Yes I have read the sticky

>lying in the thread title

That's immoral and you should be ashamed.

Read the sticky

Have you read the sticky?

I've read the fucking sticky like 6 times

>>40222030
Read it again

>>40221966
You don't need people's approval or recounts of personal experiences. Just fucking start working out and eating; your routine doesn't have to start off being perfectly polished. Just started somewhere, assess it for yourself and adjust.

>>40222047
okay, why is my entire fucking body sore after exercising one day for 45 minutes? I feel like my form is wrong and idk what to do about it

i have literally no idea where to start

I'll read the fucking sticky again but ive read/skimmed it like 3 times and its all just vague bullshit

>>40221966
>P90x
>Insanity
You clearly didn't actually read it. Read the sticky.

>>40222047

>soft and squishy
>start eating more

Superb advice. 100% chance he is soft and squishy at 165 5'10" considering how "out of shape" he is

okay

im in this fitness class tomorrow that almost no one took so theres only like 3 people in it. I'm in better shape than both of them and i'm a big pussy.

Which machines/weight lifting techniques should I do when I go in tomorrow?

>>40222099
Did I use the word "more"?

>>40222057
You will be sore after working out a new muscle group, sometimes it doesn't kick in till 48 hours later. Continue working out and maintaining a healthy diet.

A question like that was a lot better that your previous one. You complain that the stick was vague, but in fact your question was vague and too general.

Just work out, eat properly, and if you run into hiccups then you can ask here. But that's only if you really feel you're fucking something specific up. If you don't know what to ask, then you have to figure that out first.

>>40222225
Do 100 push ups
Then Go for the Liftweights thing and lift 25 lbs (fuck u I dont know metric)
Then go work on your legs using leg stretcher machine (at least 50lbs)
Then go jog 5 miles on a treadmill .
DO THIS UNDER 1HR30minutes and you will have a good workout for day 1

JUST FUCKING DO STRONG LIFTS AND RUN ON YOUR OFF DAYS

https://stronglifts.com/5x5/
START WITH AN EMPTY BAR
ADD 5 POUNDS EVERY SESSION
DO ALL THE SQUATS
ADD PULL UPS ON THE DAYS YOU DON'T DO ROWS
WHEN YOU STOP LINEAR PROGRESSION, DO TEXAS METHOD

HOLY SHIT THIS ISN'T FUCKING DIFFICULT

When I started I did the following:
pplpplx (days of the week, x is rest day)
Push:
Bench press 3x5, dumbbell press3x8, dips3x?, tricep pushdowns 3x6, lateral raises 3x8
Pull:
Deadlifts 1x5, pullups 3x?, seated rows 3x8, lat pull down 3x8, bicep curl 3x8
Legs:
Squats 3x5, leg press 3x8, hamstring curls 3x8, calf raises 3x8

Try to eat "a good amount" of protein and keep your calories around your "TDEE"

If you do this for 6 months you will start seeing results and will make up your own mind on what to do from there.

>>40221966
SS and GOMAD

read the sticky again

Just start pinning test and stop being such a pussy

>>40222457
>Liftweights thing
>leg stretcher machine
Do you go to a gym or a torture chamber?

>>40221966
>Read the sticky
>Goes to a "fitness class" or does "P90X"
pick one
Pick a proper routine. My choice would be Greyskull LP.

>>40221966
If you want to do p90x or insanity then do it.
As for diet, you know what's shit food and what's good.

>>40221981
fuck off none of this is in the wiki, first time I've heard of these two routines

Vintage lingerie is my fetish. Am I the only one?

>>40222057
>I'll read the fucking sticky again but ive read/skimmed it like 3 times and its all just vague bullshit

>reading comprehension: zero

Hey OP, have you tried reading the sticky? It's really informative and should answer all your beginner related questions!

Thanks and have a nice day!

>>40222225

READ THE FUCKING STICKY

>>40221966
Have you considered reading the fucking sticky & not doing solely bodyweight programs if your goal is to get jacked?

>>40221966
Step 1: Read the sticky, not just skim through it
Step 2: Get to the part where the sticky recommends Starting Strength
Step 3: Do Starting Strength

Since this is 26 posts deep and not been deleted I thought I'd jump on for advice.

I've legit never posted here before and just finished the sticky and some of the links ie: ScoobysWorkshop.

I'm a 6" 285lb fatass, recently made a huge commitment and want to get myself in a more respectable shape.

Obviously I'm shooting for the moon but I want to understand a realistic goal.
Projected 65lb in a year with calculations but is a 20% calorie reduction achievable? At what point should I aim for more or when would I start suffering from my skin sagging?

Most of my weight comes from general overeating and drinking beer rather than sweets etc.

>>40222225
Fourth, good programs have you using barbells and/or dumbbells, not machines. Machine exercises are inferior to using free weights in almost every situation. Any workout program that is based around using machines is almost guaranteed to be stupid and mostly a waste of your time. One exception you might consider is a lat pulldown machine if you aren't strong enough to do chin-ups and don't have an assisted chin-up machine available, but even here the real exercise is markedly superior. Further reading: Why weight machines are bad for almost everyone.

Is this vague bullshit or does it clearly and concisely answer your question about machines?

IT'S IN THE FUCKING STICKY

>>40222057
HEY OP! GUESS WHERE I FOUND THIS INFO ON SORENESS?!

Q: I'm really sore from working out. What do I do?
A: The type of pain you are experiencing is called delayed onset muscle soreness, and it is most commonly experienced after working a new muscle group for the first time, or after a long time without training. This type of soreness can be unpleasant, but is best ignored, as it will go away after repeated training of that set of muscles. If it is severe, you may want to take an extra day off, or do a reduced version of your regular workout until it improves. Ibuprofen is the over-the-counter painkiller of choice for muscular pain. I'm not going to tell you to ignore the instructions on the label, but prescriptions of 800 milligrams for minor pain are commonplace (the over-the-counter dose is 2 tablets of 200mg each). You can also alleviate soreness with a foam roller or any other types of deep tissue massage.

Note: Don't confuse soreness with pain; outright pain is often a sign of an actual injury. If you injure yourself, stop working out the injured area until it is 100% recovered. If you experience severe pain and/or loss of range of motion, see a doctor.

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1001KB, 640x480px

>>40221966
>doing insanity workout, than starting p90x when thats over

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93KB, 540x674px

>>40226191
You're not alone, anon. Stockings and garters are sexy af.