>gym gestapo just confiscated my protein gumbo

I know that feel

Mom said if she ever come to my house she will throw away all my whey brotein because "muh steroids"

(she is kinda banished now..)

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>do SS linear progression
>start stallin'
>get sent to the gym gulag

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>>40570402
>some fucking orderly rats on me to godfather that I've got some creatine in my shake
>get sent to the gulag treadmill for a 10km run

Rise above fellow zek

What's in the gumbo?

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>making rapid gains
>faster than 90% of the gym
>gymrade manlietr outs me to the KGB (Krossfit gosudarstvennoy bezopasnosti) as a gains-hogging capitalist swine
>made to jog to siberia and do burpees for 40 years

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>got arrested and my ass kicked by the gym police again for yawning between sets

I WAS FUCKING TIRED ALRIGHT!!!

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>Miss my deadlift 1rm attempt
>Lord protector of the squat rack genocides my countrymen and destroys 50 catholic churches
5/3/1 FAILED ME

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>The gym rapist comments on your squats

>>40570455
protein

>>40570464
top kek

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>drank water in between sets
>CIA (Crossfit Intelligence Abbreviation) finds out
>confiscated my speedo tank top
>banned from mirrors
>warned next time I will be drowned to death.

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>didn't bring enough quarters to get the squat rack to work

>>40571573
You can do it with the chain still attached. Just with a small R.O.M

>OHP in curl rack
>SS forces me to go vegan
>watching all my gains fade away

>>40570402
That's actually pretty clever gj anon

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>Forget gym routine pad
>Curl for third exercise
>Gym SS officers see me

>12 years of squats and oats

>>40570402

> commissar says i'm not puttin on enough muscle
> get sent to the ukrainian front as punishment

Damn it

>tfw forgot my squat rack at the cleaning store
>have to rent a local filthy one

>forget to wipe down machine after finishing
>XXL overweight brownshirt trainers find out
>reminds everyone on loudspeaker to wipe down when done
>TFW Anne Frank mode where I work out as quietly as possible to avoid attention

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>gym vikings stole the barbells and raided the protein bar
>AGAIN

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I'm going to interview for my first gym position today. Just entry level stuff, but it's my first application to a real gym. I'm so nervous, gone over my pull-up form like 3 times, but I'm still not sure what to wear. How do I keep the nerves from getting to me?

>the gym tattoo dispenser was out of "veni vidi vici" tattoos again

>>40572147
hope you remember to tip the receptionist, she'll put in a good word for you if you do

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>>40570204

>forget to wear manlet armband
>banned from using gym twink

>gym prisoner tricks me into giving him the key and escapes
>have to catch him before sunset or I have to replace him with my gym twink

fuck I hate cardio

>>40572147
Wear your regular gym attire to emphasize the fact that lifting is your life. Good luck bro.

>>40572147
You mean like a PT, or just bitch tier gym staff?

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>go to the gym
>forget my wallet with coins for the weight dispenser

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Cut is going fucking amazing boys gonna crush the beach this year. Me on the left.

these threads get me every fucking time

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>>40570204
>tfw didn't win enough tickets on the leg press to get your shoes back

>>40572472
The position I'm going for is a Basic Lifting Associate. I'll be doing basic SS and whatever my supervisor needs me to do. It's a pretty big gym so they have pretty strict quarterly growth quotas, but the gains they hand out are something a starving skeleton like me can't turn down.

>tfw want to do my laps but sea raiders plundered the pool already

>gym crusaders keep stealing the 20kg plates and the barbells for makeshift shields and spears
They got rid of the saracens but damn

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>>40572261
>gym prisoner

>go to gym
>forgot my weights at home
>gym merchant offers to "loan" me a set
>also forgot my reloadable gym ease of access payment card with reloading fees because my gym doesn't accept cash
>get blamed for 6 million losses of gains

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>>40570204
>Gym introduced a "No Singles" policy yesterday
>not allowed to get in unless I find a gym girlfriend, despite the fact that I have a lifetime subscription
What the hell am I supposed to do ? I already tried the "bring a second coat" trick but they realized and kicked me out after 10 minutes.

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>>40573417
Forgot pic. This is him

>>40573429
Last time my gym did that I just committed sudoku and reincarnated as a KNIGHT of NOBLE BIRTH and was awarded a PURE MAIDEN

>Japanese whalers killed the soft gym dolphin

>>40570517
>Moldova

>gym priest doesn't consec8 my pl8s
>don't break PR

>>40573484
>try the gymam instead
>he calls me a filthy kafir

>warm up with pl8 bench
>forgot to change the difficulty level on the rack
>nearly break my ribs because it's set to hard

This little screw up got me put on gym probation

>be jewish
>have to wear yellow star while deadlifting
>go to sauna
>get gassed

fml

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>>40570204
> application for gym requires two friends as references
> I don't have any friends

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>>40571680
thanks, you too

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>>40574143
>tfw no centaur gf

>>40572159
>got a veni veni veni tattoo instead

>Go to gym
>The manlets are revolting
>They maxed out the smith machine to make a makeshift guillotine
>The 2 tallest manlets are dropping it from 6' to decapitate everyone else

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>>40574275
the worst kind of feel

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>>40574275
>>40574487
STOP SEXUALIZING THE CEREA

>>40574564
>sexualize
>implying I wouldn't be in it for the dedicated, loving relationship with horse waifu rather than just sex
Also, centaur is sexy by default, nohting anon can do to add or detract from that natural beauty

>>40570204
>can't get into the locker room for my post-workout protein shake because Gymstaffel are flogging a manlet who tried to use the tall guy urinal
>miss my protein window and basically sacrifice my gains for the day
>fucking manlets when will they learn

>>40574621
can't really argue with that

>implying I wouldn't be in it for the dedicated, loving relationship with horse
exactly
cerea is for huggin' not for fuggin'

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>>40573283

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>>40574719

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>slat gain goblin
>get a super rare drop
>vinheim enchanted barbell
>+2 pr on all lifts

>>40574850
>gym anti-magicka field nullifies my +5 PR bonus that i get from my enchanted lifting shoes
>just look like a fool now

>>40574880
>Don't tip the grip mixer
>have to use the smith machine with no lube.
>Miss my PRs because I didn't set the bar to wumbo.

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>>40570478
>that guy who wears basketball shorts to the gym

>realize i forgot my gym permit
>hope there will be no inspections today
>FUCK, the Schutzstaffel are on random checkup mode
>start sweating profusely, knowing it might be the end of m gains
>hope the body fat badge will be enough for this checkup
>NOPE
>Papiere!
>*heel clap salute*- HEIL RIPPTOE
>start mumbling about forgetting the papers at home..
>after a swift trial, get sent by the gym Oberführer to the saunas
>HEIL RIPPTOE

>paid lord to raise the chain so my bent over rowboat can continue down the river to the gym
>shriveled up manlet claims to be a wizard and will bestow gains upon me if offer him a ride
>tell that wizard shit to fuck off and go lift at the library
>continue rowing down river
>hear wizard crying about how hes gonna turn me into a tiny disgusting green creature

shit bros i dont wanna get turned into a gains goblin

>>40573515
>gymam
Kek

>>40571594
no, no, no, i wish mine still had the chain system but we upgraded to a squat golem who only lets you use it if you present it with quarters. no quarters and you get bashed.

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>>40574392

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>didn't bring enough blood sacrifices to appease the demon possessing the squat rack

>>40570204
wat's the recipe?

>>40577159
1 part gumbo, two parts protein

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>>40577221
thanks brody, I'll get right on that

>Got to gym, pass sniff test to enter
>Alarm goes off, it's lottery day
>Blood priest selects the sacrifice
>Has partial gains extracted and mixed into the Gains Gumbo
>We all partake
>TFW PRs still haven't recovered from my selection last year

>be dwarf with low stats except strength
>performing raid with lanklet rogue and farad's tank
>defeat high level gains goblin that drops basketball shorts of +2 strength
>lanklet grabs it before I can and uses boosted stats to switch to Chad class
>gets all the romance quests and a new mount
>so mad I storm out of the gym
>bump my head into the doorknob on the way out
>gym admins assume I was trying to mine resources from the gym, ban me to Planet Fitness
>lower gravity slows my strength levelling

>>40579278
>farad's
I meant fatass, fuck me for phone posting

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Happ bed today
>be like you don't have
>sit down with a little bit of a problem with your blood
>start with the British
>keep going out with the British
>British won't stop being dead
>shit
>panic
>decided that the British weren't even worth the risk
>drop the British
<suddenly I'm going with my sister to get a new boyfriend because she is always there for me
>wake up to the British government on the bench
>"do you think you can get the same name as you are not sure if you're the British?"
>hospital says I'm sorry for being so fat, now I have to do community service for the next two years

Never fuck UP gym days