>gym staff confiscated my protein gumbo

>theres macaroni on the bench press again

cant do squats cuz thinkin about mom

>>40468561
I really, really, really like this picture.

>pooped in my locker to mark it as mine but somebody farted so i cant smell the pheremones anymore

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>>40468561
>black guy litterally eating a can of tuna in the locker room

>maintenance on the gains dispenser

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>dont like the new flavour of gym sanitizer

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>forgot my bathing suit for the shower

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>>40468561
>heelies broke down, cant heel to gym

>>40468619
There is a black guy at my gym who unironically eats a banana.

>someone moves a treadmill under the Smith machine

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>>40468561
>gym gong is broken

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>>40468561
>can't smith because smith machine is broken

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>the gym rapist got out of his cage.
>Hiding somewhere in gym.
>Too afraid to squat.

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>squat plug didn't pass minimum circumference

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>>40468590
You wouldn't happen to be Danish and work out in a Fitness World gym, would you? I recently saw a poster from there encouraging a mysterious locker pooper to stop his business. pic related

>>40469263
Too lazy to translate it all, first line says "Are you the one pooping"?

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>someone peed in the manlet pit again

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>gym under new management
>receptionist required to welcome guests by name
>gets renamed to Jim's Gym
>my name is also Jim
>"Hi Jim, welcome to Jim's Gym!"

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>they didn't grease the manlet pit so there are manlets running around between my legs when I'm trying to squat

>>40469263
>>40469276
FITNESS
WOR LD
Is that you are making sausages?

Unfortunately one member down here who feel that it's okay to make sausages
in our closets!
So let the weather !!!
If you feel the urge for something like filth then take home in your own cupboard that mixes I did not, but here you must behave properly. We know who you are and we take you to the expelled you with immediate effect and will never work out in the FW again. So we respect your neighbor and stop it now!

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>Bench butler has the flu

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>two week ban from all elliptical machines for saying a swear

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>fail to surpass my previous bench press 1rm
>gym mommy comes over
>bends me over the bench and pulls down my basketball shorts
>spanks my butt red
so humiliating

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>about to beat high score on cable machine
>run out of quarters

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>get caught playing prank on friend
>get sent to gym leader
>don't even get chance to fight him
>he takes away all my gym badges

>>40468931
So? Bananas are healthy

>failed the gym penis inspection
I've never been more embarrassed in my entire life lads

>>40469678
>actually eating a banana in the gym
lmao we got another one over here boys!!

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>>40469697
dude how tf did you fail?
did you literally not even get your grade 10? you literally just whip your wiener out and have just a little bit of restraint so that you dont giggle when your gym leaders moustache tickles u... literal ape?

>>40469726
I didn't even meet the >5in. requirment

JUST

>>40468561
> guy named Lazarus hogging the barbell for deadlifts every fucking day.

>>40469724
Wtf is your problem brah. Literally NOTHING (not one thing (1)) wrong with bananas

>go to gym trap sauna after a nice workout
>go to bend over my usual trap
>he's not there
>look around
>don't see any of the usual traps
>only see one regular
>"dude what the fuck? where'd they go?"
>"you didn't hear? sorry for the bad news bro, but traps are now only for people with Platinum Monstertruck X level memberships"
What the fuck do I do, guys?

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>Gym caterpillars making cocoons in the squat rack again

>>40470068
>eating sexual fruit in gym
just so you know lots of old people in the gym are actually gay pedos don't be surprised if they want to help you more all of a sudden

>>40470348
Why would a pedo be interested in adults?

>>40469328
Similar
>check in with app
>can use nickname
>old man jenkins in front
>"welcome bootylord jelenski"
>receptionist losing shit

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>mum found the cum jar

>Forgot to synchronize my dumbbells again

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>get to gym
>walk in
>place is flooded with escaped gym peasants
>how the fuck were they allowed to come onto this side of the gym
>learn that some asshat named Marx rippetoe had been telling them all that they should be sharing gains equally
>they climbed out of the Manlet pit and stormed the big boy side of the gym
>loaded the smith machine up with as many plates as they could find to make a makeshift guillotine
>the two tallest manlets are dropping the bar from almost 6' to decapitate the gym czar and his wife
>slowly back out of the gym and drive away

Can anybody recommend me a new gym

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>>40468993
> smith machine is broken
> john machine is taken
> have to use the david machine

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>>40468561
>got caught only doing 7 reps
>already third infraction this year
>2 week suspension

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>>40468665
FORGOT My bathSALTs in the SHoweR

i dont get it

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>>40470845
>guy at the front door won't let me in
>says I don't have enough gym badges

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>>40468665
>forgot muh xbows in the shower

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>Only took 7.9 motherfucking scoops
>Dick retracts inside self and balls hit the floor

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>faggots are using all the smith machines for traps and calves
>have to wait for them to finish before I can do my squats

>>40471024
>m&b

my nigga

>>40471033
LIKE

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>gym slut won't sleep with me

>Cardio bunny is curling the smith machine

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>>40471044

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>Gym gremlin stole my water bottle while I was in the gains tank

>gym staff take away my flip flops and punish me with 12 hours of spotter service for wearing them

>>40470410
for the same reason you claim to be straight yet still want to fuck men you homo

>>40472077
Because I'm secretly an anime?

>>40468619
>tuna
>not dines

>>40472092
Dine on what? Tuna?

>>40468561
>forgot butt plug so can't do squats without being on edge

>>40471955
Whats wrong with flip flops?

>>40472125
t. Pajeet

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>gym panda goes extinct
>have to import more aggressive gym blackbears to pull our weight sleds and counterbalance noobs doing assisted pullups
>some NYEfag looked up a BB complex and thought it was talking about the bears
>gets mauled trying to OHP lmao1cub
>all the honey we kept in the showers mysteriously goes missing
>instinctual fear inside the cardio bunnies increases, they run faster and get skeletal as a result, we lose gains as our test spikes downward due to absence of thicc cuties

Environmentalism is no joke my friends.

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>>40471033
Fuck you

>>40468582
you fucking reek of rebbit

>>40469047
LMao!

>>40469047
Try good mornings instead

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>go to deadlift
>granny is hogging both the 45's again

>>40472388
>not using the 100kg bar and every 2kg plate on the gym

Surprised you haven't been kicked out yet

>>40469491

Kek. Why can't they talk normally in their own langauge?

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>gym barjack died during my workout
>mfw whole gym blames me because of it
>I was only DL 4pl8

I might get a new one because I feel really bad abot it but how was I supposed to know they got a cheap barjack that cant load 4pl8 onto the bar ?

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>>40470712
>Gym czar

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>>40472202
>L@mo1cub

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>need to change into my gym attire
>the locker room helper is busy dressing someone else

>>40471024
You have been awarded "Squat rack (pillaged)"

>gym implements "no singles" policy after 5PM
>have to go lift on my lunch break instead of eating
>gym jester mocks me for squatting alone

can't catch a fucking break

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>when black people use the water fountain before you

>>40473040
>his gym lets negroes use the white water fountains

>no singles policy
>I weigh so much I need 2 benches when working out
>they have to let me in because otherwise they would be fatshaming me

checkmate gym jews

>>40468561
>tfw gym pulled out my mastic gun like the guy from chronicle
i cancelled my membership

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>>40473074

>when Negros finish using something and wipe down the machines with the regular disinfectant instead of the special, heavy-duty black people disinfectant

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>gym bro dies whilst trying to squat 8 plates
>gets cremated in the steam room furnace as is tradition
>his ashes are turned into weightlifting chalk
>all of the gym bros come together and chalk their hands as they all lift together in prayer
>the fallen bro forever becomes a part of the weights and the men who lift them

RIP Paul

>>40473156
Assess to grasses, dust to dust. Such is life.

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>when you enter the "women's only" section of the gym and it turns out to just be a harem of naked women tied up with exercise cables, ready to be used by alpha males after their workout

>when you realize it's "women only" to keep the unknowing manlets from entering and breeding with the gym's stock

>>40468619
my old roommate did this while working out, he'd finish benching, pop a fucking pop top can of tuna out of his pocket and eat it with a little plastic fork while resting. He insisted that the body needed a constant flow of protein while doing strenuous exercise, he also thought whey was "unnatural". I wish I was joking.

>>40470277
kek

>when the hand dryer in the change room is too high up so that it's hard to properly dry your ass after a strenuous workout with it

>forgot squat plug at home
>had to use the gym ones and they give me one that hasnt been cleaned since its last use

>in a hurry to work, forgot my pocket eggs, luckily still had some in my gym bag

>>40472581
Fuck this age of post-irony not allowing me to know if you're being sarcastic or not.

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>someone caught me jerking off in the showers again

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>circuit training

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>>40469491
>tfw making sausages

>been going to the same gym for 3 years
>have not ever spoken to anybody or made any friends
>all the bodybuilders go outside to play during resting times
>never get invited so I sit in the bathroom stall while eating crab legs

>>40474761
Stop doin that. Autistic fuk

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>gym bro tucked some whey under his foreskin today
It's the little things

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>>40469726
>tfw get my squat plug permissions removed because I didn't pass the gym penis inspection

>tfw skeleton grinder broke down so gym was filled with 6' 120lb dyels and no post-workout bonemeal shake

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>>40470712
kekekekek

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>didn't re-rack the weight before 12 AM
>weight rack floats away

>The deadlifter is haunting the gym again

>>40475455
Top fucking kek

>>40469491

Nice Google translate

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>freeweights not licensed under GPL

This thread is why I come to fit

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>gym owner tells everyone to get into groups of 2
>there's an odd number of people in the gym
>I'm the only one left without a partner
>gym owner asks if anyone wants me in their group, no one says anything
>have to partner with the gym owner