IMG_0299.jpg (25KB, 400x267px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 400x267px

>I don't care how much you can "diddly", you're at serious risk of obesity related illnesses!

>>40742307

You might need to go back and read the post you replied to.

>So let me get this straight...you're here because you lifted "3 plates" and you think I'm supposed to give you a girlfriend because of this accomplishment?

File: IMG_0300.jpg (95KB, 1300x866px) Image search: [Google]

95KB, 1300x866px

>I don't know, he keeps going on about "astethics" and says that I'm implying he "lifts for grills"?

File: IMG_0301.jpg (120KB, 866x1300px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 866x1300px

>>40743149
>For...grills? We'll he's definitely having a psychotic episode then. Let's go ahead and refer him to the psychiatric ward.

File: IMG_0302.jpg (44KB, 450x320px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 450x320px

>Patient came in complaining of diminished "gains" of some sort. Something to do with weightlifting exercises. I ask him if he does any cardiovascular exercise and he laughs and says something about goblins. He's clearly very disturbed, possibly autistic.

File: IMG_0303.jpg (54KB, 634x423px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 634x423px

>anon, girls don't care about how much you can lift. Just be confident bro!

File: IMG_0304.jpg (28KB, 424x283px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 424x283px

>Alright I'm on that 4chan website you were talking about. Which board was it again? /fit/? Alright one se-...Jesus Christ.

File: IMG_0975.jpg (139KB, 831x639px) Image search: [Google]

139KB, 831x639px

>>40729790
>wrapper so worn you cant figure out the brand

>>40736342
Visitor from previous post here.

The sticky is where I got my routine from, and it's worked out pretty well for me so far! Been about 7 weeks so far.

Hope that helps!

>so this "intermittent fasting" is part of some kind of religious ceremony?

>>40743858

> doctors don't know what 'fasting' or 'intermittent' means.

>>40731761
I still hope that guy was trolling, I don't want to believe someone is that catastrophically stupid

>>40729725

>y-you too

File: IMG_0305.jpg (14KB, 268x188px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 268x188px

>No, for the last time you are not autistic, and even if you were I hardly see how "lifting" would cure that.

>>40743858
lmao

>>40729725
>I'm a loser with long term depression, what do you think?
>He doesn't say what he's really thinking
In a joking way
I genuinely say this type of shit to most people, I've been going to psychologist recently and I'm finally been able to open up to people, I genuinely don't care anymore, I say what I think and I don't give a fuck, I don't fucking care!.

>>40744292
How are you going to feel when your facade of not caring fails?

>>40732608
It's interesting to note that, no matter what autistic shit you do, there's not one but thousands of people who do much worse stuff.

File: IMG_1626.png (2MB, 750x1334px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 750x1334px

>>40731454

>>40731454
Holy kek

Does anyone have the screenshot of the Anon who works graveyard shift at subway? It goes something like
>anon works graveyard shift alone because he's autistic and doesn't know how to talk to people so night time works best
>random Chad walks in with his gf so he feels compelled to act cool in front of them
>he makes an off color joke about chad giving his gf a foot long after they leave subway
>chad threatens to kick anon's ass unless he gives them their sandwiches for free so he complies
>anon, embarrassed, hides in the back of the store leaving the front unattended until the morning shift person comes so he could go home
>multiple customers came while he was in the back and waited for someone to help them but he never did

Fuck I wish I screenshotted it.

>>40729725

YEAH I JACK OFF 3X10 OH BY THE WAY I'LL JACK OFF RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING BEAUTIFUL WHITE WHORE (sobs)

>>40736466
THIS. Nurses always comment on it and love it.

lmao no
I havent gotten any tail for like 13 months

File: 1489663142474.png (158KB, 666x607px) Image search: [Google]

158KB, 666x607px

>>40731271
Wow

>>40731405
Might have been a filthy nurse prac.

File: 1482467936487.png (46KB, 226x206px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 226x206px

>>40740471
savage

>>40740774
I once was at a party with my gf and accidentally went into our mutual friends room when looking for the bathroom. Drunk as fuck, so I decided to look through her shit. Found a pretty big dildo (like, horsecock size) and lots of unused condoms. Fapped hard immediately.

>>40731846
FLEX A FUCKIN CEEEEEEP

>>40731271
btfo