fit humor

>>40552202
>repost edition

nice start.

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>>40552202
>"actually funny" edition
Your o... your one...One max rep OP

>>40552218
Omg I fucking teared up to this,

>>40552202
Bump for more

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>>40552202
OC

>Be me about 2 years back
>It's night
>Live in upstate New York in farm country
>Errybody has farm animals
>Playing Xbox drunk and naked because it makes me laugh at myself a little bit also it's 2am
>Hear some barking outside, it's my dogs
>Sounds like a fight, one of them yelps a little bit
>"Oh shit my babies holyfuck gotta go gotta go"
>Mind is racing I hope it's not a wolf
>Room is pitch black and and I'm scrambling to find the light switch so I can find pants to put on
>Dogs are going apeshit outside
>There's no time, moments could decide whether they live or die
>This is what my gainz were for, my time of glory has come
>Sprint out my front screen door butt-naked at 2am armed with a baseball bat we keep near the door because we're rednecks
>I can barely see but it my dogs are attacking one thing that's medium-sized
>I call them off and tell them to get inside
>I run over to the thing on the ground, I can barely see
>It looks fucked up, I think it's an opossum actually
>It's not moving and has some scratches, some blood
>I make a quick decision
>the thing is too fucked up to recover, I better put it out of it's misery quick
>I start smacking it over the head with my bat while my cock and balls swing in the moonlight
>This all happened in under 60 seconds
>My parents come outside in their night clothes after all of the commotion and turn on the front lights
>They see my ass-naked, holding a baseball bat covered with blood
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!!!!"
>Out of breath, panicked, "D-dogs, att-attacked... They were in trouble"
>Dad runs over to the dead creature and takes the bat from me, looking at it
>"This thing barely has a scratch on it why did you beat it to death?"
>"It wasn't, it wasn't moving and I mercy killed it"
>"It's a fucking opossum you stupid fuck it was probably playing dead!!"
>mfw

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I like to believe that happened.

>>40552793
pffff you stupid idiot, great story thank you. next time leave the opossum reveal till the end

>>40552793
kek

>>40552829
It did she is my gf now

>>40552902
pics or it didn't happen

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>>40552793

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>>40552902
update me breh how did dinner go? spill any more spaghetti?

>>40552793
top keku

>>40552202
Was the JAV about this literally based off of this thread or was it just a coincidence that it opened with a guy making eggs for a scared girl he found passed out the night before?

>>40552793
>armed with a baseball bat we keep near the door because we're rednecks

Rednecks would have a gun. This probably happened in the suburbs somewhere.

>>40552902
if this is real then it's beautiful

I've done big story like things like this before though and I had people fooled for literally weeks

idc though cause it was a fun ride

tell me what happened next anon...

>>40553318

>Fully clothed in CBT post

Wew lad

>>40553193
W-what? Source, now!

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Can someone post the weight plates with a fleshlight?

>>40552793
>I start smacking it over the head with my bat while my cock and balls swing in the moonlight

FUCKING KEK BRAH

>>40552793

lel

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>>40552793
Kek
I have an autism story that happened to me today
>just got back from the gym
>walking to my college dorm
>inb4 college is for the jewz
>always have headphones in when I out walking to avoid conversations with people
>I am about 100 yards away from the dorm and I get stopped by one a qt azian rady who also lives there
>she taps me on the shoulder and is walking with me
>"Hey, where did you just come from?"
>oh shit, I have to act normal and have a conversation
>"h-haha I just got back from the gym
>she starts flexing and says "oh really, I've seen you been going there since the beginning of the semester, you are really dedicated!" she sounded impressed af
>"h-haha ...thanks, where did you come back from"
>"the library"
>"cool..."
>awkward silence for a couple seconds
>almost to the fucking door
>we have a quick convo about our majors
>she says hers is communications
>I say "Psh, what do you plan on doing with that"
>"umm....I don't know I guess"
>Right as she says that she opens the door for me and walks away
>Don't even thank her
>Didn't get her number
Rate me how well I did.

>>40554226
She compliments you several times, and started the conversation, which is unusual for girls.

You insulted her major and laughed nervously and likely did something retarded with your hands.

4/10

>>40554226
Mechwarrior is my shit, and you are also shit.

>>40554326
I didn't mean to insult her major.
I was genuinely curious on what someone could do with a communications major.

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/fa/ dropping in on you meatheads

>>40554382
the problem is most people (especially in more liberal arts oriented colleges ive found) dont PLAN on doing anything with their degree, theyre just getting a degree. its baffling.

>>40554506
It's not that crazy. 18 year olds don't game a comprehensive life plan

>>40554525
i mean i understand not having a life plan, i still dont, but it just doesnt make sense to me why you wouldnt at least major in something you KNOW you can do something with, i mean youre paying upwards of 100 grand in total, you might as well put heavy thought into it, but alas i am but a lowly autist.

>>40554543
>>40554525
oh but also i meant that he shouldnt have expected her to have a comprehensive life plan when he asked her, shes likely just majoring in communications because it interests her more than other majors she has seen/heard of

>>40554603
First two things he said to her
>hahhahah I lift things up and put them down
>your major is useless
Then he watched her walk away.

>>40554622
exactly

>>40552902
The image she sent you is a screenshot of a desktop, and she was at work

You people really believe she's browsing 4chan at work, in front of other coworkers? I know you degenerates do this but think of a desk lady. It would be very easy for a coworker or supervisor to walk by and spot her browsing /fit/, which will stasticially likely have a picture of a naked dude in plain view, or something...

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>>40554226

>>40552793
legit laffed thanks anon

>>40554432
I keked hard, /fa/ggot bro.

>>40553440

underrated

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>>40554432
nobody cares

>>40552793
thanks for the abs workout

>>40552793

Gold.

>>40553246
i'm not anon, but i live on 60 acres and although i'm not a redneck i am a country boy, but if i hear my dogs barking and freaking out, half the time i take my axe or my bat outside instead of my rifle. you can generally tell the gist of what's going on outside by the pitch, frequency, and voice of your dogs barks.

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>>40554226
Learn how to react in a way that will make her feel what you want her to feel.
"I am learning about a thing"
>What drew you into that field?
>What do you enjoy about communications?
"Just came back from the library"
>Were you reading anything interesting?
If you want to change the subject
>Nice, Where are you off to?
If something
>Take interest and tell her what you're up to when she asks
If nothing
>Me neither, I was thinking about going (on a walk/to get lunch/something she might invite herself to)
When you part ways
>Talk to you later/See you around/Enjoy the thing you said you were going to do.
Body language is important too
>Smile and nod slightly as you're saying goodbye
>Walk confidently and make eye contact when one of you is starting or stopping speaking

>>40554873
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRdMHbzjrlU
Dude I swear these are synchronized

>>40553318
Fuck why did I find this so funny

>>40555084
So you want me to interrogate her with every think she says basically?

>>40555495
*every thing

>>40555506
It's not interigation, just normal conversation

>>40552793
Where in Upstate, brother? I grew up in Oswego.

>>40554226
>go to open mic (its a tuesday so not packed at all just a small group)
>sitting at bar with guitar on my back (i know the bartender)
>girl sits right next to me and smiles
>avoid eye contact
>ask bartender for prices on their new drinks
>girl pipes up "Ill have two of whatever he wants"
>"oh youre buying me a drink?"
>"yeah :)"
>bartender: "she wants your dick bro"
>look at her, shes still smiling at me.
>welll uhhhh.... thanks for the offer. Its quite alright.
>why not?
>I... uh... im not that thirsty
>okay, well when you want a free drink let me know
>spend the rest of the night avoiding eye contact
>can feel her eyes on my neck
>she leaves right before i perform
>shake her hand "we will meet again im sure"
>"i hope so"

she looked sad, what did she mean by this?

>>40555616
If she was below a 6, then I would have done the same thing. If it was a 7 and up, then I would have flirted back.

>>40555495
I want you to remember that people love to talk about themselves.
People like it when you get them talking about the thing they care about.
People also like it when you show genuine interest in the things that they value.
She's trying her own version of that
>"you are really dedicated!"
>"compliment you on the thing you obviously take pride in/work hard at!"
Try the same and see what happens

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>>40555640

>>40555775
I don't want to be a robot and be interested in something I'm not.
Where's the fun in that?
I want to date someone who is qt and interesting, not hot but boring.

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Jason Blaha 2.0

http://outalpha.com/why-girls-hate-the-dad-bod/

" “You see what I mean now, girls? Ten minutes ago you were telling me how you wanted a nice guy who would treat you like a princess, yet here you are getting all turned on by me even though I was a complete fucking douchebag. How can you explain that?” I remarked.

The first girl said “I don’t know. I hate you, but I like you at the same time. It’s weird.”

The second girl said “There’s just something intriguing about you. I can’t put it in words.”

"I just sat there in a calm and collected fashion, as I sipped on my cool glass of lemonade.

After about 5 minutes of them ranting at me, I cut them off and said “So when are we fucking? Next Tuesday or next Saturday?”

They quickly glanced at each other, as their eyes and mouths widened.

“What did you just say???” they barked.

“You heard me. Are we fucking next Tuesday or next Saturday?”

Interestingly enough, they started giggling and eventually began playing my game.

They would say things like “You are so bold! You are so bad! You are something else!”

Just as expected, they were coming on to me.

As they got closer to me, I put my hands up, gesturing to stop."

"So when I’m walking down the street, you best believe that I am the center of attention."

"Girls are staring at me left and right. They come talk to me. They giggle when they see me. They get turned on when I approach them."

>>40555893
How do you know who she is without talking to her?
She could have been reading about Something you are interested in.
She might have some of the same hobbies or personality traits that you like.
If she's physically your type then why not chat her up a bit and see if you like her?

>>40554088
>>40553440

>posting shit too small to read. kys faggots.

>>40552829
painfully fake but i wouldn't expect you retards to get fooled by anything more

>>40555996
No, you told to get interested in the things she values.
I don't mind asking her what her major is. But if it's communications, I am not going to act interested in that, because I don't find communications interesting.

>>40556034
To get with her you're gonna have to show interest in what she does and what she likes ect

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>>40555910
jesus christ the delusion

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>>40555910

no words

>>40556016
Does grandpa need his glasses?

>>40556073
Yeah, and I told you that if I don't find her interesting then I don't want to get with her.
If what she is telling me is boring, I don't want to go out with her.
I am not going to act interested in a boring hot chick. I want to be interested in an interesting hot chick.

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>>40552793
nice try faggot
quality pasta

>>40556034
That's cool if you're just not into her based on your conversation.
You did ask how you did so I gave some suggestions for future conversations.
What I'd like to communicate is if you want to have the potential for strong relationships maybe you should be interested in the persons you're talking to.

>>40556127
Exactly

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l-lol

>>40556106
and this is why you sit here and post
>"D-did I d-do go-good /fit/?"
>"tfw no gf"

>>40556127
My question is, why be interested in something I'm not though?

>>40556162
This just makes me sad now

>>40556171
You don't have to be interested in it you just have to ask questions about it and give her a chance to talk about things she likes, everybody likes talking about things they're interested in

>>40556171
I'm saying it's a tool you have in your social kit.
Use it to assess them.
Interest is powerful

>>40556190
You just told me that I should bIe interested in the person I am talking to though.
I agree that everybody likes talking about things they're interested in.
However, I am either going to change the subject if I am not interested in what she is, or I am just not interested in her entirely.
Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to say I have to be interested in every subject she is talking about. But if someone is telling me their major is communications and I am not interested in hear about why they choose that field, why are you telling me that I should be interested in it when I am clearly not? I don't give a shit about it, nor do I care if they are interested in it. If I'm not interested, I am just going to change the subject until we find something we both find intriguing.

>>40556107
not sure how there were so many faggots that couldn't recognize a shitty rehash of an old greentext

>>40556106
As you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, don't judge a person by their major.

>>40556244
It's general advice
"I'm in bio"
>cool what variety?
"I'm in microbiology learning about cancer growth and treatment."
>ask about the work, school, labs, recent lessons that she thought was cool
>whatever about that you think is neat
If it's communications again then the thing you gain about asking why she likes it is you see what she cares about
"I want to better learn how to help people express their true intentions in relationships/business"
"I have communication problems and decided to take some classes to improve my ability"

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>>40552965
Classic

>>40556244
>I am just going to change the subject until we find something we both find intriguing.
Alright. Sounds good. Do that next time.

>>40552793
fuark this got me a good chuckle

>>40554432
/fa/ggot here,

Raf simons Rick owens cost me 200 g's but the Rat SImons cost me 200°Cs to burn alive

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>>40556162
I have to laugh to hide my pity.

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>>40552793
Now I have to explain to my wife why I am laughing like a psychopath while taking a shit. Thanks annon

>>40556131

holy shit I really needed this. thanks.

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L U N K A L A R M

>>40553246
in my closet right now have my .308, 30-30, and 12 gauge...the gun cabinet downstairs has a whole separate array...I never considered myself a redneck though, although I do live in the middle of what most people would call the woods up on a mountain

>>40556107
Ohhh shit

>>40556162
jokes aside I would let her rim me

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>>40556119
>DnD katana post about barbells

I've lost my shit jesus christ

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>>40552793

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>women

>>40556395
>>40556561
Haven't seen these before
Fucking dying

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>>40555910

>I am 5’5, 180lbs, and 10-12% bodyfat.

>>40554226
Not even a pre-nerf Atlas can deal with your shit

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>>40556922
why did you screencap this

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Saw this one alil while ago

>>40552331
I don't get it

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>>40555910

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>>40554673

>>40557131
Sorry about the autism

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>>40555910
>I am 5’5, 180lbs, and 10-12% bodyfat. Those are excellent stats for a guy my height.
>As a result, I’m pretty jacked and lean.

Jesus, I don't do the whole manlet / lanklet thing, but this guy's on another level of delusional dickbag.

>>40557288
It's okay, anon

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>>40552202

>>40557372
Anon: I really, really, really like this image

>>40557205

That was very funny to me.

>>40556381
I couldn't stop laughing, thanks anon

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>>40557387
Me too! Save it, it's all yours my friend :)

>>40553246
>new york state

>>40557342

Topkek

>>40556162
P A R I S
A
R
I
S

[spoiler]I'm so lonely[/spoiler]

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>>40557342
Every time I get hearty kek from that.

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>>40556561
Jesus fuck my sides.

>>40557290
That's a terrible pic of him though. AlphaDestiny is actually pretty big. He's wide as fuck too. Plus he can 2 plate ohp now.

Didn't know he was 5'5 though which kind of puts it all into perspective.

>>40558148
Idk, It's the photo he chose to put in that very article, so it's the one I went with.

>>40556162
She's ugly. I would totally date her though.

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>>40552793

can anyone post pl8s sex doll.jpg

>>40554226
gj disregarding that bish breh

>>40554226
Talk to people more anon, women aren't monsters that you should be scared to talk to.

>>40556162
That's sad but the thing is, she's probably got a better personality than most 10/10's

Or it's just a dude with long hair.

>>40554432
not opening the gas to that fucking jew rat

>>40554326
>and likely did something retarded with your hands.
kek

>>40554326
Nah he definitely did something retarded with his hands

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>>40552202
Don't know about you guys but i keked pretty hard, happened a few weeks back

>be me
>in between bench sets
>squat rack is just to the left of me
>new years resolutioners still going strong (always new guys)
>there's this guy approaching the rack, headband, those sweat wristbands, nike gear
>takes down the barbell
>"ok he's adjusting the bar position for his hight"
>nope, going next for the safeties (it's not a powercage, the safeties stick out from the rack and are adjustable, powertec or something)
>sets them above his hip level
>what?.jpg
>starts stretching
>go on.png
> stands in the rack
>puts his hands on one and his feet on the other safety
>no he wouldn't,...would he.jpg
>motherfucker doing triceps dips on the squat rack

I am not bullshiting you guys, i nearly couldn't finish my set from containing my laughter

>>40557342
Was it confirmed whether or not this was actually based off the thread or just a coincidence?

>>40554432
>still going on effay
that board has been fucking awful for 4 years now, how can you even stand it

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>>40556162

Nice body, she probably wouldnt even mind if I put a bag on her head

>>40552793
Requesting the seal posts from /out/s mercy kill thread

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>>40554088
>You took advice from an English speaking transvestite with a Chinese name, on an anonymous Indonesian Bodybuilding Image board? And now your back hurts?

I am become Kek, destroyer of sides

just sitting here in a calm and collected fashion, as I sip on my cool glass of sip.

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>>40555910
>I just sat there in a calm and collected fashion, as I sipped on my cool glass of lemonade.

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>>40560364
you might find this image to be useful

>>40552793
You fucking rerard topkek

Anybody have Little Miss Muffet, Queen of /fit/?

>>40557205
Sounds pretty comfy to be honest, I wouldn't mind lifting with him, no homo

>>40554226
>>I say "Psh, what do you plan on doing with that"

you may claim autism but really you're a rude cunt

>>40553246
>new york
learn 2 america before you post retard

>>40559675
nah

dont get weak, she isnt nice shes just ugly
if shed been born pretty she'd be just like everyone else

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>>40556176

what's the pic in the OP's?

>>40552202
>>40553193
>>40554069
>>40557342
>>40559979
http://www.javlibrary.com/en/?v=javlijziru
"Eggs" greentext story post date: 6th August 2012
JAV release date: 19th August 2014
Verdict: It was an extraordinary coincidence.

>>40555553
>oswego
>upstate

T. Rouses point

>>40555910

holy kek

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r8 my form fit

>>40561139
perfect 10/10
you were activating your glutes so much you flew off the bench
and you clearly blasted those lats based off of the walk away

>>40554644
yeah because we are SOOO much different from NORMAL peoples guise!
Shit you're stupid, fuck off braindead

>>40561139
>the guy continuing to slowly cable curl
Best part

>>40561139
Is that crossfit?

>>40552285
There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn’t he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God.

I can almost see your pathetic skellington frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little "one rep max" up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don’t even fill in the captcha. Maybe you’re such a useless skellington you need help typing so as not to break your fingers, so you just choose the joke. Oh, and we all know the joke. The “epic” one rep max, isn’t it? I imagine you, you little shit, laughing so hard as you click it that you knock your Monster can over, but it’s ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that’s right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a frail fucking manlet, she’s probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a half-grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about a fucking one rep max. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a bodybuilder or a powerlifter or at least play a sport, and then you became a DYEL. A pathetic one-rep DYEL. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can’t even try to talk with you because all you say is “IF IF WANTED A JOKE”. You’ve become a parody of your own self. And that’s all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he’s done a million times now. And that’s all you’ll ever be.

>>40557131
this retard posts a picture thinking a guy has a second pair of biceps. it is actually an optical illusion because is traps and rear delt look like the shoulder, and the lateral and front delt look like a second pair of biceps

>>40552829
r/4chan would be all over this fake shit

>>40552829
In all seriousness, I think it's two dudes trolling /fit/. I don't believe this happened.

>>40561658
How did you know?

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>>40559884
you shittin me m8?

I'd be ragin so hard

I'm still fuckin fat but that's a new level of faggotry.

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>>40560060
this has to be a shop.

nobody can have that qt of bod with that fuckin face

what the fuck happened to her?

>>40562148
Life in the Russian Federation happened.

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>/fit/
>funny

>>40557290
>>40555910
he used minoxidil as well to get his muslim ass looking "beard"

>>40556381
>Wake up next morning and take our first sip
Oh I'm dying here

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>>40561139
Kek

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>>40562425

>>40555910
>You’re just a tiny guy who desperately escapes his smallness out of fear of feeling worthless…again…like before you started working out. Your life is an obsessive race against smallness.
/fit/

>>40556016
You either need glasses or you don't know how to expand pics on your phone.

>>40552793
Top kek

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>>40555910
>http://outalpha.com/why-girls-hate-the-dad-bod/

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Dying at this whole thread..rarely laugh, must be something in the water.

>>40562148
But the power of Slav genes could not be undone

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>>40562647

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>>40562660

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>>40562674

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>>40562683

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>>40562697

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>>40562660
the absolute M A D M A N

>>40562697
rekt

>>40556331
wew that's my post lad

>>40554622
You make it sound alpha as fuark

>>40562756
I remember it.

>>40562674
kek

>>40562674
im dying anon

i do the same thing to my tinder sluts, just keep shitposting with them, ill post screenies later

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>>40555084
>sports dick

>>40552202
i'd be funnier if we didn't have the same screencaps posted over and over again all the time

>>40563463
Fuck off maybe make some OC

>>40560736
No shit
Ugly people have to develop personalities

>>40557342
wow learn to scramble your fucking eggs you shithead

>>40552793

my sides have left the galaxy

>>40562126
no, no bullshittin that happened exactly like that, i have a few stories regarding shit like that

one major problem might be that i go to a more "lifestyle gym", except for a few regulars who are really hardcore (one guy does 1-2/3/4/5 and can also do muscle ups)...the rest are just hoggin the machines like crazy

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>>40561139

>>40556381
Hot. Moar?

>>40554432
I never understood the Jewish reference till today

>>40552902
Fuck anon I'm very happy for you if it is true

>>40554226
0/10 anon, but at least you talked to a woman

>>40556502
a classic

>>40554432
hahahah holy shit i lost it here

how come nobody ever posts that hilarious crab thread? it had tons of gold and i never saw screencaps of it, i was pissing myself laughing that day

>>40565819
It's your responsibility to take screen caps of threads you find funny

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only oldfags will get this one

>>40562439
Cool, I made that screencap

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>>40566531
>2011
>oldfags


Go to bed, you have school tomorrow

>>40566531
>2011
>oldfag

You kids amuse me. I've been on 4chan since 1997.

>>40562660
S A V A G E

>>40562697
KEK

>>40566568
Oldfag has nothing to do with age you fucking faggot

>>40566938
Go to bed, you have school tomorow

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>>40552285

>>40566938
>I'm 16 and have been browsing this place since 6th grade! I-I'm an oldfag!

You're allowed to reveal that you'd been lurking for years once you turn 18

>>40566971
>>40567056
>implying I'm the guy that originally posted
>implying only 18-22 yr olds aren't the only ones that talk about age
>implying y'all fags aren't NEETs
Younglings pls go

>>40556119
Jesus Christ, it's been 5 minutes and I'm still laughing.

>>40567099
You are not fooling anyone, kiddo

>>40557069
Hopefully we never see it again.

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>>40562756
cool story lad
I really have higher esteem of you now

>>40567224
fuck bullying

>>40560060
Not bad

>>40555910
pic has me cryin

>>40552285

>>40566569
>1997
>oldfag

Psh kid ive been on 4chan since 1923

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>>40556440
fucking lost it at you are a greek statue or rain man

>>40552793
Fukin´kek

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>>40566590
Lost it at
>i have no brother

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>>40556561
my cheeks hurt im laughing so hard wtf

>>40555553
Syracuse fag reporting in

>>40556119
>That shuriken
KEKEK

>>40560745
joy from sweden

>>40562674
i fucking lost my shit to this

>>40564796

I just watched this with the theme for Benny Hill playing and I nearly pissed myself laughing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE1rUqecfA0

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>>40552285
I shouldn't have lost to that but I did, contributin

>>40562276
lol

>>40554644
I browse 4chan at work on the work PC and I work in an office. I use incognito mode on chrome.

I know they could find out if they got suspicious and checked up on my traffic or whatever but I don't really give a fuck. 12 hour shifts and I have A LOT of downtime with nothing to do.

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>>40557372

>>40568107
fucking kek, i can't believe i just laughed at a fucking banana pic

>>40568122
Thanks Lori

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>>40568107
CHRIST

>>40555893
>>40556034
>>40556106

Literally autism. Seriously; lack of interest in others is a serious sign.

>>40556381
First time I've seen this one. Kekked

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>>40562647
>>40562660
>>40562674
>>40562683
>>40562697
>>40562728

More please.

>>40557205
topkek

>>40568253
lel

>>40552793
>OC
no its not

>>40566548
Which one are you?

>>40555084
Fuark bro i love that screen shot

>>40556034
You don't have to be interested in communication to be interested in why she is interested in it and more importantly if you're interested in fucking her.

>>40556414
kek

>>40554432
How do people this assburger even get a job to get money to go the gym?

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>cashier at a pet store
>birthday yesterday
>closing shift on my birthday
>woman comes in, sports bra with some sweat between her breasts, legging-shorts
>she buys some cat food
>engage in standard cashier banter
>"so how's your night going, anything fun happening?"
>no just the gym teehee are you doing anything fun?
>"it's my birthday, so i'll probably go home after this"
>oh wow happy birthday! how old are you? no, let me guess, 20?
>"close, I'm 22"
>oh wow you look good for 22, how old do you think I am?
>look at her, she looks mexicanish, smooth skin, perky breasts
>"uh 32?"
>she just looks down at the counter
>no I'm 22 just like you
>mfw
>"o-oh I was going to say you looked good for a 32 year old, here's your receipt enjoy the rest of your night"

my boss called me dumb after she left and then laughed at me

1/2

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2/2

>parents take me out for dinner tonight
>go to some fish joint near the ocean
>get seated, waitress keeps smiling at me and touching my shoulder when she brings me more water
side note i drink a lot of water when i go out, like 6 cups or more
>Jeez, is there a hole in this cup?
>"haha there just might be"
>finish eating, she brings the check
>dad says to give it to me since its my birthday
>It's your birthday? Oh my god I had no idea, do you want a free icecream? It's a scoop of vanilla with some sweetbread on the side.
>"no thank you"
>Alright I'll have it out in just a few minutes for you
>tfw cucked into icecream whilst on IF
>comes back in a few minutes to tell me it will be out soon
>mom tells her i said that i didnt want it, waitress profusely apologizes and looks dejected
>overhear her talking to the chef
>"No they said he really doesn't want it, I don't know what I did wrong, I'm sorry."
>another waiter comes to pick up the check

on the car ride home my mom asked me why i have to make people feel so uncomfortable when I'm around

>too ashamed to go downstairs to the gym so just do bodyweight exercises in my room
>parents text me to stop making so much noise
>listen to giles corey and cry softly to myself
h-happy birthday to me

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>40569472
>finish eating, she brings the check
>dad says to give it to me since its my birthday
Huh?! its your bday so you pick up the tab.. what the shit is that about?

>>40556922
Lol get fucked cuck

>>40556162
This made me sad.

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>>40568107
> I really really really like this image

>>40569472
Your mom tella the waitress you didn't want it and then tells you you made her feel shit.
Man I was in a housrhold that sounds alot like yours. Let me guess you are unhappy and feel worthless amirite? Well that's becausr your parents are shit people, devalue you and talk shit about you. They have no idea what kind of damage they are doing but they are projecting their own insecurities to you. I left my hoisehold 3 years ago at the same age as you. Eventually I even cut cobtact with my folks because everytime I spoke or saw them they had nothing positive to say. It took me almost 2 years of leaving them to finally find some self worth and br haooy with myself. Aslong as you are in that household you will never be happy. Try to leave and dobt tell your folks, if you do they will just start to talk shit to you, tell you how hard it is, that you wont be able to make it etc. They'll again project their own insecurities, fears and shortcomings onto you.

>>40569693
I'm leaving for uni this fall. They offered to help pay some of the rent if I moved into a dorm with another person, since they are afraid I would just isolate myself.

My family is comprised of leftists, and I am a traditionalist/natsoc. Especially with the recent US elections, everybody always wants to start shit.

Broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. I felt nothing, and I still don't. Still friends on facebook.

People seem so tiny, like puppies more than human. I wish I could find somebody in real life who shared my viewpoints on things, but they are either degenerate neonazi retards or sophists.

Oh well, we all have a cross to bear

>>40569437

>>oh wow you look good for 22, how old do you think I am?
>look at her, she looks mexicanish, smooth skin, perky breasts
>"uh 32?"
>she just looks down at the counter
>no I'm 22 just like you

You fucking idiot. No matter how goddamn old a woman looks you always give out an age around 18-20. No matter what age they are, being told they are around that age range makes them feel good.

Even if its an old 70 year old granny, you tell that old crone she looks like she could be 19, and she'll put in her dick sucking dentures for you.

>>40569713
I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to have to lie to people on my birthday.

My boss asked me what I was going to do after closing on my birthday, and I told him I was going to read some Mosley, listen to deathconciousness, then go to bed alone.

I had no desire to sleep with her, after breaking up with my girlfriend months ago I feel no need to have close relationships with people. I am by no means a Stoic or one who looks at physicalities with disdain like a Buddhist, but life has seemed both duller and more vibrant after admitting to myself that I did not want to marry my then partner.

I just don't know, some part of me fears sex, drugs, and alcohol. I was terribly afraid of alcohol for most of my life, I would always abstain no matter the circumstance, and would only drink a single beer when completely alone in my room, while hating every second of it, as if I was trying to convince myself it was alright. Similar with drugs, though I find comfort in being able to recede into societal norms by shunning them.

Sex, when I had sex with my girlfriend, I was like an animal. Lust overtook me, I was a mass of flesh who strove to pleasure her as much as I could with no regard for myself. I studied for hours on how to pleasure women, various angles, pressures, speeds, techniques. She was smitten with me whenever she would come over, but I never enjoyed sex. To me it was like playing a role, every suckle or scratch was akin to an actor memorizing lines. Even my voice and facial expressions were practiced in a mirror to be as demure as possible for her.

I could never ejaculate with her, I would masturbate instead. The thought of it was enough to make me want to scream, sex. I both hated and wanted it, after being denied for so long. It was almost violent, my passion. The binding, the choking, the striking, all of it met with screams and yelps of pleasure.

But it was not for me. When I see men trying to pick up women it disgusts me.

Curious creatures, we are

>>40569437
>>40569472
Happy birthday bro. Next year you'll have some bday pussy!

>>40569783
I wish to be alone, my dour mood seems to infect others and drive them away.

>>40552793
Heh heh you alright white boi

>>40569751
You have autism. Seek help.

Seriously.

>>40562728
>>40562697
>>40562683
>>40562674
>>40562660
Thank you oh god

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>>40552793
my sides

>>40553318
what did that CBT stand for? I'm assuming that's /d/ or /trash/

>>40554326
>likely did something retarded with your hands

Holy fucking kek my sides

>>40566531
>Osama jokes

I nostalgia'd

>>40555910
>“You heard me. Are we fucking next >Tuesday or next Saturday?”

>Interestingly enough, they started >giggling and eventually began playing >my game.

>They would say things like “You are so >bold! You are so bad! You are something >else!”

>Just as expected, they were coming on to >me.

>As they got closer to me, I put my hands >up, gesturing to stop."

Not even Blaha is that delusional

>>40554644
I work at a gym. I'm literally sitting behind the front desk (pause to check someone in) right now browsing /fit/. How is this so hard to believe? I just go back to the member check-in screen when someone is behind me.

>>40569751
Dude. You really do have autism. Either kill yourself or stop trying to talk to girls before you hurt someone else or worse: Actually procreate.

>>40552793
The whole dogs attack possum which anon accidently beats to death because he does not remember them playing dead story is pasta you newfags


The naked angle is new.

>>40569472

Your mom made the waitress uncomfortable lol. Protip: never tell a girl you think she's anything older than 25. Even if you are noticeably blatantly lying, its still a compliment.
Anyway happy Birthday anon.

>>40569751

>I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to have to lie to people on my birthday.

Its not lying, its giving her a compliment.

The rest of your post is a bit much mate. I hope you aren't that long winded with people irl

>>40569923
Cock ball torture obviously

>>40569472
happy birthday, bro, no one is ever going to want (you)

>>40556440
>or rain man

>>40571117
The "Actually I want you to eat it" is funnier imo

>>40569472
Happy Birthday bro, you'll bag one eventually

>>40556016
>being this blind

>>40560745
Because you asked nice, and I am in a really good mood because today I got a new gym friend I will give you the true sauce
https://m.imgur.com/a/JUvHn

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>>40552793

>>40554088
Fuck i thought that i had that original idea a couple days ago

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>>40567483
>aeighteen-hundered aend aeighty-three
>baeing aen aged emissary
>jejeth.bayeauxtapestry
>I hasdt'th been weaving membranes of this tapestry since 1067

>>40567483
>1923
>old fag

Nigger I have been on here since 1776

>>40569472
Reminded me of something I did
>be me
>don't even have autism
>order a pint
>down it before the waitress gets back to the table with my food
>(obviously flirting,) she asks "is there a hole in that glass?" and smiles...
>absolute qt, but I was distracted by something
>look at her with a dead serious face, and say "No, I am just drinking it."
>She looks upset and leaves

She was a serious 11/10 young qt waitress...
Fuck.

>>40572009
>1776
4chan was created in 2003. You're lying.

>>40571117
That was literally the hardest I ever laughed at a post on 4chan in all my years here...

Jesus fucking christ, literally had me on the floor laughing...

>>40571995
What the fuck, I doubt the internet has been along for that long?? that's like a hundred years ago...

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>>40571117

>>40571117
Lol

>>40572108
>>40572061
Man, you are one fucking retard.

>>40569751
hahaha
thanks for the keks m8
honestly it's people like you that make me keep reading these things

I know we like to say we're all gonna make it brahs, but you make me wonder

>>40554326

>likely did something retarded with your hands

fucking kek

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>exit toilet in the gym
>see qt approaching in peripheral vision
>hold open the door
>mfw she's a girl and went into the girls room

>>40569472
>people that did nothing wrong

>>40558148
>5'5 turbomanlet
>calls himself AlphaDestiny

funniest thing in this thread t b h