Wiping

>>40563380
Yeah, that's about right. Be sure you wipe everywhere and do 1 or 2 extra wipes just in case.

Rip off X amount
Fold
Wipe ONCE
Shower, since my shits only happen once in the morning.

Morning shitter masterrace.

>>40563380
Why is that toilet paper roll backwards?

>>40563380
dude are you being serious right now? because that makes absolutely no sense. why would you only wipe off the shit on the *outside* of your asshole? Here's the proper way to do it

1: take 1 or 2 sheets of tp and wrap it around your index finger like a mummy
2: stick it up your bum and wiggle it around to get all the shit in there
3: repeat as needed

File: pepe_damaged.jpg (143KB, 984x734px) Image search: [Google]

143KB, 984x734px

>>40563380
Ugh. Just grab 3 sheets, fold them wipe ONCE then trow it into the trash or toilet. Repeat until theres almost non existent brown. Then use wet towels to maximize higyene gains

Sounds good, I also do a wipe session when fresh out of the shower.

>>40563435
>Shower, since my shits only happen once in the morning.
THIS, if you shit after a shower and don't have a bidet/cleanse you are walking around with shit mollecules in your ass forest.

I just wipe most of the shit off and then clean my ass in the bidet or take a shower if I'm in a place without one

baka can't imagine how people don't clean their ass with soap and water after a shit

lol. you guys need to wipe once with water or you will have dry shit caked on your asshole all day. heres my routine:

1. grab wad of toilet paper and wipe bum
2. grab another wad of tp and wet it with sink water. wipe with this once to wash asshole.
3. get third wad of tp. do a final wipe to get residue shit out of ass and also dry it.
4. enjoy actually clean asshole.

I've also heard people use baby wet wipes but I don't wanna carry those around all day.

File: 1484934142012.png (251KB, 327x338px) Image search: [Google]

251KB, 327x338px

>tfw your in mid wipe and the paper rips, making yourself finger your dirty butthole

>>40563476
farting sprays shit molecules too, do you shower after each fart?

>>40563380
normal people actually only have toilet paper in case a disabled person needs to use their toilet

you're supposed to bend over and give yourself a rimjob to ensure maximum anal hygiene

The real question is are you a front or back wiper?

>>40563546
lmao but then the toilet paper rips and you have shitty tissue chunks on your asshole

File: IMG_3593.jpg (63KB, 540x720px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 540x720px

>>40563445

>trashing your poo paper

As a janitor, you negroes are the bane of my work life

File: The Key to Good Wipes.jpg (21KB, 450x450px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 450x450px

Cripes...how many times are we going to have this conversation?

1) Go to Walmart and get yourself a bottle of "Veet."

2) Go home.

C) Enter the bathroom (bring your phone w/you).

4) Strip naked.

5) Pump three or four good gobs of the stuff into your hand.

6) Ben at the waste and slather that goop in your crack from lower back to begining of sack.

7) Sit wide-legged on the toilet and set your phone's alarm for 5 (five) minutes.

8) When alarm goes off, use toilet paper to remove cream (which now has a bit of brown tint to it and is full of pubes) as much as possible.

9) Step straight into the shower and rinse the shit out of your crack w/warm (not hot) water and then shampoo it.

10) Dry off and apply some lotion to your crack.

K) Put on some boxers and enjoy the new sounds of your farts.

Do this once and month and you're golden; perfect wipes everytime from this moment forward.

No need to thank...

>folding the sheets

why? you don't even feel a facture of your anus on your fingers, because the paper becomes too thick if you fold it, so you don't even know where exactly are you wiping and where might be possible remainings of your shit

File: 1487537325666.jpg (38KB, 617x549px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 617x549px

>>40563380
>Step 2: rub my asshole vigorously for like 5 seconds

can't tell if serious because that is way too autistic to be made up.

you wipe once, ONCE and dispose of the toiletpaper you just used and get new sheets of tp. What on earth made you think that squirling around shitstained paper like a hurricane around your bumhole is your best bet to come back clean?

>>40563732
Because I don't want to rip through the TP you fucking retard. You should be able to tell where your fucking anus is without sticking your finger in it faggot.

Step 1: Rip off two squares
Step 2: Fold over each other
Step 3: Fold into origami crane
Step 4: Wipe furiously
Step 5: Display somewhere for the next user to admire

>>40563753
it would happen to me when I was a child, but it's easy to avoid that, it's just more efficient in every aspect.

>>40563546
>>40563546
Baby wipes master race reporting in... keep them in my backpack that I bring around with me

Rip of ten sheets. Fold until the size of a single sheet, wipe, drop in toilet, repeat u til there cannot possibly be any shit left.

Toasting in hilarious bread

>>40564263
ten sheets is overkill

>>40563439

It's not. Get a cat and you'll understand.

If you don't have a cat, there's literally no reason whatsoever to care about this.

>>40563570
>Not showering after each fart

>>40563380
t. Pajeet

>>40563751
>He doesn't vigorously rub his butthole
>Not activating his prostate for maximum cleaning gains
Laughinggirls.jpeg

>>40563604
side to side

>tfw always leave a brown streak on white underwear

i always wipe correctly i swear

>wiping more than once with the same paper

fucking gross

>>40563789
>Display somewhere for the next user to admire
>takes a crane to get it out

I can't beleive how many autists here actually COUNT the sheets. I have never counted, I just take a reasonable amount. No counting needed. If one time I get 6 and the next time it's 7, who the fuck cares.

>>40564795
You ALWAYS count the sheets. Make sure you never take 6 or 7 or your butthole will never get clean.

File: She must of skipped Ramadan.jpg (33KB, 480x478px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 480x478px

1: 10 sheets
2: Fold into 5
3: Fold into 2.5
4: Wipe
5: Repeat 1 - 4

Who /babywipes/ master race?

File: 1459034214429.jpg (58KB, 984x668px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 984x668px

>>40563380
>can someone write the steps of how you do it if I'm wrong?
get some wet wipes , theyre the best >>40565153
here here

>>40563546
>sitting in class
>have to take a shit
>reach into my bag and slowly take out baby wipes
>guy im sitting next to just stares at me
>wink at him as i get up to leave

>>40563380
Eat enough fibre and the shit will just slip out with no residue left on the asshole.

Proceed by washing vigorously and emphatically with water.

Your ass should be so clean you should be able to dine off it.

>>40565218
Nah, the best is a bidet... get one of those $35-$50 Luxe bidet attachments... will pay for itself in saved toilet paper pretty damn quick.

>>40565354
kek

File: CWUWgAvWsAEE_3U.jpg (64KB, 600x790px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 600x790px

>>40565153
>TFW running out of wipes in the middle of a shit.

>>40563663
not sure if it is a prank or real

>all these folders
>Not being giant paper wad master race

Sorry. I'm a man and too busy to sit there doing arts and crafts in the bathroom.

I rip off a giant wad, ball it up, and go to town. I repeat until I see blood.

File: 89xNY.jpg (111KB, 500x259px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 500x259px

>>40563380
>OP doesn't know how to use the shells

>>40568080
imagine how cold that toilet seat is

>>40565153
This is the civilized mans wipe.

Have fun walking around with shit hanging around in your ass crack fags.

File: 1485122925454.jpg (13KB, 472x357px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 472x357px

>>40564729
>wipe for like 5 minutes straight until there's no mark on the TP
>still have a brown streak in underwear when I take them off

this shit infuriates me to no end

>>40568198
meant to reply to >>40564720

File: received_399782020363963.jpg (21KB, 540x540px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 540x540px

>>40563380
Protip/PSA: Shave your boipussi to prevent swamp ass. It also makes wiping more efficient/effective.

File: 1444420361249.png (37KB, 807x662px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 807x662px

>>40564838
>Make sure you never take 6 or 7 or your butthole will never get clean.

kek

>>40563380
You gotta clean the rim bro
>grab 3-4 sheets, fold in half
>wipe, fold in half again, wipe
>grab 3-4 more sheets, spit on it
>wiggle your finger up your bum just a little
>be horrified by the shit that was just sitting there a half cm up your butt

Your poops should be solid and not leave behind a lot of residue, maybe eat more fiber?

Wet wipes help.

Okay so hear me out: try flushing the toilet, getting a wad of toilet paper, lightly wetting it in the toilet bowl water, then kind of using it to wet/dab at any dry wads or shit that is chilling in your ass hair. After you let your ass air dry a bit try using some dry toilet paper, as if it's wet and you wipe you'll rip it and your ass will be full of toilet paper.

You could also flush, wet your hand, rub your hand in your ass crack to wipe all the shit out, then use the toilet paper to clean up your hand before going to the sink to actually use soap on that shit.

I don't know dude I'm sitting here in bed, but if you're flushing toilet paper and shit down at the same time I think you're limiting your options.

>>40565153
Luxury living

File: 1201612080220.png (286KB, 800x1043px) Image search: [Google]

286KB, 800x1043px

>>40563380

>>40563636
Some toilets get clogged from it

I'm still confused as to why you're supposed to stop using them just because you're no longer a child

>>40563380
Don't rub, just wipe. The rubbing is retarded.

>>40563380
WET
WIPES

>>40563445
found the beaner

>>40566057
>>40566057
I recently discovered this myself. I wipe but my shits leave no residue 99% of the time.

>>40568089
When your heater goes down in the winter, and you have to take a morning shit the day after new years- and you realize THAT is your toilet.

>fatclaps still using dry paper to grind their feces into their asshair
>Fatclaps unironically folding shitty paper over on itself and reusing it to grind more shit into their ass hair
>Fatclaps need to be taught how to clean their anus

File: Fat_blocked_sewer_piipe_thumbnal.jpg (51KB, 287x260px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 287x260px

This is what happene to sewers when you flush baby wipes. Fat and grease congeal and form huge balls. A 17 ton "fatberg" was found in london sewers full of baby wipes, floss and other shit that shouldn't be flushed

>>40563380
roll is backwards...also, I'm right about this. Don't bother arguing with me.

The proper way to wipe your ass is to wipe once to get major chunks of shit off your ass, then sit up on the sink and wash your ass with soap and water until you can afford a bidet.

>>40569331
Thanks for helping with my cut, anon.

You guys are fucked

Especially those who STAND to wipe

I'm guessing you're mostly American

>>40569372
>not standing to wipe
>not taking a look at your glorious turd as fast as you can to see if you broke your own record
You must be either a woman or a gay

>>40569300
Normal people don't want to have shit covered wet wipes in their trash and then having their bathroom smell terrible all the time.
If they come out with actual disintegrating wet wipes they'll sell like hot cakes.

For now, just spit/wet your tp and it's 90% better

>>40563663
>>40566694
I do this and I'm a girl

OP I feel you with these questions man. I've never been taught how to use a urinal and have always avoided them.

I don't know what to do, do I just whip my dick out fully over my underwear and jeans or like use the hole u get in some of them?

I'm completely serious.

is this some kind of fucking troll job?

Everyone dunks their ass in the water after they poo right? Why are you all not mentioning that step.

1) poo
2) dunk
3) wiggle about
4) wipe

File: Superior shitting.jpg (62KB, 668x599px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 668x599px

>>40563380
I made this info graph once, of my way of shitting, I think its superior.
I was waiting for this thread a long time.

>>40570489
Two lies one post

File: IMG_7118.jpg (74KB, 411x412px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 411x412px

Fuck. Use a bidet you fucking barbarians!

I wipe until my asshole is bleeding tbqh, not even kidding

>>40563445
>>40563636
>>40568511
>>40568833
this is a requirement in most south american countries and is often necessary in europe where they have tiny toilets and tiny pipes made for tiny people from the 18th century

>>40570618
>>40570618
>necessary in europe
"No"

>>40570625
you must be from eastern europe where they shit in the streets and wipe with leaves then

I use baby wipes

feels fukin fresh lads

>>40570618
>>40570642
I'm from France, we have normal toilets. Putting used tp in the trash ? Dude, that's Pajeet tier, something's wrong with you.

>>40570575
Explain the folds thing, how does that work? Also, if anything goes wrong you're falling into/off the toilet and shit will spew everywhere.

>>40570678
>pajeet
>toilet paper

and nah I've been to france
everywhere I went especially paris smelled like shit and piss
this was before the refugees, too, so don't blame it on them you dirty frog

>>40570747
Paris is fucking gross but it's not fucking France. It's just Paris. Parisian look at the rest of France as if they were from another country.
Also, the pajeet thing is about throwing some shit stained tp in the trash instead of flushing it, dumbass