How do I get a body like Joe?

Alpha Brain

>>40191080
those heavy gorilla faces that you can pick up and bulletproof coffee

>have you ever seen a lion fuck

be a manlet

>>40191080
stop masturbating

>>40191082
>have you ever seen a lion fuck
Jaime, pull up that video of that lion licking his own balls after eating an antelope. . . that's it right there. . . yeah, that's i n s a n e, dr Rhonda Patrick, why can't we do that? Reach our own genital with our mouths- well some people can *brings the mic closer and whispers in a low voice* You dirty fucks *laughs* I bet there's some dude listening giving himself a blowjob, you never know. I think it would solve a lot of our problems if people weren't so obsessed with getting those bjs from somewher- click on the top there Jaime. . . *extended silence* That is CRAZY! Whoaw, so what this article is saying is how I'm descended from a mushroom? What the fuck- well hmm I guess it could make sense. Who knows? Listen we're just monkeys on a rock hurling through space and our brains are still full of monkey shit, who knows maybe we DO come from fungus, I think the next step in evolution is uh *loses train of thought* uhh uh right so we'll start ouwgm- augmenting our bodies artificially

>>40191085

That monkeys gotta be what? 400 pounds? Jamie, pull up that video.

>>40191080
Steroids!

sourdough bread

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>>40191085
That is... B I Z A R R E

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*blocks your path at the bar*
*admires your physique but in an alpha male kind of manner*

he was secretly eating the extra bull testicles off camera during Fear Factor

>>40191080
Saw him this weekend commentating on a fight. Dude looked rough as shit. All bloated and sweaty. The term human meatball came to mind for some reason.

You gotta get off on the fact that most men could pick your teeny tiny body up and WRECK YOU

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I SWEAR TO GOD JOE ROGAN IT WAS ME, DANNY BIANCULLO, 3 TRANNY HOOKERS, AND A MIDGET ALL DOING BLOW OUT OF STRIPPERS ASSHOLES RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING BANK ROBBERY, AS SOON AS WE HEARD SIRENS WE GRABBED THAT FUCKING MIDGET BY THE ANKLES SWUNG HIM AND KNOCKED THOSE TRANNY BITCHES OUT WITH THE MIDGET AND GOT AWAY WITH OVER A MILLION DOLLARS IN CASH, THOSE TRANNIES TOOK THE BLAME FOR THE ROBBERY AND WE SPENT ALMOST ALL OF THE MONEY ON BLOW IT WAS FUCKING TREMENDOUS JOE ROGAN.

KEEP YA MUFFLER CLEAN, AND STAY BLACK COCKSUCKAS!!

>>40191080
First off you must have a frame similar to his. If you don't, then don't be delusional, you will only be able to do the best with what you got.
Second, from what I heard Joe himself said, he's a very consistent guy when it comes from training and he doesn't ignore cardio.
Hit your weights consistently, eat well and forget about getting a body like his, train and teach yourself to like the process of training just for the sake of it and not for superficial results.

>>40191080
smoke weed and alpha brain

>>40191080
ONNIT

>>40191080

gotta be born with shit genetics(manlet, bald, low iq), can't attain that through hard work sorry.

>>40191085
spot on

>>40191095
You tried, but it wasn't funny

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>>40191080
well no because
>*brings the mic closer*
every 10 years your cells in your body actually completely change.
i was reading this article about how DMT can actually advance this process into only taking 6 years because your pineal gland- jaimie could you get that article up? yeah but its because your pineal glands can actually make your cells rejuvenate faster ... here we go
>*looks over at the screen*
look at that ...
yeah that chimp must be what? 400 pounds? jesus those things will tear you to shreds. there's no way one of them could produce Hamlet. yes I know it's infinite but i don't see that happening. It's just impossible. Eventually one of them is gonna get halfway through and end up banging on the keys

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>>40192315

That just goes to show you what science is all about. and the

and

and the

and the worst part is people take it for granted
(oh for real maaaan)
people will take it for granted, and it's all right there
(for real man)

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>>40192332
>See what people don't get is "..."

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>>40192358

Yeah man. It's actually a chemical composite, it's actually hydroxydepethamanide 4-36 peroxhydrotanol. And that that compound does is, it allows you to see what's going on
(oh for real man)
It allows you to see, man
(definitely)
(definitely man)

>>40192358
Not enough "tribe" .

>>40191090
Proof: everyone looks better with hair

>>40191085
is this pasta because i'm in fucking histerics. fucking kek

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>>40191085
>dr Rhonda Patrick
she's a cute. cutteee! from the side she looks a bit like a monkey but whatever

Haha I like the podcast but this thread is killing me

>>40191080
Make people eat cockroaches and promise them 50,000 dollars.

>>40191085
good post

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>>40191085

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>>40192792

I used to be like you, and laugh at 4chan threads, but then I looked out the fucking window
(what happen man)
I live in a fucking mountain for organic-ergo-off the grid nutrition
(for real man?)
Yeah man it's the shit
(so what happen in the window)
So I look out the window.. and there's this creepy mothafucking TAIL
(nooo waymaaaaan)
It's a fucking mountain lion dude
(are you kidding me dude)

>>40192358
Gotta update this. Redban has been replaced.

>>40192685
Dr. Rhonda Patrick is the quintessential intellectual waifu
>tfw you will never wake up to her making a nutrient rich smoothie for you

>You will never feed your kids homegrown ergo-economic alternative off-the-grid tablespoon fish oil with pyredrophoxyncloride 86 that actually fuels your paralell dimensions while telling them stories about how uncle Joey Diaz fucked two models in a stolen police car while doing blow and doing 200 on the highway

>>40193254

>tfw no micronutrient conscious gf
>tfw no peroxyhydroclaridomostrophine-86 -rich pancakes for breakfast
>tfw not spiritually ripped as fuck

>>40191095
Fuck that other guy, it WAS funny and I laughed

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>>40193254
>Dr. Rhonda Patrick will never urge you to take your 1000 micrograms of Vitamin D that she calculated from the blood tests she has you get to help your serotonin

>>40191095

ITS EITHER BLUE CHEESE WIT' WINGS OR GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER

>>40191095
I laughed

>>40191082
i read this all in his voice, bravo if not pasta

>>40191085
Joeposting is my favorite /tv/ meme

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>>40191085

>>40191080
1) Be a manlet
2) Take testosterone and HGH
3) Lift kettlebells
4) Train BJJ
5) Do you even keto, bro?
6) ????
7) Profit!